The Work and the Glory (511 page)

Immediately the flap opened and Nathan was there. Brigham stepped inside. Along the far side of the tent, there was a straw mattress laid out on the ground. It was filled with the form of a man covered with a blanket. Mary Ann sat on a stool beside it, her head down, her hands folded neatly in her lap. When she looked up and saw who it was, she rose to her feet. Brigham went to her quickly. “No, no, Mary Ann, just sit there. Please.”

She sank back down again. “Thank you for coming,” she said, her voice hollow and empty.

He put an arm around her and pulled her against him. “How could I not come? One of the truly great ones of the kingdom has fallen.”

She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake silently. “I know,” she finally whispered. “I know.”

Again for a long time, Brigham just held her, rocking slowly back and forth, letting her weep against him. Finally, her trembling subsided and she straightened. Brigham stepped back. “Have you decided where you want the burial?”

She nodded immediately. “Here.”

Brigham’s eyebrows came up.

She nodded more vigorously. “Here on the bluffs, so he can look back at Nauvoo. He would like that. To know that he  left . . .” She had to stop again. “That he died while doing what God asked us to do.”

Now it was Brigham who was nodding. “Yes,” he said simply. “I think you’re right.” He turned to Nathan. “In the morning?”

“Yes. If you could be here, we’d like you to say a few words.”

“Of course. I would be honored.”

There was silence for a time. Finally Brigham, still speaking to Nathan, asked, “And then what?”

Nathan sighed. “We’ll go back across in the morning, take everything with us. We can salvage the wagon, but all the food is ruined, of course. We hope we can save the bedding and the clothes.” He rubbed a hand across his eyes. “We’ll have to find another yoke of oxen.”

“Yes.”

“It will take a week or more to get ready again. It’s just as well we still have homes to go back to.”

“But as soon as possible,” Mary Ann said, her voice firm and steady now, “we’ll be crossing again.”

Brigham nodded, obviously touched and pleased. “I understand.”

“Ben wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Brigham had to turn away, his eyes misting up.

“Thank you, President,” Mary Ann said after a moment. “Thank you for calling us to Nashville.”

He turned back, a little surprised. “You’re welcome, but I think the call came from the Lord.”

“I know. That’s why it meant so much to him. He was always afraid that he wasn’t of that much value to the kingdom.”

Brigham just stared at her in astonishment.

“He did,” Nathan explained. “He always felt like he was good for the building committee, or for the city council, or the temple committee. But when it came to serving as a priesthood leader, he felt that he couldn’t contribute much. Nashville changed all that. He talked about it all the time.”

Brigham was slowly shaking his head. “What an epitaph,” he observed. “Would to God that we all might have such a tribute written about us when we die.” He paused only for a moment. “‘He found joy in the service of the Lord. He was beloved of his family. He died saving the life of another.’”

As Nathan came down the stairs of their home and into the sitting room, Lydia looked up. “Is she asleep?”

He nodded. “I think so. I stood outside her door for several minutes, and she didn’t even stir.”

“Good.” Lydia turned to young Joshua and Emily. “You be really quiet so you don’t wake Grandma up. If anything happens, you come right over to Aunt Caroline’s and get us.”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Papa?” Emily’s large dark eyes held great concern.

“What?”

“How are we going to go west now?”

“That’s what we’ll be talking about with the family, Emmy.”

“We’re not going to stay, are we.” It was not a question.

Nathan shook his head and stood up. He took a deep breath. “We may be late. You don’t have to wait up for us.”

Joshua would be fifteen in a few months now. He was as tall as Nathan and still growing. Sober, thoughtful, and sensitive by nature, he was a wonderful combination of the best of Nathan and Lydia. He was a son that brought much joy to his parents. He looked at his father now. “We’ll wait up,” he said.

Nathan looked around the room with some sadness. He had thought they had held their last Steed family council. He had been wrong. They were in Joshua’s house, and all the adults, including Carl and Melissa, had come.

As Nathan and Lydia got seated, Solomon Garrett bent over and started to cough. He threw his arms about his chest, his face twisting into a grimace of pain as the deep, barking sound racked his body. Jessica held him by the hand, trying to steady him, as the rest watched gravely until the spasm passed him. Jessica looked around the circle. “I think he has pneumonia.”

Melissa leaned forward. “Have you tried the mustard poultice?”

“Yes, all afternoon.”

“You need to be in bed,” Joshua said.

Solomon waved one hand weakly at them. “I will, as soon as we’re done.”

Nathan looked at Matthew, who still looked a little pale and drawn. “And how are you?”

“I’m okay.”

Jenny reached up and laid a hand on his forehead. “He’s got a slight fever, but I think he’ll be all right.”

Turning to Joshua, Nathan raised one eyebrow. “You were in the water the longest.”

“I’m fine.” Then, at the dubious looks, he said more firmly, “I am. Aren’t I, Caroline?”

“So far,” she said.

“And Savannah?” Lydia asked.

“She’ll be all right,” Caroline said softly. “There seems to be no effect from the cold.” Then her voice went suddenly hoarse. “I had to sit with her for a long time tonight. She didn’t want to close her eyes.” She looked away as suddenly her eyes were shining. “She said it reminded her of being under the water.”

There was a long silence; then Nathan turned to Joshua. “Shall we start?”

Joshua nodded. “Yes. Go ahead.”

Nathan swallowed, took a deep breath, and stood up. “All right. We know the issues before us. Let’s see if we can find a way to solve them.”

Melissa tentatively raised her hand and Nathan nodded in her direction.

“Before you talk about getting more food and another team and all of that, can I ask another question?”

“Yes.” Nathan thought he knew what it would be.

“Why can’t you all just stay now? Papa’s gone.” Her voice went suddenly shrill. “He’s gone from us. Why can’t you just stay?” She dropped her head, her body visibly trembling.

“If only for another season,” Carl came in. “Let Brigham find you a place, then you can go next year.”

Joshua was nodding. “It’s not a bad idea, Nathan. Especially now.”

Nathan was silent for a time, looking at the faces around him. “Do you know what Mother’s last words to me were tonight before she fell asleep?”

Matthew answered for them all. “Go.”

“Yes. She took both of my hands and held them tightly. And then she said, ‘Nathan, don’t let them talk you out of it. You know what we have to do.’”

Melissa just shook her head and began to cry quietly. Nathan waited for a moment. “We don’t know what the federal troops are going to do. If they come in and try to take action against us, there may not be another season, Carl. But,” he went on quickly as Joshua stirred, “let’s hear the voice of the council. Solomon? Jessica? Stay or go?”

Solomon opened his mouth but another spasm of coughing hit him before he could speak. He let it pass, looked at Jessica, who nodded at him, then looked back at Nathan. “We’re going.”

“Matthew? Jenny?”

“We’re going with Mother,” Matthew said softly.

“Derek? Rebecca?”

It was Rebecca who spoke, and she spoke to her sister. “I’m sorry, Melissa,” she said, her eyes also filled with tears, “but if Papa were here right now, he’d be chiding us for even having this discussion. You know that, don’t you?”

Melissa stared at her for several seconds, and then whispered, “Yes.”

“We’ll be going,” Derek answered, taking Rebecca’s hand in his.

“And so will we,” Lydia said. “The only question we have is, how soon can we restock our supplies and find a team?”

Carl was shaking his head, but it was not without admiration. “I’ve located a yoke of oxen for you.”

They swung on him, dumbfounded. “You what?”

Carl just looked at Nathan steadily. “I traded my team of grays for it.”

Nathan stared. “But—”

“I’m not delivering much brick right now. Come spring, I’ll find me another team.”

For a moment, Nathan considered protesting, but then he knew their situation was too desperate for such posturing. “Thank you, Carl,” he said quietly, deeply moved.

Carl merely nodded.

Joshua came in now, accepting what he already knew would be the answer. “The bigger question is finding the supplies you need. I think your wagon is all right. We’ll have to watch for warped boards and such, but it’ll be okay. But the other? Flour especially.” He paused. “I have a proposal.”

“What?” Nathan asked.

“Why don’t you and I and maybe Derek go down to Quincy tomorrow with the two wagons I have left. We’ll try and buy enough food to resupply what you lost.”

“But we don’t have any money,” Matthew replied, “and nothing to trade.”

“I’ll talk to my banker there,” Joshua answered evenly, “have him give me credit enough for what we need.”

Now several started talking at once. “Will he do that?” Derek asked in surprise.

“No, Joshua,” Lydia said. “You can’t do that.”

“But I thought no one would give you credit,” Jessica blurted out.

“He’ll give me credit,” Joshua growled menacingly.

Nathan considered that. “I don’t think they’ll sell to Mormons.”

“I’ll tell you what, Nathan,” Joshua answered, grim now. “I’ve had about all the anti-Mormon sentiment I can handle. If they refuse to sell us what we need, maybe I’ll burn
their
houses down.”

That brought a smile all around. Finally Nathan nodded. “I suppose we don’t have a lot of choice. All right, we’ll try it.”

Caroline lifted her hand. Nathan turned to her. “Yes?”

“Joshua and I have another proposal.”

“What?”

“Joshua is going with you.” And then at Nathan’s blank look, she hurried on. “I’m not talking about Quincy. He’ll go west with you.”

“What?” several of them cried at once.

“Yes,” Joshua said. “Caroline and I have talked about it all afternoon. I’ll go and help take care of Mama. I know Matthew plans to do that, but he has his own family to worry about.”

“And you’d stay here, Caroline?” Lydia asked, eyes wide. “Is that safe?”

“We’ll have Carl and Melissa,” Caroline answered, her voice level. “And with Joshua gone, they’re not going to bother us.”

Carl saw the inevitability of it immediately. “Yes,” he said. “That’s best. We’ll take care of Caroline and the children.” He turned to Joshua. “What about the lumber you’ve got coming this spring?”

Joshua grinned. “You said things at the brickyards were slow. How would you like to become a lumber merchant?”

Carl rocked back, stunned. “You’d trust me to do that?”

Joshua just nodded. Then he swung back. “You don’t have to think about this, Nathan. You know it’s right. You need another man. Mama needs someone to look after her.”

Nathan’s thoughts were a wild tumble, the possibilities racing in his mind. But finally, he just inclined his head in Joshua’s direction. “Yes, we do.” And then his voice suddenly caught and his eyes were glistening. “If Papa were here, you know what he’d say right now, don’t you?”

Joshua’s head dropped and he didn’t look up.

“He wouldn’t say anything,” Lydia whispered, looking at Joshua. “He’d just throw his arms around you and hold you tight.”

Chapter 34

Saturday, February 14, 1846

Today is the day called by many St. Valentine’s Day. It is a day when love between men and women is honored and remembered. It is a day when I sit in my tiny cabin and shed tears as I write, for never has Will had less reason to love me than on this day.

We have been at sea now for ten days. We had hoped and prayed that the weather would be kind until those of us who have spent our entire lives on land grew accustomed to the constant rolling and pitching and pitching and rolling of the floor beneath our feet. Alas, it was not to be. Hardly had five days passed when a great storm descended upon us. This was not just any storm. Even Will said it was a bad one. The sky at midday was as black as midnight. The winds howled with a fury I have never before known. For four days and nights we were tossed about helplessly on the monstrous waves. For a time it looked as though our brave little company was to come to a premature end and that I would die without my parents ever knowing what had happened to me.

Life on the “passenger deck,” as they call our quarters, became not only unbearable, but unbelievably horrible. Remember that the remodeling of our ship from a merchantman to a packet ship left the ceilings—the sailors call them the bulkheads—no more than four feet high. In the best of circumstances we crawl around like monkeys in order not to crack our heads. But with the storm, it became a nightmare. Everywhere people were sick—violently, violently sick. Children screamed or lay in their beds moaning piteously. Pots and pans, dishes, luggage of every description, even whole eating tables were thrown out of their places and hurled about frightfully. One could scarce move about without risking life and limb.

This is when I learned that I had married a total stranger. I have heard people say that being seasick makes you wish you were dead. Such mild, unremarkable language does not begin to describe my feelings. I not only wished I were dead, I longed for it like a baby longs for its mother’s breast. I cried out for it like a young kid bleating for its nanny goat. And in the midst of this indescribable suffering of body and spirit, a stranger named Will Steed stood by me, smiling down at me with ruddy cheeks and sparkling eyes. He would go up top, stand on the deck, feet braced, gripping the rigging while the rain lashed his face, and he would laugh into the teeth of the storm. At night, while I lay groaning like a dying woman, he would come tripping down the stairs, his face as rosy as a baby’s after its bath. He would be chomping on an apple, or carrying some gigantic slab of bread smeared with butter. Smacking his lips, he would then have the effrontery to suggest that if I would but partake with him, I would be instantly and forever cured.