The Windsor Girl (20 page)

‘It’s all right Kate.  You haven’t upset me.  It’s just that I am rather fond of Master James, and I think I did him a disservice’.

‘You Ellie, did Master James wrong?  Never!  Now I know I have said that I like him, and that he has a lovely way with him, but if you ask me he should have married you and you wouldn’t be living in this house and struggling for a living.  After all, it’s his baby you’re carrying’.

‘Is that what you think Kate?’ said Ellie, a slight tremble in her voice.

‘Well, yes Ellie.  I’ve thought so all along.  I know you said it was someone else, who was responsible, but I thought you were protecting Master James.  I just thought you didn’t tell me the truth because you were so distressed at the time’.

Ellie shook her head, ‘as I told you Kate, James is not the father of my child.  He only tried to protect my name.  I would be sorry if he were unhappy, for he is a good man’.

Kate was shocked, ‘then who?’ she asked knowing she should leave the subject alone.

‘That, I cannot tell you Kate.  You are my friend and I love you, but some things are for myself, alone, to know.  I’m sorry’.

She took Kate’s hand in her own and Kate whispered, ‘that’s all right Ellie, I should not have asked’.

Kate could not imagine Ellie to be a ‘sinful’ girl.  If the father was not Master James, whom Ellie had
favoured with her friendship, then Kate was at a loss, as to the identity of the man.

However, Ellie had never condemned this person.  On the contrary, she had protected h
im by refusing to give his name therefore, Kate was now convinced that, whoever he was, Ellie was in love with him still.

She knew it was not within her power to help her friend, so she resigned herself to accepting Ellie’s decision and respecting her silence on the subject.

When the church clock struck eight o’clock, Kate got to her feet and wrapped her long cape around her shoulders.

‘I’ll be off then, Ellie’.  She hugged Ellie
’s ungainly body, ‘now,
you
make sure that you look after yourself and try to let us know if anything happens’.

‘I will Kate.  Queenie said she is willing to run about, with messages, so I’ll see you are the first to know’.

Kate didn’t like leaving Ellie, at this time, as she felt certain that she would probably give birth at any time.

Ellie gave Kate a little push, ‘I’ll be fine.  Get off with you before they lock the door’.

Kate laughed, ‘what and lose their best ‘skivvy’?’  I would think they would have more sense’.

She waved as she hurried down the street.

Ellie returned indoors, and began the preparations for her confinement, which she sensed would not be too long in coming.

Bet’s prediction was proved wrong.  Ellie gave birth to a male child, two days later, on Christmas day.

On that morning, Ellie, with great difficulty, had walked over the cobbled street, to get Bet.  Bet had been delighted that the day had finally arrived and she could show Ellie how efficient she was, not to mention, meticulously clean.

She gave instructions to Queenie, to supervise the younger children in their dress, and keep them happy for a few hours, while she went with Ellie back across the street.

Once inside she put on the kettle and made a pot of tea for them both. 

‘Now, get this down you, because you never know when you might get another’, were her comforting words.

Ellie was in some pain, so had no interest in tea, but sipped a little from the cup.

Bet made sure that Ellie saw her washing her hands, even to the extent of scrubbing her fingernails.  Ellie made no comment, but Bet was aware that her actions had pleased her young friend.

She brought in a neighbour, to help bring the bed downstairs, and then went on to make the bed up in the traditional way.  First the brown paper, then the folded sheets.

The baby’s clothes, which Ellie and Aunt Dora had made, were laid out ready.  The tiny garments, of white and cream, looked delicate and strangely out of place, in the sparsely furnished, kitchen.

Bet had brought a drawer, from upstairs, and made it up with bed linen, in which the baby would lie.

Ellie, although in much pain, made no sounds of discomfort, and bet said, ‘are you sure you’re in labour Lass?  You don’t seem to be hurting bad’.

‘Rest assured Bet, I
am
in labour, and hurting like the devil’, she said, and then made an attempt at a joke, ‘shall we have the towels to decorate the bed then?’  She laughed at how feeble an attempt it was.

‘
Eh! Ellie, you’re a caution.  But you can take it from me lass, you going to need them towels’.

And Ellie did need them.  Over the next three hours, she hung on to them as if her life depended on it.  And then it was over.  The child was born.  Her son was strong, healthy, and the image of his father.

‘Eh!, he’s a bonny lad Ellie, even though he’s not go your looks.  He must look like is dad.  Well, Ellie, does he look like is dad?’ she said, smiling broadly.

‘Oh yes Bet, he does’.

Ellie in tears of joy was happier than she had ever been.

The tiny little boy, now cradled in her arms was her son.  No matter what this cruel world bestowed on her, she vowed she would love and protect him until the day she died.

Queenie was called upon to perform her duty as messenger, and before setting off, she took a peek at the baby.

‘Ellie, I think you should call him Jesus, being born on Christmas day’.

Her mother threw her head back and laughed, ‘of all the daft things to say’, then turning to the smiling Ellie, asked, ‘I don’t suppose you would be allowed, would you?

Ellie laughed also, and shook her head, ‘I don’t know what I am to do with the two of you.  You will drive me insane with your comic remarks’.

As Queenie went, Ellie reminded her, ‘be sure to tell Kate the news first.  I promised’.

‘I will Ellie, t
hen cook and the butler, then your aunt Dora and your brothers, then Jenny and Mark.  Phew!  I’m going to be ‘all in’ by the time I get back’.

Her mother called after her, ‘well, if
you not back by midnight, we’ll send a search party out for you’.

The first of her visitors arrived within the hour.

Kate had been allowed the afternoon off, to see her friend.  She was so excited, as she entered the little house, with her face red from her hurried journey.

‘I couldn’t get here quick enough.  How are you Ellie? she said, whilst peering into the drawer to see the baby.  ‘Oh he’s beautiful Ellie, he really is.  He’s not wrinkled or squashed up, like newborn babies usually are.  He’s so lovely.  Oh Ellie you must love him already’.

‘I’ve loved him for a long time Kate.  And you’re right he
is
beautiful.  I’m fortunate to have him’.

There was a knock on the door and before Kate could answer it, the door opened and Ellie could not believe her eyes when she saw who stood there, silently, looking at her.

When she, at last, managed to speak, Ellie said, ‘how did you know James?’

‘I followed Kate, Ellie.  I had to.  No-one knew where you were, except your close friends, so I followed Kate, thinking she would be the one to lead me to where you were living’.

‘I see’.  Ellie spoke softly, and without malice.

Ka
te broke in, her face shocked, ‘Ellie, I didn’t know, honest’. 

Then she turned on James, ‘you had no right to follow me, and make me break my promise to Ellie’.

‘It’s all right Kate.  Please don’t distress yourself.  You weren’t to know’.

‘He had no right’.

‘Be a dear, Kate and make us all a cup of tea.  I know I could do with one’.

James sat on a high stool, by the side of the bed, and spoke quietly to Ellie, his eyes ashamed, ‘I’m sorry about the predicament, in which you find yourself.  It was my lack of courage, which let you down.  I’m afraid I am a weak character.  My love for you was not as strong as my fear of my father’s wrath’.

‘Hush James, none of that matters now, really’.

‘But it does to me, for I let you down when you most needed someone.  Please say you forgive me?’  His eyes filled with tears.

Ellie kissed his cheek, ‘James, there is nothing to forgive.  You were my friend and tried to help.  The fact that you wanted to save my face, by giving my child a name, meant a lot to me, and I won’t forget your goodness’.

James kissed her hand, ‘
Ellie, I didn’t tell about the baby.  Not to anyone’.

‘You mean your family still believe that the child is yours?’

‘Well, yes.  It was the least I could do’.

‘Oh James, i
t would not have made any difference to their regard for me.  They would still think of me as a servant which, of course, is exactly what I am’.

‘No Ellie, not you.  You are a rare and beautiful woman, who is by far, more worthy than I’.

‘Shall I take it then, that you would still like to be a friend to me?’  She gave him a fond smile, for she still considered him to be a good man.

‘I can only thank you and hope I can help you now that your child is born’.

He felt as though a weight had been lifted from his conscience.  He watched as Ellie leaned forward to look at the tiny bundle, now making small movements, in the drawer.  She turned to James, ‘would you like to see my son, James?’

‘It’s a boy, then?’

James bent down and turned back the blanket, and looked at the child.  He felt his pulse quicken, and could hardly believe what he was going to say.  Ellie was watching him and he knew he would have to say it.

‘Ellie, t
his is Richard’s child’!

It was a simple statement, and nothing more, now he asked, ‘why, in God’s name, has he said nothing?  He despised me, and threatened to disown me, as his brother, when I let you down.  And all the time he was the father of your child’.

‘But James, you don’t understand.  Richard doesn’t know that he is the father.  And I don’t want him told’.

‘But Ellie,
how? It’s not possible’.

‘It was the night of my return to the house, after my Mother’s death, and I was feeling stressed and unhappy.  Richard gave me comfort, which I must admit, I accepted willingly.  He r
emembered nothing of that night because of the drink, so cannot be blamed for not admitting the truth’.

James remained quiet, going through his memory of that terrible time, and of his conversation with Richard.  Was there anything, which his brother had said, that could have indicated, his knowledge of what had occurred between he and Ellie?  There was nothing, but he now knew why his brother had been so furious with him, and why he was, even to this day, still searching for her.

Kate, quietly, passed a cup to each of them, eyes downcast, not wanting to intrude.  Ellie said kindly, ‘I expect you heard our conversation Kate?  Well I know you will keep it to yourself.  It is between the three of us, and must go no further.  Will you promise me Kate?’

‘Of course Ellie’, she said, the tiniest hint of a smile on her face.

‘Good.  Now, let’s celebrate the birth of my wonderful son.  William Richard’.

They each raised their cup and said, in unison, ‘to William Richard’.

‘To Will’, Ellie amended.

They rai
sed their cups once more, ‘To Will’.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Ellie went back to work four weeks after Will was born, leaving her precious son in the care of Jenny, much to Bet’ displeasure.

‘He’s nearly as much mine as he is yours Ellie.  I could have looked after him with my own’, she had said, disdainfully.

‘It’s better this way, Bet.  Jenny lives a little closer to the ‘Travellers’, which will enable me to keep slipping back, to feed him, between working.  Then I need not lose any of my wages.  You do understand, don’t you?’

‘Aye, I suppose so’, was Bet's reply.

Ellie felt a little guilty about these arrangements.  What she had said was, in fact, true but Ellie had to admit, if only to herself, that she was more in favour of  Jenny’s care for Will, than that of, the kind, but lax, Bet.

She found it hard, at first, with the baby’s restlessness at night, and juggling work and baby throughout the day.  Nevertheless, she managed som
ehow to look her usual serene self.

One evening, some two months after returning to work, Ellie, her workday over, was on her way to Jenny’s house to pick up Will.  For some unknown reason, she decided to take a route, other than her usual one.  Had she not done so, she would have come face to face with Richard, still searching for her, and working his way around the Hunslet area.

He had been in this district before but had been unsuccessful; there were just too many alleys and dim yards.

What’s the use
’ thought Richard,
she could be anywhere
.  He realised that she could have moved on to an area, which he had already searched.

He despaired of ever finding her.  If he did, what would he say to her?  All he could do, under the circumstances, was to help her financially.  He could hardly expect her to fall at his feet, with love, just because he had discovered his feelings for her.  After all she had been drawn to James and it was possible that she was still in love with him.

As he made his way home, he thought of James and Ellie, together.  Had his father been more tolerant, they would now be man and wife.  Richard wondered if he could have lived, in close proximity with them, in that situation.

They had in the past been lovers that he could not deny.  The child was the obvious proof.

A vision of his brother and Ellie, lying together, flashed before his eyes.  The picture before him was of naked bodies moving together, as one, murmurings of love, spilling from their panting mouths.

‘My God, I will have to put a stop to these insane imaginings which do nothing but torture me’, he said, unconcerned as to whether anyone heard him.

For the best part of a year now, these flashes of torment, had invaded his consciousness, tearing him apart.  When he experienced this, it was as if he was living the part of his brother.  He could feel the moist lips on his own, the warm body close to his and hear her spoken works of  ‘I love you’.  In his mind he could feel his hands tremble as they moved over her lithe body, feel the satin skin, of her shoulders and taste the softness of her warm breasts. 

He shook his head, to clear it of these thoughts.  He was fearful for his reason.

Since the day he had set eyes on Ellie he had, gradually, lost interest in his usual liaisons, with bawdy women, of ‘questionable reputation’.  He also had little interest in his pursuit of the more elegant young lady, with view to more serious attachment.  These women meant little to him now.  He wanted Ellie, and this had brought about a change in him.

No longer was he looking for an illicit bedding of a fair maid.  He knew his love for her was real, and the greatest emotion ever to take hold of his, previous, carefree and fickle heart.

It made not the slightest difference that she was considered to be of lowly origins.  Neither his father’s money, nor indeed his anger, would have prevented Richard from marrying her, had he been the one she had chosen.

As it was, she had no idea that he loved her, or that he would not rest until he found her.  Yet, even if he should locate her, he could only stand by and hold his love in
abeyance.

Richard pushed these thoughts from his mind and walked the remaining fifty
yards, up Thornton Avenue, to the house.  As he climbed the steps to the door, he gave the impression of a defeated man, but impressions are often wrong.

Over dinner, James surveyed his brother and could not fail to notice the dark circles beneath his eyes, nor the fact that Richard was a shadow of his former self.  His heart yearned to tell him of his meetings with Ellie.  He had been back to her house several times, knowing that all his hopes of their being more than friends were dashed a long time ago.

His knowledge of the child’s origin, was a secret he was obliged to keep, but one which caused him tremendous pain.  He loved his brother and could imagine the hell he must be suffering, but James felt helpless, in the light of his promise to Ellie.

Sitting there, at the table, the eating of food just one more routine to go through, Richard stared at James and was amazed at his appetite.

‘How you can sit there and enjoy your food, I will never understand’, Richard commented, his lips forming a thin line of contempt.

Louise, who had been chatting chirpily, asked, ‘whom are you addressing, Richard?’

‘He is speaking to me Mother.  Richard hates my guts and I can’t say that I blame him’.

James put down his knife and fork, carefully lining them up beside his unfinished meal, ‘what can I say Richard?’

‘You can say that you will help find her.  Then you can tell her that you’re sorry for all the trouble you’ve caused her.  Alternatively, you can say that you are a cad, sir’, and with this, he brought his clenched fist down, hard on the table, sending the contents of his glass, spilling across the table.

As he watched the dark stain, slowly spreading it’s way across the white linen, Edward, trying without success to control his temper, said, ‘enough is enough!  The two of you must sort out this distressing affair, before it goes any further.  Can you not see what this is doing to your mother?  She’s at her wit’s end with this sordid business’.

He turned his attention to Richard, ‘are you aware that, after much ‘soul searching’, I have agreed to care for the girl, and the child, should she ever be located?  You know that your mother has a desire to see the child, and provide an allowance, so it is not brought up in a slum.  Why then do you insist on this mindless taunting of your brother?’

‘Because he failed to do the decent thing, that’s why Father’.

‘But he wanted to marry ‘this maid’, when she confronted him with her condition.  That he changed his mind, after taking my advice, is no reason to condemn him.  He has seen the error of his ways, and is happy to conform to our wishes.  And, as I have said, financially, we will help.  What more do you want?’

Richard could find no words.

Victoria could feel Richard’s agony, as if it were her own.  In her mind, she silently wept for him.  She could do nothing but pray that he would come through this terrible time, with his mind intact.

Louise simply sat there unable to take another mouthful of her food.

Edward looked from one to another of them, and then shouted at Richard, angrily, ‘why the hell don’t you say something?’

Richard jumped up ‘because I don’t, bloody well, want to, that’s why
, because you wouldn’t understand in a million years’.  He made for the door, but before he left the room, he looked across at James, once more.  ‘Brother of mine, you have a lot to answer for’, he said and quickly made his exit.

‘Go after him James’, pleaded
Victoria, ‘I fear for him’.

James knew he had to talk to Richard, to save his brother’s sanity, but fought with his integrity, as to how much he could tell him.  His promise to Ellie tied his hands, but Ellie did not know of Richard’s feelings.

God, what a mess,
he thought, as he went to look for Richard.

He found him in the drawing room, standing by the window, staring out at the night.

James stood for a moment, by the door, and said, ‘Richard, I must speak with you’.

‘Get out of my sight, before I forget that you’re my brother’.

‘You must hear me out Richard, its important’.

‘Importa
nt to whom, you James?  Well, I don’t want to hear your snivelling excuses.  You’re not even fit to speak her name.  Where were you when she needed your help?  You let her walk away without a word, and without a thought of where she would go or how she would manage?  Just get out I don’t know you any more’.

He turned around, in the darkened room, fists clenched
and his voice hoarse with emotion, and repeated, ‘get out James before I throw you out’.

With trembling voice, James pleaded, ‘Please, Richard, listen to me, then if you want to hit me, be my guest’.

Richard said nothing, but turned his back on his brother and resumed his vigil of the night sky.

James, silently said,
forgive me Ellie
, then spoke, with trepidation, ‘I know where she is Richard’.

Richard, at once, spun around to face James. ‘You’ve seen her?  Where?  Tell me, where have you seen her?’

‘Richard listen to me, it’s hard for me to tell you this, but I made a promise to Ellie that I would say nothing’.

As Richard, started to protest, James held up his hand, ‘please, Richard.  Let me tell you all that has happened, and then you may ask me as many questions as you like.  Please Richard, let us sit and talk, as we used to’.

They sat together, with only the dim light, from the window, and James looked at Richard with compassion.

‘First of all, let me say that Ellie, and the baby are fine.  She gave birth to a boy on Christmas morning, and he is a beautiful child’.

Richard felt a hurt, inside him, as if a knife had turned in his chest.  James continued, ‘I have to tell you, that the child is not of
my
making’.

‘Now wait a minute, Richard’, he cried as Richard made a move, as if to punch him.

‘Please Listen’, shouted James, trying to hold back his brother’s fists, ‘
you
are the father, you fool’.

‘Good God, James, what are you talking about?  How could I possibly be the father of Ellie’s child?  I have not touched the girl, much as I wanted to’.

‘But Richard, you did.  Do you remember the night Ellie came back to this house, after her mother had died?’

‘Vaguely, b
ut what has
that
got to do with it?’

‘That was the night Richard; th
e night you made love to her’.  Richard was stunned.

‘I remember seeing Ellie that night, and trying to comfort her, but I did nothing more’.

‘Yes you did brother, but you were too drunk to remember anything about it.  But Ellie could remember and she told me never to remind you of it.  She did not want you, unless you truly loved her.  At the time, you would have felt that she had trapped you because of the child’.

Richard put his head in his hands, as James went on.  ‘She’s a wonderful girl Richard, and if I had had any sense, and an ounce of courage, I should have married her, even though she told me she loved someone else’.

Richard could hardly believe what he was hearing.  ‘You mean, that Ellie loves me?  And I have a child?’

‘Yes Richard’.

‘James.  Why didn’t you tell me?  How could you let me go on thinking that you had let her down, when all you did was protect her?’

‘Because I loved her too Richard and I didn’t know who the father was, at that time.  She has only recently told me about you.  When I saw the child, I saw my brother’s face.  Ellie realised that I knew her secret and felt she could trust me to keep it’.

‘Where is she James?’

‘I promised Ellie, Richard’.

‘But you must tell me, now.  I must see her, surely you know that?’

‘Richard, I’ve let Ellie down, badly, in the past.  Tonight, to a certain extent, I have betrayed her yet again.  I cannot tell you where she is living until I have a chance to speak with her again’.

‘But I
must
see her James’.

‘Please understand, I could never have the love from her, that I would have wished, but I value her friendship and I can’t risk losing it again’.

‘When will you speak to her?’

‘Tomorrow I promise.  Immediately my work is finished, at the mill’.

As Richard stood up to go, he placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, ‘James.  I’ve misjudged you.  I’m sorry’.

‘I am not without blame, Richard’.

‘Friends?’

‘Friends’.

They touched hands, and Richard left the room.

He made his way to his quarters, via
Victoria’s room.  He felt the need to see her.  She had been supportive over the last year and he wanted to show his appreciation.  As he reached the landing, he could hear his sister’s raised voice.

‘I insist on a bath.  Do you hear me, miss?  I’ll be damned if I allow you to dictate to me’.