The Wedding Wager (McMaster the Disaster) (9 page)

I tilted my head and gave her my best ‘oh thanks so much’ look. I mean, I did want to change and fix myself up a little since Jake was taking me to a nice place, but it’s not like I looked like I just came off a trail hike or anything.

“What?” Mom asked, completely oblivious to her insults anymore. She shook her head as if trying to clear it of my silliness. “I think I’ve got what I need to move forward with some of the other plans now, now that I know exactly where your tastes are leading. And by the way,” she said, leaning in with her hand on her hip, “I have to say, I’m a little shocked that your taste is so good. I actually thought finding anything nice with you would be like pulling teeth, but it’s actually been a wonderful and insightful day.” She beamed, as if she had just paid me the highest compliment and I was supposed to fall down in gratitude.

“Oh thank you,” I said, with little emotion and sighed. “Yeah, it’s been a real treat.”

I mean, it had actually been a nice day, but Mother had a way of belittling even the most positive of days. So much so that I nearly said something about me not needing her to plan my wedding after all, but then she went and picked up her darn planning book and smoothed her hand over the cover lovingly, almost like she was stroking a baby’s cheek.

Nice to know she had a little love in her. I mean, even if it was only for a stupid book.

But as I watched her set it gently into her bag, a thought occurred to me that terrified me to my very core.

I think I wanted my mother to plan my wedding.

~ ~ ~

“Oh God, I don’t know what to do,” I said to Jake as we were seated in a quiet corner of the restaurant.

The lights were dimmed and the music was soothing, but my relaxation from earlier in the day had totally disappeared. I swear, my shoulder muscles were so tight it was like they were tucked up under my ears.

Jake seemed a little out of sorts too, all fidgety and stressed over something.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. Well, sort of. I know we just got back, but it looks like I’m going to have to leave again for a few days.”

My shoulders would have slumped if they weren’t wound so tight. “Already?” I said, hating the way I sounded so needy.

“I’m sorry, I know you want to figure out the stuff with the wedding and everything, and I tried to get out of it, really I did. My agent even said I didn’t have to go, then at the last minute the producers found some clause in my contract or something.”

I sighed. “I just hate that we barely got any time together in Bali…”

“We did though, we had those first days, and lots of evening time.”

Oh yeah, sure, lots, I thought, but didn’t say anything.

“And I’ll only be gone for a couple days, I promise.”

I nodded. “It’s just…” I looked up from my plate. “Are we ever going to pick a date?”

I hadn’t realized how worried about the date thing I’d been. I mean, we were engaged and all, but somehow it just didn’t feel… real without knowing exactly when it was going to happen. I looked back down.

“Of course we will. I’ll get a copy of my schedule for the next while and we’ll sit down and discuss it as soon as I get back, okay?” he asked, tilting my chin up to look into my eyes, and in that moment I knew I had nothing to worry about. When we were together, nothing seemed to be able to come between us. It’s just… I couldn’t help but wish those times were a little more frequent.

I sipped my wine and enjoyed my sun-dried tomato and feta stuffed chicken and basically just enjoyed the two of us being there together, savoring every mouthful and every moment.

And maybe because the moment seemed so perfect, and we were so in sync, Jake suddenly raised his head and smiled. “I just had a great idea.”

“What?” I asked, sipping again.

“We should move in together.”

Not a good time to have a mouthful of wine. I fought, trying my best not to spray it all over Jake, yet also trying not to choke to death. Focusing all my energy, I somehow swallowed, coughing—thankfully—only after it had gone down.

“Sorry,” Jake chuckled, “didn’t mean to startle you like that.”

“No, it’s okay,” I somehow forced out, holding my napkin in front of me, imagining what my face must look like; all red and veins popping out all over the place. I couldn’t help but wonder how far my eyes were bugging out too.

Jake sat patiently while I unsuccessfully—at least for a few minutes—tried to compose myself. “Are you sure you’re okay,” he asked, actually starting to look a little worried.

I let out one last cough, clearing the tiny bit of remaining liquid from my windpipe and nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m good.”

“I didn’t think it would be that much of a surprise,” he said. “I mean, I hadn’t really even thought about it until just now, but this is so nice, just the two of us, doing nothing but spending time together.”

My heart melted on the spot. “It’s not that, just bad timing that’s all. I guess I didn’t expect it before the wedding.”

He shrugged. “Why wait?”

I nodded, not totally sure if I was ready. I mean, things were amazing with Jake, but what about my life? What about Jen? And with the wedding to plan, it wouldn’t really be all that convenient to be so far away from Mattie, although I would be slightly closer to my mother. Of course, we’d end up having to go downtown to all the shops to plan the wedding anyway, so it would still be less convenient.

God, Mattie and Mom? Move in or not? Why in the hell could I not make a decision anymore? Oh wait… I never was any good at decisions in the first place.

“It sounds great, it’s just… I don’t know.”

Jake’s face fell slightly, like he certainly hadn’t expected me to say that. And I could certainly see why he would be a little shocked. I mean, moving from my crappy, small apartment with a roommate into a gorgeous place worth probably two million would be a no-brainer for about ninety-eight percent of the population, I’m sure, and it would definitely be nice, no doubt about it, but I felt like I had an obligation to Jen too. Especially with the baby on the way.

“Are you worried about Jen?”

I shrugged. “Of course.”

“Jen’s a big girl, Josie. She can take care of herself. Besides, David will make sure everything’s taken care of.”

I had to smirk at the thought of that one. Sure, Jen had no trouble telling me I could easily just go to Jake for money if I needed it, but to suggest that she lean on David financially, or even hinting that she couldn’t take care of herself… not a good idea. I could practically see her head spinning around already.

“Well think about it,” Jake said, his tone lighter. “We can talk about that when I get back too.”

“Sure,” I said, smiling, though I had to admit, I didn’t enjoy the last half of my meal nearly as much as the first.

~ ~ ~

“Like right away?” Jen said, shocked.

I’d just told her Jake’s suggestion.

“It’s crazy, I know.”

I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but along with Mattie, Jen was one of my closest friends. And right then I needed a friend to help me out.

She paced the room twice, then sat down. “It’s obviously not crazy,” she started. “You are getting married to the guy after all. It’s just…” She struggled to find the right words. “What about Bali?”

I knit my brows together. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you said it was nice and all, but… what about how much he was gone. How bored and lonely you were most of the time.”

“I wasn’t bored,” I said, more defensive than I should have been. “I…” I sighed. “I mean, I guess I was a little bored, but just look at what I discovered. What about my cooking and stuff?”

She tilted her head to the side, giving me a look. “Yes, what about your cooking? The great discovery that you enjoy cooking. Tell me… how much cooking have you done since you got home?”

Oh God, she was right. I had barely even stepped foot in the kitchen, and when I did, it was to microwave a frozen dinner.

“Look, I think it’s cool you liked cooking while you were there, and it’ll be awesome for you to do that when you get the urge, but is it really something you can see yourself doing all the time? You know, like, just to keep yourself busy or whatever?”

“I guess… but Bali was an exception. Jake was on location.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jen said. “But what about when he goes on location next time?”

“I’m sure I’ll find something to do.”

She stood, and it wasn’t until later that I realized she probably did it for effect. “If he asks you to go with him…” she trailed off as she left the room.

If? I thought. Why wouldn’t he want me to go with him? I sat for a while, thinking about what she said until she burst back into the room.

“Look, I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t want to scare you or anything, but I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot, what with David being gone all the time too, and realizing I’m essentially going to have to raise this baby on my own.”

“David will help,” I said.

“Sure,” she cut me off. “When he’s around. But with his schedule, I can’t really imagine how often that’s going to be.” She sounded bitter, even for her. “And Jakes in even more demand than David is. Especially right now.”

I stared at her, no words coming.

“Seriously Jose, you need to think about this.” She paused for effect. “Are you really sure you know what you’re getting into?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but still nothing came out.

“Because no matter how much you love someone, it doesn’t mean much unless they’re around.”

She headed out of the room again, her words lingering behind her.

She’s just feeling bad about her own situation, I told myself. It’s completely different than mine.

It was just too bad I couldn’t bring myself to believe it entirely.

CHAPTER 10

I decided to put it off.

I know, what else was new? But for once, I didn’t put off the decision. I put off the bigger thing. The much bigger thing.

“Hey,” I said, after Jake answered. “How’s the publicity junket?”

“Eh…” he said. “Same old. You’ve done one, you’ve done them all. All these interviewers think they’re so funny.”

I chuckled. I’d seen so many of those interviews back when I was an entertainment show junkie, that I knew exactly what he meant.

“So what’s up?” he asked, sounding like he was kind of in a hurry.

Which was the exact opposite of ideal, considering the news I had for him.

I took a deep, shaky breath, praying I wasn’t about to screw up the best thing that has ever happened to me. “Um… you know that thing we were talking about? You know, about us moving in together?”

“Of course.”

“Well…” I paused, still having no idea what, exactly, to say. “… it’s just that…” I sighed. “I just don’t know if it’s the right time right now.”

Silence filled the other end of the line.

“Jake? Are you still there? You’re making me nervous.”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“So… what are you thinking?”

“Yeah, fine. Whatever you want Josie.” There was a bunch of laughing and yelling in the background, like a traveling party had just passed behind him. “Look, it’s kind of crazy here right now. I have to go. See you when I get back.”

“Yeah, okay. Look I’m really sorry, it’s just that…”

But I didn’t have a chance to finish my sentence; not that I even knew how I would finish it. The line had gone dead.

Jake had already hung up.

Gee, good thing I wasn’t worried about screwing my whole life up or anything.

~ ~ ~

I really, really wasn’t up for wedding shopping the next day. I mean, I couldn’t even break the news to Mattie that he may, or may not actually be the wedding planner, let alone tell him there might not even be a wedding.

I mean, Jake had certainly never said anything about canceling, or breaking up, or anything, and he probably just needed a little time to blow off a little steam. Plus, he knew we would definitely still be moving in together at some point—just not this exact moment—but still, an annoying little voice kept niggling in the back of my head whispering, you’ve lost him, you’ve screwed it all up as usual… you’ve lost him, you’ve screwed it all up as usual….

Mattie had absolutely insisted we go check out bridesmaid dresses though.

And let me tell you, it was one thing to go along with wedding plans all by myself, but it was certainly another toting a wild-hormone pregnant lady along with you. Especially one who’s in on a big secret and not very good at keeping things to herself. Even more so, one who thinks you should have told said secret a long time ago and is definitely not invested in playing along.

Mattie had insisted we bring Jen along though, you know, considering she’d be the one who’d be very pregnant and had the most to gain or lose with the style of dress we chose.

“By the way,” Mattie said, as we walked into the first dress store. “Have you guys set a date yet? Because it is going to make a world of difference depending on how huge Jen is at the time.”

“Oh, thank you so much for using the word ‘huge’ Mattie,” Jen said. “Seriously, you couldn’t have said ‘depending on how far along’ or ‘how glowing’ I’ll be?”

“Oh please… you’re going to be the size of a house, no two ways about it,” Mattie said jokingly.

Jen smacked him in the arm. And not all that lightly either.

“No, we haven’t set a date yet,” I said. “We’re supposed to talk about it when he gets back.”

“Oh, so you’ve set a date to discuss the date,” he said, sarcastic. “What a relief.” He and Jen burst into giggles.

“Glad I can amuse you two,” I said, walking deep into the store and leaving them to their hysterics.

“May I help you with anything?” a clerk asked.

“Uh, sure,” I said. “We have an appointment to look at dresses. We’re the ones who need something that’s going to be suitable for a maid of honor who might be quite pregnant.”

The lady nodded knowingly. “Luckily, many of our designers have begun to cater to that exact situation. People around your age so often who have friends who are starting families.”

“Great,” I said. “Lead the way.”