The Vampire Blog (7 page)

He paused for a moment. ‘Oh, can you?
Yeah, well that's only an example. But you know what I'm saying. Stop being a scaredy-cat and dive in. We've all been very patient with you. But it's time you sorted your head out and crossed over. That's all I'm going to say now. Before I split, I'll leave you with this to think about.'

He let out a howl which I have to admit was truly magnificent. In fact, it could have been in a film.

‘I won't ask you to follow that,' he said, ‘because I don't want to embarrass you. But one day with a lot of practice you might be nearly as good as me … that's something to think about, isn't it?'

Friday 12 October
7.15 p.m.

Told Mum I was going to see Joel. But really I'm off to Brent Woods to practise my howl. I still don't want to be a half-vampire. And I'm very determined about that. But it's bugging me that my howls are so earth-shatteringly terrible.

And if an annoying weasel like Karl can
let out ear-piercing howls, surely I can too.

9.30 p.m.

Well, I thumped off to the woods. And there was a low mist so I couldn't see very clearly. Maybe that was why I felt so uneasy. I just had the weirdest feeling that someone was watching me, and not far away either. I even called out once, ‘Hey, I can see you.' I couldn't, of course, but the feeling just wouldn't go away. In the end I told myself I was being stupid and I had to concentrate on getting the vampire vibe. I imagined vampires baring their teeth; I heard their snarls ripping through the air … And then I let out a howl a budgie might make when it wants its water changing.

Truly pathetic.

And right after my effort came loud, mocking laughter.

I whirled round and cried, ‘Who dares to laugh at me?'

Out of the mist stepped Tallulah.

‘How rude,' I said. ‘Eavesdropping on a private howl – and then laughing.'

‘That wasn't just bad—' she began.

‘I did hear it too,' I interrupted, ‘and will admit that wasn't one of my finest efforts.'

She edged closer to me. ‘Why are you out here making howling noises anyway?'

I hesitated. How could I explain this? Finally I said very quickly, ‘Well, monsters are the big thing in our school now, thanks to you. And my best mate Joel's joined the M.I.S. and I suppose I'd kind of like to join too.' Yes, I was lying my head off, but I had to say something, didn't I? And Tallulah was believing me – sort of.

‘You?' She laughed.

‘Yes, me.'

‘You want to join M.I.S.? But you're a total idiot.'

‘Ah, there's another side to me entirely. And I thought if I could perform a really incredible vampire howl, you'd see me in a whole new light.'

‘Highly unlikely … still, I'm glad you picked a vampire to try and impersonate as they're the best monsters of all.'

‘They're certainly the meanest. Even when they're being a bit suave and welcoming
people to their castle they're plotting to unleash major nastiness.'

She smiled fondly. ‘I know they really shake things up. They're total anarchists like me.'

‘So what are you doing here?' I asked.

She looked surprised by my question. ‘I come here just about every night to think up new monster stories.'

‘Every night?' I echoed disbelievingly.

‘Horror is what I do. It's my life.'

‘But isn't it a bit … well, lonely?'

‘You're never alone if you've got horror in your blood.'

‘And your parents don't mind?'

‘No, they're really pleased to get rid of me, as I have nothing in common with them. Not one single thing. Well, you know where they all are tonight – watching my little sister at majorettes. She's been training for weeks to prance about twirling batons – and they think
I'm
weird.'

‘Have you just got one sister?'

‘Yeah, but I've got an older brother as well – unfortunately. He's perfect too, of course. In fact, my family's a little pack of perfection, all
living on the Planet Bland. And there's me … me the joke, the freak, me the … the …' Suddenly she was so angry she could hardly talk. ‘But why are we wasting time talking about them?' she asked sternly. ‘They're nothing to me. Let's hear you do a proper vampire howl now.'

‘You're going to stay and listen?' I said.

‘Of course,' she snapped.

I closed my eyes and muttered, ‘Here goes nothing,' and tried again. ‘That was a bit better, wasn't it?' I said hopefully.

‘Last time,' said Tallulah, ‘your roar sounded like the noise a little worm might make.'

‘And this time?' I asked.

‘This time you sounded like quite a big worm.'

‘And what are my chances of going any higher up the evolutionary scale?'

‘Very slight,' she said.

‘I love the way you spare my feelings.'

She shook her head. ‘I just don't think you've got any horror in your blood.'

‘You'd be surprised,' I murmured.

‘What's that?'

‘Nothing,' I said quickly. ‘So there's no chance of me joining Monsters in School then?'

‘Absolutely none right now,' she said. ‘Our standards are very high though.' Then she added unexpectedly, ‘But keep practising.'

Saturday 13 October
9.00 p.m.

You know how the air feels thick and heavy just before a massive thunderstorm breaks out? Well, that's exactly how my house feels tonight. A very strange atmosphere, just as if something's about to happen. Something big.

Sunday 14 October
11.30 p.m.

It's happened.

Sunday 14 October
11.33 p.m.

Earlier, I'd fallen asleep surprisingly quickly. I think I just wanted to get today over with. But then I jumped awake. I'd heard something, a kind of rustling sound as if a bird had flown in here by mistake. And now it was roosting right in the darkest, most shadowy part of my room.

How could a bird get in here? That was nonsense. Something was here though. I was sure of it. I was surprisingly calm about it too. Maybe because I was still only half awake.

I leaned forward. ‘Er, hey,' I called. Don't
ask me why I said that. I certainly never expected a reply. But that's exactly what happened.

A voice said, ‘Now, don't be afraid, everything will be all right.'

A voice I recognized instantly. ‘Dad, where are you – look, I'm going to put a light on.'

‘No, don't do that,' said Dad, so fiercely I froze.

Nothing happened for a moment, except my whole room sort of shivered. And then something came flapping out of the shadows. Only it wasn't a bird.

It was a bat. The biggest one I'd ever seen. It swirled and whirled above my head – and came tumbling out of the air and straight towards me. For a second I saw the flash of burning red eyes and then it landed on my neck. It felt surprisingly soft and furry. But I really didn't want it hanging onto me.

‘Dad,' I called. Where was he when I needed him? ‘Get this thing off me, will you?' Dad didn't say a word. In fact, the only sound I heard was a kind of slurping noise. The bat obviously thought it was feeding time. I tried to pull it off my neck, but
suddenly it was as if all my energy was being sucked away. I couldn't even move my arm. In fact, I could hardly even speak.

‘Dad, help … help,' I stuttered.

I must have passed out then, but only for a few seconds, because when I came to again, the bat was still there. It was hovering just over my head as if getting ready for another feast. I could hear its breath hissing slightly and on its mouth were beads of bright red blood:
my
blood.

I was so angry now that I found the energy to snarl, ‘This restaurant is closed, so don't you dare come flapping near me again.'

And instantly the bat vanished. It was as if I'd chanted a magic spell. I couldn't believe it. And instead there was just my dad leaning over me and looking all concerned.

‘Dad, there was this bat …' I began. ‘And it …' But my voice fell away. I gazed up at my dad in total horror. Tiny specks of blood were there on his lips now.

‘That bat was
you
,' I cried, ‘wasn't it?'

‘I'm very sorry, Ved,' said Dad, wiping his lips with his hankie. ‘But you see …' He hesitated.

‘Yes?'

‘I had to blood you.'

‘Blood me?' I yelled. I thought he'd gone crazy. Yes, all parents were weird but mine really were total loonies. I tried to get out of bed.

‘No, don't move yet.'

But I ignored this and stumbled to my feet. I wanted to see what had happened to me. I tried to look at myself in the mirror, only it was like staring at a faulty telly. And I couldn't see myself properly at all. One second I was there, the next I'd completely vanished. I wasn't moving but my reflection was jumping about all over the place.

‘What's happening to me?'

‘It's all right, love, it's only temporary,' said Mum, who'd appeared in the doorway. ‘It's normal at this time to have a little trouble with your reflection.'

‘Normal?' I practically shrieked. ‘Nothing's normal in this house. But this is creepy on a whole new level. Look, what's going on here?'

‘Ved, come back to bed,' said Mum. ‘You're bound to be very confused and—'

‘After my dad turns into a vampire bat and
attacks me – yeah, to be honest, that was a tiny bit of a shock,' I began. I had more to say, but then my legs buckled and I had to be helped back into bed by Mum and Dad.

‘Now, just lie quietly,' said Mum.

‘Why, what have you got planned for me next? If you could warn me when you're planning to turn into another blood-seeking creature, I'd be very grateful.'

‘Look, will you just let me explain?' said Dad. ‘I never knew a boy like you for making a fuss.'

‘Oh, I'm sorry,' I began, ‘but I've just been attacked.'

‘No, you haven't,' said Dad quite snappily.

‘Please let your father explain,' said Mum.

‘He's been on edge all day about this.'

I gazed up at Dad. ‘Go on then, explain.'

Dad sat down on the bed. ‘You've heard of the flu jab, haven't you?'

‘Yes,' I said cautiously.

‘Certain people have that to protect them. People who might be at special risk from flu.'

‘You're not telling me that was the flu jab you gave me tonight,' I said.

‘No,' replied Dad. ‘It was the vampire jab.'

I nearly laughed. ‘What?'

‘You are having a few little problems in changing over into a half-vampire. The jab tonight just helps to accelerate the process.'

‘It stops me having a choice, you mean,' I said. ‘Look, I don't want to be a half-vampire. Sorry, but I'm just not into vampires. You're forcing me to be like you.'

‘No,' said Dad. ‘That's not how it is.'

‘Actually, Dad, that's
exactly
how it is. And you giving me the vampire jab is a bit of a giveaway.'

‘Please believe us,' said Mum. ‘We did this for your own safety.'

‘Oh yeah, sure. I ought to report the pair of you to Childline,' I said. ‘Not to mention the European Court of Human and Half-Human Rights. I'm sure they'd like to be in on this too. And yeah, they might find the story a bit far-fetched at first, but I suppose there's the little tell-tale sign on my neck. That's my proof, isn't it?'

Dad didn't answer. Instead, he walked out.

‘Oh, you've really upset him now,' said Mum.

‘I've upset him?' I asked. ‘Look at
me
.'

‘You'll just feel a little under the weather for an hour or two,' said Mum. ‘And your neck might be a bit itchy. So try and not scratch it as that will wear off very soon and tomorrow morning you'll feel as right as rain again.'

‘But something's happened to me tonight, hasn't it?'

‘Yes,' said Mum. ‘But you've got to trust us; it's for your own good.' She smiled at me. ‘Now, do you trust us?'

‘Sorry, Mum, but right now I really don't.'

There was a little catch in Mum's voice as she said, ‘Well then, I don't know what to say, except if you can't trust us we've obviously failed you. So it's all our fault.' With that she left too.

11.50 p.m.

Parents have no right turning themselves into bats. It's just not what you expect from them. Yet after all that carry-on I'm now supposed to feel sorry for them!

11.55 p.m.

Crept to the top of the stairs. Mum sounds really upset now – and Dad's comforting her
by saying, ‘The vampire jab had to be done. Everyone we asked said that.'

11.57 p.m.

The vampire jab – have you ever heard anything dafter? I think my mum's crying now. Well, how dare she! No one attacked her. ‘We're doing our best,' she sobbed. ‘Why can't Ved see that?'