The Undomestic Goddess (29 page)

No, you wont, chips in Guy, shaking chocolate onto a cappuccino. He looks up. Youll be
inHong Kong .

What? I say stupidly.

Samatron are delighted youre back and theyve asked for you on this merger. Were flying
toHong Kong tomorrow. Has no one told you?

No, I say, taken aback. No ones even mentioned it.

Guy shrugs. I thought you knew. Five days in Hong Kong and then on toSingapore . You and I
are going to be wooing some new clients. He takes a sip of coffee. You need to start
pulling in business, Samantha Sweeting, equity partner. Cant rest on your laurels.

I havent even started the job yet. And theyre already talking about resting on my laurels?

So... when will we be back?

Guy shrugs. Couple of weeks?

Samantha! says Elldridge, coming up. Has Guy mentioned, we want you on a corporate
shooting weekend in September? Up inScotland ; should be fun.

Right. Um, yes, that sounds great. I rub my nose. The only thing is, Im trying to keep
some weekends free... keep a bit of balance in my life...

Elldridge looks puzzled.

Youve had your break, Samantha, he says. Now its back to work. And I must talk to you aboutNew York
. He pats me on the shoulder and turns to the girl manning the coffee machine. Another
espresso, please.

Realistically, Id say youre not going to have a free weekend till Christmas, puts in Guy.
I did warn you. He raises his eyebrows meaningfully and moves away to talk to Hilary.

Theres silence. I dont know what to say. Everythings moving too fast. I thought it would
be different this time. I thought Id have more control.

Christmas, echoes Nathaniel at last, looking thunderstruck.

No, I say at once. Hes exaggerating. It wont be that bad. Ill rearrange things. I rub my
brow. Look, Nathaniel, Ill be back before Christmas. I promise. Things might be busybut
Ill do it somehow. Whatever it takes.

He flinches at my words. Dont turn it into a duty.

Duty ? I stare at him. Thats not what I meant. You know thats not what I meant.

Two minutes! Hilary comes bustling up with the makeup artist, but I ignore her.

Nathaniel

Samantha! snaps Hilary, trying to pull me away. You really dont have time for this!

You should go. Nathaniel gestures with his head. Youre busy.

This is awful. It feels like everything is disintegrating between us.

Nathaniel, just tell me. My voice trembles. Tell me before I go. That day in the
farmhousewhat did you say to me?

Nathaniel looks at me for a long moment, then something in his eyes seems to close up.

It was long and boring and badly put. He turns away with a half shrug.

Please do something with those smudges! Hilary is saying. Could you please move? she adds sharply
to Nathaniel.

Ill get out of your way. Nathaniel lets go of my hand and retreats before I can say
anything.

Youre not in my way! I call after him, but Im not sure he hears.

As the makeup artist begins her work, my mind is spinning so fast I feel faint. Suddenly
all my certainty has vanished. Am I doing the right thing?

Oh, God. What is wrong with me? Close, please. The makeup artist is brushing at my eyelids. Now open...

I open my eyes to see Nathaniel and Guy standing together, some way away. Guys talking and
Nathaniel is listening, his face taut. I feel a sudden stab of unease. Whats Guy saying?

Close again, says the makeup artist. Reluctantly I close my eyes and feel her brushing yet
more shadow on. For Gods sake. Hasnt she finished? Does it matter what I look like?

At last she withdraws her brush. Open.

I open my eyes to see Guy standing in the same spot, a few yards away. But Nathaniels
vanished. Wheres he gone?

Put .your lips together... the makeup artist instructs, producing a lipstick brush.

My eyes are darting in panic around the crowded drive, looking for Nathaniel. I need him. I need to talk to him before this press conference goes ahead.

Ready for your big moment? Got your statement? Hilary is upon me again, smelling of
freshly applied scent. That looks a lot better! Chin up! She taps my chin so sharply I
wince. Any last-minute questions?

Um... yes, I say desperately. I was just wondering... could we possibly put it off for a
little bit? Just a few minutes.

Hilarys face freezes. What? she says at last. I have a dreadful feeling shes going to
explode. I feel a bit... confused. I need more time to think... I trail off at Hilarys
expression.

She comes toward me and brings her face very close to mine. Shes still smiling, but her
eyes are snapping and her nostrils flared and white. I take a step back, quailing, but she
grabs my shoulders so hard I can feel her nails digging into my flesh.

Samantha, she hisses. You will go out there, you will read your statement, and you will
say Carter Spink is the best law firm in the world. And if you dontI will kill you.

I think shes serious.

Were all confused, Samantha. We all need more time to think. Thats life. She gives me a
little shake. Get over it. She breathes out sharply and smooths down her suit. Right! Im
going to announce you.

She marches onto the lawn. I just stand there, shaking.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press! Hilarys voice is blaring through the microphone. Im
delighted to welcome you all here this morning.

Suddenly I spot Guy, helping himself to a mineral water. Guy! I call urgently. Guy! Wheres
Nathaniel?

I have no idea, says Guy insouciantly.

What did you say to him? When you were talking just now?

I didnt have to say much, Guy replies. He could tell the way the wind was blowing.

What do you mean? I feel like Ive missed something. The wind wasnt blowing any way.

Samantha, dont be naive. Guy takes a swig of water. Hes a grown man. He understands.

... our newest partner at Carter Spink, Samantha Sweeting! Hilarys voice and the applause
breaking out barely touch my consciousness.

Understands what? I say in horror. What did you say?

Samantha! Hilary interrupts with a sweetly savage smile. Were all waiting! Lots of busy
people! She grabs my hand with an iron grip and drags me with surprising force onto the
grass. Off you go! Enjoy! She gives me a sharp dig in the back and walks away.

Im stranded in front of the nations press.

Move it! Hilarys tense undertone makes me jump. I feel like Im on a conveyor belt. The
only way is forward.

With wobbling legs I make my way into the middle of the lawn, where a microphone has been
set up on a stand. The sun is glinting off all the camera lenses and I feel half blinded.
I search the crowd as best I can for Nathaniel, but I cant spot him anywhere. Irish is
standing a few yards away to my right, in a fuchsia pink suit, and waves frantically.
Beside her, Eddie is holding a camcorder.

Slowly I unfold my statement and smooth it down.

Good afternoon, I say into the microphone, my voice stilted. I am delighted to be able to
share my exciting news with you. After being made a wonderful offer by Carter Spink, I
will be returning to the firm today as a partner. Needless to say... Im thrilled.

Somehow I cant make my voice sound thrilled. The words feel empty as I say them.

I have been overwhelmed by the warmth and generosity of the Carter Spink welcome, I
continue hesitantly, and am honored to be joining such a prestigious partnership of...

Im still seeking out Nathaniel. I cant concentrate on what Im saying.

Talent and excellence! snaps Hilary from the sidelines.

Um... yes. I find my place on the sheet. Talent. And excellence.

A titter goes through the crowd of journalists. Im not doing a very good job here.

Carter Spinks quality of service is... um... second to none, I continue, trying to sound
convincing.

Better quality than the toilets you used to clean? calls out a journalist with ruddy
cheeks.

We are not taking questions at this stage! Hilary comes out crossly onto the lawn. And we
are taking no questions on the subject of toilets, bathrooms, or any other form of
sanitary ware. Samantha, carry on.

Unspeakable, were they? shouts the ruddy-cheeked guy with a guffaw of laughter.

Samantha, carry on , spits Hilary, looking livid.

They certainly were not unspeakable! Trish comes striding onto the lawn, her fuchsia heels
sinking into the grass. I will not have my toilets maligned! Theyre all Royal Doulton.
Theyre Royal Doulton, she repeats into the microphone. Highest quality. You re doing very
well, Samantha! She pats me on the shoulder.

All the journalists are laughing by now. Hilarys face is puce.

Excuse me, she says to Trish with suppressed fury. We are in the middle of a press
conference here. Could you please leave?

Mrs. Geiger, have you seen Nathaniel? I look desperately around the crowd for the
millionth time. Hes disappeared.

Whos Nathaniel? asks one of the journalists.

Hes the gardener, puts in the ruddy-faced guy. Lover boy. So is that all over? he adds to
me.

No! I say, stung. Were going to keep the relationship going.

How you going to do that, then?

I can sense a fresh interest stirring in the crowd of journalists.

We just will, OK? Suddenly, I feel near tears.

Samantha, says Hilary furiously. Please get back to the official statement! She pushes
Trish away from the microphone.

Dont you touch me! shrills Trish. Ill sue. Samantha Sweeting is my lawyer, you know.

Oy, Samantha! What does Nathaniel think about you going back toLondon ? shouts someone.

Have you put your career over love? chimes in a bright-faced girl.

No! I say desperately. I just...I need to talk to him. Where is he? Guy! I suddenly spot Guy at the side of the lawn. Where did he go? What did you say to
him? I hurry toward him over the grass, almost tripping. You have to tell me. What did you
say?

I advised him to keep his dignity. Guy gives an arrogant shrug. To be honest, I told the
guy the truth. You wont be back.

How dare you? I gasp in fury. How dare you say that? I will be back! And he can come toLondon

Oh, please. Guy raises his eyes. He doesnt want to hang around like some sad bastard,
getting in your way, embarrassing you

Embarrassing me? I stare at Guy, aghast. Is that what you said to him? Is that why he left?

For Gods sake, Samantha, give it a rest, snaps Guy impatiently. Hes a gardener .

My fist acts before I can think. It hits Guy right on the jaw.

I can hear gasps and shouts and cameras snapping all around, but I dont care. That is the
best thing I have ever done.

Ow! Fuck! He clasps his face. What the fuck was that for? The journalists are all crowding
round now, hurling questions at us, but I ignore them. Its you who embarrass me, I spit at
Guy. Youre worth nothing compared to

him. Nothing . To my horror I can feel tears coming to my eyes. I have to find Nathaniel. Right now.

Everythings fine! Everythings fine! Hilary comes thundering across the grass, a blur of
pinstripe trouser suit. Samanthas a little overwrought today! She grabs my arm in a vise,
her teeth bared in a rictus smile. Just a friendly disagreement between partners! Samantha
is greatly looking forward to the challenges of leading a world-renowned legal team. Arent
you, Samantha? Her grip tightens. Arent you, Samantha?

I... dont know, I say in despair. I just dont know. Im sorry, Hilary. I wrench my arm out
of hers.

Hilary makes a furious swipe for my arm, but I evade her and start running over the grass
toward the gates.

Stop her! Hilary is yelling to all the PR staff. Block her way!

Girls in trouser suits start coming at me from all directions like some kind of SWAT team.
Somehow I dodge them. One makes a grab for my jacket and I wriggle out of it. I throw off
my high heels too, and pick up my pace, barely wincing at the gravel under my soles. And
then Im out, running down the street, not looking back.

By the time I arrive at the pub my tights have been torn to shreds on the road. My hair
has come out of its bun and half fallen down my back, my makeup is swimming in sweat, and
my chest is burning with pain.

But I dont care. I have to find Nathaniel. I have to tell him hes the most important thing
in my life, more important than any job.

I have to tell him I love him.

I dont know why I didnt realize it before, why I never said it before. Its so obvious. Its
so blinding.

Eamonn! I call urgently as I approach, and he looks up in surprise from where hes
collecting glasses. I have to talk to Nathaniel. Is he here?

Here? Eamonn appears lost for words. Samantha, youve missed him. Hes already gone.

Gone? I come to a halt, panting. Gone where? To look at this business he wants to buy. He
left in the car a short while ago.

The one in Bingley? I gulp in relief, still out of breath. Could you possibly give me a
lift there? Its quite important that I talk to him.

Thats not where... Eamonn rubs his neck, looking awkward. I feel a sudden foreboding.
Samanthahes gone toCornwall .

Shock slams me in the chest.

I thought you knew. Eamonn takes a step forward, shading his eyes against the sun. He said
he might be down there a couple of weeks. I thought hed have told you.

No, I say, my voice barely working. He didnt.

Suddenly my legs feel like jelly. I sink down onto one of the barrels, my head pounding.
Hes gone toCornwall just like that. Without even saying good-bye. Without even discussing
it with me.

He left a note in case you dropped by. Eamonn feels in his back pocket and produces an
envelope. As he hands it over, his face is crumpled up with distress. Samantha... Im sorry.

Its fine. I manage a smile. Thanks, Eamonn. I take the envelope from him and pull out the
paper,

S I think we both know this is the end of the line. Lets quit while were ahead. Just know
that this summer was perfect. N