The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (18 page)

Jon plated a rueben sandwich, some
chips, and a pickle. He put it up for me to grab and then rang the small bell,
just to be a jerk.

I took the plate and before I could
leave the back he called,
“
You
will be! Soon enough, AJ.
”

Yeah, right.

When those four tables were cleared
out it was just about time to close. For a first shift I think I did pretty
good. I survived it, I made money, the place didn
’
t
burn down, and best of all, time flew by. Even with the annoying comments from
Jon and the burning thoughts of Bryan. Once I stood at the counter with a wet
rag, wiping it down, that
’
s
when everything started to get to me.

I had left Bryan in his apartment
with another girl. Ex or not, it was another girl. I was the one who left, even
when Bryan said not to. That was the second time I left his place. Even the
nicest guy in the world wouldn
’
t
stand for that for long. Not that I thought Bryan would put my stuff outside
the door like Angela had done, but if he did feel anything for me, he wouldn
’
t wait forever.

And who would?

Nobody knows how long forever
actually is.

It could be a year, a week, a
lifetime.

I couldn
’
t think in the timeframe of forever because I didn
’
t understand what time meant
just yet.

It actually started to bother me. I
wondered where she slept, if she slept, and what they did. Better yet, what
about the next morning? When she woke up sober what would happen? Maybe she and
Bryan would have the lovely flirty glare in each other
’
s eyes, thinking of the good old times together.

Jon walked from the back,
whistling. He came around to the front of the counter and put his hand down on
it, sideways, leaving a handprint.

“
I
just cleaned that,
”
I said.

“
Clean
it again,
”
he said.

What a jerk.

I looked at his handprint for a
second and then put my hand to it. His hand was like huge compared to mine. It
was so dumb to do, like a high school girl would do, but whatever. I just
wanted to do it. To see how big his hand was. Why? I didn
’
t know. But I kept my hand there
for a few seconds, staring and thinking. Bryan lingered in my mind. We were
probably going to be friends and that
’
s
it. Which was fine. He was a nice guy. A nice guy to call a friend. Someone to
call upon, rely on, laugh with.

And fuck.

I took a breath.

I didn
’
t know how that part of it would work though.

When I heard the front door lock,
the metal clunk echoing through the caf
é
,
I looked up. I wiped up the handprint as Jon came walking back towards me.

“
Trapping
me?
”
I asked.
“
Is that how you get a chance to
actually talk to a girl without her walking away?
”

“
Funny.
”

Jon came to the counter and started
to reach for it. I swatted the rag at him, snapping it perfectly to back of his
hand. He yelped as he pulled his hand back.

“
Damn.
That hurt.
”

“
Poor
baby.
”

“
Kiss
it,
”
Jon said.

“
Kiss...
it?
”

“
My
hand. You hurt me. Kiss it.
”

Jon made a fist and turned his
hand. There was a small red spot where the rag had got him.

No way in hell I was going to kiss
his hand. I didn
’
t care who
he was. Even it was... Bryan... I wouldn
’
t
have done it.

No way.

“
I
’
m not kissing your hand,
”
I said.

Jon held his hand up and started to
inch it closer to me. I grabbed his wrist and moved it.

“
No,
”
I said.
“
Seriously.
”

“
Okay.
Then when should we meet here?
”

“
Meet
here? For what?
”

“
Well,
if you aren
’
t going to kiss
my hand then at least go out with me.
”

I shook my head.
“
What? How did you go from...
”

“
That
’
s just how I am,
”
Jon said.
“
It
’
s
a curse I guess. I
’
m good
looking. Charming. And you get to go on a date with me.
”

“
Uh...
I doubt that.
”

I backed away from the counter and
walked to the back. I washed the rag and hung it up. When I turned Jon stood in
the doorway.

“
Are
you going to block me?
”
I
asked.

“
No.
There
’
s a backdoor you
could use.
”

“
I
parked out front.
”

“
You
could still walk.
”

“
You
really think you can just command people?
”

“
No,
”
Jon said.
“
I
’
m
not commanding. I
’
m
fulfilling an opportunity.
”

“
To
tell me we
’
re going out?
How do you know I don
’
t
have a boyfriend?
”

“
Because
you would have already said so,
”
Jon said.

He smiled as my face flushed.

“
Tell
you what,
”
Jon said,
“
I
’
ll
go get us a drink. Sit with me for five minutes.
”

“
Don
’
t you leave after closing?
”

“
I
clean the floor for Auntie Hope,
”
Jon said.
“
Once a week.
Keeps the shine.
”

I looked down.
“
Doesn
’
t look shiny to me.
”

“
Come
on, AJ. We just met. We have to work together. Just sit down and have a drink.
”

“
Whatever,
”
I said.

Two minutes later I sat down across
from Jon. Of course, he had to sit with the chair backwards, trying to be Mr.
Cool. And damn, he actually looked cool. He rested his chin on his hands on the
back of the chair. His eyes were gorgeous. He raised his eyebrows.

“
What?
”
I asked.

“
You
’
re single,
”
Jon said.
“
You just started here today. So
what
’
s the rest of the story?
”

“
There
is no story. I needed a job. Your aunt hired me.
”

“
That
’
s not how it works,
”
Jon said.
“
You
’
re the first person she
’
s hired in months. And the first person not in our
family.
”

“
I...
”

It kind of shocked me. By dumb luck
I walked into the caf
é
asking
for a job and Hope gives me one? Was it because she needed the help? Or because
she saw something in me? Felt bad? Wanted me to hook up with Jon?

“
She
likes you,
”
Jon said.
“
She called me last night to warn
me.
”

“
Warn
you of what?
”

“
Not
to bother you,
”
Jon said.

“
You
don
’
t listen very well, do
you?
”

“
What?
”

“
You
don
’
t...
”

Jon smiled.

Asshole.

“
Not
funny,
”
I said.

“
Yes
it is. And of course I don
’
t
listen. Neither does Auntie Hope. Why should anybody listen to anything?
”

I thought it best to just keep all
my stuff to myself.

“
What
about you?
”
I asked.
“
You work on the weekends and
that
’
s it?
”

“
Ah,
see, this is all the kind of stuff we can talk about on our date,
”
Jon said.
“
It
’
s
perfect.
”

“
Who
said anything about a date?
”

“
I
did,
”
Jon said.
“
A few minutes ago. Don
’
t you remember?
”

“
Well,
yeah.
”

“
Perfect.
Can we meet here?
”

“
Wait
a second.
”

“
Something
wrong?
”

“
Yes,
”
I said.

“
What
is it, AJ? You can tell me anything.
”

And if Jon wasn
’
t just smooth, he seemed honest.
Seriously honest. He wasn
’
t
just messing around with me either. He really wanted to go out with me.

“
Is
there another guy?
”
he
asked.

“
Well,
no, I don
’
t think so.
”

“
You
don
’
t think so? That
’
s never a good sign.
”

“
No,
it
’
s not that,
”
I said.
“
I kind of needed a place to stay so I
’
m with a friend who is a guy.
”

“
No
big deal, right?
”

“
Is
it a big deal?
”
I asked.

“
For
me? Or for you?
”

“
I
don
’
t know,
”
I said.

I was suddenly confused. Cornered
and confused.

Jon sensed it and stood up. He
turned the chair around and grabbed his soda. He drank the rest and walked to
the counter. He then started to put the chairs up on the tables. He whistled as
he did so, leaving me sitting at the table, thinking about way too much at
once.

“
You
’
re right,
”
I finally said.

“
About
what?
”
Jon asked.

I stood up. I took my soda to the
counter too and started to help move the chairs.

“
AJ,
don
’
t...
”

“
It
’
s fine,
”
I said.
“
I
can stay for a little bit longer.
”

I really didn
’
t want to face Bryan. I couldn
’
t stop thinking about our three
in the morning interruption.

When I finished helping Jon, he
walked me to the door and unlocked it. We lingered two seconds too long. As he
stared at me, I could picture two things.

Jon kissing me.

And Bryan.

Stupid, I know.

“
I
’
ll see you next Saturday.
”

Now I had to face more than I cared
to face.

I had to face Bryan and tell him
that I had a date with Jon next Saturday.

(20)

The second Bryan saw AJ he could
tell something had changed.

He dove from the couch and chased
after her as she headed straight for the bedroom. The only bedroom in the small
apartment.

Bryan
’
s
bedroom.

She tried to shut the door but
Bryan caught it.

“
I
have to get changed,
”
AJ
said.

“
Listen...
”

“
Actually,
I need a shower. I kind of smell.
”

Bryan stood and waited for AJ to do
something sexy like strip and tease him like she did before when she needed a
shower. Instead, AJ bent over to get clothes out of one of her boxes and then
looked at him.

“
Seriously,
”
she said.

“
What
’
s wrong?
”
Bryan asked.
“
Are
you...
”

AJ threw her clothes to the bed.
Bryan did his best not to look at the light blue lacy panties and white bra
right on top of everything.

Fuck, he wanted AJ. He wanted to
just walk up to her, scoop her up in his arms and have her. But the look on her
face warned otherwise. Bryan knew taking one step towards AJ would be like walking
into a hungry lion
’
s den.

“
What?
”
AJ asked.
“
What do you have to say?
”

“
I
want to talk about last night,
”
Bryan said.
“
Or this
morning. About... you know...
”

“
The
drunk girl looking for love?
”

“
Well,
yeah. That
’
s not what you
think.
”

“
It
doesn
’
t matter, Bryan,
”
AJ said.
“
This is your place. I
’
m only here for... not much
longer. I
’
ll find a place
in a few days.
”

“
You
don
’
t have to do that,
”
Bryan said.
“
What happened with Chloe...
”

“
Is
none of my business,
”
AJ
said.
“
It
’
s not like we
’
re together or something.
”

“
Yeah,
”
Bryan whispered.

He felt delated.

Hurt.

He didn
’
t know why. What AJ said was true. They weren
’
t together. They weren
’
t going to be together. But
there was something about her not feeling welcomed or comfortable that bothered
Bryan.

AJ walked towards Bryan and he stood
his ground in the doorway.

“
Don
’
t fucking do this right now,
”
AJ said.

“
You
have to know,
”
Bryan said.
“
About Chloe.
”

“
Stop
saying her name!
”
AJ cried
out.
“
Is she coming back
tonight?
”

“
No,
”
Bryan said.
“
I threatened to call the cops on
her.
”

“
Wow.
My hero. Move.
”

“
No.
Not until you look at me.
”

AJ looked at Bryan.
“
What?
”

“
Let
me kiss you,
”
Bryan said.

It was the first thing that came to
mind.

“
No.
What the fuck do you think this is?
”

“
I
don
’
t know,
”
Bryan said.
“
But I haven
’
t felt right all day. I
’
ve been waiting for you to come
home. Because I wanted to talk to you. To figure this out. To explain what
happened. To apologize. AJ, I...
”

AJ moved to her toes and pressed
her lips tight to Bryan
’
s
lips.

The sense of relief that came over
Bryan was overwhelming. He felt like he could collapse right there. He moved
his hands and before he could get an inch closer to AJ she grabbed his wrists
and held him at bay. She stopping kissing him and sighed.

“
There,
”
she whispered.
“
Maybe that
’
ll shut you up.
”

“
Yeah,
”
Bryan said.

He turned to the side and AJ
brushed against him as she walked by. She went into the bathroom and locked the
door. She didn
’
t lock the
door last time. That hurt really bad. That
’
s
when Bryan realized that kiss with AJ was nothing more than a pity kiss. And
probably their last kiss.

Twenty minutes later when AJ
emerged from both the shower and the bedroom, Bryan fought the urge to look at
her wet hair. The beautiful, wet mess of hair. He gripped the arm of the couch with
a fist that made him want to the tear the fabric right off.

“
How
was your first day of work?
”
he asked.

“
Good.
I survived it. Met my weekend co-worker.
”

“
That
’
s good.
”

Bryan looked at AJ and her face
started to tell the story her mouth told a few seconds later. When she got done
rambling about some annoying guy named Jon, Bryan was pretty sure he could lift
the couch over his head and throw it through the window. The jealous was
intense and it was a jealousy he shouldn
’
t
have had. It was also a jealousy ten times worse than he ever felt with Chloe.

“
Look,
”
AJ said. She slid down, on the
opposite end of the couch from Bryan.
“
Whatever
you have to tell me about what happened, you can. But you seriously have like a
minute. I
’
m not going to
listen to it all night. Okay?
”

Bryan nodded. He didn
’
t want to bother AJ with
anything about himself or his past.

“
I
just want to make it clear,
”
Bryan said,
“
that Chloe and
I are not together. Not now. Not ever. Okay? At one time, sure, we were
together, but she constantly drank and cheated on me. I reached my breaking point
and that
’
s that.
”

“
So
she just shows up drunk?
”

“
That
’
s the first time she
’
s done that. I kind of let her
use me...
”

Bryan let the words linger, hoping
they would register with her a little.

“
Use
you, huh?
”
AJ asked.

“
Yes.
Use me. She would cheat, leave, get lonely, and come back. Over and over. This
was the first time she came back since we broke up for good and I made sure she
understood it was for good.
”

“
Good
to know,
”
AJ said.

She stood from the couch and got
her keys and bag.

“
What
’
s going on?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Do
I have to tell you everything I
’
m
doing?
”
AJ asked.

Bryan shook his head.
“
No. I didn
’
t mean it like that. I just... I
don
’
t know, AJ, this just
feels weird right now.
”

“
That
’
s okay,
”
AJ said.
“
It
’
s going to feel weird. You
’
re used to living alone and I
’
ve invaded you.
”

“
No
you haven
’
t.
”

“
I
have. And I
’
ll be gone
soon. I swear on it. I
’
ll
even pay you. Whatever your rent is, divide by the days I
’
m here.
”

“
I
’
d never do that to you,
”
Bryan said.

“
Bryan,
listen to me. Would you ask one of your buddies to pay up?
”

Bryan shook his head.
“
No. I
’
m not that kind of guy. If a friend needs help...
”

“
Good,
”
AJ said.
“
A friend. Thank you for your
help.
”

AJ started to move towards the
door. Bryan felt in limbo. All morning he
’
d
been waiting and pacing, trying to figure out how to deal with AJ. How to make
sure she understood what happened the night before wouldn
’
t happen again. And it wouldn
’
t. Because that morning when
Bryan got up, Chloe had been long gone. Her spot on the couch empty, the
blanket folded, the pillow on top of it with a handwritten note with one word -
sorry
. The one word Bryan had been waiting so long to hear, and as sad
as it was, the handwritten word,
sorry
, had more meaning and truth than
if Chloe had spoken it.

Chloe was gone for good.

AJ opened the door and stood for a
second.

In Bryan
’
s mind the day was going to be so different. He
thought he
’
d be able to
confide in AJ about Chloe. Explain to her how she acted all the time and maybe
find some support. His friends weren
’
t
any help. Gary and Jeff told Bryan to just take advantage of Chloe and enjoy
what he could get from her. But that wasn
’
t
what Bryan wanted, then or now.

He wanted...

“
AJ,
”
he said.

AJ looked at him.
“
Yeah?
”

“
Not
to imply anything,
”
he
said,
“
but are you going to
be gone long? Not that I care but you don
’
t
have key...
”

“
I
’
ll wait at the door or in my
car,
”
AJ said.

She left the apartment.

The door shut.

Bryan jumped up and ran to the
door. He touched the handle and took a deep breath, holding it. If it were a
movie, it would be the moment when he
’
d
open the door and AJ would be standing there, facing him. Ready to confess it
all. To share the world. But it wasn
’
t
a movie. Life wasn
’
t a
movie. Life was life.

Bryan let his head hit the door,
realizing the day had been a total fucking mess. Maybe AJ just needed to get
out and clear her head a little. Maybe she just wanted to come back and make
sure Chloe was gone and things were cool. But Bryan didn
’
t feel like anything was cool but there wasn
’
t a thing he could do about it.

Still part of him hoped for that
romantic moment to happen.

He opened the apartment door and
saw nothing.

The hall was empty.

AJ was gone.

“
Gone,
”
he whispered.

He shut the door and went to his
phone. He needed to get the hell out of the apartment. The past twenty four
hours had been way too much for him. He text Jeff and then called Gary.

Gary was home.

Jeff was on his way back from his
parents
’
house.

Bryan offered to grab some beer on
the way over and treat pizza for dinner. It was just that kind of desperation
that he needed to shed. Everything bothered him. Thinking about Chloe pissed
him off because together they were like the picturesque couple. Thinking about
AJ pissed him off too because she seemed so hidden and suddenly shut down.

Twenty minutes later, Bryan pulled
the apartment door shut and pushed at it.

It was locked.

He thought about AJ.

If he really wanted to be an ass or
just not care, he wouldn
’
t
come home that night. Which should have been the plan. To stay with Gary at
Jeff
’
s, enjoy a night of
beer, sports, and whatever the hell else they could find to do.

But the thought of AJ sleeping in
her car again didn
’
t seem
right or fair. Even if it wasn
’
t
Bryan
’
s problem at all...
which in itself was perhaps the biggest problem of all... he wanted it to be
his problem.

He wanted AJ.