The Whole Story and Other Stories (9 page)

When she reaches to open the blind she finds it’s locked. Then she can’t find the tiny key she needs for the padlock anywhere. She looks on all the surfaces. She goes through all her pockets one by one, then does this over again. She looks all around her on the floor. She empties the rubbish out and checks through it. She picks up the stool. She empties the sachet boxes. She looks behind the whisky miniatures.

She pulls at the padlock but though it’s only a small one it won’t give. She turns it up the way so she can see its slot. She pokes at it with her nail, then lets it drop. She can’t remember whether Andy has a key for it or not. She sits back down on the stool.

There is nothing to do about it. The room she is in sways because the boat is swaying on the surface of the water, tugging at the ropes that hold it to the dock, and it is nowhere even near time to go yet, so nobody will find her for ages, and it is hot, it is almost airless, and now she is thirsty herself and there is absolutely nothing in here that she is allowed to drink.

She is drunk it is theee ooonly waay to beee. The trees have moveen tops look. It is good drunk. It is better than good, it is the only way, drunk as a skunk is it ck? as a sck un ck drun ck and even though she is it, even though she is out of her brain like, she is pretty good becaaaause she can still. Really straight like a marksman man, like a expert marksman man, really. She hit it she must have like really good aim to be so pissed and still hit it. She heard it hit the stone IN LOVING MEMORY CHARLES ROBERT CAMERON BORN 4 DECEMBER 1907 DIED 18 MARCH 1978 THE LORD GAVETH AND THE LORD TAKETH AWAY bottle never broke kind of, uh. Bounced, uh huh, must have hit it on the thick glass bit of it not the thin glass bit of it. So she can throw it again if she gets up and goes over and gets it back, she can throw it again if she gets up and. She is smashed, not it. Ha ha ha. She is the thin. She is what is it out of her brain is what she is, out of her b.

Never even broke rememer don’t forget it it is a good thing to. She has drunk it all now it is all finished because the other two bottles are broken on the gr g l r ass. The bonnie glrass of Inverness, poem at school, Culloden the massacre and the Jacobites and the girl after and a tragedy, when all Jacobites were massacred and the girl is made like really sad because of it. Bonnie ass of Inver no bony ass of hee hee hee oho hohee hee hee hee. Bony oh ho hoo. Hoo. Other two broke on the stone when they were thrown. One second they were not broken they were bottles, and now. What can happen in a second, that, eh? cept not always, it doesn’t always happen because look at that one it never broke when she threw, like, that is just amazeen. So there is it, that bottle still, should keep it for if he comes with the broken guns, in case, he might let her take a shot if he, because her good aim, she has aim, she has. What is just amazeen, just amazeen, is that it never. All them others are in pieces. The bottles labels paper holdeen together broken bits BACARDI BREEZE. She had better pick up the g l ass in case someone with a dog and the dog’s paws, it would be a shame for it. Lot of people take their dogs for their walks in here but there is never any dogshit she has seen, people are respectabful, because of the dead like probly. She would like a dog. She would keep it off the g r ass out of respect for them on the underneath of it, them dead for years, they wouldn’t be wanteen to be walked on by paws of a dog or peoples feet crosseen over their bodies and their heads all day and ha! sometimes night too. Cathy Maclennan at school shaggeen that Vaughn MacDonald from third year up by the old graves and came down the path half-past ten straighteneen her clothes and saw her here on her way out from the shag, she had g r ass stains, she was telleen him she left her mobile phone up there, she said would he go and get it and he said no way, you go, and she said, no way am I goeen back up there it’s near dark like, they were both goeen to each other no, no way, then she seen her and goes look theres that Jasmine McKinlay, so she shouts over to Cathy Maclennan I don’t mind goeen, whats your mobile number and I could ring it on mine and then you could hear it and find it, but Cathy Maclennan just ignored her, like, as if she wasn even there, and says to her next day at Home economics, they were doeen fruit and cheese scones, she comes over and says I saw you in the cemetery by yoursel you are fuckeen mental man, there are druggies there and everytheen, you are mad like always goeen in there by your sel I saw you hangeen about, full o dead people, you’re a weirdo to go there if youre not actually like shaggeen someone, huh, Cathy Maclennan is the bony ass of, just shoween off that she’s got a shag, horrible fuckeen place, disgusteen morbud place Cathy Maclennan says to her, but then she said back to Cathy Maclennan, she said, well right when you like die will you be wanteen to go to heaven and Cathy Maclennan said well duh obviously, if there is one, and then
she
said,
she
said, well there you go because if its heaven then somebody must be dead, thats what heaven is int it, you cant get into it unless youre like out of it, ha ha ha, they had a notice up sayeen it wan a prize, it is actually the most the best-kept cemetery in the whole of SCOtland, probly because the g rass is always really neat and everytheen and when she comes back theyve always like cleared up the bottles she broke the last time she was here, doesn seem to matter where in the place she was breakeen them they find it and its gone, and there is never no noise except that birds, and the noises trees makes, and she has been here loads and never seen a druggy, not even one time, maybe if she sees one they could give her sometheen that would last longer than three fuckeen alcopops. Maybe if you are a druggy you might not want to be near a place like it, maybe you would halogenate, see the dead and everytheen. Except thon man, he isn’t, because she said are you a druggy? and he says no. One was a air rifle, one is sometheen else, she has forgot remember och come on Jas remember, it is, ach, it is called a, cant, more power than the air rifle, can blow off a hand or a big bit of the shoulder, she watched and the whole shoulder, the whole of the shoulder, was like just blown away to notheen, wee flakes of stone, you never seen anytheen like it. He says he knows her parents the man. If maybe he came tonight and she has thon bottle she never broke, she could ask. She could prop it on the top like and then if he would let her take the gun because her aim, right? Even when she is like even stocious as this, man. She hit it for definite, its not that she missed it, it for definite hit it, the stone, it just never broke. It is a mirage, like when he made the wine out of notheen for them at the weddeen in Religious Studies. It is a mirage that it never broke. She could prop it on the head ha ha ha an angel with it on its ha ha ha head. Hee hee hee hee hee. Would you like a drink Mrs Angel, if it was red bull it would give you wings ha ha ha you arent needeen them you already got them look on your back, you been drinkeen already hee hee hee an angel drinkeen a Bacardi breezer hee in the clouds hee hee oh god feeleen really oh feeleen sick now shit shit stop, right, sit for a minute, there, sit still, there. There. There. Aye wait though. Aye.

It is empty but it is no actually broken. A great noise it makes though, though, it is a great noise. She really really loves it, the sound of it when it breaks. Every noise has its own noise of its own breakeen. When you drop it froma bove its different the noise. When you throw it really hard its different. When you drop it gently the noise is more gentle. When you try not to break it and it still breaks, that is a different noise again. They are all different and unique like every snowdrop that like falls from the sky above is, they are all formed from water crystals and no one is ever the same as any other one is, that is amazeen. Snow for fucks ake! There will never evr be snow again, it is so hot, God, it was the hottest day she can ever remember, it is not possible to have snow in her head even in her imanation, how could there ever be it, snow? Eh? Again? How? Eh? It is so warm in the world there will never be snow or Xmas or that again. Little do-nkey, carry Ma-ry safely on her wa-y. Ring out those bells tonight Bethlee eehem, Bethlee eehem, Ring out those hmm tonight the ground isn even dampish, summer is fuckeen fantastic like, she could sleep here tonight, it would be fine no body would come, they are lockeen the gates around tennish these nights, but it is still not dark or anytheen till after and they open it in the morneen for visitors to come first thing before their work she supposes to see their nearest and deadest, ha ha, in the morneen for the mourneen ha ha ha ha ha, last night it was morneen at like God knows she doesn’t know really really early when she was walkeen home like, she never left here till it was like getteen light again and all and by the time she was home it was light.

What if Cathy Maclennan’s mobile if it began to ring by itself up there and nobody answereen it, somebody at the other end listeneen to the ringeen, the beep of it somewhere in the grass, notheen but birds and trees and stones to hear it.

She wonders what tone it has. Is it a TV programme? or a S Club song. Or maybe it is switched off.

Fuck she is sobereen up, is she? Is she? Look at the, trees are still moveen their tops, it is near dark now but she knows it wont get much more it, but theres notheen left in any of these bottles whether theyre broken or no. She runs her fingr through where the label is holdeen the broken bits but theres notheen left to drink on the inside of the bits and no, careful or she cd, ah you bastard, ah, shit. She sucks it to stop it bleedeen. Thank god she never used her tongue to look for anytheen left. It is a pity there is none left since it is antispeptic. She will be a doctor and fix it all when she is qualified doing the qualifications at the college, they are sayeen at thon careers she could if she wants be whatever she wants because they are sayeen she is really like, you know, if she uses her brain, but they keep sayeen
you will
have to want to nobody’s goeen to do it for you except you
well but if you are and people see, like that girl Jacqui who no body will talk to because she is like so fuckeen swot, fuckeen thinks the world owes her a liveen like, look at her, and if you are it then you get all the time people goeen on about fuckeen who do you think you, all that stuff. No, it would be good to win the lottery like, you would never have to work, or famous on the TV, in a house like big brother or in a pop group that wins a TV phone-in with millions, or no, no because she will be a marksman, join the, whatever it is they need marksman for, must be loads they need them for. They must need people with aim. Because even when she is skuncked, no skun k ed, shit, it is beginning to come back, it is, och, beginning to, shit. Is it? Is it? She bangs the back of her hand against the trunk of the tree above her head, it is a pine tree, och uh huh, not faraway enough the sore rough when she hits it, och, fuck sake three isn’t long enough, three, it isn’t even proprly night yet, look, still see them moveen in the sky, and she is beginning to again. Finger still bleedeen and its fuckeen sore. Three is not enough, remember, next time Jas get four, maybe five, ask Gemma for the money, say it is for a school trip to Kincraig Wildlife Park. Maybe he will come again, that was good last night when he did. It was nearly this dark when he came. She could still see the tops of the trees but only just. That would be good. If he was to come again tonight. Last night she saw him, he was up by the angels and she went over and asked him, he jamp in the air when he saw her, she thought he was maybe a druggy and wondered if he had anytheen, she says to him, was he and he said no. He just stood and looked at her and says it:

No.

What are you then, a gamekeeper then? she said. She was quite sobery, she thought maybe it was for foxes or birds or rats or whatever wasn’t allowed in there that he had the two guns, one on each arm, and they were broken. The word you call them when theyre like broken open, like at the place you load them they are open, broken, on his arm, hanging over his arms one each, good thing to remember, that, different thing broken can mean.

No.

Is it to shoot animals for fun, like?

No.

Is it to shoot at seagulls?

No.

Is it to shoot the trespassers, like druggies or that? are you a gatekeeper?

No.

Well if it’s no to shoot anybody or anytheen that’s liveen and there’s notheen else in the place except dead people who aren’t needeen shot, then what the fuck are you goeen to shoot at? she says. He looked kind of old, doesn’t look like the kind that would be in a gang. He didn’t look like the police or anytheen. He put one of the guns down and his foot on it.

Don’t swear, he says.

He clicked the other together and put it up to his eye and shot it and the great noise it made and when it hit the angel the puff of stone off it, she went to look and it had hit it in the hand where the hand was held kind of draped over the heart, and the hand all cracked like its fingers dented by the pellets.

Fuckeen brilliant! she says, wiping the new-chip dust of the stone on her sweatshirt.

Come away from there, the man said whispereen, he waved her with his gun over towards him. Then he put down the gun and stood on it and picked up the other gun and clunked it together and looked down it and fired it at the angel. Its whole shoulder was gone. He was waiteen listeneen for the birds to stop makeen a noise and settle in the tree tops and then when they stopped he fired the same gun again and off they went squawkeen again. The top of the head and face blown away. Then he broke his guns open and hung them on his arms and turned and went.

Can I get a shot? she said.

Go away home to your bed girl, he says walkeen past her, you shouldna be out this late by yourself. Your parents are heathen to be letteen you.

She was like amazed. How do you know my parents? she called after his back.

The man stopped. He kind of like barked. He turned himself and his guns round and came back towards her. He stopped up next to one of the statues.