"I
lost, Elizabeth. I knew it. He knew it. He would not accept a debt of honor. I
had no choice but to accept his terms."
She hurt
so deep inside, she felt like crumbling into pieces on the floor and burying
herself in grief. Instead, she held her head high, concealing her tears and her
heart.
"You
never wanted me, then. You did not seek my father out. He sought you. What a
silly widgeon you must think I am.”
"No,
Elizabeth. I think you everything beautiful."
She
could no longer look at him, her heart hurt so. It felt as if someone was
squeezing it, twisting it inside and out, until there was no life at all.
"You
are free now, my lord." She gave a sad laugh. "I absolve you of this
debt."
"But
you must marry me."
Grief
and anger tossed like a storm in the very core of her being. "I must?
Marry a man who is forced to marry me over a debt? How very unconventional for
you, the son of a duke, to marry such a low person as I. Ha, a wagered bride
for the lofty Lord Stephen Clearbrook. How very droll. You must have had a good
laugh with your brothers."
"It
was not like that at all. I wanted to tell you."
"Then
why didn't you?"
"It
does not matter."
"It
matters little to you, but if I marry you, I will have to live with the truth
the rest of my life. Every morning when I wake up, I will remember why you
married me, what my father did. Every time I touch you, I will remember. Do not
think me a fool. Though I may not be of such titled blood as you, I still have
a heart that can break, and you may consider it broken."
He
grabbed her shoulders. "Elizabeth—"
She
didn't give him time to finish. She slapped him hard across the cheek and was
instantly horrified at what she had done. What had come over her?
A circle
of white formed about his lips.
"You
should have told me," she stammered, the tears flowing easily now. "I
will never forgive you for this. Never."
She
rushed past him and stopped abruptly, seeing her father standing like a statue
in the hall.
"How
could you do this to me, Papa?" she cried, her tears running in rivulets
down her face. "Trade me like some pawn in a chess game? I will never
forgive you, either."
Stephen
swallowed hard as he watched his beloved race up the stairs, her sobs burning
like a white-hot knife to his heart.
His eyes
flashed as he turned to William Shelby. "I should have borrowed or stolen
the money that night. We have both broken your daughter's heart, and I am not
proud of it."
William
Shelby pulled at his cravat. "The girl is strong-willed, but in time she
will see I did it because I loved her."
Stephen
took a step toward the man. "Infernal drivel, Shelby! You did it because
you wanted a drop of blue blood in your family. Hell's teeth! Do not speak to
me of love."
Shelby's
pale lips trembled. "Perhaps I was wrong. I only wanted the best for
her."
"Best
for her? You forced me upon her. What if I had not been a gentleman, Shelby?
Heaven help her. What, then?"
If
Shelby could turn any whiter, he did.
Stephen
grabbed the man by his neckcloth. "If you were not an old man I would
break you in two." Shelby winced.
Stephen
dropped his hand, disgusted at the way he himself had hurt Elizabeth. "You
don't deserve her. She is everything kind and beautiful. She deserves better
than this."
"The
engagement? We had a deal. Or are you not a man of your word? I am still
holding you to it. Your word of honor."
"There
is no engagement," Stephen snapped, knowing it was not as easy as that.
"Your daughter is the one who does not wish this marriage. And the devil
take it, if you wish to speak of honor, sir, you had best take a fine look at
yourself."
Stephen
departed in a cloud of fury, sidestepping his carriage and walking back to his
brother's home. He wanted to drink himself under the table, but those days were
over. He realized that now.
And
heaven help him, if he wanted to woo Elizabeth back into his life, he would
have to go about it a different way—and swiftly, or he would lose her forever.
Chapter Fifteen
A
t the sound of the knock, Elizabeth
pulled her head from her pillow. "Who is it?"
"It's
me. Milli. Can I come in?"
"You
are already in." Elizabeth turned her head from her sister and wiped away
the rest of her tears with the back of her hand. She could hardly breathe she
had cried so much.
"Will
you ever forgive me, Lizzie?" Milli's voice cracked with guilt as she
walked across the floor. The soft purr of kittens filled the room.
Elizabeth
spun around, her sobs barely checked. "Get them out of here, Milli. I
never want to see those kittens again." They reminded her too much of him.
"Lizzie!
How could you be so monstrous to two innocent kittens? They did nothing
wrong."
Elizabeth's
lips trembled as she buried her face in her pillow. "I'm sorry. It's just
that they bring back memories." She gave a stiff laugh. "How silly
the Clearbrooks must have thought me. Oh, Milli, how could you not have told
me?"
Milli
rushed toward the bed. "Forgive me, Lizzie. I would do anything to make it
all better."
Elizabeth
stared blankly at the wall beside her. "No one is ever going to choose my
husband. Do you understand, Milli? Don't let Papa or anyone decide for you,
either."
"I
will choose my prince, Lizzie. I certainly shan't let Papa do it!" She
hugged the kittens to her breast in such a tight grip they squeaked in protest.
Elizabeth
rolled onto her back and sighed. "Oh, Milli. What am I to do? I love
him."
"Well,
if he loves you back, would you wed him?"
"He
doesn't love me, Milli. And if by some miracle he did, I would never know the
truth. He would marry me because of Papa. I cannot win either way."
Milli
sank into the bed and let the kittens curl up against the pillows. "I can
see how it is. You might have to marry Mr. Fennington after all."
"Mr.
Fennington is no gentleman, Milli. I would never marry that weasel."
"I
should say not," a female voice declared. "However, marrying a
wagered bride was not well done of Lord Stephen either."
Both
girls looked up as Aunt Polly swooshed into the room.
Elizabeth
glanced at Milli. "You told!"
Milli's
brows raised about an inch. "Did not. She wiggled it out of me."
Elizabeth
threw her hands to her face. "I was such a fool."
Aunt
Polly put a comforting palm on Elizabeth's shoulder. "If you marry your
lord, all will be forgotten, my dear."
Elizabeth
blew her nose. "I... am not... marrying him."
Her
godmother pursed her lips. "Well, you cannot dismiss the soiree held at
the duke's home tomorrow night. It would be scandalous for you not to appear.
Think of Milli's future."
Frowning,
Elizabeth looked up. "I forgot about that."
"You
must go, my dear. Even if you mean to dissolve the engagement. You must hold
your head high and show everyone that you are Miss Elizabeth Shelby, and you
are made of the same flesh and blood as the rest of them."
"I
will go, but after it is all over, I want you to promise me I can stay at your
cottage in the country."
Milli
looked horrified. "But you cannot run away!"
"I
am not running away. I just need some time to think everything out. No one is
going to run my life anymore. Not Papa, and certainly not Lord Stephen
Clearbrook."
"The
cottage will be available, my dear. And I will care for Milli while you are
gone."
Glumly,
Elizabeth nodded. She would not let her father or Stephen determine her life.
Perhaps she would make her way to France and set up shop. She would administer
her remedies to pets, and if asked, to people, too. She would live her own life
and never ever fall in love again.
"I
believe you have gone out of your mind! I will certainly not give you that
amount of money!"
Stephen
slapped his hands on the duke's desk. "I need the money now! I can pay you
back, even if I lose. My business ventures have become quite lucrative. It's
just that I don't have that amount on me now, and there are no debts in the
game tonight. For the love of King George, I know I said I would never come to
you again, but I'm... I'm begging you."
"You
are begging me? I never thought I'd see the day."
Stephen
had no pride left. If he lost the woman he loved, he would have nothing at all.
"I
promise you, Roderick, I will return every penny. But I must play in that game
tonight. You cannot be worried about theft. We will be gaming in this very
house."
"Thunderation,
Stephen. This is maddening."
"Maddening
or not, I must have it."
"And
what if you lose? What then?"
Stephen
made a fist. "I have already lost what is most precious to me. I will pay
you back."
Roderick
shook his head, throwing his brother the key to his safe. "My money is
yours. But I want you to know, I do not condone this action."
Stephen
grinned. "Yes, but you have Jane and you are so very agreeable now that
you are married to such a woman."
Roderick's
lips curled into a wicked grin. "Quite agreeable, indeed. But I daresay if
she gets wind of this escapade I am funding, she will have my head."
Stephen's
brown eyes glittered. "An interesting prospect, but alas, one that will
never come to pass."
"You
know, I do believe Mother picked you up off the street like that cat Elizabeth
scooped out of the gutter last week. You never were like the rest of us with
your carefree spirit."
Stephen
stuffed the money into a sack and strode toward the door, leaving the key to
the safe on Roderick's desk. "Thanks. I know I've done some stupid things
the past few years, but I've changed. I see things differently now."
"Father
didn't die because of you."
Stephen's
boots halted. A brittle silence ensued as the two brothers stared at one
another.
"You
knew?" Stephen finally asked.
"I
eventually put two and two together. You argued with Father before he was
killed and you took the blame. I thought time would be your friend, but it
became your enemy instead. I was the oldest, Stephen. I knew Father loved
another. Oh, not a mistress, but a lady whom he cherished from afar. I just
didn't know who it was until Emily married. I also saw our mother's pain. I
tried to ignore it because there was nothing I could do."
Stephen
rubbed a hand across his face as painful memories clouded his vision. "It
was more than that, Roderick. I killed a man in the war. He—dash it all... he had
children."
"It
was war, Stephen. We are all mortal beings with faults." The duke poured
his brother a glass of sherry. "Take this. And know that many men have had
to kill in war. It's something I have done myself. However, carrying the guilt
for two men's deaths is not right. Ask forgiveness from God, forgive yourself,
and move on."
"Yes,
move on," Stephen muttered, realizing Roderick was right. Why had he not
seen it before? The past seemed behind him now, but what of his future? What of
Elizabeth?
"I
never knew for certain your role against Napoleon," he said to Roderick,
"but now I believe you were a secret agent of sorts. You seem to have
answers for everything."
Roderick's
right brow rose. "You always had a vivid imagination, even as a child. But
I have heard some things about you and Wellington, so I believe we are even.
Except it seems we have a hero in our midst who for some humble reason is
keeping it a secret."
Stephen
pushed his drink aside and smiled. So Roderick knew. "Thanks for
everything. And wish me luck."
"Now,
poppet, you must see I did what I thought was right."
As the
Shelby carriage rolled toward the Duke of Elbourne's townhouse, Elizabeth
avoided her father's worried gaze and stared at the lampposts gracing the
cobblestone streets.
"I
am not speaking to you, Papa."
"Lord
Stephen Clearbrook is a good man, Lizzie. I never would have wed you to anyone
who was not worthy of your love."
"Love?"
She let out a pitiful laugh. "I fell in love with a handsome lord. Is that
what you planned? To have your daughter's heart broken? To have the man love
someone else?"
Her
father bristled. "Someone else?" She refused to answer. "You
tell me now, Elizabeth. I thought you were jesting before. No daughter of mine
will marry a man who loves another."
"Like
you did." She regretted the words as soon as she said them. Her father sat
in silence. "Papa, I did not mean that"
"Fair
is fair, Lizzie. I ain't saying I was perfect. I was not fair to your mother.
She deserved better."
Elizabeth
fought the lump in her throat. "Did you love Mama?"
He
looked out the window and sighed. "I loved her, Lizzie. But not enough.
Ah, here we are." He turned and patted her knee. "Everything will be
fine, my dear, just trust me. By the way, did I tell you I like your hair that
way? Does something for your eyes, you know."
Stephen
eyed his mother warily as she closed the library doors and told him to take a
seat on the sofa.
"Pray
tell me, my dear mother, why do I have the grand pleasure of your company
tonight instead of Bringston? I thought your new husband had returned to London
today."
The lady
blushed. His new stepfather had made his mother feel young again, and if she
was happy that was all that counted.
"You
oaf!"
Stephen's
head snapped to attention. "Beg your pardon?"
The lady
stabbed her finger in the air and Stephen would have laughed if she weren't
pointing it at him. "You take that girl into your arms and declare
yourself or else."
His lips
fell into a crooked grin. "You love her, too."
His
mother's face instantly softened. "Of course I do."
"Well,
then. At least I have you on my side."
His
mother looked up expectantly. "What can I do?"
"Can
you make certain I have Elizabeth alone?"
Two
violet blue eyes lit up with delight. "My dear, you may think me a
delicate woman, but when it comes time to enter into battle, I am always
ready." She raised a right brow as Roderick did when he was planning
something entirely wicked.
Had he
underestimated his very own mother all these years?
"You
knew about your father, did you not?"
He blinked.
"Beg your pardon?"
"Your
father always loved another and you knew that."
Stephen
could not speak.
Her gaze
softened. "I loved your father and he was fond of me. But he loved someone
who could never return that love."
"You
had a marriage of convenience, Mother. I have no wish for that. I have to make
things right with Elizabeth."
She
smiled. "You know I loved your father. I had five beautiful children with
him. Do I regret it? Certainly not. But now I am married to a wonderful man,
and my life is complete. If you love Elizabeth, marry her, her father's edict
or not."
"You
knew?"
"There
is not much I do not know that goes on with you."
He
stared at her thoughtfully. "I have a plan."
"Plans
sometimes go astray. Tell her the truth."
"It's
too late for that. This is a chance I have to take."
"Very
well, then. Include me in your plans. I will have Elizabeth at my side at half
past ten. Is that satisfactory?"
"Yes,
and thank you."
Her eyes
danced. "What are mothers for if not to help their sons trap innocent young
maids in the garden?"
"Mother!"
"Goodness,
Stephen. Do not be such a prude. I have had five children and two husbands, you
know." Turning on her heel, she left the room, leaving him openmouthed and
speechless.