The Will to Love (13 page)

“Hey, baby, how’s it goin’?”

“Did you write ‘Misery’ about me? About us?” she wondered as she slipped her camera bag on one shoulder and her hobo bag on the other.

“What makes you think I wrote it?” Will wondered, asking a question with a question before he grabbed her camera bag off her shoulder.

“Because I know Kaz and Jaden’s writing style versus yours and Grant’s. Both of you wrote ‘Filthy Kind of Love’ and ‘Misery.’ Probably together, in bed…but that’s neither here nor there.” She sighed and stared at him intently in the face. “They’re great songs—chart toppers, especially since most of the album is so goddamn melancholy. I’m proud of you, you know that? I might not always show it but I really do love you. I hope you can trust me enough not to ask me what I talked about with Karl because you know I would never do anything to risk
us
. Certainly not over a man and
definitely
not over
him
.”

Will felt like stir fried shit because he did want to ask what they spoke about but now he felt foolish, and the green-eyed monster could firmly go back into the closet where he’d fucking came from because nothing was going on between Karl and Laurel.

He wished nothing more than just to forget the whole incident ever happened and move on with their life.

How he hoped that day would come, even if it took them the rest of their lives. He wouldn’t stop until that day came; yet, he couldn’t stop trying either until that moment between them actually transpired and represented their true reality.

Chapter Eleven

Laurel

I HAD TO hand it to Syd.

She was beautiful, blonde, extremely charismatic and hosted some of the best parties no matter where she resided. It was hard not to be jealous of perfection, and not because her life seemed to just work out in the end, no matter what she went through.

I truly admired her now because she’d been willing to raise her son alone rather than put up with a domineering, chauvinistic asshole who treated her as nothing more than window dressing. Before they’d fallen apart, Kaz’s biker trash past was starting to show and it had become increasingly obvious he didn’t really give a shit what she thought. She’d do as he said because he was her man and in motorcycle clubs, women didn’t ever disrespect their men.

Sydney turned out not to be an old lady, but the granddaughter of a powerful Viking shipbuilder who was just as feisty and determined as her Norwegian lineage on her mother’s side of the family. She wasn’t willing to compromise herself for any man, Kaz included.

She walked around like the Queen Bee she was and embraced me once Will and I arrived at the party. “You look fabulous, sweetie,” she greeted a wide smile on her face. “You know, you were the only one I was worried about not showing up?”

“I guess I’m just a nice piece of eye candy then?” Will remarked with plenty of humor in his voice.

“Well, to be honest, that is all men are good for so yes, you’re just a nice piece of eye
and
arm candy—not that it’s a
bad
thing.”

He shook his head pitifully before he stared at me with a slight bemused smile on his face. “I’m going to find some more testosterone and a fucking drink.”

We both watched him walk away before she grabbed my arm gently and we began to walk in the opposite direction. “Okay, what’s going on?”

I glared back at my best friend. “What are you talkin’ about? I haven’t a clue what you’re on about.”

“I’m not an idiot, you know.” Sydney folded her arms against her breasts which were struggling to stay inside her low-cut jade green Yves Saint Laurent dress. “Sasha told me about what happened at practice today with the guys. Something along the lines that the tension between you and Karl Schmidt could be cut with a butter knife. Do you know him?”

I played with the hem of my silk slip dress that ended at mid-thigh. Paired with over the knee stiletto boots, it was a clash of classy and trashy only I could get away with, fashion-wise.

“I don’t know what Sasha thought she saw but I can tell you nothing is going on between Karl and I.”

“Not
Mister
Schmidt?” Syd teased slyly as she grabbed two fluted champagne glasses full of Cristal and handed one to me. “Mmm, I didn’t realize you two were on a first name basis.”

I rolled my eyes as we walked through the party. She’d invited quite a few people, which wasn’t unknown for her parties. She liked to invite all types because to her, the world we came from and the music world were completely compatible though it was a bit clichéd and quite obvious that the two societal groups often weren’t. The only thing we had in common with our musician spouses were the multiple zeroes we had in our respective bank accounts.

I could have easily have paid for the home Will had bought us but he was too much a gentleman and alpha male to allow me to pay for anything. That’s the way it would always be, and I’d quickly stopped fighting him in terms of financial decisions.

If he’d known how much money I made while Karl and I had been together, he probably would have had a coronary. Yes, I did those specialized porn DVDs but Karl had compensated me handsomely, mostly because in his own twisted way, I suppose he loved me too, and unfortunately, still carried strong feelings for me.

“Where’s this going, Syd? Why are so interested about my relationship with Karl?”

Fuck!

My best friend had me hook, line and sinker.

I’d slipped up with a major faux pas, and there was no way to talk myself out of this situation.

Syd’s steel blue eyes glared at me with intrigue. “
Relationship
? Could you have mentioned this earlier to me otherwise I wouldn’t have invited the owner of Vogue, his brother, Karl, or their respective wives. When was this…relationship?”

“Years ago but he was still married…just not to Nicole. Listen, I don’t want to talk about this and if Karl is here then I would rather avoid him. Will won’t be pleased with that bastard being here. He barely held it together today at rehearsal.”

I could sense Syd thinking as she was putting puzzle pieces together. “Six months ago, you mentioned when you two came here, you actually visited Club X-Tasy. I’m not a fucking square. It’s a heavy duty S&M club—”

“Yes, owned by Rory and Severin Krieger.”

“I know that. I also am aware how much a membership is so my question is how the hell did you and Will get in?”

There was no way in hell I would out Will. That was our secret and I wouldn’t tell her about that night, ever. That was our secret: shared by three people but regardless, no one else would ever know what happened.

“Karl sponsored me and gave me a lifetime membership…I didn’t know until we got there. It was a pretty wild night but Will and I had our fun and went back to Paul and Jerrica’s afterwards. Where is this conversation going?”

“Well, did you see Karl there that night?”

I drained my class of Cristal and held the empty flute. “Yes, I did and he was a complete gentleman. He just rubbed Will the wrong way and he would rather I have nothing to do with him since he found out we used to date ages ago.”

“Are you sure that is the only thing that happened that night?”

I hated lying to my best friend. “Yes. I’m positive. Listen, I need a joint. I’ll be back.”

My legs couldn’t carry me out fast enough as I deposited the empty glass on a passing waiter’s tray, grabbed a full one, and walked straight out to their back yard. There was an art deco pool/Jacuzzi combo with plenty of classy furniture. I sat down, grabbed a joint from my cigarette case—only used for joints since I didn’t smoke regular cigarettes—and lit up.

The smoke assaulted my lungs but I still held in as long as possible before I exhaled expertly.

A man cleared his throat and inquired, “Do you mind sharing?”

My palpitating heart slowed only a little when I realized it was Grant and not Karl. I glared at him before I dragged off my joint. “Sorry, you’ll have to score your own. I have on lipstick.” I gave him my best fake smile and looked away. “What are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn’t you be off kissing my sister’s ass or worshipping your muse or whatever he fuck you two do together?”

Grant laughed out loud. “Looks like someone should slow down on her alcohol intake before she ends up making a complete ass out of herself.”

I met his gray-blue eyes squarely. “Listen, I’m still sober as a judge and chronic only calms me down, it doesn’t get me ‘high.’ I’ll remember every word I say in the morning.”

This guy couldn’t take a fucking a hint. I wanted to be left alone at this freakin’ party, knowing that Karl was walking around somewhere inside ready to pounce and that scared me more than anything Grant could disclose to me.

“Avoiding someone? I know it isn’t me but it just might be Karl Schmidt I’m betting. Tell me, what about him has you so spooked? You’re not
attracted
to him, are you?”

I didn’t say anything but rather dragged on my joint and held the smoke in my lungs before I exhaled into his face. “Leave me the fuck alone, Grant. We aren’t friends or buddies. You were fucking my man the majority of our relationship and then you fuckin’ broke his heart. I was the one who was there to pick up the pieces and I saw him after the painful aftermath. So just get outta here. Fuck. Off.”

“Did he tell you the truth because I’m guessing he lied to spare my feelings? It was
mutual
, Laurel. He didn’t want me anymore…he said he loved me but he had to be true to you and I’d already gotten the ultimatum from Sasha so I agreed but if he wasn’t so adamant about how he felt, we would still be sneaking around.”

“No…he was devastated and he kept beating himself up and taking shit from his family because they really liked you and thought you two were both using Sasha and I as beards. They thought you were going to run off to San Diego and get married or something.”

“Will has always been like that. He’ll let something fester and convince himself it was someone’s fault when in fact, he had just as much of a hand in it as the person he’s blaming…I mean, is that what he did when he found out about your career in porn?”

I could have sworn my heart stopped beating in my chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The chronic was doing its job a little too well and I had no wish to ruin a killer high by talking to Grant.

“Oh, you don’t?” His voice sounded sarcastic and condescending at the same time. “There isn’t anything Sasha doesn’t know about any of the members of Scarlet Fever or Winter’s Regret. She’s also done extensive research on their spouses too. That includes
you
, even if you are her sister.”

“And if these allegations are true—though I’m certainly not saying they
are
—where’s your proof?” I was feeling absolutely no pain at this point and my bravado was in full-on mode.

Good chronic can do that to a person.

“Oh, I’m sorry…I suppose Will didn’t tell you the full story. He wasn’t the only one who worked at Club X-Tasy. We
both
did. I was honest and told Sasha everything about me and she had no choice but to start digging. She didn’t want a paper trail for TMZ or
The Edge of Entertainment
to stumble upon. That’s when she found out about you. Those fake snuff videos you did for Karl were a pretty penny. I heard he charged at least $75,000 per DVD because they were…unique and one of a kind—”

“You heard wrong. They were a lot more than that because of the people involved.” I had stopped bluffing because it was obvious he knew more than what he’d told me so far. At this point, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Oh, so you do admit to being a high priced porn star?”