The Ugly Duckling Debutante_FINAL-3 (17 page)

A sigh escaped her lips and she pinched her cheeks to add color to a face that she knew looked terribly tired and pale. She would be brave, and she would marry Nicholas. It must be; even if he kept pushing her away, she knew her aunt wouldn’t stand for his backing out, so he was stuck with her unless something drastic happened. Earlier today she heard from her mother that their money was dwindling. It was now all up to her to marry someone who could take care of her family. And Nicholas could do just that.

Some ladies walked in to the room and stared at her, then abruptly left whispering between themselves. Normally she was approached and spoken to. How swiftly things changed when one appeared to have a secret rendezvous in the garden. She shrugged and grabbed her reticule to leave, when the doors suddenly burst open.

“There you are!” Lady Fenton screamed. “I have been looking everywhere for you. Quickly. We must go. We must go immediately.”

Sara nodded her head and followed, apparently someone saw her and Nicholas in the garden. It was hardly scandalous enough for people to be gossiping. They were betrothed after all—not that it made her feel any less dirty for engaging in something so completely wanton. It was totally out of character for her. No, in fact, it was pure desperation. She was willing to give a part of herself to him that no man had ever received, if only he would admit he cared for her, that he could love her. Instead it seemed to make matters much worse; he hated himself for wanting her and hated himself for not being able to let her go. What a mess she had made.

A relative hush descended upon the
ton
as everyone watched Sara and Lady Fenton exit into the nearest hallway. Was kissing in the garden really that heinous? The churning in her stomach told her it was about much more than kissing in the garden. Her aunt pulled her into a room and shut the door. Lady Fenton paced in front of Sara until she was sure the floor would give way.

When her aunt looked up, Sara could tell she had been crying. “Aunt, are you well?” Sara asked quietly. Her aunt shook her head and looked toward the window overlooking the property; a heavy tension in the air.

“I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake, my dear.” Lady Fenton looked down at her hands. “You must marry Nicholas. The banns have been read and many of the
ton
already know you are compromised.”

“I know, aunt, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t the match you wanted, but I—” Her aunt held up her hand.

“Let me finish, Sai…Sara,” she corrected.

Sara waited.

“It was widely believed Lord Renwick simply became bored of the life he led, that he didn’t really want to cavort about anymore. People began respecting him for his views. He claimed to be a reformed man, and the entire
ton
believed him. I merely kept my mouth shut.” Her eyes pooled with more tears. “But things aren’t always what they seem, my dear. Two years ago, Renwick had an affair with a duchess. It was widely reputed that the duke had been unfaithful, so many agreed it was only fair that the duchess also take a lover. She was beautiful; she had hair just like yours, actually.”

Sara lifted her hand to touch her hair, her stomach growing sicker by the minute. Was that why he found her so attractive? Because she resembled a lost love?

“She and Renwick had a long affair. Her marriage was arranged; therefore, she was quite young. The duke was old and set in his ways. He heard rumors of his wife’s scandal but did nothing to stop it. Later, it was publicized that the duke died by falling on his own sword because the grief of his wife's infidelity had done him in. Unable to produce an heir, everything went to the wife. She wanted to marry Renwick, but he was never one for marriage. The story went on she was too emotionally attached to Renwick, so he left her and later found religion. She was his last, you see.”

Sara still couldn’t figure out why this was such scandal. Granted, it sounded bad, and Renwick would surely have to explain himself. He was the cause of someone else’s grief, no doubt, but there forgiveness is part of life. “Aunt, I don’t understand. Wasn’t everyone aware of this story before this evening?”

“
This
story they were aware of. The
real
story just surfaced this evening, my dear.” Lady Fenton held up a handkerchief to her eye and swallowed. “What I am about to tell you is the truth, from Renwick himself—though I swore I would never speak of it. Somehow, the
ton
got wind of it, most likely because of the attention paid to both of you of late and your betrothal. My dear, I must ask for your forgiveness first.”

Sara was confused. “Whatever for?”

Lady Fenton smiled weakly. “It was my fault you and Renwick were forced to be betrothed. I used his attraction to you. The moment he laid eyes on you, I knew he wanted you. I manipulated him into jealousy and lust. The duke was never going to offer for you. He was merely following you, so there would be a witness to the scandal between the two of you. It was deceitful, but you must understand. I love my cousin, and you seemed to be the only lady of the
ton
with heart enough to forgive him. If I had known his scandal would ever reach the ears of the
ton,
I would have died before letting you become involved. And now it seems you have a choice to make. Marry him and deal with the consequences of his disgrace, or refuse him and ruin yourself.”

Sara closed her eyes in protest; both options were abominable. If she refused him, could she simply go back to her country life? But what life would she have with no money for her family? They would all be ruined.

“What did he do, aunt?” Sara whispered.

“Sara, he killed him.”

“Who killed whom?” Sara asked, even though she knew in her heart what her aunt's answer would be.

“Sara, the duke found his wife with Renwick. Do you understand what that means?”

Sara nodded numbly.

“When he saw the affair had been brought into his own home, he was furious. He challenged Renwick to a duel.”

Sara gasped. “But those are illegal!”

“It doesn’t matter, Sara. What Renwick did was wrong. He crossed the line severely. Too blind with passion to say no, the following morning he and the duke dueled to the death. Renwick was winning, but in a sudden desire to be honorable, withdrew his sword. The duke provoked him even more and threatened to kill him, which was his right. Renwick saw an opportunity and took it, hoping only to injure the man, but the duke was old and did not have the strength to overcome the wounds. He died later that same night.”

Lady Fenton bit her lip. “It was then the duchess revealed to Renwick she was pregnant with his son. She hadn’t been with her husband in over a year. They kept it as quiet as possible and paid everyone off to report it was grief and rage which did the duke in. She gave birth in the country and was to raise the boy there. Renwick and the duchess never spoke of what happened and never reconciled. It was one of his biggest regrets, for in my heart I believe he loved her.

"Two months ago Renwick received news the duchess died of scarlet fever. Renwick was planning to do the honorable thing and take the son into his own household, even though it would create scandal. Before his son reached London this evening, someone from Renwick’s estate broke the silence about a small boy, the age of two now, coming to live with them. Normally it wouldn’t have incited such talk, but the boy is said to look exactly like the duchess who died. It didn’t take long for the real story to surface, though only a select few knew about it.”

Listening to her aunt, Sara's stomach heaved. Nicholas wasn’t just a rake; he was… he was an absolute monster!
 
He stole another man’s wife, murdered the man, and left the woman alone to raise an illegitimate child. She needed time to process what her aunt told her, but blackness threatened to engulf her, closing in around the edges of her vision. Her head swam, and just as she was about to succumb to the darkness, her aunt
 
cupped her face with her cool hands.

“My dear, we have to go out the front. Do you understand?”Sara nodded numbly. No wonder Nicholas felt he couldn't tell her his past. No wonder he felt like his heart was black as sin. Could God not forgive such an act of betrayal? Was it even her job to judge a man based on his past transgressions? The questions hung heavily in the air as she took her aunt's arm and walked out of the room, feeling much like Daniel trudging into the lion’s den.

The unfairness of the situation being thrust at her hit full force when she saw the faces of those in polite society sneer at her. The picture of Romans viewing gladiators and killings flashed through her mind. The
ton
was no better, standing by every
Season
for a new scandal to hit so they could gossip and ruin that person.

Her mind screamed that she was the victim. Nicholas was the reason for her current situation. She grabbed Lady Fenton’s hand and began the slow grueling walk to the exit. Masking her emotions with a bright smile, she nodded at those she passed, but felt nothing except silent gratification that the one woman who had trapped Nicholas Renwick Earl of Devons was in fact the one to be pitied not envied.

Chapter Twelve

Nicholas remained behind in the garden, collecting himself. Twenty minutes later when he rejoined the party in the ballroom, he instantly realized he was entirely too late. A hush fell on the
ton
which would have made even the wickedest of men cringe. They knew. They all knew. The looks from people he used to call friends amounted to pity, disdain, anger, and distrust. It was all he could do to keep from running in the opposite direction. He took a steadying breath, then paused. To his right, Sai re-entered the ballroom with Lady Fenton. Neither of the ladies looked pleased.

It would be a miracle if Sai did not already know. He couldn’t find the strength to look away as the rest of the
ton
watched in suspense. This had to be better than even the craftiest of operas for them. He felt frozen in place, not sure if he should acknowledge Sai or wait for her to approach him with one of her famous slaps. He chose the latter, because frankly, his legs resolutely refused to move him into the inevitable fury this gorgeous creature, whom he just ravaged, would lavish on him presently.

Sai's green eyes burned as they took in every cool calculated glance. But when her gaze reached Nicholas, she smiled. It was unexplainable. She dropped Lady Fenton’s arm and glided gracefully toward Nicholas, her eyes locked on his. He felt his heart would leap out of his chest. This was it. The moment he deserved, the moment the
ton
was waiting for. She would have her revenge and be released forever from his clutches. It was a perfect set up for her; Jane Austen herself couldn’t have planned it better.

Nicholas used the last few seconds of his engagement to Sai to appreciate the gracefulness of her legs, the green in her eyes, and the slight dimple on her right cheek. Strange, that even in these moments of his greatest disgrace, his thoughts could only dwell on her beauty as she approached. He prayed for it to be over quickly and took a deep breath.

“My lord,” Sai said, bowing before him. His entire body was tense, waiting for what was certain to come next. “It’s been a lovely evening, but I believe it's time to take our leave, if you are ready?” She held out her hand to Nicholas. A lifeline. She was saving him, rescuing him from the destruction he deserved. Why was she being so kind? She had to know. He took her arm and nodded to Lady Fenton, who appeared to have a small smile playing on her lips. The three of them walked in silence to the outside; the hall echoed with only the sound of their shoes as they walked across the floor. Some people had the decency to look away; others stared, mouths agape, at the most scandalous scene of the season.

Silence filled the carriage on the ride home and exhaustion overwhelmed Nicholas. Taking a breath required almost too much effort. He had managed to ruin not only his own life because of his brash decisions, but also Sai’s. She would be forced to marry him regardless of his reputation. Backing out would leave her forever ruined for a good match. Why did she do it? She would never understand how much love she expressed to him in that moment of acceptance. He sighed, and Lady Fenton cleared her throat.

Sai was the first to speak. “When do I get to meet him, Nicholas?”

Nicholas nearly choked. “Who?”