The Vampire Club (9 page)

“
I-I used to think they all worked for the CIA, some kind of Black Ops. I mean just look at them. They’re like soldiers
just
raring to go, but it—”

“
Seems like they have no place to go?” I interrupted.

“
Yes, they’re like a passive force, until—”

“
Recently?” I finished again.

She looked at me as if she possessed the ability to finish her own sentences and wanted to do so. Janice glared at me, so I went back to eating eggs.

“
Yes, there’s a fire surging through them now. And then you guys come along. What business do you have here?”

A fair question, I reasoned, but one I was somewhat unprepared for. I babbled a bit, drool spilling over onto my chin. As I was wiping it away, lovely Janice came to her man’s rescue. “Field trip, Becky. We’re from Western Virginia University.”

“
Now why does that college sound familiar?” said Becky, and that was the first time I had ever heard the phrase said about our college. “I’ve heard of it spoken around here. There seems to be some interest in it.”

“
Not West Virginia?” I asked.

“
No, plain Virginia, only with the ‘western.’”

Juan then asked, “Have you heard of a young man named Dial Toen?”

“
Never in my life. You chaps are pretty curious about this place and what goes on in it, huh?” she asked, and suddenly I was very alarmed.

What if she reported back to Granddaddy Grandmaster or Raul or whomever what had just transpired in this room. But she couldn’t, for she
just
put a hole in Dial’s story about this being the home of his relatives. She had no loyalty to them, so we were safe.

“
Yes,” said Janice, “And we get more curious every minute.”

“
Are they up to something?” asked Becky, hoping for some meaty rumor material.

“
We’re not sure,” said Professor L, giving her nothing to hoard away until she could whisper with the other hired help. “We’re just trying to learn a little more about our mysterious host. Field trips are all about research, you know.”

We all nodded vigorously and praised her eggs.

Chapter Sixteen

Becky Fast was a well-oiled breakfast machine, or maybe it was all that bacon grease. When she was gone, the kitchen was spotless and we were full.

And the moment Becky stepped through the swinging kitchen doors, Professor L emphatically slammed his fist down. “We must act quickly!”

My pants were unbuttoned and I was rubbing my swollen belly. I didn’t think I could act quickly if I were paid to. Unless, of course, Janice wanted to loosen my pants some more.

“
The VVV are at this very moment in conference, no doubt discussing our fate,” the professor said. “We must act now, while there’s time.”

Buddy muttered: “Nice show. That whole ‘cook’ act.”

Janice nodded. “You kinda feel sorry for her. Did you pay her or just charm her?”

I realized what they were getting at. “You think that was all bullshit?”

“
Of course,” said Juan. “She’s just pissed because she has to work overtime for the family reunion.”

Now I was absolutely amazed. “You still think this is a family reunion? You still think all these goddammed giants are related?”

“
Makes sense to me,” said Janice, breaking my heart. “I mean, it must all be in the genes. I mean, just look at Dial—how muscular, how handsome, how—”

“
How about enough?” I said, irritated.

“
I’m with them,” Buddy said. “She can cook a decent egg, but she doesn’t know beans about vampire hunters.”

“
Janice, you heard them last night!” I said, stifling a burp.

“
I heard what sounded like a family reunion, despite all their cussing. Just loved ones catching up on news.”

“
Friends, fellow vampire lovers, can’t you see we’re in the midst of the ultimate enemy? Will you listen to reason? How is it that Dial’s relatives just happen to live within miles of a vampire—”

Buddy stood. “We listened to your damned reason last night, and look what it’s cost us—a perfect opportunity to free a bound vampire and fulfill our quest. You’re paranoid, Andy. Deep down, you fear reviving this vampire. I think you fear it may not turn out to be what you have expected. Like the fantasy is better than reality.”

My mouth snapped open to retort, but Buddy wasn’t quite done: “Now, I think I speak for Janice and Juan by saying Dial is A-OK and he’s very much one of us. Tonight, we will revive our vampire—with or without you!”

And the three
amigos
left the kitchen like a wolf pack.

The Old Man and I sat in silence for a moment.

“
They’re in grave danger, no pun intended,” said L.

“
Yep, they’re digging their own graves, pun intended,” I said. “What can we do, Professor?”

“
Their passion has overcome them. When people are in a state of mind such as theirs, you can do only one thing: keep them from hurting themselves, otherwise you’ll watch your best friends be buried alive—gotcha!”

“
But there’s so much at stake,” I came back.

“
A mystery we can sink our teeth into,” he said.

“
Bite me,” I said, the nail in the coffin of vampire clichés. I got up to leave, buttoning my pants with a grunt, before he came up with something worse.

Chapter Seventeen

He did come back with something worse. Reality.

“
Andy,” said the professor, as I reached the oversized kitchen door. “We know the enemy is in another one of their meetings, rethinking their plans. What exactly they’re up to, I don’t know, but while they’re away, we have a golden opportunity to poke around—maybe we can get to the bottom of things before night.”

“
And before,” I added solemnly, “our comrades blunder into a trap—the poor fools. I know of one thing I want to check out.”

“
What’s that?”

“
The cellar. I think there’s something down there.”

The professor smiled and arched an eyebrow. “Like what, my student?”

“
Something old and very much alive.”

“
My feelings exactly. Why leave the vampire six feet under in a cold grave, when you could keep track of him in your damned mansion?”

“
I have a question, professor.”

“
Speak.”

“
Why have the VVV stuck around so close to the vampire’s original grave when he was gunned down so long ago? I mean, why not move him somewhere else, thus ensuring that the vampire could never be found?”

“
Pure neglect, my student. Overconfidence. They welcome challenge. I mean, what else in hell do they have to do, now that they’ve won? Why else would they invite us into the very mansion where the vampire might actually be?

“
But also,” he added, “they are ensuring the fact that all seekers of this vampire will get discouraged. They are not leaving it to chance that we might ask a lot of questions around town and discover that a very queer family was living just down the road, only miles from the grave, queer enough to cause us to investigate. They brought us into this mansion to have absolute control over us, and obviously their lies are working on some of us.

“
But we must act quickly while they are still in conference.”

“
Andy, did you happen to notice the two brutes playing cards by the front door—”

“
Which,” I added, “just happens to be next to the cellar entrance.”

“
They’re either there to guard the cellar or keep an eye on us if we leave.”

“
Then we’re just going to have to see.” And as I helped the professor up, listening to the chorus of his joints cracking and popping, I knew in my gut that whatever the hell was going on around here wasn’t going to stay secret for long.

And I wouldn’t even tell Janice “Told you so.”

Well, maybe a little.

The professor and I wound our way from the kitchen to the foyer, and, both somewhat out of breath after the hike, peeked around the hallway corner and saw the two goons still playing cards. There was a huge bear head on the wall above them, and its glass eyes appeared to watch the game.

“
We need a plan of attack. That door across from them, I believe, is the cellar—can you see it?” I pointed to a nondescript door. It was tucked into a recess in the wall, almost like it was disguised.

Professor L craned his neck around the corner.

I whispered. “Not too far, they might see—”

“
You looking for someone?” asked a deep voice from around the corner where the professor’s head was.

Shit!

Professor L froze.

“
Tell them you’re lost,” I whispered, safely hidden.

“
I-I-I laafffftt.”

A line of drool oozed down his chin. If he failed as a professor, he could always take up acting. Keifer Sutherland had to retire sometime, and my precious Corey Haim was dead, so there were always openings, one way or another.

“
What?” one of them growled.

“
I-I’m looking for the front dork, I mean door,” said the professor in surprisingly clear English.

“
You’re looking at it, old man.”

“
Oh.”

“
Go on,” I said, seeing the possible implications in this.

The professor moved out from around the corner, slowly, stooped over, doing his creepy-old-man bit. I glanced to where he’d been standing, but he’d managed to control his ancient bladder—thank God.

The professor shuffled along the wooden floor, and the mammoth front door squeaked open, then snapped shut with a
kuh-doink
.

Leaning as close to the corner of the wall as I dared, I managed to hear: “You wanna follow him?”

“
Yeah,” said the other goon.

The door squeaked open, slowly this time, as if the guard was trying to be sneaky.

“
Hey!” one of them yelled, before the door finished opening. “You snuck two cards!”

“
No, I didn’t,” said the other.

“
Yes, you did.” He slammed the door closed and I heard his thudding goon boots returning to the table. Since they were arguing, I risked a peek.

Goon One had his palm over his cards, which were flat on the table, and Goon Two had a hold on his wrist, tugging mightily and trying to remove the pressure. “Let me see!” he grunted through clenched teeth.

What happened next was a classic. Goon One let go and Goon Two fell back against the wall, rapping his head so hard I could feel the vibration. The bear head came loose from the wall and bounced off the other goon’s head. I stepped around the corner to find them both sprawled unconscious.

I knew we didn’t have long, so I ran to the door and summoned the professor, who hadn’t gotten very far because he was still pretending to have arthritis.

“
Come on,” I said. “Window of opportunity knocks but once.”

He hurried to my side and looked in wonder at the goons on the floor. He gave me a look of amazement. I merely flexed one bicep and said, “Make sure you tell Janice I did it all by myself. And now, the cellar.”

I rubbed my hands in anticipation as I approached the cellar door. Could this be it? Could there be a vampire down there in the abyss of the cellar? There was only one way to see, and I tried the knob.

Locked, of course. Crap! Crap! Crap!

I checked the goons, but they were sawing logs. I pulled hard at the handle, pushed, pounded, then kicked. My amazing strength that had vanquished two six-foot-four goons had apparently failed me.

“
The card,” the professor said.

I glanced at the card table. One of them might have been cheating, because the hand had five aces.

“
No, the credit card,” Professor L said.

I flipped through my wallet and found the credit card he’d given me. What was it about them anyway? Was there some charm in them that commanded the locks to open? I seriously doubted it, but stuck my card in the space between the frame and door anyway. It hit something, I maneuvered the card a little here and there. And now that something was moving. I held my breath, this thing really worked! I slipped it higher....

Chapter Eighteen

“
What are you doing?” boomed a voice at our backs. I turned to find one of the big Mayan goddesses standing with her arms folded, looking like she’d been carved from volcanic rock.

“
Uh—I was just looking for a bathroom,” I managed.

“
Both of you?”

The professor and I exchanged glances, wondering how to play it. “We came around the corner and found these two gentlemen passed out and thought we might put wet compresses to their heads, to bring them around,” the professor said.

“
Leave these idiots to me,” she said.