The Zul Enigma (59 page)

Everyone left alive has
this overwhelming feeling of guilt and responsibility. Like it’s all our fault.
That perhaps it wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t been so distracted by the
E-Day myth. And I realise that’s why I blamed Carlos earlier. Because he was
the one who promoted it.

How can we ever accept that all those people who were entrenched in poverty,
people whose lives had been nothing but an endless struggle against
unemployment, starvation, exploitation and sickness… are gone. It’s been over
four days and we still can’t believe it. The scale of the destruction is
monstrous and it rips our hearts to shreds every time the realisation crosses
our consciousness.

But who is behind it.

Well, of course, we all
know the answer to that. No one has the faintest idea. No one has a clue who’s
guilty of executing the most monumental act of genocide in the history of the
world.

I just feel so sorry for Carlos. He’s taking it all on his shoulders. And when
he started talking about Astraea and how she appeared that afternoon back in
March, I start to understand why. Of course, I quizzed him about her for my
book. That’s when he told me how terribly uncomfortable she made him feel and
how he believed some of the things she said but not others, and how although he
was horrified when she described the evolutionary process she talked him round
by telling him all the positive things that would grow from it. He also told me
how he lost it at the end – but back then he thought it was because he
was angry with himself for making the whole thing up – not because of
something she’d said.

But just now at Erika’s
he told us how he’s been thrashing it all round in his head again, because he
had this niggling feeling there was something else that had made him so angry.
And finally he’s remembered what it was. Astraea told him entities from other
densities would visit the
new
Earth. That’s what made him so mad,
because it proves she and Zul weren’t real.

When you think about it,
he said, it’s obvious. If everything Zul and Astraea said was true, then the
third density humans, the ones transported to the new planet, would believe in
the evolution process totally, because the bodies left behind would be physical
proof it had taken place as predicted. No one could possibly argue against it.
And if the third density humans
knew
it, had actually gone through it,
then why would higher density entities need to keep on visiting. There’d be
nothing more to tell us.

And this, he said, was
the flaw in their story.

Of course at the time,
after he came to at the hospital, because of the effects of the drugs he was
confused. Also, right then he was convinced he’d made Zul and Astraea up. So
when he remembered his feelings of anger he thought they were directed at
himself.

But Carlos, I said, you
can’t blame yourself for that. And even if you had remembered, it wouldn’t have
changed anything.

Carlos shook his head.
Perhaps they’re using us in an experiment, he said. Perhaps they wiped out all
those people to see how the rest of us will cope. Perhaps that’s why other
entities will visit. To study us.

You fucking idiot, Drew
shouted as he thumped both fists down on the dining table, making the dessert
dishes as well as all of us jump up in the air. I don’t believe you’re still
banging on about this Zul shit… that you’re still sucked in by those phony
table tippers. Just wise up, will you. There is no Zul. There is no Astraea. They’re
humans. They’re some disgusting apology for people who have pulled off the
hugest act of social bigotry imaginable. And you know what, he said pointing
his finger at Carlos, people are beginning to say
you’re
the one behind
it all.

Erika tugged at Drew’s
arm.

Carlos and I exchanged
glances as if we’d entered each other’s worst nightmares and had no idea what
was going on. What do you mean, Carlos asked. What are you talking about. For
Christ’s sake, continued Drew, snatching his arm from Erika’s grasp, haven’t
you been watching the news. Haven’t you seen the papers. They’re gunning for
you mate. They’re making you out to be the sad bastard behind this whole sorry
affair. You must have heard what they’re saying. He turned towards me. Rebecca,
he yelled, surely to shit you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve heard things... I
whispered, but I couldn’t find the words to go on.

Greg mentioned
something, Carlos said, but…

You’ve got to protect
yourself, Drew ranted on, and told us how he’d
 
talked to Joseph and that they both believe Carlos’s life is
at risk. People are coming out of their shock, Drew said, and they are very,
very angry. They want to find the perpetrators and want to see them punished.
Big time. Some arsehole could take a pot shot at you. You’re mad hanging around
here. You need to go away. Go into hiding. Until things settle down.

Carlos and I looked at
each other again, our faces pale, our eyes puffy from grief and lack of sleep,
our hearts shattered and our stomachs sick.

I’ll go with you, I
said, but Drew shook his head. You need to stay away from Carlos – you’ve
got the baby to think about.

I hate people making
decisions for me and I hated the one being made for me right then. But I was
starting to realise Carlos’s life
was
in terrible danger and that was
the only reason I agreed. Drew said they’d set it up so I could talk to him
every day. Erika stared at me with sad eyes. She stroked my arm and told me
it’s the right thing to do. I looked at Carlos and then at the anxious faces of
our friends and tried to stop my tears. But I failed and they dripped down
wetting the tablecloth. Stay here with me and the boys, Erika said. I nodded. I
may just do that, I whispered.

In the car on our way home I apologised to Carlos. For breaking down in front
of Erika and Drew. You weren’t the only one, he said, his face grey. And I
wonder how those of us left can possibly keep our sanity living in this
depleted world.

Tuesday 1st January 2013

Today is the Global Day of Mourning for our brothers and sisters who perished
on the 21st December. Ceremonies are being held all over the diminished world.

Africa has to be
suffering the worst. Many African countries, some very populous, had poverty
levels of seventy per cent and over: Nigeria; The Democratic Republic of the
Congo; Zimbabwe; Liberia; Zambia; Sierra Leone; Swaziland… swathes of Africans
living in villages and cities, those barely able to eke out an existence, were
struck down. Central and South America also has been hit hard: Guatemala;
Nicaragua; Colombia; Peru; and Venezuela all had poverty levels of over fifty
per cent. Then there’s Southeast Asia: the Philippines; Myanmar; Cambodia; and
Vietnam with over thirty per cent… China and India, previously the two most
populous countries in the world, also with over thirty per cent… as well as
many countries in the Greater Middle East: Iraq; Iran; Turkey; the Yemen;
Afghanistan and Pakistan ranging between twenty and forty per cent poverty
levels. The devastation in some Eastern European countries has also been
massive.

Oceania, North America,
Western Europe and the Polar regions, places that on average suffered under a
twenty per cent loss, are the lucky ones.

The emergency Global
Caretaker Group, set up to ensure survivors’ immediate needs are met, has been
challenged beyond belief. The members of this group are working with food
manufacturers and fuel and transport companies across the globe, to ensure
continued distribution in spite of the catastrophic obstacles and disruptions
they face. Here in Europe the group is doing a magnificent job.

Working hand-in-hand
with the GCG is Survivor On Line, an organisation with which we have all been
told to register. SOL tracks individuals and families everywhere to make sure
they are getting the basics they need. It is also in charge of rationing,
should that become necessary, pending GCG putting the emergency manufacturing
and distribution plan into place.

In the commercial world,
manufacturing companies that took advantage of cheap labour, especially those
operating in places like China and Vietnam, have been affected the worst, as
well as all industries that employed a large proportion of low-income labour.
Of course there will be a widespread knock-on effect and in Europe governments
are televising infomercials to prepare us for the redundancies and lay-offs
that are bound to come, although they reassure us retraining opportunities will
be created in other areas.

Meanwhile, on the radio,
television and in the newspapers, those with jobs are bombarded with the message
to get back to work, and students are told to go back to their schools and
universities when they open in the New Year. Our governments are pushing us to
try and live our lives as normally as we can, and reminding us that to do so,
we must put the past behind us. They keep repeating that life from now on will
slowly get easier to bear.

But instead of relief,
all this news makes me feel even more guilty. I feel we’re being rewarded for
surviving when I would far rather be punished.

Without the Clean Up Plan
that Greg spearheaded, rolled out under the auspices of the world’s militaries,
the current situation would be far worse. We’re told that the job in Austria,
with a toll of half a million victims, one of the least badly affected
countries, is nearly completed; however, that’s not the case in the worst hit
countries. But they are not being left to deal with their problems alone and
I’m stunned by the unflagging outpouring of help. Heads of corporations pledge
money and equipment, and countless individuals volunteer their brains and their
brawn.

Perhaps it’s because I
don’t have a job any more, or perhaps it’s because I’m pregnant – I
 
don’t know –
 
but I’m finding it really hard to get
motivated and it amazes me how so many other people are able to get a grip and
carry on. I admire them.

Drew and Joseph arranged for Carlos to go into hiding last Friday. Before he
left he talked to Greg. He said Greg sounded relieved he was going away and
Carlos thinks it’s because Greg holds him responsible for what happened and is
somehow blaming him.

I can’t believe that, I
said. If it wasn’t for you, we’d be far worse off right now and Greg knows it.

That’s not true.

Oh yes it is and I’ll
tell you why. The initiative
was
a success. A huge success. Everyone is
better off as a result. I don't think so, he interrupted, but I held up my
hands to shush him. Carlos. Let me speak. I know this tragedy is terrible,
it’s… it’s unimaginable… but whatever way we look at it, it’s happened. We
can’t change that. So we have to deal with it. And because of the meditation
practice, those of us still alive
are
better equipped to deal with it.
We mustn’t give it up. It
is
a good thing and it
does
help. I
believe that. And you are the one who must take the credit.

He shook his head from
side to side like a dying dog.

And something else, I
told him, if it weren’t for the pressure you put on him, Greg would never have
come up with the Clean Up Plan and the Virtual Archives and the Industry
Operations Package. Imagine what a worse state we’d be in without them. That’s
all due to you.

Then I asked him what he
thinks now. Whether he thinks Zul is Zul or if Zul is a human. And there he
went shaking his head again like it’s too heavy for his neck. I don’t know,
Beccy, he said, I just don’t know any more.

Well I know what I
think. But I wish I
could
blame it on some alternative life force,
because that way the perpetrators wouldn’t be walking anonymously amongst us.

It was terrible saying goodbye, especially since we don’t know how long it will
be for. We were both in tears, which seems to be my usual state at the moment.
I’ve stopped looking in the mirror. What’s the point. Drew said I might be able
to see Carlos for a few hours in a week or two. Perhaps when I get ready to
meet him then I’ll be inspired to take some trouble with the way I look,
although I can’t imagine it somehow.

Carlos kept rubbing my
tummy and telling me to take care of our baby and then in an instant he was
gone with Drew to Brno in the Czech Republic a couple of hours drive from here.
When Drew got back, he said they’d met some strange man in the city centre who
was to drive Carlos to a secret place in the country. None of us knows exactly
where. He also gave me a phone and Carlos calls me on it at a pre-arranged time
every day (the rest of the time I have to keep it turned off). I’m not allowed
to use it to call him – if I ever need to speak to him in an emergency, I
can only contact him through Drew or Joseph and even then, I have to use a
special code word. They are really taking his safety very seriously, and I feel
much better knowing that.

It’s very quiet without
him, even though because of work he was never around as much as I would have
liked. My main chore is fending off mobs of reporters. It’s not just me… both
our families are being harassed too. Of course, we’re all refusing to comment.

For the rest of the time
I feel terribly lonely. Our home’s lost its heart. It’s a silent and empty
prison. In spite of that, I decide not to stay with Erika. It was a kind offer
but I don’t want to intrude on her life with Drew who, even though he still
hasn’t officially moved in, is there most of the time. The main reason, though,
is I want to indulge myself in the last months of my pregnancy. I want to
relish the experience and it wouldn’t be nearly as peaceful over there with two
noisy boys crashing around. It’s not that I dislike them. Ash and Josh are
great lads and I’ve become very fond of them, but if I can’t be with Carlos,
then I’d rather be alone until our little girl arrives.