The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) (28 page)

My cottage had become like an old friend to me and the thought of saying goodbye to the kitchen counter where
Holy Fucking Shit
night took place or the front door that Leo slammed in my face on
Lo Siento
night or the cozy little living room where I found out Kelly had pancreatic cancer on
Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose
night, totally depressed me.  Sure all of those nights were horrific, but I got through them because I had my tranquil cottage to seek refuge in and I was having a hard time walking away from it.  But, as usual, my beautiful Leo had a brilliant idea.  He said, “Let’s keep it!”  Apparently he’s going to have tons of out of town guests for work and he thinks it’ll be a great place to set them up.  After reassuring me that his business is doing better than I could ever imagine and we could afford it, I worked out a deal with the landlord and resigned the lease for another three years.  Leo was not kidding AT ALL when he said he’d do anything to make me happy.

“I wish so badly I could come home right now, but I can’t.”

“I figured you couldn’t come early.  I guess I’ve waited this long, what’s three more days, right?  Besides, it’ll give me time to unpack.  I want this place to be perfect for you when you get here.”  Catching a glimpse of Kendall blowing bubbles in the garden, “Oh my gosh, Leo, you should see her-”

“I can’t come home in three days.”

All of a sudden my head is spinning.

“I know I didn’t hear what you just said.”

“It’s not that bad, I promise! I just have a few more things to wrap up, so I have to push the date out a little.”

“How little?”

“September.”

“
September?
  We’re getting married in September!”

“And I’ll be there for it, please don’t worry.”

“Leo, do you realize we’ve only seen each other once in…”

“Three months, three days and sixteen hours.  Trust me, I know.”

“
Then why?
  Hold on a minute, is that Italian bastard doing this on purpose?”

His laugh is deep and sexy and hearing it makes me madder than ever!

“Leo, I’m serious!  This is ridiculous! Kendall doesn’t even know what a fucking snipe is anymore, and I’ve become re-virginized!”

“Well, one of those is a good thing.”

“Stop!  This isn’t funny.  We were supposed to do this together.”

Pausing for a long time because it hurts him so much that I’m hurting, he finally says, “Believe me, I don’t like this anymore than you, but it’s really important that I stay these extra few days.  I promise, Chrissy, I’ll be there on September first and not a day later.”

“Can you at least come for my birthday next month?”

“I don’t think so, baby.  I’m supposed to be in Texas.”

Jesus Christ, it feels like I’m Diane Lane all over again and I’m back in that Lifetime made for TV movie.  I mean, seriously, what normal person gets custody of her dead best friend’s kid and has a fiancé who’s resurrecting his lucky-to-be-alive best friend’s business all the way across the country?

Staring at Kendall, I let out a big sigh. “What am I supposed to tell the snipe hunter about the delay?”

“The truth.  That I’m doing this for you guys.  I meant what I said last December.  I will honor the memory of Kelly and Craig and be the best father I can be to Kendall.  You know I wouldn’t stay these extra few weeks if I didn’t think I was doing that, right?”

“I guess so.”

“You trust me?”

“Of course.  You trust me too, right?”

“Are you wearing your ring?”

“Every single day.”

“Quick!  How many sapphires are on it?”

Knowing I wouldn’t know the answer unless I actually had it on to count them, I swiftly deliver the answer that I hope, once and for all, puts him at ease.

“Eight.”

“Okay, I trust you.  It took four years, but I think we’ve arrived.”

On that note, Leo and I hung up the phone, and I took Kendall back to the cottage where we’ll remain until he arrives.  I want our first night in the new house to be together...as a family.

Stupid, Stupid Girl

August, 2002

Leo’s birthday in July came and went without more than a thirty minute conversation.  He barely had enough time to talk to me about Kendall and our new house, let alone the fact that he was turning twenty-seven.  In fact, he completely forgot it was his birthday until I reminded him.  By the time I finally talked to him that day it was nine o’clock in the evening and he still hadn’t been back to the apartment he was sharing with Taddeo to find the cookies I’d sent that Kendall had made all by herself.  Clearly he’s scrambling to get everything done before his move back home, and while I appreciate his drive and intensity, I don’t appreciate that he’s forgetting about some pretty important stuff…like my birthday too!   In fact, everyone outside of Kendall and girls at the yoga studio forgot today was my birthday.

The day started off with a promising bang that it was going to be great.  Kendall woke me up by loudly singing happy birthday and telling me I’m the best Ki-Ki in the world.  After that I dropped her at pre-school where she told me she was working on a craft and would surprise me with it after school.  Hoping to continue the birthday fun, I checked my messages, but hung up disappointed when there weren’t any. After checking my watch and assuring myself that the day was still young and I’d get calls later in the afternoon, I made my way to Starbucks to treat myself to my favorite, a non-fat vanilla latte.  But, by mid-first-sip of my delightful caffeinated creation, it dawned on me that it already is
later
in the afternoon in New York.

I sauntered into work with an irritated look on my face that took Slutty Co-worker less than five seconds to diagnose.  She immediately ushered me into a relaxation class and followed it up with a masseuse that was waiting for me in my office.  Once my massage was done, I bounced off of the table and grabbed my cell phone just knowing I’d hear Leo’s voice.  There was nothing, and my mood took a nose dive.  Luckily, the girls made a lunch reservation at my favorite restaurant where Slutty Co-worker entertained all of us with a re-cap of her date last night which managed to take my mind off Leo for a few hours.  From the restaurant I had to rush out to get Kendall and then drive to the new house to do the final walk-through with the painters I hired to help me make everything just perfect for Leo’s return.  But, being busy throughout the day did nothing to curb the frustration that mounted from not hearing from Leo.  From the moment I got off of the massage table, to five o’clock when I dropped Kendall off at Kurt’s house for the weekend, my phone never left my hand…and it also never rang.

I check my phone again when I pull into Kurt’s driveway and try not to sound dejected when I sing the words, “Here we are!” to Kendall.  There still aren’t any messages, and not just from Leo, there aren’t any from my best friends either!  Walking up to the front door, I mumble, “What the friggin’ hell is wrong with everyone today?”  I ring the bell and like usual try to steal a look inside Kurt’s new home as he ushers Kendall inside, but like usual he blocks my view and makes me stay on the porch.

As he’s closing the door on my lonely birthday girl ass, he groans, “I’ll have her back on Sunday.  See ya.”

“Oh…okay.  Well, you guys have a good…”  By the time I got to “time” the door was locked from the inside.

Back in my car I check my phone once again and then throw it on the passenger seat. 

“It’s nine o’clock in New York! 
Where the hell is that man?”

Maybe something’s wrong. I mean, I know he’s busy, but he’d never forget me like this!  I grab my phone and start dialing his number, but almost immediately snap it closed.  “No!  I’m not gonna be
that
girl again!  I’m not gonna ask to be remembered!”  Been there!  Done that!  Bought the big, uncomfortable, divorced tee-shirt!

Then I start doing what any dejected birthday girl would do…I start having a psychotic conversation with myself.  My mouth is moving at a hundred miles per hour and my hands are flailing all around.

“
Seriously Leo?
  On top of managing my studios and taking care of Kendall, I’ve been working my ass off to get the house ready for you!  Is this the thanks I get for all of my hard work?  Is it
soooo
hard to remember me on my birthday? 
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”

My rant gets interrupted by light tapping on my window and it startles me.

“Jesus, Kurt!  You scared the crap out of me!”

“Sorry for the interruption, but I have to ask.  Do you plan on making it habit to throw temper tantrums in my driveway?”

“No.  Sorry.  I’ll leave.”

Starting my engine, he taps on the window again.

“You should’ve been gone like ten minutes ago.  Problem?”

Rolling down my window, “Nope, no problem.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re still sitting here…without a problem.  Kendall forgot to give this to you.  She made it at school and said you had to have it today.”

I gently take the clay figurine from Kurt’s hands and read the inscription on the bottom.  It says, Happy Birthday, Mo-Ki-Ki.

“Mo-Ki-Ki?”

“She said she started to write Mommy because that’s what all of the other kids write on their artwork, but then remembered…”

I could cry, but I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t have her real mom or because she’s starting to confuse me with her real mom.

I whisper, “It’s the best birthday present I ever got.”

“
Really?
  Better than that portable water purification system I bought you for that four day camping trip to Hell Hole Reservoir back in 1993?”

Knowing it’s exactly what his comment was intended to do, I crack my first smile of the day.

“I know…it’s hard to believe anything could be better than that gift, huh?”

“Well then, consider it the last thing I buy you that could save your life.”

“Promise?”

After thanking him for the laugh and for bringing the clay figurine out to me, I start rolling the window up.

“I wonder if this means she’ll start calling me Da-Ku-Ku?”

Rolling my window back down, “Excuse me?”

“I said, I wonder if this means she’ll start calling me Da-Ku-Ku?”

“God, I hope not.  She’ll sound like a crazy person.”

“I know, right?  Can you imagine if people heard her in the grocery store shouting, ‘Mo-Ki-Ki!  Da-Ku-Ku,’ like she’s friggin’ speaking Swahili or something.”

Ahhhh, Kurt’s humor!  Definitely something I needed a huge dose of right now. 

After settling down from the laugh, I place my one and only birthday present in the passenger seat next to my stupid fucking phone and buckle myself up to leave.

“Thanks again for bringing that out.  I’d go in and give her a kiss, but evidently I’m not allowed inside.”

“Just trying to start over, Chrissy, that’s all.”

“No, I get it.  I was just trying to be funny too.  Guess I’m not as good at it as you.  See you Sunday, Kurt.” 

As I slowly back up he knocks on the hood of my car.

“Big birthday plans tonight?”

“Gigantic.  Gonna toss in
Bridges of Madison County
and sip on some Nepalese tea.  I hope my neighbors don’t call the cops.”

“No attention-seeking celebration?”

“Nope.”

“But that’s unheard of for you.”

Continuing to back up my car, “That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking all day.”

He hesitantly grabs my window to get me to stop. “You know what, why don’t you come inside for a drink.  I’ll give you a birthday tour.”

“As much as I’d love to see casa de Kurt, I haven’t had a drink since Craig died.  Too scared with Kendall around.”

“It’s your birthday.  One isn’t gonna hurt you.”

“I don’t know.”

“C’mon, you know you’re just gonna go home and mope, Chrissy.”

“You’re totally right, but it’s your time with Kendall.  I should just go.”

Giving me what he knows I need the most--more of his candid humor, he opens my car door and says, “Chrissy, get over your martyr self and get your Mo-Ki-Ki ass in the house.”

I can go inside for a drink or I can go back to the cottage and continue ranting like a woman who’s already been married for twenty years.

“Okay, okay, one drink and then I’ll scram.

We walked the loneliest mile

We smiled without any style

We kiss altogether wrong…

We lied about each other’s dreams

We lived without each other thinking

What anyone would do

Without me and you

(Only the Lonely, The Motels)

Reminiscing

August, 2002

“Cabernet, right?”

“Yeah, a heavy one of you’ve got it.  If I’m gonna fall off the wagon, I want it to be with something I love.”

He hands me the glass of wine as my eyes drift in every direction. Although void of most of the essential pieces of furniture, Kurt’s house is absolutely gorgeous.

Laughing like I can’t help it, “Kayla would’ve
loooooooved
this place.”

“Not without a ring she wouldn’t have.”

Enjoying my first sip of alcohol in nearly nine months, I ponder, “What is it with girls these days?  Why are they in such a rush to settle down?”

Nearly spitting out his first sip, “
And you weren’t?”

“Are you talking about this time or last time?”

“Seeing as though we dated for nine years before we got married, I’d hardly say you rushed into that marriage.”

“Didn’t I though?  I mean, if I never stopped to ask myself if it was right or not, I’d consider that being in a rush.”

Just then Kendall comes bouncing into the room to show us a picture she colored.  After both of us excessively admire her work, she jets back off to tackle another one.  It’s quiet for a long time before Kurt tackles a little something himself.