The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) (45 page)

She disappeared, and I returned to the car, tossing my coat in the back seat and blasting the heat. A few minutes later, she reappeared and eased herself into the passenger seat. She crossed her legs and turned to look at me steadily.

“Talk.”

Chapter 27

Love Cries

Oft our displeasures, to ourselves unjust,
Destroy our friends and after weep their dust
Our own love waking cries to see what’s done,
While shameful hate sleeps out the afternoon.
(
All’s Well That Ends Well
, Act V, Scene 3)

I D
IDN’T
K
NOW
W
HERE
T
O
S
TART
, but I had to think of something—and fast. I saw no better approach than to be honest. What had Matt said? Something about eating a slice of humble pie? It was officially time to start chewing.

“Aubrey, I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am about what happened on Tuesday. I fucked up. Badly.”

“Yes. Yes you did.” She looked at me disapprovingly, but she motioned for me to continue.

“I don’t know what came over me. Of course there’s nothing going on between you and Matt. I let myself believe something that was a figment of my own imagination. I don’t know what else to say, other than I hope you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, to let me prove I’m worthy…”

I trailed off. She was staring at me, eyes narrowed.

“Wait a minute—what the hell? Where is this all coming from? One minute you think I’m messing around with Matt and you don’t answer my texts when I’m begging you to let me explain, and then today in tutorial you implied that I’d made you regret having faith in me. Now, all of a sudden, you realize you created the whole thing and you’re
sorry?
Help me out here, Daniel, because this does not fucking add up.”

I couldn’t fault her. I’d done a complete one-eighty in the space of six hours.

“You want to know what happened? Someone took me down a few pegs. That’s what happened.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” she said.

“I had a little chat with someone this afternoon after class. Someone who set the record straight for me.”

She shook her head, frowning, trying to piece together what I was saying. “A chat? Oh, crap. Was it Julie? It was, wasn’t it? She wasn’t supposed to say anything. I asked her to give you back your stuff. I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist getting into it with you. Shit.” She crossed her arms in a huff.

“Hang on, now. It wasn’t Julie. She did exactly what you asked of her. Much to my displeasure, I might add.” Thinking about how I’d felt going through that bag inspired a painful spasm in my gut.

“Well, if it wasn’t Julie then who—?” She looked at me again, her eyebrows furrowed. “No one else—” Her mouth popped open, and her eyebrows rose as the truth came into focus.

“Matt,” I confirmed.

“You’re kidding me. Tell me you’re not serious!” she hissed.

I nodded.

“Jesus. What the hell did he tell you?”

“He told me about the brutal week you’ve had. He explained what happened on Tuesday. He told me enough to make it perfectly clear that I’ve been a complete asshole.”

She turned and reached for the door handle.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

“I’m going to give him royal shit. That was
not
his information to share,” she said, voice shaking.

I grabbed her arm. “Damn it, Aubrey, don’t. Please don’t go.”

“Let go of my arm, Daniel.”

“Just—can you please wait a minute before you go and tear a strip off him? I’m so glad he came to talk some sense into me. I can’t tell you how much I respect him for what he did today.”

“What, so now you’re best friends?” she asked incredulously.

“No, of course not. Frankly, I think he hates my guts. But seeing you suffer was making him crazy. He cares about you. He was trying to knock some sense into me.”

She kept her arms crossed but looked as though she’d given up wanting to take out Matt, opting to stay and fight with me instead.

“Look, I’m not sure what the deal is here tonight—who you’ve left in there—” I gestured back toward the Kap house. “Maybe you’ve got a date waiting for you. I don’t know. But in all honesty, I don’t think ten minutes is going to cut it, and I’m
really
not comfortable sitting here in the middle of fraternity row. I’d love to get the hell out of here and sort all this shit out with you, but if you want to go back inside, I understand.”

I was being as gracious as I could manage; it would have gutted me to watch her go back, but I was in no position to make demands of her.

“Where did you want to go?” Her tone was noncommittal.

“Nowhere in particular. Anywhere off campus.”

“Jesus…” She sighed deeply. “Okay—just give me a sec.” She reached into her pocket and took out her cell phone. “I’m going to text Matt to tell him I’m leaving
, if that’s okay with you.
”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course that’s okay. I’m not a monster. Please don’t make me feel like one.”

While she was busy texting, I took the opportunity to pull out of my parking spot. I didn’t want her to change her mind, and I figured she couldn’t escape as long as the car was moving. I had no clue where we were going so I drove south, trying to put as much distance between us and the Kap house as possible. I glanced over as she slipped her phone into her purse.

“All done?” I asked.

“Yes, thank you,” she replied with forced politeness.

I tried to split my attention between her and the road.

“You look gorgeous, by the way. The dress, your hair—you look stunning.”

“Thank you,” she said crisply. “Joanna did it for me.”

“Joanna?”

“My roommate. My
other
roommate. I guess I haven’t told you about her. She’s not around much. But don’t worry; I’m not sleeping with
her
either.”

“I wasn’t…” I didn’t even know what to say. Was she even going to give me a chance? Or was I bashing my head against a brick wall? I sighed, exasperated.

“And in case you’re thinking I told her about us, I didn’t, so please don’t—”

“That didn’t even occur to me.” I glanced at her quickly. “I trust you.”

“Ha!” She shook her head and turned to look out the window. “That’s rich.”

Oh, shit. This was not going well. I could feel my blood pressure rising.

“Daniel, would you slow down?” she asked, her voice tight.

Crap—I was going seventy-five in a fifty zone. The last thing I needed was a speeding ticket. I brought my speed more in line with the legal limit and then was forced to come to a screeching stop. Up ahead, the traffic lights at College Street shone green, but for some reason cars in front of me weren’t moving.

“Jesus Christ, is there a particular
shade
of green you’re waiting for, assholes?” I growled.

Aubrey was grasping the arm rest tightly. “If you’re gonna drive like a maniac, you can let me out. I’ve had a bad week, but I’m not frigging suicidal.”

I forced myself to breathe, and as the car in front of us moved forward, I proceeded slowly, maintaining a safe following distance.

“There, is that better?” I asked.

She let go of the arm rest and clasped her hands in her lap. “Much. Thank you.”

“Here.” I handed her my iPod and plugged it into the stereo. “Why don’t you find some music? We’d better save the talking until I can pull over somewhere.”

We reached College Street, and she scrolled through my playlists. Instinctively I wanted to turn left toward my condo, but I turned right instead, still having no earthly clue where I was going. I should have planned this more carefully. I glanced at Aubrey again. She was examining my iPod with interest.

“See if you can find my UK playlist. Look for a song called ‘The Weight of My Words,’” I suggested.

“Yeah, it’s here.”

“Okay, throw that on,” I said.

I turned up the volume, hoping against hope that the song’s lyrics might soften her up. It would be easy for me to tell her that I was at a loss to properly communicate my feelings, but I decided to let the song speak for me—at least for now.

She peeked at me out of my peripheral vision. “Daniel,” she said. Her tone was heart-wrenching.

“Shh. Listen.”

I tried to keep my attention focused on the road, battling with my frayed emotions. Aubrey was wringing her hands, staring out the passenger window, perhaps as wrecked as me.

Somehow we’d arrived at Lakeshore Boulevard. I turned right, continuing to move away from the city center. Traffic was light, and now that I no longer wanted to punch out every driver on the road, I focused on finding a quiet place to stop.

I scanned the parking lots at the side of the boulevard, then I remembered the Palais Royale was a little farther along, just past the Boulevard Club. The perfect spot to talk. I smiled, wondering if Aubrey had ever been there. Probably not. Now I was excited—eager to share this wonderful place with her. How quickly I’d forgotten that I had a hell of a lot of work to do before I could count on her wanting to share
anything
with me.

I stole another quick look at her. The song was drawing to a close, and she was nibbling at her thumbnail. As the final note rang through the speakers, I reached over and turned off the stereo. There was no way I could cope with the next song. Up ahead, the Palais Royale lit up the darkened boulevard. I pulled into the busy parking lot, maneuvering into a spot and turning off the engine.

Now what?

“That was a nice song,” she said, her voice a strained whisper.

“I listened to it on Wednesday, and it damn near killed me,” I admitted.

She didn’t respond, instead training her eyes out the front window where the lake was shimmering, the lights from the boardwalk lamp posts reflecting across the waves. The gulf between us seemed insurmountable. Regardless, I had to try.

“Aubrey, how did this happen?” I struggled to maintain a deferential tone. I didn’t want her to think I was accusing her of anything.

“I hope that’s a rhetorical question,” she said, her expression weary.

I gazed out at the lake for a moment before looking back at her. “I’m not sure that it is.”

“So you want an answer?”

“I think it’s about time I gave you the opportunity to say what you wanted to tell me on Tuesday. I’m sure I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a chance to say it. I promise to listen rationally if you promise to allow me the chance to explain myself, too.”

“All right. Well, you handled things extremely poorly this week, Daniel.”

“Tell me what I should have done. I’ve obviously got some learning to do.”

“‘
To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me.’”

I smiled grimly. “Your uncanny ability to come up with some sort of Shakespearean comeback is impressive, but I think you already outdid yourself on that score today. I want
you
to talk to me tonight, Aubrey, not Ophelia, not Cleopatra, not Desdemona, and not the Princess of France.
You
.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” She shook her head. “How could you assume I’d betrayed you with Matt after the time we spent together last week? Do you honestly have so little faith in me? That hurt. A lot.”

I’d jumped to conclusions; I knew that now. I also knew with unshakeable certainty that she deserved the truth. She needed to know why I’d been so confused—that it hadn’t been a reflection of her character, but rather my own hang-ups and fears. Christ, how to start?

“Aubrey?” I reached over to hold her hand.

“Please don’t. Not now, Daniel. I can’t right now.”

I sighed, disheartened and desperate to connect with her.

“I handled things poorly on Tuesday. Our argument on the weekend threw me for a loop. Everything that happened this week goes back to that damn cab ride.”

“So you’re saying it’s all my fault for coming on too strong?”

“No, that’s not what I mean at all. Do you have any idea how much I wanted to take you home with me? I came so close, and that really scared me. I know we’ve already crossed a line, Aubrey. We can’t go back. But the thought of taking things further made me hate myself. I couldn’t do it. But God, I wanted to. I really wanted to.”

I impulsively reached out to her again, and this time she let me take her hand in both of mine. I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles, looking down at our joined hands before meeting her eyes again.