The Winemaker's Dinner: Dessert (The Winemaker's Feast) (9 page)

“Fuck it,” he whispered to himself. His mind, his body, and his soul: all three were suddenly ready to hear what Jaden had to say. As inexplicably as he’d started down the road to his addiction, he now prepared to turn around and start back. He turned the phone over in his hand and paused the music. He stared for a moment at the red message-waiting icon that had tortured him all day. When he touched it, a voice he hadn’t heard in an eternity began to ring in his ear.

“Hey, Ivan. It’s Jaden. I’m in Miami Beach for the next two months, and I’d love to see you. Any chance you could make some time for me?”
A pause left him trembling on shaky, tired legs, but then she continued.
“Please call me back and let me know.”

Her voice swam through him, igniting emotions he’d believed long dead. He tried to discern one feeling from the next, but couldn’t. Rage was trumped by happiness, which gave way to disappointment and then a flicker of hope, but in the end, anger trumped all. He was lost. Should he be happy? Should he be angry? Should he call her back? His mind did gymnastics as he tried to decide what to do. Could he stomach speaking to her, let alone seeing her? She’d left him a broken man, alone to pick up the pieces of his shattered life.

He longed to call her back. Maybe forgiveness would make things right in his world and he’d be able to move on. But something in the back of his mind, some unfathomable force, told him
no
. Lightning crackled across the darkening sky.
You need to move forward. Never break your promise to yourself
.
You have a plan.

He’d been through this painful routine once before with Irena, and he’d somehow managed to get through it. It had taken time to heal the wounds, time for him to forgive, but now he harbored no ill feelings toward her and was at peace with everything that had happened.
Time
was the key word there. Perhaps he needed to give this more time. Jaden had stung him much deeper than Irena ever had, and he knew if he gave in to what he wanted, his ability to get what he needed might suffer. He loved what they’d once shared, and he didn’t want to taint it by playing the blame game…But who was he kidding?
She
was the one at fault, the one who’d been unfaithful to him. Jaden had made a conscious decision to be with another man while they were together, and then she’d lied about it.

Ivan stopped his circling and yanked the T-shirt out of the waistband of his shorts. He used it to wipe the sweat from his face and his neck, and then with an aching heart, he started a text message to AVOID:

Jaden, Your star no longer shines in my sky.
Love for you still flows through my veins,
but it no longer reaches my heart. I wish you the world. ~ Ivan

He read and reread the message a dozen times, contemplating whether he was being stupid, childish, smart, or all of the above. All three made perfectly confusing sense to him. After a while he felt confident that he would never know whether texting her was the right answer, so he just pushed the send button.

Thunder rolled across the sky, and the first drops of rain began to fall. He took a deep breath and turned toward home, scrolling through his music until he found the perfect tune. As he began to run, Adele began to sing.

Chapter 12

“Against the Wind”

“I
S
E
VERYTHING
O
KAY
, M
AN
?”

“This side of the dirt,” Ivan mumbled, studying his menu. Oliver’s was their usual hangout, and this lunch was long overdue. After avoiding Micky for weeks, he’d texted him yesterday after his mind-clearing run.

“Don’t bullshit me.” Micky looked across the table, concern on his face.

Ivan glanced up from his menu. “What?”

“I know you know that Jaden is back in town.”

“So?”

“So…I just assumed when you texted me and set up this little meeting you were…you know…”

Ivan put down his menu and leaned back in his chair. “Here we go again.”

“I thought maybe you were ready to talk. Look, I’m just trying to help you. You haven’t been the same since you and Jaden split up.”

“Would you be?”

“Of course not, but it’s been six months.” Micky threw his hands up in exasperation. “What’s your deal? Business is good, and the women are plentiful. That’s not a bad life, if you ask me.”

Ivan studied him for a moment. If it had been anyone else, he would’ve gotten up and left. He couldn’t even have a simple lunch without being reminded of
her?
But this was Micky, the only person he could confide in—not that he had. How many times had they seen each other since the proposal debacle? He couldn’t even count, but he’d never so much as acknowledged what had happened, no matter how many times Micky tried to bring it up.

Yet now his words struck a nerve. “Yeah, I know,” he grudgingly responded. “What’s your point?”

“Have you even talked to her since The Bath Club?”

“No, I haven’t. But she texts or emails me almost every day. Yesterday she called and left a voicemail.”

“Every day?”

“Yep.”

“And you’ve never talked to her or responded to her?”

“Nope. I don’t need to.”

Micky laughed and shook his head. “I think maybe you do.”

“She made her bed. She can lie in it.”

“Do you really think that? How do you know if you haven’t even talked to her? Maybe there’s something you don’t know.”

Tasha and Micky had clearly overanalyzed this whole Jaden situation. Hell, Tasha was probably the one to put him up to this line of questioning. And they were questions better left unanswered. Once, just once, he wanted a day of peace—one day of not thinking about her. Was that too much to ask?

As if fate knew he needed a temporary reprieve, the waiter appeared. But even after he’d taken their orders and collected their menus, Micky still wore the same questioning look. Ivan’s reprieve was short lived.

“What else is there to know, Micky?” Ivan’s voice lowered into a defensive growl. “What would you do if Tasha slept with someone else—some rich kid, pretty boy who had more money than brains? After all the time and energy and love you poured into your relationship—not to mention keeping the rest of your life on track and starting a new business—she slips into bed with her co-worker the second you turn your back, the same co-worker she pissed and moaned about incessantly.”

Micky sat back with his arms crossed over his chest while he vented.

“Now, top that off with the fact that you knew you wanted nothing more than to be with her for the rest of your life, and to prove it you got down on one knee in front of all your friends and offered her a commitment that in her eyes was nothing but a joke.” Ivan rubbed his hand over his face and readjusted his chair before continuing. “Actually, wait—let’s take a step back because that’s not even the worst of it. For the real kicker, she doesn’t tell you what she’s done and instead takes you to her parents’ house, people you instantly fall in love with. Then she proceeds to fuck you after she’s been with another man and carries on as if she hasn’t a care in the world. This is a girl you would have done anything in the world for…” He paused for a moment to stare at the table.

“I probably could’ve forgiven her if she’d just been honest with me up front,” he finally added. “That’s all I ever asked of her. But no, she couldn’t even do that. She jerked me along for God knows how long, screwing me and fucking him.” Removing his sunglasses, Ivan set them on the table and stared into Micky’s eyes. “Let me ask you this. Would you give a damn about her after everything she did, and would you listen to some bullshit story about how she was sorry?” Ivan silently dared Micky to respond, but he said nothing. “I didn’t think so!”

The men stared at each other across the table, and Ivan reveled for a moment in the fact that he felt better, lighter after vocalizing six months of pent-up frustration and anger.

“But you know what?” He dropped his head in defeat. “My problem is that I do give a damn, and I hate myself for it. I still love her more than I should, and I’d probably still do anything for her if I let her get close. But I don’t think I’m strong enough to suffer another blow from that woman. That’s the reason I can’t talk to her—not because of anger or spite, but for fear she would crush me…again.” Ivan sank back in the chair and put his glasses back on.

“You feel better, man?” Micky asked after a moment.

Ivan started to chuckle. “Yeah, man. Well played. I didn’t think you were that clever.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Micky asked with narrowed eyes. But he was smiling.

“Nothing,” Ivan said with a laugh. “Thanks, man, I needed that. It felt good.”

Micky sat back in his chair, smiling. “We aren’t all Superman, my friend.”

“No, we’re not.”

“But that doesn’t mean we don’t all have kryptonite to deal with.”

Ivan blew out a heavy sigh.

“You did a good job practicing on me, but I suggest you talk to the person you really need to talk to,” Micky encouraged. “I think maybe it’s time you give her a call back.”

Ivan reached for his glass of water and took a long sip. “Maybe I should, man. Maybe I should.”

Chapter 13

“Keep On Loving You”

“L
EAVE
I
T
A
LONE
! E
VERY
D
AMN
T
IME
I T
RY
to do your hair you end up ruining it.” Tasha smacked Jaden’s hand away from the curls at the back of her head. “I’d think you’d be used to this by now. Don’t you have people doing your hair all the time?”

“Sorry. I’ll stop,” Jaden huffed. “I guess I’m not as afraid of you as I am of Kat.”

“Ha. Don’t push your luck,” Tasha countered. “I could be scary if I needed to be.”

Tasha set back to work, feverishly pinning curls in place, and Jaden tried to get her mind on the night ahead. She’d been back in Miami for nearly two weeks, but she hadn’t been particularly successful at turning her mind off to recharge just yet, so it was just as well that Kevin was already scheduling her for events. Tonight’s gala, hosted by Jaden, would feature a who’s who of fabulous Miami restaurants, each showcasing their signature dishes.

“Are you excited or are you nervous?” Tasha asked. “Why aren’t you saying anything? I can’t wait to see you in action, but I’d be a nervous wreck if I had to speak in front of all those people. They have you plastered all over the invite, and I bet the after-party will be awesome too.”

“It’ll be fun, I hope. Maybe it’ll be the distraction I need. I should focus on my professional life for a change.”

“That’s a fantastic idea, and in light of that, I have one rule for tonight:
Ivan
is not to be thought about, spoken about, or even mentioned.” Tasha slurred his name distastefully. “I don’t want you moping over that text he sent you like you did all day yesterday. Remember what we talked about at Bianca? You fix
you
. Get your groove back. This is a big night for you—a big deal. You need to be in top form. Besides, it’s his loss for blowing you off. He doesn’t even have the decency to call you back? A fucking text message? Asshole.”

Jaden rolled her eyes and snickered.

“I saw that.” Tasha tugged at her friend’s hair. “Not one word about him, got it?”

“Ouch!” Jaden laughed, feigning pain. “Okay, I get the point. No more Ivan talk tonight.”

“Besides—” Tasha lowered her voice to an almost-whisper “—from what Micky told me last night—Aw, shit!”

Jaden felt a stab of anxiety. “What did he tell you?”

“Damn it, Micky is gonna kill me. You know he doesn’t want to be in the middle of this.”

“I’m going to kill you if you don’t finish what you started,” Jaden threatened. She turned in her seat to look at Tasha. “Tell me.”

“Please don’t say anything. Micky would kill me if he found out I told you, and I’m sure Ivan would have a few unsavory words for him.” She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Micky had lunch with him the other day, and Ivan finally talked about you. He vented about everything. Micky didn’t tell me all the details, but the gist of it is that Ivan still loves you and wants to talk to you. But don’t you dare say anything!”

Perplexed and a little angry that Tasha hadn’t told her sooner, Jaden felt a warm rush of emotion spring up in her chest and flood her cheeks. “What did he say exactly? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“I don’t know, really. And anyway I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Micky didn’t tell me a whole lot. He just kind of skimmed over the conversation.” Tasha gave her a half-hearted smile. “I think he knew I might slip up. That man knows me better than I know myself.”