The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (7 page)

He had to go look for her.

He had to go back to AJ
’
s apartment and check on her.

Just in case.

Maybe she slept right there in her
car. If so, he could park his car next to hers and let her go. He wouldn
’
t bother her. He just wanted to
check on her.

He couldn
’
t stop thinking about her. Something about her
just...

Bryan grabbed his cell phone and
keys off the table. He rushed to the door and paused, giving himself one last
chance to back down.

He couldn
’
t do it.

He had to at least say he tried to
find her.

Bryan grabbed the doorknob and
turned it. He opened the door and muttered,
“
Freaking
crazy...
”

“
Wow,
most people call me a bitch.
”

Bryan did a double take and his
mouth fell open.
“
AJ?
”

“
Yeah,
AJ,
”
she whispered.

“
What
are... well, this is good,
”
Bryan said.
“
I was just
coming to look for you.
”

“
To
look for me? Why?
”

There was an attitude in AJ
’
s voice, something that had been
sprinkled with betrayal and worry.

“
Wow,
most people would say thanks.
”

“
I
’
m not most people,
”
AJ shot back without
hesitation.

“
Neither
am I,
”
Bryan said.

He wasn
’
t sure if that was a good thing or not. He wasn
’
t sure how many guys would have
put up with Chloe
’
s
nonsense for as long as Bryan did. Or how many guys would have enjoyed her
company for the sexual benefit and then leave her.

But that wasn
’
t Bryan.

Not at all.

With AJ, the smart thing would have
been to have given someone at the strip club the cell phone. That would have
been the nice thing to do.

“
Listen,
don
’
t make this into
something it
’
s not,
”
AJ said.
“
Just get that out in the open.
”

“
What
is this then?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Me
taking you up on a favor.
”

“
A
favor? More like an offer.
”

“
Fine.
Offer. Whatever.
”

“
Now
that we
’
ve said that...
what happened to your car?
”

“
It
’
s out front.
”

“
Couldn
’
t get comfortable?
”

“
I
was comfortable,
”
AJ said.
“
Just too many memories bothering
me.
”

“
No
memories in here I take it?
”
Bryan asked.

“
I
’
ve never been here before. There
can
’
t be memories.
”

Bryan smiled. AJ took a step and
Bryan put a hand to the doorway.

“
What
the hell?
”
AJ asked.

“
What
happened with Angela? Winnie? College?
”

“
Are
you serious?
”

“
I
am.
”

“
We
’
re strangers and you
’
re going to ask me personal
questions like that?
”

“
I
think we
’
re beyond
strangers,
”
Bryan said.
“
What are we? I don
’
t know. But we
’
re not strangers.
”

He wanted more of AJ.

What that
more
actually meant,
he had no idea. But he felt it. She seemed like the kind of person that could
have a decent conversation with.

“
You
know what,
”
AJ said. She
pointed at Bryan and then poked at his chest.
“
I
got kicked out of college, okay? Because I never showed up. Because I hated it.
I went to college as a way to get the hell out of my house. So there. And
Angela is my roommate, and she
’
s
a bitch. I took the apartment with her because we were both desperate to get
out of the dorms. She had her reasons, I had mine. But now because I
’
m out of college, the apartment
won
’
t be paid for, so she
put everything outside of the apartment, like you saw.
”

Bryan moved his hand and stepped
back. When AJ didn
’
t budge,
he reached for her wrist and pulled her into the apartment. She stumbled and
put her hands out, seeking comfort on Bryan
’
s
body. He looked at AJ for a second and realized he
’
d have to try hard to keep everything cool.

“
As
for Winnie, she
’
s a stripper.
She
’
s my sister. Yes, you
heard right. That
’
s why I
was there. I needed to talk to her. I was hoping to crash with her or get some
advice, but that didn
’
t
work out thanks to dumbass guys and a drunk chick.
”

“
Okay,
AJ,
”
Bryan said.

AJ
’
s
hands curled around Bryan
’
s
shirt. He saw it in her eyes.

She wasn
’
t done.

“
So
I figured I
’
d sleep in my
car for one night and then find Winnie in the morning. Figure things out,
right? But no, I couldn
’
t
do that. Because in the backseat of a car - not my car - I lost my virginity
and was dumped a day later.
”

Now AJ was done.

She looked at Bryan, her big brown
eyes blinking without an ounce of regret. They were sincerely in pain. Bryan
couldn
’
t remember the last
time he looked into someone
’
s
eyes like AJ
’
s and actually
understood them. Her eyes weren
’
t
laced with booze. Her eyes weren
’
t
hiding secrets. Her eyes were...
beautiful
.

“
She
sounds like a bitch,
”
Bryan
whispered.

“
Who?
Me? Winnie? I know she...
”

“
Angela,
”
Bryan said and smiled.
“
She shouldn
’
t have kicked you out like that.
You deserve better, at least for tonight.
”

“
Exactly
my thought,
”
AJ said.

“
Okay.
Well. You can stay.
”

“
I
planned on it.
”

AJ let go of Bryan
’
s shirt and moved around him,
making a line for the kitchen.

“
Sure,
make yourself at home,
”
Bryan said.

“
Sounds
good,
”
AJ said. She stopped
walking and looked over her shoulder. Her face was suddenly seductive.
“
I
’
m
glad you don
’
t stink
anymore.
”

“
Stink...?
”

“
You
took a shower. For me?
”

Bryan looked at his shirt. He
looked at AJ.
“
Yeah, I
showered just for you. If I knew for sure you weren
’
t coming I would have rather just slept in the smell
of my friend
’
s vomit.
”

“
You
’
re so sweet,
”
AJ said.

She disappeared into the kitchen,
laughed when she opened the fridge, then exited the kitchen. She looked around
the apartment, and Bryan wondered what exactly she was doing.

“
How
do we do it?
”
AJ asked,
finally breaking up the silence between them.

“
Do
what?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Come
on. The sleeping thing.
”

“
Oh.
My couch pulls out... I have my bed...
”

AJ nodded. She walked right up to
Bryan and looked at him.

“
Here
’
s your options. If I sleep on
the couch, I won
’
t sleep
with you.
”

“
AJ...
”

“
If
I sleep in your bed, I
’
ll
sleep with you.
”

Bryan
’
s
mouth hung open. He heard what AJ said but wasn
’
t
sure what she meant.

Sleep... as in
sleep
? Or as
in...

“
Pick
one,
”
AJ said.
“
Hurry. I
’
m getting tired.
”

It occurred to Bryan whatever sleep
meant, he could have AJ in his bed with him. He smiled and looked at the couch.

“
That
couch is uncomfortable.
”

By the time Bryan looked back at
AJ, she was moving at him.

(9)

I had no idea what went through my
head, but when it came together it all made sense. The second Bryan opened the
door to his apartment I could sense something. It was a familiar feeling. The
feeling of being let down. The feeling of being used. And it gave me a homely
feeling. So as much as I wanted to be somewhere different, I wasn
’
t.

When he said he was coming to look
for me, how could that not mean anything? I
’
m
not sure anyone ever came looking for me. In fact, once when I was sixteen I
took the car and left. I disappeared for an entire day, missing dinner, and the
only time someone called me was to ask if I had the car. Not where I was. Not
what I was doing. Not why I had been gone all day.

But Bryan cared. He worried about
me sleeping in my car.

As if I needed any more coaxing to
get closer to him, he smelled great. It was obvious he showered and without the
intense smell of cologne, she could smell the mild sweetness of soap but the
lingering smell of man. It was just Bryan
’
s
body

All man.

I tried to kill some time by going
into the kitchen, looking around, but the topic of sleep was going to come up.
And looking at Bryan in just a t-shirt, looking at his thick arms, it just made
me want to be there. In his arms. To have him hold me. To be in a comfy bed. To
have a decent night of sleep.

When the flicker in Bryan
’
s eyes happened and he finally
managed to make a flirty comment to me -
that couch is uncomfortable
- I
knew I had my opening with him.

So I lunged at him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck,
moved to the very tips of my toes, and I kissed him. Lips to lips, our eyes
open, both of us in shock.

Bryan kissed me back before he
touched me. I don
’
t know
why but that meant something to me. It meant I made him a little nervous and
unsure, a first for a guy with me. They usually pushed for more, more, more,
knowing they could be just hours away from seeing my stripper sister.

I broke off the kiss and stared at
Bryan.

His hands were at my sides, at my
ribs, his thumbs slowly moving, inches from my breasts. He teased me, whether
he knew it or not. I wasn
’
t
going to point it out. It felt good. That
’
s
all that mattered to me.

I opened my hands and touched his
face.

I pulled at him and then moved to
my toes again.

Our lips came together, this time
with more passion. I shut my eyes and gently parted my lips, feeling him do the
same. Bryan kissed me with his tongue first, tasting my lips before I offered
my tongue too. Our heads turned and the kiss became really hot. I bent my knees
and bent back, forcing him to hold me at my back. One of his hands slid down my
back, to my ass, and then he lifted me. He lifted me with ease, which was an
unspoken compliment, and then started to walk. I overpowered him with my
kissing, searching his mouth as hard and as fast as I could, my fingers running
through his damp hair. The more I moved my fingers the more I smelled his
shampoo. It drove my nose wild.

The kiss stopped as Bryan continued
to walk.

“
Wait
a second,
”
I said, catching
my breath.

“
What?
”
he asked.

“
What
are we doing?
”

“
I
’
m taking you to my room. To my
bed.
”

“
Are
you going to fuck me?
”
I
asked.

Bryan
’
s
face looked shocked.
“
I...
you said...
”

I pulled at Bryan
’
s hair.

Fuck.

Why did he have to look so good?

“
Just
don
’
t let this be anything,
”
I said.
“
Okay?
”

“
What
does that man?
”
Bryan
asked.

“
Just
don
’
t let it be anything,
”
I repeated.
“
No romance or cuddling or...
”

“
Shut
up, AJ,
”
Bryan said.

He was bold and sexy. And his lips
were back to mine as we stood in the hall. Bryan turned and leaned against the
wall. He bent his knees and slid me down his body. We were eye level and the
kiss just seemed to get hotter by the second. I kind of liked kissing people,
well, Bryan I should say. I loved my fingers in his hair. I loved the way his
hands were respectful but still exploring.

His hands touched my hips and with
a single push, I was away from him. I stepped back a few steps, wondering the
hell had happened. Bryan stood up and ran a hand through his hair.

I licked my lips, tasting him. I
wanted more.

“
What
the hell?
”
I asked.

“
You
’
re crazy,
”
Bryan said.
“
You
know that?
”

“
Do
you like it? You look like you need a little crazy.
”

Bryan pushed from the wall and came
at me. I thought we were going to pick up where we left off. Instead, he
wrapped an arm around me and led me to his bedroom.

Once we were in the bedroom, I
looked around once and then went for my shirt. I grabbed the bottom and tore it
up and over my head. I dropped it to the floor and turned around, standing in one
of my favorite bras. It was blue and it held everything perfectly. It kind of
pushed them up too, which gave me cleavage.

“
You
’
re just going to strip yourself?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Why
not? We
’
re not here to fall
in love. Come on. Hurry up.
”

I could see Bryan was
uncomfortable. I didn
’
t
care. I wasn
’
t there to
gently take clothing off him. I was there to enjoy him. I knew what my body
wanted and it wanted Bryan. I touched the button on my pants and Bryan touched
my hand, stopping me.

“
Don
’
t do anything stupid,
”
I warned.

I didn
’
t need to hear a speech about feelings or any of
that crap. I knew Bryan was a good guy, but I hoped he wasn
’
t one of those
too good
guys. The kind that cared so much they screwed all their chances for some hot,
quick sex.

“
Let
me make it even,
”
Bryan
said.

Before I could say another thing he
grabbed his shirt and lifted it over his head. I smiled, liking the direction
of my night. I also liked Bryan
’
s
body. I really liked the muscle definition that made up his body. Two lines cut
down into his jeans, slowly coming together as they did. I knew where those
lines would end... at the spot where I wanted it all to begin.

“
There,
”
he said as he dropped his
shirt.
“
Now we
’
re even.
”

He put his hands on his jeans and
waited.

“
Actually,
we
’
re not,
”
I said.

“
We
’
re not?
”

Using my pointer finger, I teased one
of Bryan
’
s nipples. He
jumped and laughed.

“
You
’
re topless,
”
I whispered.

My hand touched Bryan
’
s chest, feeling his muscle.

“
Then
make it even,
”
Bryan said.
“
Unless you want me to wear a
bra.
”

“
Oh,
now that would be sexy,
”
I
said.

I found myself inching closer to
Bryan
’
s chest. I bit my lip
trying to fight off the urge to kiss him.

We were hooking up though. It
wouldn
’
t matter, right?

I licked my lips and touched his
chest with my lips. I kissed once. Then twice. I told myself to stop, but when
I kissed the third time, my tongue came forward. The tip of my tongue tasted
his bare skin and my toes curled.

Bryan
’
s
hands touched my shoulders and casually moved down to my back. He touched the
clasp of my bra and lingered for a second.

“
Fine,
”
I whispered, my breath
spreading across his chest.
“
Make
it even then.
”

With a quick twist, my bra came
undone. I had to backup then, to allow my bra to fall, to make it so both Bryan
and I were standing topless. As I did, my hands touched my breasts, holding the
bra in place. For a split second, I wondered if this was how Winnie felt.

Did she ever get nervous?

Did she ever have the moment of
doubt?

I took my hands away and let my bra
fall. Bryan kept his eyes locked to mine, which reminded me of how he acted at
the strip club. When I put my hands down and began to unbutton my pants again,
he finally looked at me.

“
Wow,
”
he whispered.
“
You look...
”

“
Don
’
t ruin it,
”
I said. Something told me that
if Bryan and I ended up as friends, friends that fool, or whatever, I
’
d spend most of my time warning
him to not ruin things.

I pushed my pants down and kicked
them to the door. All I had separating me from being naked was a pair of
panties. Panties that were quite honestly wet and clinging to my body. They
were actually uncomfortable and I wanted to take them off and get on the bed.

But I liked the game.

I liked watching Bryan
’
s eyes wide and exploring. He
moved up and down my body, actually looking at me. He wasn
’
t looking beyond the sex. He was
right there in the moment with me.

It was kind of cool.

Something new.

Bryan opened his belt and then his
jeans. He stood for a second just like that. The way his stomach led into his
pants, his blue jeans, and his black boxers, was like an underwear model poster
came to life and was going to have sex with me.

Very hot.

He pushed his pants down and it was
obvious he was already hard. I saw him pushing against his boxers. He couldn
’
t control it and I didn
’
t mind. At least I knew he
wanted to have sex with me, right?

Bryan kicked his jeans to the side
and waited for the next move.

It was fun, sexy, and exciting all
at the same time.

I started to think about what it
meant to me.

Was I just being the same old
destructive AJ?

Was I opening the floodgates to
emotions?

Or was I just horny?

Don
’
t ruin it.

The same thing I had told Bryan I
told myself.

My hands slid into my panties and I
pushed. I looked down as I did, stripping myself of my most private piece of
clothing. I became exposed and we both could see how turned on I was. I moved
them down to my knees and then used my left hand to balance on the bed as I
stepped out. I tried to move as gracefully as I could so I didn
’
t look awkward and ruin the
moment. Being naked was obviously a much different set of rules than being
clothed when it came to doing certain things.

I saw Bryan
’
s hands were in fists as he stared at me. I could
follow his eyes moving down my smooth stomach to my bare skin to my sexy folds.
My hands were back at my sides, my fingers actually twitching, wondering what
to do next.

Bryan shook his head and looked me
in my eyes. His mouth opened and I felt my heart twisting. I wanted him to say
something. I wanted to hear what he thought right then in that moment... but at
the same time, I didn
’
t
want him to ruin it. I didn
’
t
want the feelings and the talk. Words had become useless to me. I already felt
used enough, but something told me with Bryan I
’
d
actually feel something. I just wanted the chance to feel...

Bryan took his boxers off in a
hurry. Before I could blink he was kicking them out of the way, letting his
thick erection bounce as he did now. Now I was the one in some kind of shock,
my mouth opened, my eyes struggling not to look at him.

“
I
guess we
’
re even,
”
I whispered, forcing my eyes to
make eye contact with his.

“
I
guess so.
”

We just stood there for a few seconds,
so I put my hands to my hips and slightly parted my legs. I could feel the room
temperature rushing between my legs. It felt cold compared to how hot I was
right then. It made me shiver. Shivering made my nipples ache.

“
This
is where you should make a move,
”
I said.

Bryan stepped towards me. His eyes
moved down and back up my body, once. When he looked at me, I saw that look in
his eyes.

“
Don
’
t fucking ruin it,
”
I said.

“
I
won
’
t,
”
he said.