The Ultimate Stonemage: A Modest Autobiography (14 page)

I struggled very bravely, but the stench from the liquid was so powerful I found myself rendered insensible, and I think I remained in this state for some minutes. When I regained my faculties once more, I found myself lying upon the floor. Iron bracelets had been placed about my wrists, and these were fastened, by means of a chain eight feet or so in length, to a plate set in the floor.

The two men who had attacked me were standing before me, and I recognized them now as two officials of the town, named
Midana and
Reckdohl. I will describe them now, so you might imagine the scene with greater accuracy.

Midana was the older of the two, and he had thick white hair, which he wore rolled up in bush-bunches. This, indeed, was what had made me suspicious of him from the first time I laid eyes on him, for it is an arrogant thing for an older man to wear his hair in such a flamboyant way.

The other man, Reckdohl, was a few years younger than me. He had a weak chin, which is a sure sign of a treacherous disposition, particularly when its owner tries to hide the fact by growing a beard upon it as Reckdohl had done. Also, he had a high voice, which sounded like that of a woman.

I noticed both these men were wearing white silk sashes which I had never seen them wearing before. The significance of this was not lost on me, for I had seen men and women wearing similar sashes when I was in the bishopa’s court. It indicated they were trusted agents of some great lord.

I knew then I had fallen into the hands of a powerful enemy and my situation was very dire. I looked down at my boot, to see if my throwing-razor was still there, but it was not. They had stolen it from me while I was unconscious.

As soon as he saw I was awake, Midana came over to me and helped me to my feet. Then he said, “Did you, Yreth, lay waste to the town of
Sudbury, the holy shrine of
Enek Tireal, and the towns of
Chan,
Indril,
Diadril and
Sleck?”

I thought to myself, “How do I answer him? Do I shout insults at the fellow as he deserves, or perhaps kick at him?” Then I thought, “No, Yreth, cast your dice with care. In such situations as this, it is best to be humble and polite, and to answer all questions with precision and honesty.”

So I replied, “I did not lay waste to those places. The task was done by a group of myrmidons.”

Midana said, “Were these myrmidons under your command?”

I replied, “In one sense, yes.”

Then Reckdohl asked, “In what sense do you mean?”

“In the ordinary sense,” I said, and I gave a very sweet and genuine smile to each of them, to show them I was a man of great charity.

Reckdohl asked me then, in his woman’s voice, “By whose order did you carry out these destructions?”

“Not by the order of a person,” I said, “but by the order of a thing.”

“What thing?”

“A Sad Mood,” I said. Then I told them all about my Sad Mood and how terribly it had afflicted me. I had hoped they would show sympathy for me then; however, they did not, for they were callous, insensitive fellows. In fact, they did not even believe my story of the Sad Mood.

Midana said, “We know you are an agent of some great prince. Tell us in whose name you carried out these terrible atrocities, or we will extract the information by means of torture.”

I thought about this for a time, then I said, “My actions were motivated by my Sad Mood, as I have said. But since you ask me which great prince commanded me to carry out these actions, I will say it is the same prince who placed the Sad Mood within my soul.”

They grew excited then, and said, “Which prince is this? What is his name?”

“Why, the Prince of Heaven,” I replied. “The one true God.”

They did not care overmuch for this answer, and they struck me about the face, then started to chastise me, in a very tiresome manner, for the wicked deeds I had done, and the many close friends and relatives they had lost in the towns and cities I had destroyed, and what a terrible thing it was, and so on.

Now, they spoke as if they were shocked and alarmed I could have caused so many deaths, so they might make themselves seem very virtuous and noble. However, I quickly perceived the true direction of their desires.

I said, “If you seek gold in compensation for your losses, you will be disappointed. What wealth I have, I have earned, and you may be sure my myrmidons will guard it well.”

One of the men said, “I would not sully myself by touching your gold, for it is tainted by death.”

I laughed at his hypocritical lies, and said, “I am pleased to hear that, my friend, for you may be sure you will never touch it. And do not think you will take it by stealth, either, for I am not such a fool as to hoard it all in one place. Rather, I have divided the gold into numerous portions, which each myrmidon may carry easily in his pack.”

I think I was too wordy for their liking, because they then slapped my face three more times, and struck me upon the back with a cane. But I did not give in to the pain. Instead, I just repeated the words, “I shall not give you my gold! I shall not give you my gold!” over and over, which infuriated them, because they saw they would never overcome my great determination, and they pummelled me with their fists, while I, all too aware that a violent response might bring about my execution, was forced to endure this cruel punishment.

Then a plan entered my head. I said, “If you let me send word to my myrmidons, I think, perhaps, I might see my way to making you a gift of a small portion of my treasures. You may use the wealth as you see fit.”

Midana pulled at my hair and said, “I have told you I care nothing for your gold. Now, tell us who commands you.”

I said, “I will tell you, if you first let me send a message to my myrmidons.”

Then Midana said, in a rude tone, “You must think me a very green leaf if you think I will allow you to send a message to your myrmidons. You will just have your forces rescue you and kill us all.”

“That is not so,” I said. And I thought to myself, “No, I would not have them kill us all, just the two of you.”

You will notice how, even in my adversity, I remained honest. That is a very ethical thing, for they say honesty is the highest of all the virtues.

These days, you often hear bandit priests telling of how they have escaped some calamity or other through the telling of a convincing, well performed lie. For myself, though, I would not lie, even though it might save my life. It is much better to die as an honest man than to live as a liar, and somebody should take those bandit priests who boast they have told such clever lies, then slit their throats, so everyone may see how far their lies get them in the end.

In any case, I then said to Midana, “Do not fear my motives. My wishes are very simple. In my message, I will give the myrmidons my good regards.” And truly I would have done this, although I would also have told them where I was and ordered them to rescue me, but I chose not to tell this part to my captors.

I went on to say, “Because my feelings for my myrmidons are of a strong and very affectionate nature, I would have to insist you do not embarrass me by reading the message I send, but you may be sure nothing but good will come of it.” Which is to say, good for me, in so much as it would bring about my rescue and their well deserved deaths!

Still, despite all my clever words, they would not let me send a message, and they questioned me for several hours more, pretending they wanted to know who had sent me, but secretly trying to discover how they might get my gold for themselves. When they finally realized they were wasting their time, they departed, leaving me chained up in the cellar.

While they were upstairs, they talked between themselves. I have good ears, though, and I heard everything they said, even though they spoke in hushed tones.

Reckdohl said, “Let us kill him. He deserves to die.”

Midana replied, “No no. That would be terrible bad luck. He is, after all, an archbishop, and only the prince himself may put him to death. And even the prince may only kill this man with his silver sword of office. To do otherwise would offend the archbishop’s God, who is said to be very fearsome.”

Then I heard Reckdohl say, “Well then, let us torture him, so his life becomes a living death.”

But Midana said, “Even that would be unwise. We might perhaps slap him or poke him, but I think it would be dangerous to spill even a drop of his blood.”

I was greatly heartened to hear this, and when the two men returned again a few hours later, and started to prod at me, I cried aloud, saying, “Oh! Do take care! My skin is of a very tender sort, and the slightest jolt is liable to send blood gushing from me.”

They tried to pretend my plea did not frighten them, but it must have done, for they stopped hitting me, and started shouting at me instead. Well, shouting is nothing to fear, for it is only words and air. And indeed, if it is loud enough, and near to the ear, it can even be a pleasant sensation, for it tickles the insides of the ear in a highly agreeable way. At least, I find it agreeable, or used to, when I was younger.

So, they were there, shouting at me, saying “Who was the prince who sent you? Why will you not tell us?”

To which I responded, “How can I tell you? For there is no prince who sent me!”

They would not believe me, though, and they questioned me for an hour or so before they went away. The next day, I was visited four times by these two men. They came, too, the next day, and the next, and the day after that, and so on and so on. And that was how my life revolved when I was a prisoner there.

The conditions under which I was kept were very cruel. I will describe these now, so you might have some idea of my sufferings.

In the Category of Company.

The company was very bad during those long weeks. There was Midana and Reckdohl, who I have described already. There was an old woman,
Tirbe, who would sometimes come in their place to question me. She was a vicious old hag, and she would scream at me to tell the truth, while she prodded me with her hideous, curled fingernails. Also, there was another man,
Giella, who was very fat, and far too cheerful for my liking. He affected a great compassion and friendship for me, which I knew was false, for, as I said to him, “If you are such a dear friend to me, why do you not release me?” Of course, he had no good answer. From time to time, other interrogators would be there as well.

Besides the interrogators, there were two others, whom I shall call servants. One was the girl who had first tricked me into coming to the house, and I grew angry each time I looked at her, although she did not seem to care. The other was a skinny young lad of unsurpassed ugliness, who had protruding teeth, deeply pocked skin, and who was besides afflicted with a mild form of stupidity.

In the Category of Food.

The two servants brought me nothing to eat but rice cake, or nutty bread, or cheese, or sometimes a few pieces of beef. And to drink, I was given only water or ale. This may not sound so bad, but it was a monotonous diet, and it lacked zest. Also, the meals were served on wooden plates which were not always properly washed, so they bore a slight smell on occasions. And they gave me only a spoon to eat my meals with, for they said I might use a knife as a weapon. Neither could I use my throwing-razor to cut my food, for they had taken it from me, as I have said, and they refused to give it back.

In the Category of Bedding.

My bedding was made of reeds, tied together with twine, and placed in a sort of frame. On top of this was placed a long sack, filled with straw, which served as a mattress, and over the sack was a meagre linen sheet, and a woollen blanket which was of poor quality. This was an uncomfortable arrangement, because the sack was altogether too soft, and the reed frame tended to sway and creak when one moved about. Worse, my wrists were still chained, so, if I slept on my side, I would sometimes awaken with reddish dents upon my skin where the chain had pressed in.

In the Category of Rats
,
Mice
,
and Other Vermin.

Even though they remained hidden from view, I am quite sure there were many rats and mice in that cellar, and I have already spoken on the great danger posed by the second of these. Also, when I looked closely at the walls, I saw they were somewhat damp, and on more than one occasion I saw a tiny red mite crawling upon the stone. Furthermore, one night, while I tried to sleep, I saw a creature crawling across the floor, near to my bed. I examined it closely, and saw it was another mite. I do not remember the name for this kind of creature, but he is something like a beetle in size and shape, except he has strips of armour across his back, and a great many legs beneath, and if you poke at him (for example, with a piece of straw) he will curl up into a ball, but then, if you wait and leave him in peace, he will uncurl again, and wander on his way. So, as you can see, the cellar was a filthy place, and was infested with all manner of pests and vermin.

In the Category of Light and Heat.

The cellar, being a cellar, lacked windows, so the only light came from a few hanging lamps, and a floor lamp near to the bed. Often one or another of these lamps would go out, and it would remain out for some hours before somebody thought to change the oil, and during this time, the cellar was not so light as it previously had been.

Given the intolerable conditions I faced, you will surely wonder why I did not use my skills as a stonemage in order to escape—for example, by making the walls collapse. The reason is very simple: the metal bracelets around my wrists interfered with the casting of bindings. In fact, no sooner had I cast a potent enchantment than it would collapse around the bracelets and be dispersed along the length of the chain.

I quickly discovered the only gossamers I could control effectively were those of the most puny kind, like
Flap Ridges or
Imber Lines or
Etched Maisies, which are all cast from the fingertips. These forces were of no use in helping me escape, but they brought me some entertainment, for I decided to use them to create a variety of attractive images. I intended to place these images into the walls and the floor, and the frame of the bed, and parts of the ceiling. In fact, I planned to place images into any flat surface the length of the chain would allow me to reach.