The Ugly Duckling Debutante_FINAL-3 (18 page)

Sai smiled brilliantly as she reached over and patted his hand. “Your son.”

She knew. Of course she knew. Lady Fenton was one of the few women who knew the full truth of the twisted tale. Yet the truth of what happened that night had been safely locked away in his heart as well as Lady Fenton’s. There was no way for them to have known that tonight of all nights, his life would be ruined. His throat felt dry and achy. He feared if he spoke it would come out shaky and dripping with emotion. He swallowed again before answering “Tonight, if that’s agreeable?” He knew that normally it was frowned upon for a betrothed couple to be alone, but given the circumstances he hoped Lady Fenton would take pity.

Lady Fenton eyes scanned his briefly before she knocked on the door. “Sir, please drop me off at the manor, then see to it that the couple goes to Renwick House.” She understood.

“Yes, my lady,” the driver called.

Within minutes, Lady Fenton said her goodbyes, and Nicholas was left alone with Sai. He never felt more afraid in his life. His entire soul seemed to have been opened up to her, leaving every nook and cranny of his heart exposed. Would she accept him? That was the question. The irony brought a sad smile to his lips. Not an hour ago he was begging her to leave him alone, but now he felt if she wouldn’t have him, his heart would cease to beat.

“Are you amused, my lord?” Sai asked. As she waited for Nicholas to respond, she carefully moved to his side of the carriage and sat. “I would think you, of all people, would have trouble finding something to smile about at a time like this.”

“Me, of all people?” he asked curious.

“Yes. You—the negative cynic, my lord.” Sai raised an eyebrow.

“Ah yes. Well, there is that,” he answered dryly. “There is also the largest scandal to sweep the
ton
that now taints both our names, but that’s hardly worth smiling about.”

She smiled in return making him want to kiss her pretty little mouth until the smile melted from her lips.

“So?” she prompted.

I have to say it
.

When had he ever been a coward? Oh, that’s right. Ever since Sai waltzed into his life. He lost himself in her eyes and lifted a warm hand to her face. “You make me smile, Sai. What you did, who you are—you are the reason that amidst this terrible night, I wear a smile on my face.”

Her eyes pooled with tears, silencing him. And suddenly Nicholas wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He pulled her gently into his lap and caressed her neck and arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered against her hair.

The carriage rattled to a stop far too soon. Nicholas silently cursed himself for not telling the driver to continue around the block a few more times, until he was good and ready to relinquish this moment in Sai's arms.

There was no time to prepare her as they were greeted at the door by the nurse. Nicholas managed a weak smile when two-year-old Duncan came tumbling toward him.

“How was your night, my lord?” the nurse inquired as Duncan continued to make his way to Nicholas.

“It had its ups and downs,” he answered truthfully, then picked up his son; the son he helped create not so long ago. Duncan was an exact replica of the woman he so long ago had an affair with. A sickening feeling descended like a choking fog. It was his fault this boy was brought into the world this way. Yet he couldn’t help but feel proud as well. He didn’t care much for his own reputation anymore, and he desperately wanted to protect that of his son and the woman whom he cared so deeply about.

It wasn’t until
 
that night Nicholas realized how much he did care for Sai. He would rather die for her than put her through any more humiliation. What was it about him she wanted anyway? He had the worst reputation of the
ton
and now an illegitimate son to boot. Maybe if he found out why she needed to marry, other than to save her reputation, he could redeem himself. He kissed Duncan on the head and looked at a smiling Sai.

“This is my son, Duncan.”

As if on cue, Duncan reached out to Sai with pudgy hands. Sai laughed and took him into a little embrace. Nicholas was stunned when Sai began singing a lullaby to his little boy. Within minutes, he was sleeping. The little devil was actually sleeping. The nurse had spent the better part of two days trying to get him to bed, and Sai merely sang a song and he was putty in her hands.

Like father like son
, a little voice chimed annoyingly in his head.

“Time for bed,” he whispered to Duncan, and Sai handed him back to the nurse.

As he helped Sai into the carriage to return to Lady Fenton’s home, Nicholas knew what he would do; he would locate Sai’s family and explain the situation to them. Surely they wouldn’t want such scandal blackening their name, and then he would offer as much money as it took to make sure Sai had a chance to find a love match. She deserved that, not some pitiful marriage to a second or third son. By next season the gentlemen would forget she’d been ruined by him and set about to marry her anyway. He shook his head. What was he thinking? Could he honestly live without her touch? Her laughter? It would be the most extreme type of self sacrifice to let her go, yet he could tell that she was holding something back. It wasn’t in her nature to hide things; she was one of the most honest people he knew. It had to be disappointment, for she knew it would be impossible to have his heart, the one thing she wanted most. Dare he try to give her the most precious part of himself? Broken pieces that might never be whole?

Shaking the conflicting thoughts from his head he grabbed a sheet of paper and penned a quick note to Lady Fenton explaining the situation. Hopefully she would understand it was the best option for Sai. He inquired about Sai's family and asked her to write back with all haste. He sent the note off with one of his men,
 
managing to make it all the way up the stairs into his chambers before dozing off.

Chapter Thirteen

Sara couldn’t remember a time when she had slept more poorly than last night. Her thoughts went back to the previous night. What had come over her? She had no idea. But when Nicholas walked into the room and proudly met the faces of the
ton
, she had been left with no choice. It was obvious what everyone expected her to do. Shun him, break off the engagement and walk away. Impossible to play into their silly games. Yes, she had been hurt, but what good would it be to take it out on those around her. Those she cared about. Because despite everything Nicholas had said and done, she cared deeply for him, at the expense of her own feelings.

Yawning, she descended the great stairs to her aunt’s breakfast table, eyes swollen with sleeplessness. A mere twelve hours ago she had received the news of Nicholas’s scandalous past, and then met Nicholas’s dear son. It was a tragic situation; but the real tragedy was Duncan no longer had a mother to look after him, and poor Nicholas looked like he didn’t know whether to run from the child or hug him.

Nicholas hadn’t said much to her last night after Duncan went to bed. He kissed her hand and thanked her again, making her knees weak at his tender touch. He said he would call on her today which was enough to drag her out of bed at this ungodly hour instead of sleeping until noon.

She felt vulnerable and feared that everyone around her could see how unsure she was about everything. Her hands shook as she sat down at the table and grabbed her tea cup.
 
Her aunt cleared her throat but didn’t look up from her tea until Sara finished a piece of hard toast.

“My dear, Nicholas is waiting for you in the study,” her aunt said rather awkwardly.

Sara knew he would be calling on her today, but it was extremely early for him to be showing up at her home. Normally a gentleman waited until noon. She had risen early because she had to gather her thoughts. She excused herself and hurried into the study to find Nicholas lying on the loveseat with his eyes closed. He looked like an angel; too bad there was something of a devil present as well. However, if she had to admit it to herself, she very much liked both personalities, when they were kept in balance.

She sauntered over to the couch and nudged his foot. A sound very much like a snore escaped him, but he didn’t move. Irritated, she pushed him harder, nearly losing her own balance in the process. Unfortunately for Nicholas, he was already off balance from leaning back on the loveseat and promptly went tumbling to the floor. Mumbling an oath, he brought his hands out just in time to catch himself.

“Oh no, have you fallen?”

He shot her an irritated look and gathered himself back into his seat. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you never to wake a sleeping man?”

“Of course, I merely thought I was waking a bear, my mistake.” She curtsied and flashed him a smile.

“I want to know who you are,” he said with eyes piercing into hers. The teasing was officially over. Her stomach did a few flip flops before she rose and faced the fireplace.

“Not lies, Sai, the truth. This is your first season, yet you are one and twenty. Nobody has heard of you, and I know nothing of your origin. Are you orphaned?”

Her laugh was hollow. “I wish.”

“What a terribly confusing thing to say.” His breath was hot on her neck, and she realized he was standing directly behind her. “Do you have brothers or sisters? Is your family rich or poor?”

She nodded but then shook it as if she was confused herself. Then Sara turned to face him. “I guess I owe you this much, considering what I know about you.”

He wrapped his arms around her and possessively pulled Sara into his embrace. “I was thinking that exact same thing.” He walked away and pulled the cord. “Which is why I arranged a picnic for us on my estate. We will go riding, eat, drink wine, play with Duncan—if he’s had his nap—and you will tell me all about yourself, Sai, including why you are really in London.”

Alarm enveloped her suddenly. How much could she really tell him? She would, of course, tell him of her life, but nothing of the way her parents treated her. It would only upset him and cause him to pity her, and pity was the last thing she wanted from him, of all people.

She managed a brief smile as she took his arm. “Are we to leave immediately?”

“Of course, the carriage is already waiting.”

A man who knows what he wants
. Now if only that would include her.

Nicholas helped her into the carriage, but not without her noticing how much his hands lingered across her hips. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything that would cause him to question her feelings for him. This day was about sharing part of herself with him, not about confessing undying love and devotion.

Nicholas joined her in the carriage and patted the seat next to him. She pretended to be dismayed he would assume she would sit next to him in such close quarters. He merely waited, eyebrow raised, for her to move, knowing full well she had every intention of moving close to him. Once she sat down, the entire carriage became like a small airless room. The tension between them was astonishingly penetrating, causing her feel the need to fan herself, never mind that it was a rather cool morning.

“No need to be nervous, Sai,” Nicholas commented smoothly. “I give my word, I won’t touch you. You need not fear that the beast will emerge and steal away your innocence.” He winked at her, but it did not set her any more at ease. If anything, it proved to her that not only did he notice the tension between them, but he also understood he had little control when it came to their bodies touching—and the kissing. Control wasn’t even a word in the dictionary when they were kissing.

She managed a little laugh before looking back out the window, silently pleading for him to at least grab her hand. Every nerve in her body threatened to explode with passion at any minute. “We’re here!” he announced, lifting her hand to his lips. His lips barely touched her glove, but her body responded as if he had just taken her in his arms. Her knees buckled, sending her sailing into his waiting arms outside the carriage.