The Ugly Duckling (30 page)

“No.” She was silent a moment. “Is that why you’re willing to—”

“Willing is the wrong word. Eager. Frantic.”

“Stop trying to distract me. You want me because of this face that Joel gave me.”

“I want you because you’re Nell Calder and all that implies.”

“But you would never have gone to bed with the old Nell Calder. You wouldn’t have even noticed me.”

“I did notice you. I noticed the smile and your eyes and the—”

“But you wouldn’t have wanted to go to bed with me.”

He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “What do you want me to say? Am I attracted to beauty? Yes, but it’s not all I look for in a woman. If you suddenly reverted to that woman on Medas, would I still want you? Yes, because I
know
you now. I know your potential, your stubbornness, your strength.…”

She grimaced. “Very sexy.”

“Strength is sexy. Intelligence is sexy. You always had those qualities beneath that meek exterior.” A rueful smile quirked the corner of his lips. “Now, will you stop making comparisons? I feel polygamous trying to seduce both of you.”

“Sorry, I only wondered. It just occurred to me.” She buried her face in his chest again. “Sometimes I do feel like two people. Not often. That other woman is fading away.”

“No, she’s not. She’s just blending into the person you are now.” He touched her lower lip with his finger. “As I’m aching to do. Have you had enough time? I promise I’ll go slowly.”

She suddenly realized his heart was beating harder
against her ear and his muscles were taut and tense against her. It had been hard for him to wait, but he had given her the space she needed, the words she needed.

She lifted her head and kissed him. She whispered, “You don’t have to go slowly.”

“G
o get cleaned up,” Tania ordered Joel as soon as he came into the house. She perched a fuchsia party hat on his head and slipped the elastic band beneath his chin. He looked tired. Not a good sign. “Tonight we celebrate.”

“I look stupid in party hats.”

She stopped him from taking it off. “Nonsense. You look wonderful. The color is just right for you. It goes with your hair.”

“My hair is not fuchsia.” He glanced at her peach georgette dress. “That’s pretty. I like all those flowers. You look like a garden. What are we celebrating?”

“I got an A on my English exam. This is very good, when you think of what a horrid language English is.” She kissed him on the cheek and gave him a push toward the stairs. She put a green party hat on her own head. “I’m very smart, yes?”

He smiled. “Very smart.”

“I’ve made pot roast and potatoes and a new dessert with lemon sauce. Low fat for your heart. Healthy. Since you think yourself so old, I thought this would make you happy.”

“I never said I was old,” he said, stung. “You’re just … young.”

She shrugged and hurried to the dining room. “Hurry.” She checked the flower arrangement on the table, lit the candles, and headed for the kitchen. She set the platter with the pot roast on the table as Joel
came into the dining room. He was still wearing the party hat, she saw with approval. “Sit. Eat.”

She kept the conversation light throughout dinner and coffee afterward in the living room. “I did well. Wonderful, yes?”

He smiled. “Wonderful.”

She had always loved his smile. From the first moment he had walked into her hospital room those many years ago. “I even gave you caffeine in your coffee. You know, of course, that I’m buttering you up.”

“I suspected it. You didn’t get an A on the test?”

“Oh, yes, but I knew I would. It was no triumph.”

“Then why am I wearing this extremely stupid party hat?”

She grinned. “Because it is good for you.” Her smile faded as she moved across the room and stared out the window. “And if you would be sensible, we would have reason to celebrate.”

He immediately stood up. “I’ve had a rough day. I’m not up to arguing with you, Tania.”

“You don’t argue. I could win an argument. You just say no.”

“And I’m saying it again. What made you think tonight would be different?”

She whirled on him. “Because you’re a fool,” she said shakily. “You behave like that stupid Galahad. Why can’t you be like other men and take and be happy?”

“Self-defense. I’d be miserable when you decided that I was—What’s wrong?” His gaze narrowed on her face. “You’re really upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. Do you expect me to keep on laughing about this? Every minute of life is so precious, and you’re letting it ebb away from us.” She folded her arms across her chest to stop them trembling.
“How do you know—” She whirled away from him. “Oh, go away. You don’t understand anything. You’re a stupid, stupid man.”

“I’m doing what I think is best, Tania,” he said gently. “Life
is
precious, and I won’t have it spoiled for you.”

“Go away.” She stared blindly out the window, fighting back the tears.

“Tania …”

She didn’t answer, and a few moments later she heard him leave. She hadn’t thought she could persuade him. The night had been a complete blunder. She had picked a time when he was tired and probably feeling every one of his years. She should have stopped the moment she had seen his face when he had walked in the door.

She couldn’t stop. She’d had to try. Lately, she’d had the feeling that time was running out.…

She stared into the darkness. She was crazy. He couldn’t be out there. Surely she would have seen some sign of him during these weeks.

You bastard, why won’t you go away?

She was only talking to a delusion from her past. There was no one out there.

S
he looked cute in that silly party hat, Maritz thought. But her expression was the tense, wary one he’d come to know, the one he brought to her face.

Thank you for inviting me to the party, Tania
.

Yes, I’m still with you
.

She turned away from the window and he lowered the Russian-made binoculars.

Yes, it would definitely have to be in the house.

She felt so safe there.

N
ell avoided Nicholas’s rush, kicked his legs out from under him, and pounced. She was astride him in an instant.

“I did it,” she panted, her face glowing with delight. “You’re down!”

“Stop crowing.” But Nicholas’s smile belied the injunction. “It took you long enough.”

“But I did it.” She scowled with mock ferocity. “I have you at my mercy.”

“Totally.”

“Stop patronizing me.”

“Never satisfied. I was merely giving you your due.”

“Admit it, you’re proud of me.”

“Enormously.”

She was so pumped with triumph, she felt giddy. “Penalty and reward. What do I get?”

His smile deepened indulgently. “What do you want?”

“The homestead. Sam. The world.”

“For one fall?”

“It was a great fall, a splendiferous fall.”

“True. But you can’t have the homestead or Sam. Anything else.”

“Okay.” She lifted his sweatshirt to bare his chest and ran her hands through the dark hair on his chest. “You. Here. Now.”

“My, how aggressive you’ve become.”

She delicately licked his nipple and saw the pulse in the hollow of his throat jump in response. “Now.”

He didn’t move. “It’s not good discipline to interrupt a session.”

“I want my reward. Fair is fair.”

“Well, if you put it that way.” He sat up, tore off his sweatshirt, and threw it aside. “What else can I do but yield meekly?”

She snorted. Nothing Nicholas did to her was done meekly. Sometimes it was smooth, sometimes rough, but it was always decisive and bold … and full of joy. She hadn’t expected that almost-pagan sensuality in him.

Or herself. It was as if the floodgates had opened and freed her to pleasure. With Richard she had always felt obligated to make sure he was pleased and felt guilty if she demanded anything of him. Sex with Nicholas was between equals, brimming with erotic experimentation.

“I’m glad you see that you’ve no choice in the matter.” She pulled the jersey over her head and took off her bra. She leaned forward and rubbed against him. A shudder went through her as the soft hair of his chest brushed her nipples.

“No choice at all. You have me at your mercy.” He suddenly bent his head and caught her breast in his mouth, sucking strongly.

She inhaled sharply, her hands blindly reaching out to tangle in his hair. But he had moved away to shed his clothes.

“Hurry,” he told her.

He didn’t have to. She was already tearing off her clothes, throwing them in all directions.

He was back on the mat, parting her thighs. He sank deep, deeper. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders as he started moving, fast, hard.

Suddenly he rolled over, bringing her on top.

She looked down at him. “What is—”

His eyes twinkled. “I thought you’d prefer a dominant position today.” He bucked upward and smiled as she caught her breath. “This way I’m totally at your disposal.”

He was holding her sealed to him so that she would feel every inch as his hips moved upward.

“That’s not the way it feels,” she gasped.

“How does it feel?”

“Like I have a club—” She gasped again as he lunged upward.

“Move.” He whispered, “Ride me. Make me feel you.”

She moved, hard, frantically, joyously.

When the climax came she collapsed on top of him in total exhaustion.

She was shaking, coated in perspiration, clinging helplessly to him. He was laughing, she realized dazedly. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at this mat in the same way again. Every time I have you down, I’m going to want to tear the clothes off you.” He kissed her. “I told you it was bad discipline.” He pulled her to her feet. “Come on, let’s hit the shower.”

“I can’t move.” She leaned against him, her arms linked about his waist. He felt good. Lean and tough and wonderful. “Being rewarded takes all the stuffing out of me. I think I’m going to melt.”

“Can’t have that. Michaela would never consent to clean up the mess.” He lifted her and carried her from the gym to his bathroom before setting her down to adjust the water in the shower. He drew her beneath the warm spray, standing behind her, his hands gently rubbing her belly. Those wonderful hands … She never got tired of looking at them or feeling them on her body. She had discovered he was a very tactile person. Even when no sex was involved, he liked to touch her, caress her.

Standing here was wonderfully soothing, she thought dreamily. She felt cosseted, soothed, safe.

“I heard you last night,” he whispered in her ear. “The dream again?”

A tiny ripple disturbed the serenity she was experiencing. “Yes.”

“It hasn’t happened for a while.” He pulled at the lobe of her ear with his teeth. “I was hoping they were gone.”

She shook her head.

“I want you to move in with me tonight.”

“What?”

He took the soap and began to rub it over her shoulders. “I want you to sleep in my bed. I want to wake up in the night and be able to reach out and touch you.”

She understood at once. “You want to be able to wake me when I have a bad dream.”

“Among other things.” He ran the soap under her breasts. “What’s the harm? You spend a good portion of the night here anyway.”

She didn’t know why the idea made her uneasy. To have him there to bring her out of that horror would be unbelievable relief.

Too much relief, she realized. Nicholas was wrapping her in a web of pleasure and serenity with moments like these. She was becoming too comfortable. The dream was agony, but it was a reminder of what she still had to do. “No.”

He went still against her and then his hand resumed its soothing motion on her body. “Whatever you say. I’ll be here if you change your mind.”

No argument. No pressure. Everything easy and without effort. Did he realize that by that very acquiescence he drew her deeper into the web? Probably, he was very clever. “You’re still trying to convince me not to go after Maritz, aren’t you?”

“Of course.” He chuckled. “I’ve even sacrificed my body to your lust. Do you think I enjoy this?”

She relaxed back against him. Honesty. Nice to have humor and sex and honesty in one package. No need to be wary of him. “I suspect you do.”

His hand moved up and rubbed the nape of her neck. She could have purred as the knotted muscles relaxed. “Damn right,” he said cheerfully. “I’m glad all the abuse I’ve handed out lately hasn’t totally damaged your brain.”

“N
o sign of Maritz,” Jamie said. “I’ve even shadowed Tania myself, and I haven’t been able to mark him.”

“But that doesn’t mean he’s not stalking her,” Nicholas said.

“Hell, no. He’s good and he likes this part of it. I’m keeping a close eye on the situation. I’ve even had Phil key in Lieber’s security alarm number into my pager. That’s all we can do right now.” He paused. “But I got a call from Conner in Athens. Bingo.”

Nicholas stiffened. “You’ve got it?”

“Verified and detailed. I’m faxing you a full report.”

“Good.”

“You’re still not telling Nell? You’re piling up serious trouble.”

“Tell me about it. I’ll be waiting for your fax.” Nicholas hung up the phone.

“T
here is a man coming. He’s waiting at the third gate. Should I let him in?” Michaela stood in the doorway of the gym, gazing disapprovingly at Nell, who was on the mat on her stomach with Tanek on top of her. “I don’t like this rough play. You should have better things to do than roll around on the floor.”

“What man?” Tanek got off Nell and stood up.

“It is that Kabler. The one who was here before.”

Nell tensed, her gaze flying to Tanek.

“Is he alone?” he asked.

“So he says,” Michaela answered. “Make up your mind. I have work to do.”

“Let him through.” Tanek moved toward the door. “Session’s over, Nell. Go take a shower while I see what he wants.”

“No.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder.

“I won’t be kept out of this. I told you when I came here that I wouldn’t allow you to keep secrets from me.”