The White Forest (2 page)

“You know I can’t do that,” he said, then looked to me. “Jane, why don’t you speak up? Talk some sense into Maddy.”

I found I couldn’t respond. When the two of them argued, I became even more timid. Maddy said my quiet manner made me generally less attractive and was sometimes even off-putting. “Girls should be demure, Jane,” she advised, “but there are times when I see you from across a room, and I think you might have turned to stone. I’m loath to sound conventional, but we must at least
sometimes
consider how we are perceived by prospective suitors.”

Such concerns as my comportment had gone by the wayside when Nathan’s involvement with the Temple came to our attention. Maddy and I were privy to precious few details about Ariston Day and his rituals, but as far as I could gather, Day was a charismatic who spouted half-formed theories about a return to the original Paradise—his so-called bedrock—that lay beneath the scrim of common reality. He promised his followers that if they continued to provide support, he would help them find the entrance to that Paradise. Day was a dangerous creature, the type of worm who worked his way into minds already weakened by boredom and alcohol, and I worried that his hold on Nathan was only growing stronger.

“Wouldn’t it be better to simply live freely,” I suggested to Nathan finally, “away from any sort of rocks?” I tended to side with Maddy in our discussions, as solidarity put her at ease.

Nathan came closer and took my hand. I found his touch all too hot, and he smelled of the awful glue factory near the Temple of the Lamb. “We
are
free,” he said. “But with the help of Ariston Day, we could be so much more. We could find the bedrock and live together like this—the three of us—forever. Jane, I tell you, Day would be fascinated by all the things you can do, your secret talents. I believe he could even help us achieve the Empyrean.”

I pulled my hand away. “I don’t want to start talking about the Empyrean again.”

“Please, let’s not,” Maddy said. There was fear in her voice, real fear. Nathan was right; my closest friend, more often than not, found me unnerving.

“That business is finished,” I said. “It has to be.”

“I’m only saying that Ariston Day might be able to help you, Jane,” Nathan said. “He knows so many things.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine without his help.”

Nathan released my hand and walked toward the edge of the folly, pausing to look toward the southern woods. Afternoon was quickly slipping into evening, and the whole sky had turned the color of granite. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind stir the branches of the budding oaks, trying to calm myself. Beneath the blossoms of spring, I could still smell winter. Nathan would not be deterred. Soon he’d insist on experimenting with the Empyrean again, and I wondered if I’d let him.

We’d previously put our explorations aside after the terrible events that occurred before Nathan left for the Crimea—events that had changed us all. I certainly didn’t want the likes of Ariston Day probing those memories, nor did I like it when Nathan talked about my
abilities
in the presence of Maddy. She was apt to start calling me a witch again. There’d been a time, shortly after I’d revealed my talent to them, when Maddy carried the
Malleus Maleficarum
, a hoary medieval text otherwise known as the “Hammer of Witches,” that was meant to help inquisitors suss out and dispose of so-called unnaturals. When I told her I took offense, she replied that the book had nothing to do with me or my “afflictions.” Rather, it was research for a series of historical daguerreotypes she intended to make. I wasn’t certain about Maddy’s explanation. For weeks after her initial experience with my talent, she’d adopted an air of mistrust in my presence. I didn’t think she wanted to go as far as tying me to a stake, though the looks she gave me were, at times, as searing as any fire.

It was clear that both of my friends misunderstood me. I wasn’t a witch meant for burning, nor was I precisely the doorway Nathan imagined. I had no lock that could be picked. If anything, I was the
landscape behind the door, and even on that day in the ruin, I was still only beginning to comprehend my own flora and fauna.

“We should go for a walk on the Heath,” I said quietly. “It might clear our heads.”

“Jane’s right,” Maddy said. “Let’s forget all this business about Ariston Day—at least for a while.”

“I don’t want to walk,” Nathan said. He took a cigarette from the silver case he kept in his uniform jacket. “I’m sorry, girls. Maybe another time.” He struck a match on Mercury’s pedestal and lit the cigarette while gazing out across the unkempt garden. The more time Nathan spent at the Temple of the Lamb, the quicker he slipped into such bouts of melancholy. There was nothing Maddy or I could do to wrest him from these moods, so we fell silent there among the broken gods.

The Heath remained a memory of younger days when our friendship was still elegant—not yet fettered by jealousies or thoughts of unnatural forces. The three of us had forged our bond walking those houseless heights beneath the great marble skies, watching storm-dark clouds cast shadows on the tall grass. We passed through forests of hawthorn and birch that rose above purple bogs and walked fields lush with wild iris and lavender. Hampstead Heath was like a chapel, serene and godly, and I loved the feeling of the wind burning my cheeks as it swept down over the hills. When I walked there, I felt the poetry of Keats and Coleridge clinging to its winding paths. But such poetry was nothing compared to the presence of my friends. Our walks provided a sense of stability and comfort that I hadn’t felt since before my mother died. When I was with Maddy and Nathan, I was no longer the lonesome girl lurking in shadows. Instead, I imagined I belonged. I could laugh and even felt that I might one day fall in love.

It was Maddy who’d rescued me from obscurity. Her family had been driven from central London, where they’d lived in the fashionable area of Mayfair, and they settled at the edge of Hampstead Heath not far from where I lived. She accompanied her father on his first visit to our home, called Stoke Morrow, as he sought legal advice
from my own father. I remember watching Maddy from the dark recesses of the stairwell on that long-ago day. She was a petite girl in a honey-colored dress with an impressively complicated braid in her hair. To others, she appeared to be a displaced society girl, charming and quick with wit, but I would come to know her secret life. Her beauty was of her own invention. She drank a glass of vinegar mixed with honey once a week to banish the color from her skin and darkened her hair to a near black with silver nitrate from her father’s daguerreotype studio. Her wish was to become the opposite of all the simple, sunny girls who’d rejected her after her father was ousted from the London Society of Art for a series of unsavory daguerreotypes. Perhaps this will toward difference was why she chose me as her friend. I was as far from a society girl as one could get.

She’d moved about our foyer slowly, studying Father’s collection of oil paintings—all of them odd and varied depictions of the Holy Ghost. To me, she seemed impossibly fresh and alive, and I held my breath, not wanting to hear her scream if she mistook me for a spirit. But when her gaze finally fell upon me, Maddy did not seem taken aback. Her features softened, and rather than moving away, she stepped toward me. The smell of lilacs that wafted from her made me realize all the more how much I smelled like dust.

It was later, as we walked in the garden, that Maddy said something marvelous; she declared that we were going to be
companions
. “We’re so clearly meant for that,” she said. “Both of us are all alone out here in this wilderness. I had so many friends in the city, Jane, but out here, well, out here there’s only you.”

I wondered if I detected a slight bitterness in her voice, and I considered, for a moment, whether Madeline Lee might feel that she was “settling.” In all honesty, I didn’t care. I’d never had a proper friend before. I’d never even imagined that I
could
have one, and I wasn’t going to lose my chance. Though we were only fifteen at the time, Maddy seemed a woman of the world, and I could think of nothing finer than remaining constantly in her presence.

Nathan Ashe joined our little group soon after, a graceful creature of myth who’d ventured out of the tangled woods. He was a
wealthy boy with manners such as I had never seen who played equally at games of war and more mystical enterprises. It was Maddy who pulled him in. She was charming where I was not. She was the one who first invited Nathan to take a walk with us on the Heath, where he lived in a great Tudor mansion, called Ashe High House. To my astonishment, Nathan took a liking to
both
of us and even began visiting Stoke Morrow of his own accord. After our first charmed walk together, I never wanted to be lonely Jane Silverlake lost in her manor house again. I wanted to be always with my new friends. I imagined that the three of us might even make a little cottage of our own one day in the hills beyond the Heath. Nathan would hunt and Maddy and I would make a garden. We’d have everything we needed.

Such memories of my naïveté are painful even now.

•   •   •

Nathan left us there in the ruin that spring evening after our discussion of Ariston Day’s Temple, cigarette smoke trailing behind him as he made his way toward the path that led through the southern woods. I followed him with my gaze for as long as I could, watching as his red uniform coat dimmed and finally disappeared in the shadows of the trees. The air was becoming cool as dew set in, and I felt my consciousness drifting, mingling with the old gods. I wondered about Nathan and the trouble he was involving himself in at the Temple of the Lamb. I wondered about Maddy too—what would become of her should anything happen to him?

“We have to do something, Jane,” she said quietly behind me. There was a new desperation in her voice.

“What do you suggest?” I asked.

“Is tying him to a heavy piece of furniture out of the question?”

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath of spring air. “I don’t know, Maddy,” I said finally. “Do you really think we could catch him?”

I
n the weeks after Nathan disappeared from the Temple of the Lamb, Maddy fell into a depression, and I became lost in a state of strife unlike any I’d ever known. My uncanny talent, which had possessed me since my mother’s death, was stirred into a frenzy. I experienced odd sensations at every turn, and no matter how much concentration I applied, I could not quell the clamoring. Maddy and I no longer took pleasure in walking the bright arcades at Regent Street, arms linked and skirts rustling. No longer did we enjoy the yellow warmth of shop windows or the shining surfaces of black carriages as they passed by on fog-damp streets. Everywhere, we heard the desperate nature of Nathan’s case, and we wondered what we might have done to save him.

Maddy couldn’t make it any farther than Shaftsbury one dark afternoon as we attempted a stroll through fashionable St. Giles. Cinders rained from a darkening sky, and newsboys, caked in brick-colored mud, chanted their terrible mass:
two weeks out and still no sign—Inspector Vidocq confounded—Is Nathan Ashe in the river?—Will it be murder in Southwark?
We were near the poulter’s stalls, where plucked chickens were displayed on benches, smooth flesh glowing beneath flaring jets of gas. We’d intended to visit the shop called Indigo to see a line of afternoon dresses known as the New Transcendent,
a title that brought to mind shimmering gauze and a profusion of blossoms, which Maddy, at one time, wouldn’t have dared to miss. She leaned against the filthy wheel of a cart selling oranges and pomegranates while the fruit monger, a man with boils, leered at her. “Make the newsboys stop, Jane,” she said. “I can’t hear any more about poor Nathan.”

I glared at the nearest boy, a large child in a ruined hat from the previous century. “You’re making my friend sick,” I said. It pleased me to protect Maddy so. In the shadow of a passing hackney-coach, the newsboy’s face became a dark idol, impenetrable and streaked with ages of dirt. His mouth opened, and though I couldn’t hear his reply over the clatter of the coach, I could
feel
its meaning. Two weeks out and no sign: Nathan Ashe, our dearest friend, was likely dead or worse.

Though Nathan had become a figure of questionable character due to his affiliations with the Temple, the mystery of his disappearance was something of a local sensation because of his father’s prominence. Men discussed the case in such establishments as The Unicorn, a weather-stained coffee house where Nathan himself had once spent hours alone, smoking and pretending to contemplate the pastorals of Barrett Browning. These idle men drank black Italian coffee from bone china cups and sifted through discrepancies that might prove to be clues. Why, for instance, hadn’t Nathan taken a pint at his regular spot, the Silver Horne, before going to the Temple of the Lamb on the evening of his disappearance? And why was he seen with a male nymph in Southwark—a petite and foreign-looking youth?

Outside the coffee house, rent girls and other lowborn ephemera regarded the details of Nathan’s face inked on posters that fluttered from black iron lampposts—his high pale cheekbones, architectural brow, and eyes that seemed, even on paper, like holes that lead to a system of tunnels in the earth. Nathan Ashe was becoming more myth than man, and everyone in London was touching him, running their fingers over the contours of his absent body. They knew his list of qualities. He was the well-born son of Lord William Ashe. He’d
been a soldier in Lord Wellington’s brigade in the Crimea and was adept at archery and fond of pistols. He possessed a kind of ethereal Saxon beauty, and when he entered a room, those present—no matter how they felt about him socially—paused to admire his stature. Nathan disliked the law and abhorred his father’s House of Lords. He was a free spirit who read poetry and, on more than one occasion, was found curled on a doorstep after a drunken night at the Silver Horne. But none who could make such a list knew the true Nathan Ashe that Maddy and I came to know. He was filled with the sort of fret and despair that needed tending. At the same time, he acted as though we were his equals, taking us on adventures most would have considered too dangerous for young women. We were the ones who truly loved him, and yet we too were left without him.