The Wraeththu Chronicles (145 page)

We all digested these words in silence. I could feel Panthera's agony. Even the sound of Pell's name caused him pain. I found myself wishing he wasn't there, because there were things I had to know, had to talk about, that I knew would cause him further grief.

"There's one thing I must know," I said, and it was not easy for me to say it. "If you were responsible for the visions, the pushing around, does that mean Pell himself has had no real interest in me?"

Opalexian answered me briskly. "One thing you must understand, Cal. Pellaz was under the impression you would seek him out as soon as you made contact with his people in Imbrilim. You didn't. Up until then, Thiede had told him you needed 'purification'— whatever he meant by that. That was to keep Pell away from you; it had worked for years. Pell knew you'd suffered penance in the forest of Gebaddon on the journey south. He knew you'd talked with Thiede after that. There was no longer any reason why you could not come back to him. The blood-binding with Caeru was just another of Thiede's smokescreens. It had nothing to do with love. The Gelaming were interested in you, they wanted you with them; you knew nothing of this, but there was no question of you being some underling skulking in the shadows to be summoned to the Tigron's bed when he felt like it. So, after you didn't turn up, it was easy for Thiede to convince Pell you had no further interest in him. The incident of you leaving the tower was his

evidence for this. Pell is too honorable. Assured you wanted to lead your life without him, he let it be. Can you see how Thiede's been manipulating both of you now?"

"I can see it," I said quietly. "What I can't understand is why Thiede didn't just kill me. There'd have been no problem then."

Opalexian laughed. "Don't think that harshly of him, Cal! He is Agh-ama, and has considerable good sense. He's not a Terzian or a Ponclast who can kill willy-nilly to get rid of nuisances. No, that's not the way Thiede operates. Superficially, it's all above board. He is under the impression that what he's done is right. He believes it is for Wraeththu's sake he's keeping you away from Immanion, not his own. He's blinded himself too much. That's his mistake. It is your task to make him see the light."

"Your faith in me is frightening!" I said. No way could I imagine being able to convince Thiede of anything he didn't want to believe in, whether it was good for him or not. "Was it you that came to me in the pool near Jael too?" That was one thing I didn't want to be true.

The High Priestess sighed. "It was Pell's feelings, certainly, but he wasn't aware of projecting them." A tactful answer.

Panthera stirred uncomfortably beside me. "And how did all the rumors that are supposed to be flying around Jaddayoth about Cal get out? Do you know?"

Opalexian shrugged. "How do any rumors start?! One would presume they originated in Immanion and spread east via traders and travelers. Remember what I said, unbeknown to Cal, he has achieved quite a reputation in the west. No-one can answer your question properly, Panthera. Perhaps if we look upon it as a necessary thing that was bound to happen, we are touching on the truth." I could sense Panthera thought such a reply was far too glib.

"And have these rumors reached the ears of the Tigron himself yet, by any chance?" he asked.

"If they haven't, they certainly will once Caeru gets home," she answered. "Surprise would have been better, Cal. The incident in Sykernesse was rather unfortunate in that respect." She smiled placatingly. "Ah, never mind, what will be will be. Rest here for a few days. Such a short delay can't hurt the outcome; it's been waiting for years!"

We talked a great deal more, but now it was all talk of Jaddayoth. What did I think of different tribes? Had I enjoyed Gimrah, Hadassah, Ferike? And what had I learned? Opalexian was not above making one or two salacious remarks concerning Nanine and the Lyris. "I must admit it was quite exciting to impart these mysterious messages all over the place!" she said. "We followed your travels with great interest."

"I'm glad it provided such pleasure," I said, drily.

"Pleasure for you too in parts, you must agree," Tel-an-Kaa remarked with a smile. "The worst bit for us was when I told Ariaric about you. His face went white! For some reason, he was under the blithe misapprehension we didn't know who he really was, or what he'd done in Megalithica. Even when I explained your arrival wasn't going to provoke some wildly embarrassing revelation to us, we still had to argue with him about seeing you."

"Yes, here's another boost for your ego," Opalexian added. "Even for the Lion your image had assumed some strangely avatistic form over the years. Maybe something he couldn't forget, or something he had intense inner fantasies about. He was afraid of facing you again, and I don't think it had anything to do with guilt either."

"You'll swell my head," I said.

"No, we won't. You know what you are now, Cal." I thought about it and realized, for the first time ever, I really did.

"You must remember," Opalexian said, and now her voice was grave. "It is wrong to interfere in other people's lives, to try and change their destinies, even if it seems you are acting for the best. What must be must be. Everyone has their own path to follow and, inevitably, the times will come when their way is at extreme variance to yours. Even if you think that someone is acting utterly wrongly, think very carefully before trying to influence that situation. That is their path; they must live it. People may only learn by their own mistakes; you cannot learn for them. For that reason it was very difficult for me deciding whether or not I should take a hand in what was going on out there. Only the fact that Thiede was being deliberately wayward, and that he had such power, persuaded me. Perhaps I was still wrong, even taking that into account. But it is something I am prepared to take responsibility for. The rest is up to you, Cal. Do what you think is right, but remember what I've told you."Later, we began to make arrangements for my journey to Almagabra. Opalexian had Exalan bring out a map. Most of the journey would be by sea. Kamagrian had transport like the Maudrah, but the High Priestess was insistent that once I reached Emunah, a more conventional method of traveling should be pursued. I didn't ask why she should want that, but assumed it was something to do with arriving in Immanion at the right time. That suited me fine. There was no way I wanted to reach it any sooner. I needed time to prepare myself.

Panthera and I returned to our room very late. My companion was silent. As we lay together in the darkness he spoke the words I knew would come. He must have thought about it for ages to say it so quickly. "Cal, I want to come with you." I didn't answer at first, so he felt he had to expand. "Not for the reason you might think; it's not selfish. I just don't want you to be alone."

"Have you considered I might have to be?"

"For what you have to do, whatever that is, having me along can't make that much of a difference. I want to see you safe, that's all. I couldn't live, not knowing. As soon as all this is resolved, I'll go back to Jael. I promise."

"It's not like you to plead."

"It's not like you to act sensibly. I want to be there."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't."

There was further silence whilst I examined minutely the relief his suggestion had given me. It was a selfish relief, I know that. If Panthera returned home to Jael now, I could contact him immediately my future was resolved without putting him in danger or the position of suffering further pain. God knows, I should have ignored my feelings, put my foot down and told him to go home. Yet I didn't. I knew what was supposed to happen in Immanion. OK, even with Opalexian's help, there was no cut and dried guarantee that all would go to plan, but there was no way I should take Panthera along. Whatever happened, it was certain we could no longer look upon ourselves as a pair. Ariaric is right about me; I can't let go easily. My pious words to Panthera in Biting meant nothing.

"Count yourself in then, Thea," I said.

He laughed and curled his arms around me. "Good to see you still can't resist my charm," he said.

Even as I held him close, even as I wanted him by me, I feared he was going to regret this move.

Aboard the Fairminia

"The foamy-necked floater went like a bird

Over the wave-filled sea,

Sped by the wind."

—Beowulf

1 he Emunah port of Meris was a lively place, bustling with hara of many different tribes. It was here that Opalexian moored her personal vessel, a sleek, red-sailed ship with painted eyes upon her prow. It was the ship I'd seen in my Dream. The trip from Roselane had been swift, though dreary; rain, rain, rain. Not a good beginning to such a journey, I felt. By late afternoon, it was almost dark in Meris, rain lashing down on the cobbled streets, shops closing early, hara hurrying along, muffled in waterproof cloaks, faces down. Tel-an-Kaa had come along to see us off. "Sail tomorrow," she said. "The weather will be brighter then." We booked into a small, crowded inn up a curling back-street. Tel-an-Kaa was in disguise; she looked harish. One day, a ghoulish curiosity within me decided, I'd have to find out what the Kamagrian concealed beneath their clothing. Humans must have once felt the same way about us. We ate together in a small back-room in the inn. The Kamagrian kept looking at the door.

"Nervous?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'm expecting somebody. Opalexian wants one of our people with you on this. Not me, unfortunately. He should be here soon."

"A har, then."

"Yes, one you know; Zackala."

I was not exactly overjoyed. "Thanks for telling me. Why?"

"Personal feelings mustn't get in the way of this, Cal. He may be of use to you. The image you had of him in Gimrah was somewhat distorted. Purposely. He bears you no grudge, so don't make things awkward."

Zack didn't turn up until the morning however. Tel-an-Kaa was beginning to fret. We strolled down to the harbor after breakfast, where the sea was calm beneath clear sunlight. The air smelled fresh and full of promise. The Kamagrian wasn't sure whether she should let Panthera and I continue our journey alone. Opalexian's orders had been that Zack should come with us, but there was no Zack.

"What should I do first when I get to Immanion?" I asked, to take her mind off the problem.

"What? Get to Thiede, I should think. It's your finale, Cal, you decide!"

"Should I go in furtively, or through the front door?"

"I'd go in as if it was perfectly normal. Go to Phaonica; ask to see Thiede."

"I'm sure his people will let me! He must be more unapproachable than Ariaric, surely, and it wasn't exactly simple getting to see him."

"Luck was with you in Maudrah, so it will undoubtedly be with you in Immanion as well. Do you think Thiede's going to let you wander about his golden city at will? Just keep your wits about you; he'll attempt to seduce your common sense, steer you away. Remember what you've learned."

Opalexian's ship, Fairminia, was anchored at the farthest end of the harbor. As we approached, we could see hara busy at work on her decks. One figure waved us a cocky salute. It had to be Zack. My heart sank. I'd hoped we'd miss him. Tel-an-Kaa brightened up considerably when she saw him. Panthera and I watched dubiously as she

ran toward him, up the gangway. They embraced; he swinging her around playfully. Oh, it was the har I'd seen (thought I'd seen?) in Gimrah alright. He smiled his crooked, scarred smile at us.

"Good to see you again, Cal," he said. "You look well. Better than you did in Gimrah, anyhow!" He laughed. "Welcome aboard; come on. Our captain wants us to be on our way, and it's a long journey."

Yes. Just how long, I hadn't really anticipated until I realized I'd have to spend the entire time with Zack. A past thorn. It still made me uncomfortable to recall those days, whatever he felt about it.

And so we left Jaddayoth. Slewing around, the graceful might of Fairminia cleaved her way through the waves toward the west. From the west shore of the Sea of Arel, a sea canal divides the lands of Huldah and Florinada. This leads to the Axian Sea and the coast of Almagabra; the way we would travel. Tel-an-Kaa watched us leave. Before her figure was too small to make out, we saw her walk away, back toward the town. Panthera went to sort baggage out in our cabin, leaving me alone to stare at the receding shores of Jaddayoth. I'd enjoyed my time there, made new friends, learned one hell of a lot. I could no longer isolate myself. It was Jaddayoth that had made me realize life just wasn't going to let me do that. But perhaps the hardest lesson had been accepting I was part of something huge; no amount of hiding or running could change that. Now I must bend to obey its laws, however obscure or beyond my grasp they were. People like Opalexian and Thiede can understand them; people like me just have to accept them.

For most of the journey, I've been catching up on my writing, as you can see. It surprised me that I'd written nothing since Ferike. This journal has been my life-saver in the past; my priest, my confessor. Perhaps I no longer need it. The har who scribbled the first sentences had no idea what he'd do or become. Will the har who enscribes the final word in Immanion be as different again? Impossible to tell. But for that reason alone I'll keep writing. It's a record of my metamorphosis. Zack and I are maintaining a polite, if distant, friendship. I get the feeling he's laughing at me sometimes and I hate the way he makes me feel inept. Perhaps it's not deliberate, but personally, I don't think he's forgiven me as much as the Kamagrian think. I can't help wondering, "What does he think of me? Why does he never mention the past?" I can't believe it's forgotten, yet perhaps it's only me that insists upon raking up the ashes of old fires. Maybe it really is no longer a cause of concern to Zack. How can I tell? We hardly speak. He gets on well with Panthera though. They've spent nearly the entire journey playing chess.