The Valkyrie (19 page)

“Oh yes very
much. Is she undecided about nuclear war still?” Ares said as they
turned around a corner. “That won’t be her decision in the end
it’ll have to be decided on across the pantheons. Personally, I am
all for it. There are too many bloody mortals if you ask me they
need another cull.”

Glory pretended
to check the time on her phone “I’m afraid I’ve got to go and
organise extra Valkyrie support for the next few weeks. So we’ve
got to end it there for today. Plus I’ve got to chase Hades and
Osiris and all the other death gods to make sure they have extra
capacity for their portion of the dead, which I’m sure they do, but
they like to kick up a fuss. I need to show my face with the Shinto
lot too. Fortunately there are another few hours of escalating
cyber warfare before I have to do anything on the ground.”

“I’m already
enjoying it.” Ares said as he walked Glory back to her car.

“Yes I think we
all will, there’s more information in the map document I just gave
you, but you can look at that at your leisure.” Glory felt a
familiar pair of blue eyes watching her.

“Well…” Ares
said as he held the driver’s door open to Glory’s car “You do know
that I’m very serious about you?”

“No you’re not.
You’re very gentlemanly, I’ll give you that but you aren’t
serious.” Glory said before Ares closed the door.

Glory sat in
her car and turned the radio up. She pulled out her phone and saw a
text from Apollo: ‘So Ares? Don’t cheat on me. I don’t know what
I’d do if you did.’ She wasn’t going to call him back. He could
stew for a bit for leaving without saying goodbye. He’d probably
woke up and rolled around in Liberty’s bed a bit to make it look
like he’d slept there that night and then buggered off to make sure
the sodding sun rose. That was a relatively new job for him. Helios
faded away during the roman era and he’d taken it on, it suited
Apollo though.

***

Glory got back
to Hackney to find Honour, Liberty and Bea all slumped over the
kitchen table. Honour was faring better than the other two but she
was looking a little bit peaky as she sat there guzzling ambrosia.
Liberty had her head in her hands and Bea was staring into the
middle distance.

“Nice to see
you all looking so bright this morning.” Glory said as she poured
herself a glass of ambrosia. No one responded to her. “So
Honour...”

“I’m not
prepared to talk about it.” Honour groaned.

“Alright then.”
Glory said “Liberty you’ve got some calls to make later. Honour can
you write a few different scenarios for potential Chinese nuclear
strikes on San Francisco, Los Angeles, Vladivostok, Tokyo and Kyoto
please, and run Bea through what you’re doing.”

“How much
later?” Liberty said.

“Sometime this
afternoon would be fine.” Glory said.

“Ok. I’m going
to bed.” Liberty said as she went to crawl up the stairs.

“Me too.” Bea
said leaving the room.

Honour paused
for a moment before beginning “So my drunk logic was that if I just
shagged him he’d get bored and go away.” Honour put her feet on
Liberty’s chair.

“That’s quite
reasonable drunk logic. I can only add don’t fall in love with him
and don’t get knocked up.” Glory said.

“Why is that
ugly vase still here?” Honour asked looking at Liberty’s charity
shop find.

“I don’t know.
I should probably return it to its rightful owner. Liberty won’t
miss it.” Glory said.

Zeus’s first wife would always be his
favourite. Metis was his purest love, his greatest ally and the one
that he was most deeply scared of. She was the titan daughter of
Oceanus and Tethys and pure mischief. She was also tremendously
clever as most sea nymphs were.

The story of
Metis and Zeus began before Zeus had killed his father Cronus and
even before Zeus was born. Cronus had also killed his father Uranus
becoming king of the gods. During the fight Cronus chopped off
daddy’s cock and when it fell from the heavens into the sea
Aphrodite subsequently sprang forth. There was a prophecy that
Cronus would be killed by one of his children who would usurp his
throne in the same way that he had grabbed power from his father.
Cronus was terrified of the blighters. If you thought new fathers
in mortal maternity wards who don’t even know how to hold their
new-borns were out of their depth, then Cronus was the archetype of
terrible parenting. Every time Rhea gave birth he swallowed the
baby god whole. Why she stuck with him has been debated in hushed
tones for millennia. Although it does make you wonder how a titan
who publically treated his kids that way would privately treat his
wife. Eventually Rhea had enough, so she turned to cunning Metis
for help. Metis suggested that the next time Rhea gave birth they
should switch the baby for a rock and then hide the baby elsewhere
in a cave so they could grow up without Cronus realising the dupe.
This of course was an excellent plan, so when Rhea gave birth to
Zeus she gave her husband a rock to swallow and the infant to a
nymph foster mother on earth to be raised to full godhood.

When the time
came for Zeus to challenge his father Metis was again the titan to
turn to. She provided Zeus with an iffy potion that made Cronus
chunder the rest of his now fully grown kids back up. Up they came
one by one covered in bile and filled with hatred. What followed
was a fuckoff war called the Titanomachy that tore Cronus’s
oppressive regime down and replaced it with the comparatively light
and airy Olympus. On one side was Zeus and his siblings Hades,
Poseidon, Demeter, Hera and Hestia and on the other were all the
titans bar one, Prometheus. Prometheus knew which horse to back.
The war lasted ten years and the victorious Olympians threw their
aunts, uncles and cousins (not the cute ones like Leto) into
Tartarus the immortal prison in the underworld.

Once the war
was over Zeus felt that as king he should have a queen and Metis
was so damned sexy. Now Metis wasn’t having any of this, she was
far too clever for marriage but Zeus was tremendously
persistent/rapey. She would be bathing in a stream and feel him
approaching so she’d shape shift into a fish but then he’d jump in
and shift into a fish too, so then she’d shift into bear and so
would he. It continued like that for quite some time until Metis
just thought it sod it, it would just be easier to get it over and
done with. Zeus and Metis were sort of happy for quite a while,
that was until the morning sickness set in. Any sentient being the
universe over would question the parenting skills of a god like
Zeus when the only example he’d really seen was based on a paranoid
nutter who swallowed his own kids out of fear. Zeus was just like
his dad, he made the same mistakes. Metis, like Prometheus, could
see the future even if she didn’t always let on that she could. She
had started to get a little fat around the middle.

“So I’m
pregnant.” Metis said.

“That’s nice.”
Zeus said.

“A girl then a
boy”

“A boy
huh.”

“Yes.”

“A little
thunderbolt eh?”

“Yup, lord of
the skies.” Metis said, and with that Zeus’s mind shut down rather
than going into overdrive.

“Let’s play a
game.”

“Must we
really, I’ve got morning sickness.”

“Yes.”

“Oh go on
then.”

“Alright, I bet
you that you can’t turn yourself into a fly.”

“What a silly
game.” Metis said. Unfortunately for her Scrabble had yet to be
invented.

“Oh come on,
it’ll be fun.” Zeus’s eyes were wild.

“Fine.” Metis
said and duly shape shifted into a fly. Panicking Zeus swallowed
her whole. Afterwards when someone asked him where Metis had gotten
to he’d simply reply that she was in his digestive tract. Everyone
thought he was joking for the first couple of weeks, until the
blasted hammering began. It wouldn’t bloody stop. The clanging in
his head would not end. He still had managed to force Hera down the
aisle mind. Zeus moved fast. Eventually the noise got so bad that
Zeus turned to Prometheus for help.

“I think the
only thing we can do is to split your head open.” Prometheus
already had an axe in hand.

“Alright I’ll
try anything after the leeches didn’t work.” Zeus said and with
that Prometheus struck Zeus on the head. Out jumped Athena clad in
the armour that her mother had been crafting away at for all those
hours on end inside of Zeus. She gave everyone a bit of a fright.
Metis remained in Zeus’s tummy thereafter and he frequently asked
her for advice on serious matters. No one ever talked about Metis
ever again. They all said that Athena had only one parent:
Zeus.

***

Prometheus had
always wondered why Metis had surrendered like that. She was
fiercely intelligent and independent. First of all why would she
tell Zeus that her son would overthrow him? The daft bugger
probably misheard. Secondly why would she allow herself the
indignation of being swallowed whole like that? Metis also had the
ability to look into the future so Prometheus silently assumed that
there was some tactical advantage to her actions and that she was
playing a long game. The whole episode was the first of many that
kept on lowering Zeus in Prometheus’s estimations.

Glory put the sodding vase in a Sainsbury’s bag for
life that Honour normally used for carting port around and drove
over to The British Museum. It was coming up to closing time and
the effing tourists were beginning to leave. Although not until
they had bought rulers with all the kings and queens of England
since the Saxons listed on them and taken pictures of themselves
using selfie sticks in front of thousands of years’ worth of
history that Glory had pillaged over her career and shoved in a
room in tribute to her dear late mother. Honour was right all
tourists needed to die. Glory liked The British Museum, it was a
little memory jog for her. She couldn’t help remember that time she
and Liberty had invaded [insert any country here], what japes they
had before the UN. Glory walked through the Egyptian monuments and
into the Greco-Roman world. She passed through the roman statues
and a mausoleum they’d dragged back from Turkey and found herself
in the room with the Elgin Marbles. The security guard was ushering
the tourists out of the room with a brusqueness that Glory couldn’t
help but admire. As the last few were being shoved out the guard
turned to look at Glory who had sat down on the steps at the other
end of the hall.

“Oh don’t mind
me.” Glory said cheerfully to the guard whose eyes glazed over as
he nodded and plodded out of the hall. Glory pulled out the vase
and placed it next to her on the step. “I think you lost something
cousin.”

“So I did
sister.” Athena appeared in the middle of the room clad in her
armour. Metis was Britannia’s sister as well as the pair having the
same father. Family get togethers were always fraught, particularly
when either side had a parent that wasn’t acknowledged.

“Who were you
warning with this?” Glory asked getting up and meeting Athena in
the middle of the room with the vase.

“Liberty
ostensibly, but that silly girl Liberty has enough foresight to
look after herself. It is of little consolation that the presence
of this fine piece of decorative art did not deter her course of
action.” Athena took back the vase and admired the
craftsmanship.

“I’m not sure
she had much choice in the matter.”

“Such
irony.”

“What exactly
were you trying to warn me about then? There are a few things that
I can think of but if you could just clarify that would be
marvellous.” Glory said. Athena may have been an outright genius
but she wasn’t always the most concise.

“Apollo.”

“Again, you’re
going to have to spell it out for me I’m afraid.”

“The vase
served a dual purpose. I had hoped that the example of Daphne might
set your friend on another path.” Athena said. Glory couldn’t help
but think that was a red herring.

“Yes, that was
the obvious reason.” Glory didn’t always get on with Athena they
were too similar “And the other one was to what purpose
exactly?”

“To remind you
that Apollo’s indiscretions are well documented and difficult to
deter. It is his very nature to be an absolute bastard to women. It
seemed that you’d got off the hook but it appears he’s reeling you
in again. You felt a little ill when you saw the image of your
fellow nymph being manipulated in such a vulgar way? I know all
about you two and as a sympathetic older sister I should just like
to let you know that you’re better than that. Better than all of
Olympus’s pettiness. You’re a gifted war goddess. You only need
look at what you and Liberty achieved under the guise of Britannia,
and yes I know it was you and not your awful mother. I don’t feel
like I should have to warn you, as you are tremendously clever and
more than capable of sorting yourself out, but I cannot abide these
damsel in distress sorts. Apollo is bad. I took a vow of chastity
to avoid such complications. Clever women are undone by good
looking, selfish men. You can rise above it.”

“I know I can
do
far
better than Apollo, I just don’t. What is this really
about? Why has Apollo got under your skin this time?”

“He’s just like
our father.”

“Who is,
Apollo?” Glory asked. “What are you not telling me?”

“You will be my
greatest ally in the coming months. We’re very similar you and I.
Except for a few key differences. You fuck about and I don’t, and
so forth.”

“What’s going
on? Why are you manipulating Apollo if you so clearly think he’s
dangerous?” Glory asked throwing in “Who’s Bea and why does she
scare the shit out of you?” for good measure.

“He’s less
dangerous and more of a general loose cannon. You’ve no idea of
when he’s going to fire off next or what he’s going to hit.” Athena
remembered her surroundings “By putting some of The Parthenon in
here you’ve garnered quite a few column inches for me and for that
I thank you. We need all the help we can get for the time being
until the mortals believe in us again. Bravo on the Second Korean
War by the way, wonderful work. Also I was not that sorry to hear
about your mother. I know I need not say this, you’re too smart to
talk, but we never met here today.” Athena said and with that she
was gone.