The Unexpected Life of Carnegie Lane (32 page)

17

Katalie
had a feeling that Nate was behind the sudden shift in Carnegie’s confidence and she was grateful. For two days, she prepared her, and guided her into speaking publicly about her book. She taught her tricks to avoid media questions unrelated to the launch and release. Carnegie found a strength inside of her, as she came into her own. She did write this book, and it came from a good space. Ross Hartman, the editor at Grays was another advocate in her corner. He liked her, as much as Katalie did. Carnegie Lane had a great personality. She even began to joke about the media reports. Especially the one about her assaulting the photographer.

“Wish I really gave him a good thump. He was a sook, I hardly touched him anyway.”

“Yeah, he probably just staged it with the other photographer.”

“That would be right. They are like leaches. They feed of other people as if it was their right to do so. One day, all the authors, singers and actors will go on strike, and show the world how boring it is without them. Then see how much they like the paparazzi and their crap.” Carnegie was drinking her coffee in the office, admiring how comfortable the chairs were that swiveled around in Ross’s rooms.

“It’s just the sad reality of this industry. This will blow over. Once your book comes out, there will be two sides to the story instead of just one. Wait and see.”

“I hope so.” She said genuinely as she finished her cappuccino.

Carnegie Lane was outwardly brave. She always had been. Inside there was a fragility that was yet to be exposed. She thought about Nate, he was arriving later that day. Even though he had called, she still felt like her world was volatile. It had the potential to break and shatter at any moment. It had happened before, why would she think it wouldn’t happen again?

If there had been more signs she was able to read that her marriage was dying, she wouldn’t have the dormant cyclone inside of her now. That cataclysmic shock she felt once before had fractured her world, like an earthquake. From every wound, there is a scar, and even though every scar tells a story that screams out “
I survived
”, they still had the ability to change the inner fabric of your soul. It was exactly what happened to Carnegie. What she could and couldn’t survive, never had the chance to be tested since it began to be healed.

What she had with Nate was very much being tested. The score to date was far from perfect. He had abandoned her to a degree, even though it was never his want or intention to do so. She didn’t blame him, but somewhere inside of her, she was searching an imaginary room, turning over the objects and looking for the missing piece, the one that she could replace so he wouldn’t call her one day, explaining that all along there was someone else.

Katalie dropped her back at the hotel. She made plans to meet up with her and Nate later, and was bringing Jason, her other brother along. They decided to go and have dinner. Somewhere quiet, and hopefully away from the media eye.

Carnegie lay on the bed in her room, in her mind she sang the words to
The Same Deep Water as you
, one of her favorite Cure songs. She fell asleep, dreaming. This time the girl in her dream wore a cheerleader uniform and held her gently. She told her over and over, everything would work out fine. Carnegie believed her.

Nate arrived and booked into the Ritz hotel, onto the same floor. He knocked on her door when he walked past, but there was no answer, so he took his bags to the room, then called her from there. She woke up and answered the phone.

“Hi” He said, happy to talk to her again.

“Hey you! Oh my god, what’s the time, where are you?” Carnegie sat up, looking at the clock realizing she had been asleep a lot longer than she had planned.

“I’m right here.” There was a knock on her door. She dropped the hotel phone and stopped for a split second in front of the mirror, deciding there was no time now to fix herself up, she ran over and opened the door. There he was, that picture perfect friend, the one she struggled to believe was hers. He kissed her on the forehead, put his arms around her and walked her backwards, just enough to close the door.

At dinner that night, she felt like she belonged in this family. Jason was so sweet, a little different but definitely a sweet boy. She loved the interaction between Kat and Nate. She was comfortable. It was when Nate left the table with Katalie to get the drinks that Jason turned her world upside down… Just a little.

“It’s nice to meet you Carnegie, and I can’t believe how much you look like Taylor. In a way.”

“Who’s Taylor?” She asked innocently.

“Nate’s girlfriend, well not now she isn’t, she died when she was eighteen.”

“Oh…I didn’t know.”

“Oh yeah, it was big, he took it hard, she was the absolute irreplaceable love of his life. You look like her but older, I can see it. Amazing how your book almost tells it like it happened too. She died in a car accident and Nate saw it all, actually, she died in his arms.”

Carnegie went pale, Jason noticed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hey, it’s just an observation, none of it’s a bad thing, I have a habit of saying things I shouldn’t sometimes.”

“It’s alright Jason, it’s just...I had no idea.” That dormant cyclone in her chest began to stir, she was suddenly a replacement, for the irreplaceable. It all began to make sense, in a strange creepy kind of way.

Their conversation ended when the other two came back to the table, unaware of what had been said. Carnegie looked at Jason, as if between them, they had a secret. The table talk continued, she heard it, and responded as best she could. She felt suddenly distanced from them all, and wished she was back at home with those kids, she even missed Sienna’s head lice.

The second hand on the clock that sat on the wall behind her, became the loudest sound in the room…
tick…tock…tick…tock
. Above all the voices in that restaurant, she focused on it. Time was how she counted her life. Seconds, moments, minutes, hours, days and weeks. Her goal had always been to survive them, to get to the next one without falling apart. Catalysts are amazing things. The straws that can break the camel’s back are often insignificant. Carnegie had survived more heartache and torment than anyone deserved. Yet, the realization that the man she was falling in love with had a girlfriend called Taylor, who died just like in her book, was what began to bring her unstuck. She didn’t know why, she just knew it mattered. She spent the rest of that night going through the motions of time, yet she felt nothing. She was numb.

Nate was up early the following day and ordered breakfast. Carnegie was lingering, unsure if she should open a conversation about what Jason had told her. She decided not to, and pretended to continue on as if nothing else had happened.

“So…I have a pass here for the concert tonight. It gives you full access, just come when you’re ready, come early if you like I’ll be there from 6pm. Call Leonie, she will arrange a car.”

“Yep…ok.”

“Oh, and tomorrow, I told Kat I was kidnapping you, so you get the day off. I want to take you to meet a friend of mine. You will love her.”

“Yep…ok.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“Yep.” She laughed. “Ok”… He just looked at her, then there it was, that searching thing he did. He was looking at her, as if trying to find something.

“Nate…what are you looking for?” She wondered how he would answer, since she now knew the truth.

“I’m looking for you.”

“Have you found me yet?”
Strange conversation
…she thought.

“I hope so.” He reached over and kissed her on the cheek.

“Got to go, I’ll be back later. Have fun, don’t slap any more paparazzi without me there to finish them off.” He laughed and she just put her head down, recognizing how stupid it was.

Then he was gone, and she was alone. She picked up her story and read the first chapter. The part where a girl called Taylor dies in the arms of a boy called Seth, just as he makes her a promise to never let her go.

Jason was at Kats, alone and feeling a little guilty for putting his foot in his mouth. It was a common occurrence with him. He really did mean well, underneath his clumsy personality. He picked up the phone and called Lilli. She wanted an update anyway.

“Well, what’s she like?” Was the first thing she asked.

“Identically older than
she
was.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very. She’s nice, seemed a little shy, but that might be my fault.”

“Why? What did you do?”

“Well, I might have accidently told her.”

“Told her what?”

“How much she looked like Taylor.”

“Oh god Jase you didn’t?”

“Well, I did, but I didn’t realize she didn’t know.”

“What did Nate do?”

“He wasn’t there, he was getting drinks with Kat. When they came back the conversation sort of went in a different direction.”

“You know, I get the feeling that there is more to this than we can even begin to understand.”

“Yeah it’s spooky in a way. She even has that one eyebrow thing.”

“Oh don’t. As long as Nate doesn’t identify three different smiles, we’ll be ok.”

“Yeah I agree. But it seems to be going better than it was. At the very least, I doubt she is a serial killer or anything.”

“Well, dir… That’s clear and obvious. She’s just a mother who fell into this, I pity her in a million ways.”

“Well, hey, have you read her book? That’s going to the top of the charts I’ll put money on it.”

“Yeah, how good is it and how close…is it.”

“All of the above.”

“So, Nate’s fine, Kat’s fine and Carnegie is freaky fine.”

“That’s what I called to tell you Lills.”

“Then keep me posted, and whatever you do, don’t say anything about her looking like Taylor in front of Nate.”

“I won’t. I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

“Alright Jase. Be good.”

“Always am!”

He put down the phone and looked around for something to do, then looked back at the dissected toaster he had been working on for a week. There was really nothing wrong with it in the first place. Now it was completely dead. Jase picked up the parts and put them in the bin, then left to go buy a new one. Hopefully Kat wouldn’t notice.

Carnegie eventually got over her line of thinking. Besides, wasn’t Nate just as much a replacement for her, as she possibly was for him? Love gets lost, and once it’s gone, the way it leaves becomes irrelevant. Either way, your heart still breaks and remains that way until someone else comes along, and replaces that loss.

She decided to call Kat and catch up for lunch, then she walked out of the hotel, ignoring the photographers that were beginning to gather. They weren’t there just for her but for
Sheeva’s Disciples
as well, since they were about to arrive at any moment. She walked to the hair salon that had the ability to perform miracles she didn’t believe possible, and was sat right down, then and there. Today was going to be a good day. She promised herself that.

Katalie and Ross were going over the photographs, commenting on how good they were. One thing they agreed on, was Carnegie Lane came up alright with a scrub. Her interviews were booked, the book release venue was organized and tomorrow, the first of the bound hardcover copies of “
Impossible Things
” would be delivered to the office. Kat sighed in relief. As difficult, both personally and professionally as this had been, she was nearly there. Nothing could destroy that launch now... Nothing.

Nate finished his magazine interview and was heading back to the hotel to catch up with the rest of the band. He stopped off at a store on the way back and bought Carnegie a gift. He would wait till after the concert to give it to her. He wanted it to be special.

So as minutes do, they became hours. As long as they seem to take when they are coming, once they are gone they form a memory that is fleeting. A split second can change your life, one way or another. No wonder Carnegie Lane was fascinated by time.

Leonie made arrangements to pick up Carnegie at 8pm. She had said really didn’t want to hang around for a sound check. She wanted to take a bath, and spend some time getting ready. This time, when she turned up, she wanted Nate to notice the extra effort. She made it in the door, just as the band began to play. The venue was different, and it changed the tone a little. Sound was something else that fascinated her, she understood the dynamics of bands who sounded better at a certain venue, simply because of the acoustics. All of them she knew had individual favorites. This place was perfect, and with the lights hitting his face as he sang, so was Nate. She stayed till the end, up the front with everyone else. Appreciating the fact that she was noticed, that she mattered, and she didn’t need to fight for the attention from the lead singer in a band. She had it all, and then some.

Nate Bowman performed his acoustic set, and sang songs just for her, she knew it. He smiled at her from time to time, and some of those in the crowd that stood near her recognized who she was. It felt to her like the world that had fought against her for so long, was suddenly turning full circle.

At the end of the night, after the fans had their autographs, they walked out, the same way she walked in. Through the front door. No one expected the crowd that remained and no one anticipated the amount of cameras that would be there. Least of all headed by Richard Toll himself, who was the last person Nate wanted to sight. If Carnegie thought pushing a cameraman over in the street was an aggressive move, it had nothing on what Nate was capable of.

“Nate…walk away.” Famous last words, Katalie gently had his arm that had stiffened into a brick wall.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Just turn away…Let’s go.”

“Hey Nate, can you give us a statement about your trashy girlfriend? Have you had her tested yet?” Richard was trying to incite this. Leonie knew it, and so did the boys in the band. They tried to form a barrier between the two of them, and even though it looked like it worked, it was far from over. Nate turned as if to walk away, cameras flashing all the time, and people screaming his name. Then he turned back quickly and broke through his human shield and planted his fist, right in Richards face. Blood splattered over lenses, and even over himself, but he didn’t care. No one would ever hurt Carnegie again, not if he was there to protect her.