The Wraeththu Chronicles (81 page)

"Tell me where you live."

"In Immanion. Phaonica, the Tigron's palace. It is on a hill. It can be seen from any point in the city."

"Do you like it there?"

"It's very beautiful. It is always warm."

"Mow many servants do you have?"

"I don't know. A lot. I don't know them all."

"You don't know their names?"

"No. Should I?" He sounded defensive. I suppose he hated his servants. Perhaps they despised him.

"Describe your bedroom."

"It ... it is large."

"Black and silver?"

He laughed nervously. "Yes. I like those colors. The moon and darkness."

I leaned toward him and he backed away an inch or two. "What do you see from your window, Tigrina?"

"The lights of the city and beyond them, the sea. It is always moving. I look at it at night."

"Is the sea black and silver?"

"Sometimes."

My lips touched his neck. He was so tense, he could barely keep from quivering, but he did not stop me.

"Do you sleep alone, Tigrina, in that big, black room?"

"What?"

"Do you sleep alone?" I raised my head. There was hardly any space between us. His eyes darted everywhere but into mine. "Do you?"

He closed his eyes, long lashes against his cheek. "That question was impertinent. Why did you ask it?" I could smell his surrender, a smell like cut grass. I had asked the question that perhaps he had always wanted someone to ask, because then he could answer.

"Alone, Tigrina? Are you . . . ?"

"Yes," he said. "Yes. Yes."

There was only the slightest of resistance as I pulled him against me. I brushed his lips with my own and he opened his mouth, straining toward me. I raised my head and smiled at him so gently. I took his chin in my hand and pushed it back. He curled his fingers round my wrist, apprehensive. "Isn't this what you want?" I asked, and put my teeth against his white throat, and bit down, hard.

His body arched against me, but he made no sound. I did not draw blood, but there were marks in his flesh when I raised my head again "Varrs do that kind of thing," I said. "You must have heard; we are barbarians." He laughed and I held him tight against me.

"I will ask now," he said. "I will ask about Cal ..."

"He has gone and I don't know where," I replied. Caeru stiffened in my arms. He said nothing. "One thing I do know, that I am sure of, is that either the Tigron or Thiede is responsible for his disappearance."

"Are you fond of this Cal?"

I lifted his head. "It can't be helped. He just has that effect on people. He makes them love him."

"I know!"

"Such bitterness!"

"Such bitterness," he agreed wistfully. "I would like to meet him."

"Would you?"

"Yes. Really. He can't take anything from me. I am Tigrina; Thiede made me so. That can't be taken away, and I have nothing else." He did not sound self-pitying, only fatalistic. Cal would have found him irresistible.

He took my head in his hands and offered me his breath, which I drank from fiercely. He was panting as we parted. "We are similar," he said. "Pariahs in the Gelaming camp."

"Not I!" I exclaimed vehemently. "I will not let them think of me that way!"

Caeru smiled. "No ... I can taste your father in you. “

"I hope not!"

He frowned and shook his head. "By that, I don't mean ... bad things, just strength and power. It is forming within you."

"More so during the last few minutes," I said lightly.

He smiled once more and put his fingers lightly on my chest. "Have you met Seel yet?"

The sound of that name went through me like a javelin. "Why?" I was too abrupt. Caeru nodded and smiled wryly to himself. "Yes, I can tell you have. He is close to Pell."

"I know."

His hand slid under my shirt. "Do you think I've brought you here for just this purpose, to touch you?"

I shrugged, but said nothing.
 
"Well, if you do, you are right, but it is more than that. I'm offering you a kind of protection. They have kept other hara away from you, haven't they? Nothing is coincidental, nothing!" he cried. "You are in thrall, Swift, but you don't even realize it! I know these people. I know what their magic can do. You have a strong will and you shall be angry when you find out how they've manipulated you! Your innermost feelings are nothing to Ilium!"

His fervor alarmed me and I put my hand over his mouth. "Hush!" I did not believe him at all. He made a muffled noise and tried to pull my hand away.

"I am not a fool," I said, releasing him.

"You are!" he insisted, but he knew I would not listen.

"No. Forget me; I want to talk about you. You are soume-har. I want to fill you."

"I am Tigrina. You are insolent!" (Some vestige of pride perhaps?)

"Then why are you smiling?"

He shook his head, sighed, and lay back. "Very well, Swift the Varr . . ."

"Is that an invitation?"

He laughed, for the first time honestly, without control. "Invitation? No, no; it is a command!"

For a second, some sober part of me was aghast. This being, this whole and shining being, was Pell's; he had done this once. The Tigron of Immanion had done this, held this in his arms, and I was just Swift, who until recently had entertained very few grand ideas. When had I changed? When? I remember thinking, Why couldn't it have been like this with Seel? What is it about him that weakens me so much? Tonight, with Caeru, I have said all the right things at the right time; I have been powerful. Is it just the wine that's made me so bold? Why, why, why, couldn't I have been like this with Seel?

As we writhed together, in a haze of sweat and tangled limbs, Caeru said, "You will need this knowledge." I did learn a lot from him. I learned how to prolong the pleasure until it becomes pleasure no longer and the final release is like dying and almost like pain. "One day you will think of me with gratitude," he said, and part of me could sense that time to come; formless and vague, a tantalizing presentiment.

Afterwards, I would not let him sleep. "Now is the time," I said.

"The time for what?" he asked drowsily.

"To tell me about yourself. I want to give you something in return. I want to give you my ears."

He smiled lazily. "You have given me enough . . ."

"No, Caeru. Tell me. Tell me how it happened, how you became Tigrina, why it happened and what went wrong."

He put his arms across his eyes. "Do not call me Caeru. That is what they call me. It is the name that I was born with, it is true, but my friends have always called me Rue." He sighed. "Rue for sadness, who barely exists any more. Rue was happy; Caeru is not. Caeru is a slave, because Rue made a grave mistake ..."

"Go on."He sighed again.

"Very well. If you insist. Hold me, Swift." He curled against me and I listened to the tale, the other side of the story. He began: "Once upon a time a har named Rue lived in a very nice place called Ferelithia. It was a happy, rich town where humans and hara lived together and it was always warm. Rue was contented there. He earned his living through his voice; he sang. He had a lot of friends and life was kind to him. Only, one day, he fell in love with a beautiful face and a beautiful body, both of which belonged to an incomparable, mysterious har called Pellaz. Pell was just passing through Ferelithia and his relationship with Rue was destined to be a brief one. It would have been too, if Rue had not been so stupid and so naive as to let Pellaz take aruna with him to its furthest possible point. There was a child, and by the time I realized, Pell had long gone. It was so ridiculous, because at first, I didn't even realize what was wrong with me. I'd get strange feelings in my stomach, odd little movements and pains. I thought I was getting sick and tried to ignore it. Kate knew what it was, but she didn't tell me. She didn't have the guts to! Kate, by the way, is my friend; a woman, and perhaps my only friend. Pell had told her what he'd done to me before he left. Can you believe that I didn't realize? It's incredible, isn't it? One day, I just collapsed in the street. I thought I was dying because the pain was so bad. That was when Kate finally confessed what she knew. We had a raging argument that lasted all the way through my delivery of the pearl. I suppose it was good for me because it took my mind off the pain. 'Oh, Rue, I wanted to tell you!' she said. As if that was any comfort!

"I couldn't understand why Pell had done it; made a child with me and then just vanished. What was the point? Our son was exquisite, beautiful and weirdly wise. I named him Wolf because it was a name of power and also how I thought of his father at that time. As he grew up, I began to see that ... he was different. I knew inside

myself that he belonged with his father, because Pell had been different in the same way. What could I offer him? I loved my life in Ferelithia, but it wouldn't be enough for Wolf; he deserved more. At that time, I didn't know Pell had become Tigron. Maybe I wouldn't have made that decision if I had known. Kate agreed with me that Wolf should be taken to Pell. She said that Pell had left money for her, so that one day she could use it to visit him in Immanion. We scraped together a little more and the three of us set off across the sea on a wonderful, romantic journey to find Wolfs father. I think it was the last time I was truly happy.

"Of course, when we reached Immanion and found out exactly what Pell had become, all the Gelaming thought I was a callous adventurer, who had simply come to cash in on Pell's fame and fortune. They still think that, some of them. But it was only for Wolf. / didn't want to stay there. Thiede realized straight away that Wolf is a special child. It was Thiede who dealt with everything. Pell wouldn't even see us. He thought I was hounding him too, you see. There is only room for one in Pell's heart and that space is reserved for Cal; it always will be. I knew that. I've always known that. I didn't want to stay there; it was embarrassing. Then . . . then Thiede suggested the worst thing of all. He came to me one evening, as I was trying to leave yet again. He made me sit down and he said to me, 'Caeru, you are a shrewd har, you have common sense and you are beautiful enough to please any Gelaming. I want Pell to take a consort, for the people expect it, I have searched for quite a time to find someone suitable, but now I feel that search is over. I want it to be you, Caeru. I want you to become Tigrina of Immanion.' He expected my refusal and listened to it patiently. Then he said, 'I hope you've said everything you want to say, Caeru, for I don't want to hear anything like that again. You know who I am, you know that I have made my wishes plain. Out of courtesy, I have listened to your objections, but now you will have to forget them. It's unfortunate that you'll have to lose the lifestyle you are fond of, but you are destined for greater things, I'm afraid. You will be Pell's consort and I shall conduct the ceremony of your bonding in blood to him.'

"It was obscene, wasn't it?The most sacred, intimate thing any two hara can experience; the sharing of blood. It is an unbreakable bond, and for me, because of that, a living hell. Of course, Pell went berserk when he found out about it. He came storming into the elegant suite of rooms that Thiede had put us in. It was the first time that I'd seen him since I'd been in Immanion. It made me weak; I couldn't help it. Some selfish part of me thought, I will do what Thiede wants because it will keep me close to Pell. I didn't want to lose him completely again. How stupid I was! Pell called me every foul name he could think of. How could I do this? he wanted to know. Hadn't he once confided in me how he felt about Cal? Was I mocking him now? He offered me vast amounts of money to leave, which 1 refused. I said that Thiede wouldn't let me leave. Pell called me a liar and accused me of plotting against him with Thiede. That was when Kate walked in and tried to intervene. She could see things were getting dangerously close to being out of hand. Pell roared at her. He called her an interfering human bitch and to keep out of it. Kate was horrified. She'd known Pell a long time. It's not like him to be like that, but he was furious. I'd never seen anyone so furious. It was like desperate panic. Eventually, during the shouting, he took a fruit knife off the table and cut his arm with it. He said to me, 'Here! Here's my blood. Take it! Drink it if you like! Let's get Thiede to bless the act!' He smeared blood on my face; it was terrible. It made me as angry as Pell was. I'd had enough. I said I would leave but begged him to accept Wolf as his son and let him remain in Phaonica. Pell said nothing. He was just looking at his arm as if he was thinking, Oh hell, what have I done? I did try to leave, I really did, but of course, Thiede was waiting for me. Thiede knows everything. He told me not to be stupid, that Pell would calm down and get used to the idea. 'You are going to be his Tigrina, Caeru, and that is an end to it. Go back to your room.' It was impossible to argue with him.

"Well, as you see, Pell did agree to it in the end, but there is no affection between us. We are bonded in blood to each other forever, an insoluble link, and both of us hate it. Some part of Pell still believes I only went to look for him because I'd heard he'd become Tigron. It isn't true. We'd had a good time together in Ferelithia, Pell and I. I was fond of him. I still am. Now, he is courteous to me. Most evenings, he will come to talk to me. He says he doesn't blame me for what happened. He says he