The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (13 page)

“
What
are you looking at, son?
”
his father asked.

“
Just
looking. You all collect junk here or what?
”

His father laughed. He stood from
the bed and walked to the window.
“
When
you have nothing, son, you appreciate everything more. A newspaper article
might have meaning. A picture you carried in your pocket might mean the world.
The rising sun, the dead of the night, months, holidays, they all just come and
go. It
’
s like standing on
the outside of a ride, watching it go in circles. You just stand there. You see
the same thing but never experience it.
”

Bryan swallowed. He felt emotional.
Standing in that bedroom, the room that held two men far off the path of life,
it just hit him hard. Bryan always believed there was a fine line between
living and dying. Dying could be in losing life or losing sight of life.

“
I
just want you to be happy, Dad,
”
Bryan said.

“
Do
you hate me, son?
”
his
father asked.

Bryan stared at his father. He
stood with a hand on each side of the window, slightly in the air. When Bryan
was younger, he remembered his father
’
s
muscles being thick and hard. Like boulders even. It could have just been
perception but as he looked at his father
’
s
arms now, he saw skin dangling. The muscles had faded, much like the rest of
his father.

“
I
can
’
t hate you,
”
Bryan said.
“
But if you want to make something
of yourself, stay out of trouble.
”

His father
’
s mouth opened and he nodded. As he blinked, Bryan
saw a tear leave his father
’
s
eye.

“
Look,
it seems you and Willie get along,
”
Bryan said.
“
That
’
s a good thing. Stick with him
then. Maybe you two can figure things out, I don
’
t
know.
”

“
You
know, about five years ago I tried tracking down your mother,
”
his father said.

Bryan closed his eyes. He did not
want to talk about his mother. Just hearing the word
mother
took him to
a place three shades darker than the word
father
did.

“
Dad...
”

“
No,
let me finish. I tried to track her down. Took me through ten states. Lots of
bars. Facing lots of demons too, son. Maybe even picked a few up.
”
His father laughed. Bryan hated
the laugh.
Hated it.
“
But
I came up short. So many times though I felt she was right there. Right in the
same place as me. Maybe even watching me. And I just couldn
’
t get to her. I felt like I was
letting everyone down each time I couldn
’
t
find her. Letting myself down because she
’
s
my goddamn wife. Letting her down because I couldn
’
t find her.
”
His father looked at Byran.
“
No
woman should have that empty feeling. If a woman leaves and you love her, you
find her...
”

Bryan nodded and thought about AJ.

“
Dad,
she made her decision,
”
Bryan said.

The door opened to the room and
Willie walked back in. He froze and looked at Bryan and his father.
“
Am I...?
”

“
I
’
m just getting ready to head
out,
”
Bryan said.

“
Son...
”

“
I
can leave,
”
Willie said.

“
No.
I
’
ve had my fill.
”

Bryan
’
s
father turned and they stood waiting for the other to make a move. Bryan hated
looking into his father
’
s
eyes because they were his eyes. The same damn eyes.

“
I
’
ll call you,
”
Bryan said.
“
Check up on things.
”

“
Thank
you, son.
”

Bryan took the higher road and
hugged his father. His father squeezed back, trying to use any muscle he had
left. It was a pathetic hug, but it was more than he could get from his mother.

As he left the room, Bryan shook
Willie
’
s hand.

“
Nice
to meet you.
”

“
Likewise,
”
Willie said.
“
Keep looking forward. You don
’
t want this life. Feeling that
gnawing in your body all day and night. Going to bed at night with a flashlight
to look at a picture of a woman long gone...
”

Bryan forced a nod when he actually
wanted to punch both Willie and his father in the face.

As Bryan rushed out of the halfway
house, he knew one thing for sure, he would never let someone like AJ - no
matter whether they were friends or more - slip out of his life. At least not
without a fight. She deserved at least that.

(15)

I thought about Bryan more than I
thought about finding a job. After my little breakfast meeting with Winnie, a
lot more had been put into perspective. First off, I needed a place to stay.
Second, I needed a job. I had a part time job at a pet store but stopped going
a couple weeks ago. I couldn
’
t
stand the smell and I couldn
’
t
stand cleaning up after people when they let their dogs do their business on
the floor and just walked away. So I guess I didn
’
t
have a job.

I knew I could crash with Winnie if
it came down to it but that bothered me. If I was under her roof, it would be
her rules. And for a sexy looking stripper, when it came to me, she could get
crazy. And I knew it would only create tension between her and her roommate.

But that part of life I
’
d get to soon enough.

As I cruised in and out of shopping
centers, debating on whether to actually go in and ask if there were any
openings, I saw a small corner café restaurant. It looked new, and if my memory
was right, it had once been a mattress store. The brown exterior matched the
sign and the name of the place was kind of strange yet fitting for me.

Hope Off Road
Café.

The name just seemed weird but
looked cool in its fancy cursive sign.

I parked my car and figured why
not, right? I had a hundred bucks to my name, half of which came from Winnie.
Taking the money from her felt odd because my first thought was
where had
this money been stuck into,
trying not to picture drunk horny guys giving
my sister money because she took her top off. But that was the reality of my
life and without that extra little bit of money I
’
d
have been in bigger trouble.

Walking into the café I had two
scenarios.

Best case, I
’
d get a job.

Worst case, I
’
d get a coffee.

Total win-win for me.

I opened the door and was hit with
the subtle smell of grease and the overpowering smell of coffee. Such good
coffee, too, enough that it made my mouth water. There were booths along the
wall and tables scattered on the floor. Nothing matched and it worked. A few
seconds later, a woman came from the back of the caf
é
. She was taller than me, skinnier than me, and had
the bluest eyes I'd ever seen in my life. I didn't want to guess her age but
I'd say fifty.

"Can I help you?" she
asked.

"Yeah, I, uh, need a
job," I said.

How elegant.

Whatever.

"I serve coffee, bagels, sandwiches,
and the best damn grilled cheeses you'll ever eat."

"Oh," I said.

I was deflated a little. I kind of
wanted the woman to roll out the red carpet of employment. But that didn't
happen.

"I'd like a coffee," I
said.

"Okay."

"Uh, large... with cream..."

The woman waved a hand at me.

"Sorry," I said as though
I had done something wrong.

"No need to be sorry,"
she said and smiled. "Come back here and make yourself a coffee."

I froze.

What?

Make my own coffee?

I took a step and stared at the
woman. I wasn't sure if she was just joking or what.

She wasn't.

She defiantly stood at the counter
and watched me go behind. I looked at the four coffee pots full of coffee and
licked my lips. I looked below that and there were stacks of black mugs. Large
ones too. I looked for the to-go cups but grabbed a mug instead. I needed a
coffee and a place to stay. The place served as both, even for a little while.
As I poured a cup of coffee the steam rose and swirled in a tantalizing vision
of caffeine heaven. The door to the caf
é
opened followed by a small ding from the back. I didn't look because it wasn't
my business.

Or so I thought.

"Help this gentleman,"
the woman said.

"Yeah. Okay."

"You want to work here?"
she asked.

She went to the back of the caf
é
and left me to fend for myself.
Thankfully the man only ordered a coffee, something I could handle. I felt good
until the door opened again and two women walked in and took a seat.

I had to wait on them.

I wasn't a waitress. I walked to
the table shaking and took two orders of iced teas and grilled cheeses. Back
behind the counter I looked around wondering what the hell to do. I looked at
the soda machine and saw there was no iced tea.

Damn.

I started to walk along the counter
to go tell the woman there was no iced tea when the other woman came walking
from the back holding a pitcher of iced tea.

"Homemade," she said.
"The only way to make it."

"They also said grilled
cheeses."

"Perfect. Listen for the
bell."

I was about to ask
listen for
the bell?,
but the woman was gone.

I served the iced tea and soon the
smell of coffee became replaced by the smell of grilled cheese. It smelled
delicious. I checked on the women once to make sure they were happy. They
looked like old friends, chatting about their parents, the weather, men, and
careers. One was single, the other happily married. It was supposed to rain
next week, whether I cared to know or not. And apparently the economy wasn't as
good as everyone thought.

The bell rang and it was a
different bell than the sound when the door opened. I went to the back and took
the two plates off the serving line and carried them to the table.

"Wow, do these smell
good," I said.

"They're the best," one
of the women said.

I suddenly wanted a grilled cheese.

The woman from the caf
é
stayed in the back, only
meeting me at the doorway to the back once more with the pitcher of iced tea
for refills. Other than that, I was on my own. Two people bought coffee and
thankfully the register was easy to follow - with buttons for the items and the
prices already programmed in - and the customers paid with cash.

All in all, it was pretty fun.

The two women finished and paid,
and as they left, they handed me a ten dollar bill as gratuity. I thanked them
- not sure for what - and stared at the ten dollar bill. I turned and walked
the money to the counter, as a customer now, and put the money down. The woman
came from the back and looked at me, then at the ten.

She touched it, tapped her pointer
finger on it a few times, and slid it towards me.

“
That
’
s the gratuity,
”
I said.

“
You
did the work,
”
she said.

“
No,
I couldn
’
t.
”

“
You
earned it.
”

“
Keep
it and give me my coffee and a bite.
”

“
Take
the ten and I
’
ll give you a
coffee and a bite. What
’
s
your name?
”

“
AJ,
”
I said.

“
Good
work, AJ.
”

“
I
like the name of the place. Hope Off Road. What
’
s
it mean?
”

“
I
’
m Hope,
”
she smiled.

She looked like a Hope.

“
I
love the name,
”
I said.
“
What about the off road?
”

“
When
I was forty, I worked as a lawyer and hated my job. My life. One morning I had
a pain in my chest. Two months later I was in a chair getting chemo. They didn
’
t think I
’
d make it. But I beat the cancer. And the first
thing I did was quit my job. I bought a mountain bike and rode. Broke my leg
once. Needed stitches twice. Opened this place.
”

“
Now
life is good?
”
I asked.

“
AJ,
life is always good. But right now, life is perfect.
”

“
I
’
m happy for you,
”
I said.

I pushed the ten bucks back at Hope
and backed away from the counter. I had the sudden urge to rush out. I didn
’
t feel like I belonged there. We
both followed our hearts, but mine only got me into trouble again and again.

“
You
forgot your money,
”
Hope
said.

“
Keep
it,
”
I said.
“
Open me a tab. I have to try one
of those grilled cheeses.
”

Hope reached under the counter and
put a piece of paper on it.

“
Make
you a deal. Fill out this application while I cook you one.
”

“
You
’
re going to consider me?
”
I asked.

“
AJ,
you
’
re hired. I just need
the paperwork on file. You start tomorrow morning at six.
”

“
I
love it,
”
I said.

Hope smiled and put a pen on the
counter.

I filled out the application and
listened to the sweet sizzle coming from the back as Hope cooked what was the
greatest grilled cheese I
’
d
ever tasted in my life.

I had the job thing figured out...
a nice hourly wage plus tips...

Now I needed to find a place to
stay.