The Valkyrie (29 page)

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Authors: Charlotte Vassell

Tags: #myth, #satire, #contemporary, #womens

BOOK: The Valkyrie
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This Ares
seemed foolish if he tried to steal another god’s wife but the girl
felt bad for him if he had deeply loved this Glory. She wondered if
he had deserved such a fate but decided that if this Apollo, the
hero of the story, had done it then his death was righteous. She
thought she may as well read the third volume because it was there.
She went straight to the last chapter:

Aphrodite
mercifully killed herself. She could not compete with Glory who was
far lovelier than she. Aphrodite had been the lover of Ares who had
pursued Glory and been punished for it. Hail Glory goddess of
beauty and love forever and ever, Amen.

The girl felt
hungry again. She was about to go in search of more ambrosia but
she noticed another volume lying at her feet:
The Life and Death
of Britannia.
She picked it up but knew it wasn’t worth reading
so she threw it in the fire and delighted in watching it burn. The
girl got up and saw that there was more ambrosia on the mahogany
table which she gleefully drank. It made her sleepy so she went
back upstairs, lay down on the bed and drifted off into the
darkness.

***

And so this
pattern would continue. Every day the girl woke up in that bedroom
went downstairs and found some ambrosia on the side for her to
drink, a new piece of music would be on the piano for her to play
and then she would go into the library and read a few new volumes.
Each time she felt she knew the character in question so she’d only
read the last bit to see how they died. She had started putting
them along the shelves in order as there were so many of them. Some
days there were a couple of volumes and other days hundreds. The
books talked of all sorts of gods from all the across the world:
Quetzalcoatl, Anansi, Thor, Amaterasu, Shiva and Osiris. There was
a huge volume called
The Realms of the Dead
where Apollo had
slain all the gods of all the different afterlives so that now he
was master of all the dead, of magic and of dreams. He had
consolidated all their realms into one afterlife, where all the
souls were judged according to whether or not they had obeyed
Apollo’s rules. He had even killed the titan of time, who had been
imprisoned in Tartarus by the wicked Zeus, so now Apollo controlled
every second in the universe. This Apollo character only needed to
kill the god Gravity to control everything important.

Most of the
volumes only vaguely interested her but some of them upset her
greatly but she didn’t know why. All the names in the books were
familiar but she didn’t know this Honour, who was raped and
murdered on the battlefield of Eurasia by some traitor called
Dionysius, – she was pleased to read later on that he had been
killed by the heroic Apollo character for trying to harm Glory as
she slept. The one that upset her the most was the death of Liberty
who died when Apollo shot her through the heart. Liberty was a
rebel who had sided with Gravity and partook in all of his crimes
too. She was making a speech against him calling him mad, said that
he was a tyrant and worse than Zeus. Zeus was terrible; the girl
knew this from the fat volume dedicated to him which listed all the
many heinous crimes he had committed. Apollo couldn’t be worse than
that. Zeus had been disembowelled by Gravity who tried to free his
mother Metis but she wasn’t there inside Zeus’s stomach. By killing
Zeus Gravity briefly became Lord of The Skies. Apollo was mad that
he was not the one to kill Zeus. Zeus had separated him from Glory
in the first place; it was all Zeus’s fault. Liberty was carrying
Gravity’s baby when she died. That made the girl very sad. But she
understood that Liberty had been a threat to Apollo and Glory. She
had tried to kidnap Glory. Liberty said that she was freeing her
but Apollo knew better than that. Apollo knew what was best for
Glory. Liberty had been a friend of Glory’s when she was younger
and more foolish. Out of love for Glory, Apollo placed Liberty’s
body in the sky as the new North Star. All of the other stars had
already fallen out of the sky.

***

The books on
the Asgardians all came in quick succession. The saddest of all was
that of noble Loki, who had been brave and loyal to Apollo to the
last. He had in fact been one of Apollo’s son’s from his days
before Glory redeemed him. Loki stood to the last, dying in the
Battle of Ragnarok against the vile Asgardians. The Asgardians had
held Glory in servitude for her refusal to marry the barbarous Thor
because of her love for Apollo. Apollo helped Loki in the battle
and rained fire and brimstone down on Asgard, but Loki did not make
it. Apollo was sad at the death of his brave son but he had thought
that perhaps Loki was in love with Glory so he could not live. He
could not blame Loki for being in love with Glory but he would not
allow it. The girl was sad at this she had flicked through Loki’s
earlier chapters and saw that he had been unhappy in his life.
Apollo put Loki’s body in the sky as a star.

Odin’s death
was brief: he was killed by Loki’s son Fenrir the wolf. Thor then
avenged his father by killing Fenrir. This made Apollo sad at the
death of his grandson. The wolf was sacred to Apollo and he would
shape shift into one in his youth. Thor’s death came not long after
that and he was swallowed whole by Loki’s other son the snake
Jormungandr. Apollo rewarded the brave serpent for this by allowing
him to live in his garden once the war was over. The snake was
after all his grandson.

***

The death of
Eros made the girl sad. The young god had allied with Apollo in the
beginning but he had betrayed Apollo. Apollo had to kill him before
he hit Glory with a hate arrow. Apollo could not bear it if Glory
ever hated him. Apollo was also furious that Eros had put Glory’s
lovesick pain over him in a box. If that had not happened then she
would have found her way back to him quicker and she would not be
asleep now. Eros’s body transformed into a waterfall.

***

One of the
deaths that Apollo rejoiced in most was the death of Hera his
father’s wicked wife. She was not the sort of wife that Glory was:
Hera was cruel and Glory was kind. Hera had persecuted Apollo when
he was a child and he wanted his revenge. Zeus had always stood in
the way before. Hera had also tried to make Glory marry Ares. Glory
could never have married Ares, she is Apollo’s forever and ever,
Amen. Apollo was pitiless towards her and she bled a lot before she
died. The girl was a little sad at the death of Hera. The early
chapters in her book described her curtains but the girl agreed
that Hera had been wicked to Apollo.

The death of
Hermes was brief. He was a good brother to Apollo and Apollo even
let him near Glory. When Apollo’s back was turned Hermes stroked
Glory’s cheek so he shot him. Hermes could not be in love with
Glory too. Glory is Apollo’s forever and ever, Amen.

The arrival of
the books began to tail off after a while. She hadn’t had any new
ones for some time until the volumes of Artemis and Leto arrived.
Leto had begged Apollo to give up Glory, she begged him to look
around at all the destruction he’d caused because he loved her so.
Leto called Glory a wicked influence. Leto’s speech was a
distraction so that Artemis could sneak in to the garden and kill
Glory, thus Apollo slayed Leto for daring to make such blasphemous
claims and Artemis for attempted murder. Apollo and Artemis had had
a strange relationship. Apollo had been sure that Artemis had been
in love with him, her twin brother, and that was why she had taken
a vow of chastity. Artemis did not want to follow the example of
pitiful Hera and marry her brother.

The next volume
was Athena. Apollo had caught Athena finally. He wanted to know why
she lied so he tied her down and burnt her until she told the
truth. Why did Athena and Gravity make him marry Liberty if it was
not necessary to do so to overthrow Zeus? It caused him and Glory
pain. She said it was because they needed him to start the war and
kill Ares, it was a fixed point in time and had to happen as it
did. Because if he didn’t think he would lose Glory to Ares forever
then he would not have acted when he did. There was only a small
window of opportunity, Athena said. Ares’s death at Apollo’s hand
was the only possible way the war of succession could begin. But
they had not understood how much Apollo loved Glory and how strong
that would make him, she said, he was a loose cannon. Apollo killed
Athena for the pain she had caused Glory and for her
imprudence.

***

The shelves in
the library were nearly full and there was room left for one more
only and the library would be complete.
The Life and Death of
Gravity
arrived eventually. Apollo tore Gravity limb from limb
in penance for the agony that he had caused Apollo. Apollo hated
Gravity because he had lived under Glory’s roof and falsely sought
her friendship. Glory was loyal and trusting and should not have
been taken advantage of like that. From that day Apollo was to be
known as God as he was the only one. Glory be to God. God reigned
over the whole universe now. God’s wife Glory still slept and this
displeased him but she would wake soon and then their life would
begin again.

***

The girl woke
up one morning and did not feel as she normally felt. She looked
around the room and it was as it normally was. She sat up in bed
and breathed shallowly. She felt a terrible pain in her abdomen and
then there was a sound like a river running free from inside the
walls. Water gushed forth like a newly sprung well and inundated
the room, rising continuous until it was lapping at the mattress.
The girl was in terrible pain as the water kept flowing. Suddenly
light burst through the window blinding her. The darkness was no
more.

The Lightness

Glory writhed around the bed
in agony as another contraction came. She had woken up alone in a
garden. She had an IV ambrosia drip attached to her arm and a music
device on the table to the side. Apollo or rather God appeared from
down a path.

“You’re awake
finally.” God said.

“Uh huh.” Glory
said the contraction easing off.

“You’re only
two centimetres dilated so we’re going to be here for quite a bit
longer.” God said “Although I see your waters have broken.”

“Can I get in a
bath I’m all sticky.” Glory asked getting off the bed.

“Sure let me
help you.” God removed the IV drip from Glory’s arm and helped her
waddle over to the shallow freshwater stream nearby. He helped her
in to the water and stood in it with her. He rubbed her back while
she had another contraction.

“Where are we?”
Glory had had the strangest dream but she was sure that everything
she’d been told had been true.

“Heaven of
course. This is Eden to be specific. It’s where we live now.” God
had forgotten how her voice sounded sweeter than honey.

“My boobs are
huge” Glory said as God helped her off with the hospital gown she
was wearing “And they’re leaking milk.”

“They’re
beautiful. You are beauty.” He said as he held her before leaving
her to bathe alone for a few minutes. God had to come and help her
out again, taking her back over to the bed. He’d changed the sheets
since but Glory wanted to stand up because gravity would work with
her.

“I’ve got
another one coming.” Glory said with her arms around God’s neck.
They stood there like that until the pain passed and God helped
Glory get back into bed. She beckoned for him to get in with her
too. They lay there together, God stroked Glory’s hair and she
looked into his eyes and saw that all the power that had been
divided out amongst all the petty gods was his now. It was
terrifyingly divine. “I have one question for you, can I ask
it?”

“If it’s just
the one then ask away.”

“The Bible and
all that that was you wasn’t it?” Glory hoped he would take it in
good humour.

“Yes, it was a
dry run for this. I’m going to fully remake the universe. How did
you know?”

“It was obvious
if you thought about it, but I think it was when you got me to read
Milton to you that it clicked. You used to love a good anti-hero. I
bet you got a nice little boost from all the mortals who believed
in you.” Glory was so in love with him.

“Ah yes. That
was an age ago now though; let us not talk about then anymore. I’m
sorry I lied to you repetitively about the condom. By the third
time you were already pregnant so a condom wouldn’t have mattered
anyway.” God laughed to himself.

“That’s
alright. You know best.” Glory said. She groaned through another
contraction “How far gone am I?”

“You’re about
four centimetres dilated. You’re moving along quite nicely.”

“What are you
calling the baby?”

“Let’s wait
until their born and then I can decide.”

“What happened
to all the mortals?” Glory asked out of passing curiosity.

“They’re all
dead. Everyone was too bothered with my war to care about the
‘Third World War’ so they just blew themselves to smithereens the
silly things.” God played with Glory’s hair.

***

“Give me your
finger and look me in the eye.” God said. Glory put her hand in his
and did as she was told. She felt a sharp prick on her finger.

“What was
that?”

“That was
Eros’s last love arrow. Can you feel it course through you?”

“I am already
in love with you forever and ever, Amen.” Glory said as God went to
kiss her.

“We’re going to
be great parents. I’m going to be a great father.”

“How long was I
asleep for?” Glory rolled into his chest.

“Not long only
a week or so. I sped you along. I couldn’t wait eight months and
three odd weeks for you to wake up. I missed you. Contractions were
pretty much the only way you were going to get out of your own
head.”

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