The Vampire Club (13 page)

“
Am I missing something?” asked the professor.

“
Not only are you missing something, it appears Dial is missing something also.”

“
Might the word be ‘remuneration’ or perhaps ‘satisfaction’?”

“
Probably satisfaction, since I don’t know what the hell ‘remuneration’ means.”

“
You’d think he’d be somewhat more jovial than he appears now.”

“
Yeah, or even happier. Maybe he can’t live it up yet because we’re still loose.”

“
Or perhaps he’s missing a piece to his personal puzzle of pleasure.”

I didn’t like the way the professor was squinting. “Janice? No way. He never cared about her except as somebody else he could sucker.”

“
Your restraint is envious. Her charms are quite noticeable, even by one as flaccid as I.”

“
She’s just another member of the Vampire Club,” I said, keeping my voice steady.

The professor grunted as he bent over to peer through the shrubs. “My young charge, I’m getting too advanced in years for this type of skylarking.”

“
I agree, whatever you said. But you are doing it for the ultimate cause: to free a bound vampire.”

“
Thank you for reminding me, my devoted pupil. Indeed, I now feel a sort of rebirth in my poor, decrepit, withered, and flaccid body.”

“
We’re on a sacred mission,” I reminded him.

Broncos and jeeps came and went, but no sign of the cops. No doubt my friends were rotting away deep inside some dank cell, being interrogated by cops whose breath stank of coffee and donuts and probably vinegar sardines. All because of their stubbornness. After all, if they would have listened to their club leader....

Dial turned away from the pack and headed straight toward us, causing my breath to catch in my throat.

“
Come on,” I whispered to the professor. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“
No.” He was watching Dial with a sort of grin on his face. Had he suddenly gone senile?

“
Jesus, professor.”

“
Hold on, Andy.”

Dial’s head was as low as it could go as he ducked into the woods. My muscles tensed and my head spasmed twice as he approached. He was not, however, looking ahead, or for that matter, anywhere near us.

Dial settled on a stump, looked down at the forest floor, and sniffed.

He sniffed once more and I figured he was allergic to the oak leaves or was developing a cold.

He sniffed a third time and I was shocked to realize he was crying.

Chapter Twenty-eight

The sound of his weeping was neither loud nor low, just sort of melancholic and mellifluous. It was a sad noise, bringing back distant memories of lost loves and pain beyond bearing. Now, as I squatted in the darkness listening to Dial’s weeping, I remembered my first Anne Rice novel.

It was both beautiful and horrific. The images it stirred deep within me have never left, indeed were the foundation, the starting point, for my quest of vampirehood. I also remember the horror in my mother’s face when she realized her eight-year-old son was fixated on vampires.

She had banned me from my research. She had thrown my half-dozen vampire books away, saying “That’s not the way nice Christian boys behave.”

That night I dug them out of the trash, and knew from then on, I could never trust my parents again, nor any grown-ups who had lost the magic in their lives. I would have to hide everything from their hostile eyes. In part, I lived a double life all through my years at home. I had built a sort of study for myself in a small attic above our garage, with a curtain over the back part. To the untrained, casual intruder such as a snooping parent, it looked like a nice place to read the Bible and pray.

Behind the curtain, though, was a different sort of shrine. Over the years, my vampire books, both fiction and non-fiction, entered into the hundreds. And my parents never knew it. I simply told them I was going up to read the Book of Matthew, and I disappeared right above their noses.

It was my sanctuary, my holy of holies, that hidden study. There I sated myself with all there was to know of vampires, both fact and fiction. I became a member of every known vampire club, using a school computer to browse the Internet.

I literally prayed for the day graduation would come from high school, and for only one reason: to move out and into college. And my secret life always held sadness, for my parents could never love me for what I truly was.

Yes, I knew sadness. And I couldn’t take any joy in that hulking, Janice-stealing, back-stabbing moron’s pain, as much as I would have liked to get revenge.

“
We’re going to have to do something,” the professor whispered.

“
Like what?” To me, just watching him was enough of an intervention. Sadness passed, and so did pain. What didn’t kill you made you stronger. Unless, of course, it crippled you for life, or drove you into a suicidal depression.

Or put a silver bullet in your heart.

Let him get up and walk away and let us get back to our seemingly hopeless plan.

“
I don’t know, but I think it’s quite clear that Dial might be regretting his situation,” the professor said.

“
You mean he feels like shit for turning on the others?”

“
Something like that.”

“
You think he might help us?”

“
I don’t know, but we can see.”

“
Huh?” I thought the professor was losing it. All that thinking had gone to his head.

“
Grab that stick.”

“
Huh?”

“
Shhhh.”

“
Just grab it.”

I grabbed it. “Now what?”

“
Wallop him.”

I was never much of a walloper, and violence never solved anything. Then I thought of him and Janice, giggling and whispering on that tombstone back in the graveyard. Maybe violence was a good answer once in a while. “How hard?”

The professor looked at me, then at Dial. “As hard as your enthusiasm can muster.”

Even that wasn’t much. I stood and crept over a small bush. A twig snapped. I cringed and gulped air. Dial, however, did not turn, still weeping into his hands.

Soon I was behind him. I raised the club overhead. Then, in a blur, I swung down.

And was shocked when Dial’s hand reached out behind and caught my stick.

Yes, it was a most remarkable feat. I tried to tug it free, but he yanked it away.

“
Dumbass,” he whispered. “We’ve all had Black Ops training.”

“
That explains why you look so good in a dress.” True, I had nothing, but that’s a line that at least confuses, if not insults.

“
The only dressing I’m going to do is when I open you like a Thanksgiving turkey and stuff some bread crumbs up your ass.”

“
I knew you were a phony from the start,” I said. “Do you think I’d let a member of the VVV into my club if I didn’t have a good reason?”

“
Oh, yeah, you’re real leadership material. I heard you behind me the moment you breathed. I figured you’d probably try to wallop me from behind or something. Where’s the professor?”

“
Didn’t make it. Dropped dead in the forest.”

“
Coronary heart disease?”

“
No. Tired as hell. Poor guy. Just couldn’t take another step.”

And that’s when the leaves and sticks and other fallen extensions began to crunch and crackle as someone made their way through the forest.

It was about at this time where I began to feel things were getting out of hand.

Chapter Twenty-nine

“
I sense someone else,” said Dial.

“
Your worst nightmare, unless of course you’ve dreamed of Freddie Krueger in a Speedo.” And thank God, in a way, that was the professor speaking. I was glad it was not another VVV member, but now I was caught in a little fib.

“
Professor?”

“
Of course. Now let’s bypass the small talk. What do you plan to do with us?”

“
Well, first off, I’m glad to see you’re up and about and not decaying in the forest somewhere,” Dial said, giving a menacing tap of his club to his open palm. “Because that would spoil the fun. And to answer your question, according to my organization’s golden rule, I have the liberty of killing you on sight, then calling in a special squad that would get rid of your bodies—they have a knack of either making your deaths look like an accident, or wiping you off the face of the earth completely. That last part isn’t my job. My job’s is just to kill you and not leave behind too many visible signs.”

“
Well, try not to enjoy it so much,” I said.

“
Now, we chose not to kill you earlier, basically because our leaders decided, well, it might cause suspicion because of all the publicity. We wanted you to come, be disappointed about not finding your vampire, have you arrested for attempted grave-robbing, and watch you leave and to never return. Perfect. Except you two escaped.”

The professor nodded. He seemed to be still intrigued by the death route as an intellectual problem, as well as the proper disposal of evidence. I only hoped he wouldn’t offer them any good tips.

“
You could’ve made it look like our group fell off some cliff in a tour bus or something,” he said.

“
Plan C. I don’t know, it was a good idea, it just didn’t have the right...feel, you know?”

“
When you’re getting rid of people, I suppose the plan should at least feel right.”

“
Now you’re catching on, Professor. Some of the very few softies in the organization, I think there are two in Europe, have a very large voice in such matters, because they are from Old, Old Money. They were the ones who spared your lives initially.

“
But now you guys escaped and the softies have turned into hardies”—why an image of Janice and I doing the dance of love appeared in my mind, I don’t know, I suppose hope springs eternal, as well as other things—“and have issued a DDD, an all-out Bulletin of
Death, Dismemberment, and Disposal
. I’m supposed to kill you right here, right now.”

“
Well?” asked the professor. And I cringed, believing the professor could have perhaps used a better choice of words. Maybe something more along the line of: “
Oh, God, please don’t kill me! I’ll do anything! Vampires? Don’t exist!
”

I don’t know, maybe it was just me.

“
I have killed more men than most people have eaten meals in their lifetime,” Dial said, wolfish teeth gleaming in the moonlight.

A quick calculation on my fingers made me realize the man before me was doing his part in keeping world overpopulation in check. He shook his head sadly. “And I’m still the lowest of the low in this organization.”

“
But they did trust you with this covert operation.”

Dial brightened, then his shoulders slumped. “It was more of a test for me than anything.”

“
A test? For you?”

“
Yeah, there have been some rumors that my loyalty to the organization might be questionable.”

“
So they gave you this opportunity to redeem yourself?”

“
Yes.”

“
And is your loyalty in question any longer?”

“
No. They’re believers.”

“
But are you?”

There it was. The question of questions. Dial was not looking at us. With slumped shoulders and head hung low. “I was so certain of my beliefs, that all vampires should be eradicated. And then I joined your club, and I became confused. I had a huge change of heart.”

“
We do tend to have that effect on people,” I said.

“
I think I did wrong, Professor L. I feel like dookie. I made it possible for my true love to be carted off to jail like a common criminal.”

Have you heard of the saying “a hollow victory?” We had momentarily escaped doom, but I realized Dial was still infatuated with my Janice. I realized that if it was looks and muscles Janice was after, I had absolutely no chance. No, my only hope was in brains and charm.

Well, brains, at least.

Or maybe I had no hope after all....

“
Yes,” said the professor. “I’m sure you have let Janice down.”

Dial’s big head rolled up. “I was talking about
Juan
. I wonder if he would ever forgive me.”

An appropriate length of stunned silence passed through our triangle of conversation. I discovered a smile had found its way to my lips. The professor’s own lips were finally working. “Does, er, Juan know about this?”

Dial sighed, his huge chest rising darkly in the night. “No. But I still love him.”

Maybe Dial knew something about Juan that we in the club didn’t. I found that to be absurd. For the past few years, no one had been closer than the five of us. But when it came down to secret desires and passions, who really knew what went on in the mind of even a close friend? After all, our common bond was vampires, not—my one-sided affections for Janice aside—romance.