The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure (64 page)

Few experience this
Astral told her.
Hara ride their dreams of flying horses and galloping limbs. Few perceive the truth of it.

Pellaz called to her:
Keep the image strong. Hold it steady. It is Astral’s guidance instrument.

It was difficult to do that. Mima was having enough trouble trying to keep hold of her identity, so that she did not disintegrate into a billion motes of consciousness and scatter.
Think,
she told herself.
Remember Lileem the harling. Remember her laughter.
She couldn’t keep one image in her head, but she relived many moments. In some ways, it was easier to offer Astral the feeling of her love for Lileem and into this, she poured her entire intention. This was the true beacon. In the midst of its pearly cloud, she thought,
we have never been chesna, and we never will be, but we are sisters in skin and we share a history. I am coming for you, Lee. I will bring you back.

Then she saw it: a beautiful azure blue light in the maddening chaos of the otherlanes. It hung up ahead like a star. It was the light of Lileem’s spirit. It was a lantern in a window in a tall dark tower. It was the great gout of radiance over a stormy sea that guided ships to dock. It was the candle of hope lit every evening high in a fortress, to show a rescuer where the princess was imprisoned. And Astral flew towards it.

Ever since she and Terez had tried, and failed, to get back home, Lileem had devoted herself to studying in the underground library. She had no means of writing anything down, so she had to memorise the symbols she saw. Terez spent his time exploring the great building above, seeking evidence of who might have built it and why. Occasionally, he went off into the landscape, searching for other buildings. He discovered that the purple sun revealed things in the chambers of the great pyramid. He’d occasionally seen what might have been furniture – strange objects. It was difficult to tell. Once, he’d found a room with painted walls. Images of birds surrounded him. When he and Lileem met up, usually by accident if she’d decided to come up from below for a while, he’d tell her what he’d discovered. But they met infrequently. Sometimes, Lileem didn’t see him for what felt like years. They no longer existed in time, and when Lileem looked down at herself, she thought she might be becoming insubstantial, like a ghost. She and Terez had died, and this world they were in, it might be hell, because it was so lonely and so desolate, but Lileem could not see hell in a place where there was so much knowledge. She knew that Terez was unhappy, and maybe she could be too, if she thought about it, but mostly she was driven purpose. Everything that had gone before, her old life, no longer mattered.

She could only examine the stone books on the lower shelves of the library, because she could find no means to access the upper shelves, which towered at least a hundred feet over her head. But even so, she had enough to occupy her for an eternity. When she finally came across a book that she could read, she felt she had been rewarded for her industry and application. It slid out from the stack and she experienced a chill – the first physical sensation for an aeon. She saw the name of Aruhani, carved in stone.

Lileem pressed a hand against the word. The sight of it kindled memories of her old life. The book was covered in words, symbols and pictures. The name might be coincidence, because in this place she would come across anything that had ever been thought of eventually, but below the word she saw an image of the dehar, almost exactly how Flick had described him. There was a symbol too and she realised it was a summoning glyph.

The words and markings were so tiny, and so many were crammed onto the stone, it was difficult to interpret them. First, she looked for other familiar words and was not surprised to find Miyacala and Lunil, but was pleased to discover Agave, who she’d invented as a child, and in adult life had considered not to be a bona fide dehar. But there were so many others: thousands. Mima felt excitement. She thought of Flick. She wanted him to know about this.

But he never will,
she thought.
That is why this is hell. I am given proof or evidence, then condemned never to be able to share it.

Lileem leaned her forehead against the stone for a few moments. She felt the ghost of a headache, far behind her eyes. The books were not heavy, despite appearances. She found she was hauling this one right out of the stack. She was going to take it to the upper place. She was going to make Terez look at it.

If there is a way to get home,
she thought,
it lies somewhere within this library. I just have to keep looking for it.

Aruhani had come to her. He had prodded her and made her remember the life she had left behind. She could not ignore this message.

Outside, no suns were in the sky and the stars wheeled overhead. Lileem found Terez beside the ocean, staring up. Her footsteps crunched upon the gravelly shore, but Terez did not look round. In the strange light, his naked skin looked like marble.
Once, I believed I loved him,
she thought.
This place has stolen that from me.

‘Terez,’ she said. ‘Look.’

He did not respond immediately, but then turned slowly towards her. She held out the stone, which was almost half her height.

‘You shouldn’t bring those out here,’ Terez said. ‘It’s forbidden.’

‘Who’s here to forbid?’ she asked. ‘Just look at it, will you.’

She hunkered down and laid the stone out on the ground. Terez squatted beside her. ‘What am I looking for?’

Lileem pointed out the words. ‘Dehara,’ she said. ‘See? We didn’t make it up.’

‘Maybe you did,’ Terez said, annoyingly unimpressed. ‘Whatever any creature thinks is recorded here. This is just your book, or Flick’s book.’

‘No,’ Lileem said. ‘I know it’s not.’

Terez sighed. ‘What does it matter?’ He stood up again and stared at the sky. ‘Somewhere, out there, perhaps in another layer of reality, lies home…’

Lileem was silent for a moment, then said, ‘I want to go back too, Terez. And I’m going to find a way how, I promise you. The information we seek lies in the library.’

He glanced at her. ‘Maybe wanting to is the beginning,’ he said. ‘Maybe it’s been you all along who has kept us here, because of that damned library. You haven’t wanted to leave badly enough.’

Lileem considered his words. He might well be correct. ‘Well, I do now,’ she said. If only they could find desire in this arid place, but she knew that route was closed to them. ‘I’ll find a way. Come with me. Don’t stay out here. It’d be quicker if we looked together.’

They walked back along the shore with the cyclopean edifice looming over them, casting its gaunt shadow on the sea. It was necessary to climb long sloping dunes of silver grey sand to reach the entrance to the library. Lileem and Terez waded up the dunes, their progress hampered by the shifting granules. The book felt heavy in Lileem’s arms now.

Just as they reached the top, there was a great flash in the sky. Lileem almost dropped the stone. ‘What was that?’

It looked as if a star had exploded for much of the sky ahead of them was filled with pulsing, sparkling clouds. The ground was shaking, and there was a sound like thunder.

‘A portal!’ Terez cried, trying to scramble faster up the dune.

Lileem stumbled after him. ‘Another har and parage, do you think?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe Gelaming. They can go anywhere in creation, I’m sure. We must make them see us.’

‘Terez,’ Lileem said, ‘it might not be…’

Whatever words she was about to speak were swept away from her. An immense radiance burst out of the boiling sky with the sound of an entire city crumbling to destruction at once. Both Lileem and Terez ducked down, and a hot wind seared over them, blowing back their hair. Sand scoured their naked bodies.
Does this library have an owner?
Lileem thought.
And they have they just come back to it?

She was afraid.

Terez dragged her to her feet and together they reached the top of the dunes. A short distance away, they could see two bizarre creatures, crouched on the ground outside the pyramid. Were they creatures? They could equally have been machines. In some ways, they were like giant insects, because they had wings and their segmented bodies appeared to be made of some metallic substance that shifted with many colours like oil. The wings were similar to insect wings in that they moved so fast they were simply a blur, but Lileem could see that they were rotating rather than flapping. There was also something about the creatures that reminded her of sea animals. Their legs were like a crab’s or spider’s legs, with their bodies hanging between them. Their heads were long and triangular like a sea-horse’s. They had three enormous faceted eyes. It was only when she heard her name called aloud that Lileem realised the strange creatures had passengers or riders.

‘Lileem!’

She knew that voice, even after so long. ‘Terez,’ she cried. ‘It’s Mima!’

‘I know,’ he said and there was fear in his voice, as if he thought this was a terrible, cruel illusion.

‘Come on!’ Lileem began to run towards the creatures.

The creatures appeared to be surrounded by a shimmering bubble of sparkling air. Lileem careered into it and then found she was lying on her back on the ground, the stone book on top of her. Something had repelled her with immense force.

She stood up quickly, and put out a hand towards the light. Something pressed against her hand. She couldn’t push through it.

‘Lileem,’ Mima called. ‘Come to me. Come now. There isn’t much time.’

‘I can’t!’ Lileem wailed.

‘Try!’

Terez was at her side now and together they pushed against the resistant air. They could make no impression on it. ‘This isn’t real,’ Terez was saying, over and over, but he kept trying to break through the barrier.

‘Terez!’

Everything was happening so swiftly, Lileem hadn’t inspected who rode the other creature. Her whole being was intent on reaching Mima, on going home and there was no time for thought or consideration. But now, she turned her attention to Mima’s companion. She knew him at once, not just because he looked so like her visions of him, but because he was surrounded by golden light, by power.

‘It’s your brother,’ Lileem said. ‘Terez, it’s Pellaz. He’s come for us.’

Pellaz leapt down from his peculiar mount and came to the side of the bubble. He looked like a dehar and perhaps he was. ‘Concentrate,’ he said. ‘This world is responsive only to one-way portals. There is no way back. Peridot and Astral are holding open the portal they made, but they are weakening. You have to break through this barrier. You must believe you can.’

Terez took Lileem’s hand in his own. ‘I believe it!’ he said fiercely.

Pellaz closed his eyes briefly, then extended one shining hand towards them. It came through the barrier as if through water and it dripped with opal fire. Terez grabbed hold of it. Pellaz would pull them through, together. ‘Now!’ Terez yelled to Lileem.

She hesitated, then let go of Terez’s hand and ran back the short way to where the stone book lay in the sand. She heard them all calling to her, urgently, angrily, but she couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t leave this place with nothing. They’d suffered too much. The book felt so heavy now. She could barely pick it up, but if there was one last thing she could do in her life, it must be this. She staggered back to Terez, whose expression was demented.

‘Lee! Drop that thing. Hurry. What the fuck are you doing?’

‘Drop it!’ Pellaz shouted at her. ‘You can’t bring it with you.’

Lileem ignored him. She held it close against her body with one arm, feeling the muscles rip beneath its weight. Its surface felt rough now and it ground against her naked skin. She must ignore the weight. She must believe she could do this. With her free hand, she grabbed hold of Terez’s fingers and she saw that her own were bleeding.

Pellaz uttered a fearsome cry and hauled them through the barrier. Lileem felt her skin tear. It hurt so much. But then they were through. She gripped the stone book with both arms. Her legs were buckling beneath her. Terez and Pellaz carried her between them to Mima’s mount. Mima was looking down, in terror, her hair swirling round her head as if she were underwater.

‘Lileem, drop the stone!’ she cried. ‘They can’t lift you. Lee, do what I say!’

‘No,’ Lileem said. ‘I can’t leave it behind. Please.’

Both Terez and Pellaz were trying to wrench her arms apart, but it was as if her limbs had turned to stone. Nohar could move her. One of them slapped her face, but she didn’t let go.

‘This is insane!’ Terez cried. ‘For fuck’s sake, Lee. We have to go. We need to go.’

Lileem uttered an anguished wail. Terez and Pellaz were trying to lift her up to Mima, but she was too heavy.

‘If you don’t let it go, we’ll have to leave you here,’ Pellaz said harshly. ‘Is that what you want?’

‘Wait!’ Mima cried. She leaned down. ‘Pass it to me, Lee.’

‘No!’ Pellaz said. ‘We can’t risk taking anything back.’