Then She Fled Me (36 page)

“
Oh, lots more—I can
’
t remember. I think she said I
’
d made mischief because I wanted you myself and—and that I was cheap and nasty and you were a snake ... but I forget
...”

He knelt down beside her chair and took h
e
r into
his
arms. This wasn
’
t the whole of it, he thought, and he knew he must get it all out of her now while her defences were down, before she could take refuge in the old barrier of reserve which she used to be so good at raising between them.

“
Listen, Sarah,
”
he said, his cheek against her hair.
“
You wouldn
’
t let a few jealous words blind you to the truth, would you? Don
’
t you know why this business has upset you so much?
”

“
On account of Kathy. We never quarrel.
”

“
No, not on account of Kathy. You
’
ve been fighting me for a long time—or have you been fighting yourself? Don
’
t you know yet what I feel about you?
”

“
I think you like me now.
”

He gave her a little shake.

“
Oh, you foolish child, I do more than like you,
”
he laughed.
“
When I told you to think things over while I was away I wanted you to allow your own
h
eart to teach you what your muddled feelings were. Instead of which you became all confused and were unable to separate me from your father.
”

But at mention of her father she drew away from him, and a closed look came into her face.

What is it?
”
he asked.
“
Am I rushing my fences too much?
”

She licked away a tear that was trickling to the co
rn
er of her mouth and said in a tired little voice:

“
I don
’
t understand what you mean.
”

“
My darling child!
”
he said with a hint of laughter in his eyes.
“
I
’
m trying hard to propose to you, only you won
’
t listen.
”

She blinked at him stupidly and he said gently:

“
You
’
re dead beat, aren
’
t you? I
’
ll ask you tomorrow.
”

“
I went to St. Patrick
’
s Well today,
”
she said slowly.
“
I made a wish—an impossible wish. I wished he would send me someone else in place of my father.
”

“
Well, that
’
s not an impossible wish, and the old boy granted it in record time. You have me. I
’
m quite prepared to be a father to you, Sarah, but I shall expect a little more, besides.
”

Suddenly she began to speak, as if against her will the truth was being forced from her.

“
She said my father had never loved me—even at the end. She said he didn
’
t leave me Dun Rury because he loved me but to ease his conscience, and I loved it and fought for it only because of him. He wrote her a letter before he died and told her that she had all his love ... all ... all
...
not even a little for me.
”

As he listened his face changed and hardened. He had imagined the trouble was chiefly concerned with himself and had bee
n
confident of putting things right for her, but this was something quite different. He saw now that he was dealing not with awakening emotions which must be coaxed into the right channels, but with
a case of plain shock.
“
Kathy told you this?
”
he said slowly.

“
She said I drove her to it. I expect I did. Aunt Em said she was sorry afterwards, but that was too late, wasn
’
t it?
”

Too late for tears, too soon for lost illusion? He knew about lost illusions. He had travelled that road himself. He searched among his
own memories for words that would comfort her, but found none but her own advice to him.
There are other sorts of miracles
...

“
Would you have rather built on an illusion?
”
he asked a little sternly.
“
I don
’
t
think so. You
’
re not like Kathy, all dreams and self
-
deception—you
’
re a real person, Sarah, and that among other things is why I love you. Shams and illusions wouldn
’
t do for you in the end. I think perhaps I
’
m glad the spell is broken. You were giving your heart to a ghost.
”

“
It was all I had for so long,
”
she said.

“
Yes, but you yourself told me long ago that when something was taken away you believed something else was sent in its place. Keep on believing that, for I
’
ve found it
’
s true. There
’
s always something to fill the gap.
”

“
Yes,
”
she said, her chin lifting.
“
There
’
s Dun Rury.
”

He gave a small impatient sigh and for a moment was tempted to argue all
o
ver
again. Was she
never
to
be
free of this fetish? But one glance at her exhausted face warned him that this was not the time, either for breaking down lost causes or for telling her he loved her.

“
Yes, there
’
s Dun Rury,
”
he said quietly.
“
Come to bed now,
Sarah. You
’
ve had quite enough for one day.
”

He had got to his feet and was gently lifting her out of
the chair.

She put her arms round his neck and kissed him.

“
Did you say you
’
d been trying to propose to me?
”
she asked a little vaguely.

“
I
did, but you can forget it for tonight.
”

“
I think
”
—she said, resting her head against his breast—
“
I think I love you, Adrian.
”

His smile was tender.

“
Yes, I think you do,
”
he answered.
“
But we
’ll
talk about that another day. And another time, my child, don
’
t go wearing yourself out on these solitary tramps when something bothers you. Come to me instead. It will be quicker and much less exhausting. Now, goodnight.
”

“
Yes, dear Adrian, always,
”
she said simply.
“
Goodnight.
”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Two days later Sarah had a note from Brian Kavanagh asking her to call in at his office the next time she was in Knock
f
erry. He had, he said, some business to discuss with her. He mentioned briefly that Kathy had settled down with them happily and they would be delighted to keep her for as long, as she wanted to stay.

“
I wonder what Uncle B. wants,
”
Sarah said, then her eyes brightened.
“
Perhaps he
’
s decided to sell out an investment after all. Let
’
s start at once.
”

Adrian drove with Sarah beside him and Danny bouncing exuberantly in the back. She talked away, clearly excited by a possible turn in the family fortunes, and he was glad to see that the strained look of the last two days was passing. He had had little private conversation with her, but sometimes he caught her looking at him with a wistful expression as if she would have liked to reopen that other conversation but was too shy or still too confused to do so. She had worked hard on the form and he had not tried to distract her from it. It was better for her to have something to do which would tire her out by nightfall and there was time enough for talk later.

He dropped her in the main street of the town, having arranged that they should all meet later on for lunch, and took the eager small boy to look at the shops.

Brian Kavanagh greeted Sarah with a sly smile.

“
That was a prompt response,
”
he said.
“
Still hoping to worm some more money out of the firm?
”

“
I
’
m always hoping,
”
she said, perching on the chair he set for her.
“
I believe you really have relented this time, you old bear. I could certainly do with a change of luck.
”

“
Well, I have a proposition to put to you
,
but before I go into the matter, I do advise you, Sarah, to give it very serious consideration.
”

“
I always give business serious consideration,
”
she said with a grin.
“
The trouble is there
’
s so little to consider. Go ahead, Uncle B., and spill the beans.
”

He was silent for a moment, drawing patterns
on his
blotting paper with a colored pencil, and she became
^:
aware that he was not at ease and was uncertain how to begin.

“
It
’
s nothing serious, is it?
”
she said quickly.
“
I mean we
’
re not bankrupt or anything, are we?
”

“
Not yet,
”
he replied a little grimly.
“
Though there
’
s mighty little left. Sarah, I
’
ve had an offer for Dun Rury.
”

There was a dead silence, then she got to her feet.

“
You know that
’
s out of the question,
”
she said, and sounded like a disappointed child.
“
If that
’
s all you brought me here for, Uncle B., you
’
ve wasted your time.
”

He held up a hand.

“
Now, Sarah, sit down and don
’
t go up in the air. I want you to listen very carefully to what I have to say before you turn the thing down.
This is an extremely good offer—an extremely good offer indeed. So good in fact that I would be failing in my duty as your lawyer and adviser if I didn
’
t try to point out all the advantages.
”

“
How much?
”
she asked.
“
Not, mind you, that I
’
m interested, but I
’
d like to know what your idea of a good offer is.
”

“
Fourteen thousand,
”
he said quietly, and her eyes widened.

“
Golly! Who
’
s the mug who would pay all that money?
”

I don
’
t know. The offer came through a Dublin firm two days ago.
I
am assured by the agents that it is a firm offer and their client
’
s references are impeccable.
”

She was silent, twisting her fingers nervously together while she watched the second hand move slowly on the big clock on the wall. It moved in jerks
...
one ... two
...
three
...
How slow seconds could be when you watched them, she thought.

“
No!
”
she said, dragging her eyes away.
“
The whole thing
’
s fantastic.
”

“
There
’
s nothing fantastic about fourteen thousand pounds,
”
said Brian rather dryly.

“
No,
”
she said again.
“
Dun Rury is all I have left. I
’
ll not sell.
”

He smiled.

“
That
’
s rather an extravagant remark. You mustn
’
t let a tiff between sisters upset your sense of proportion, my
dear. Let me at least put the relevant points of the matter before you.
”

She gave him a long direct stare.

“
Did Kathy tell you what we quarrelled about?
”
she said.

“
Not much. I gathered there was a little trouble over this English boarder of yours.
”
He shook a finger at her.
“
You young girls! Squabbling over a bit of jealousy!
”

“
I see. All right, Uncle B. Spread out your relevant points. I
’
ll listen.
”

“
That
’
s a sensible girl. Now, first and foremost you—and by you I mean the Riordan family—badly need the money. That
’
s too obvious to require comment. Second, you can
’
t possibly keep the place up as it should be kept; third, what is going to happen in the event of (a) Kathy marrying and leaving home, (b) Danny going to school and leaving home?
”

“
Then,
”
said Sarah,
“
there
’
d just be Aunt Em and Nonie and me.
”

“
Your aunt, fro
m
what I
’
ve gathered, would like to go and keep house for Kathy when she marries. She doesn
’
t care f
or
the place, and, as you know, she
’
s devoted to your sister.
”

“
Ye
s
, I
know.
”
Sarah sounded a little bleak.
“
Well, in that case there
’
d be Nonie and me—and of course the lodgers.
”

“
Nonie
’
s getting old, Sarah. She won
’
t be fit for hard work much longer, and I don
’
t think it would be possible for you to run Dun Rury as a guest house by yourself.
”

She was silent again, then she said in a tired little voice:
“
And what will
“
become of me if I sell Dun Rury?
”

“
You
’
ll live somewhere smaller, you, Danny and Nonie, and have a little money to spend on what you fancy, but
”
—he smiled suddenly—
“
I think you
’
ll marry, Sarah.
”

She thought of Adrian and her heart lifted suddenly, then she thought of Nonie saying:
“
The sort of felly you
’
d pick for a husband, me doty, will have a mind of his own and will want a roof of his own, too
...”

She got up.

“
I must have time,
”
she said flatly.
“
I
’
ll think about it, Uncle B.
, but
must have time. Something else may turn
up.”

He pushed back his chair.

“
Not too much time, my child,
”
he said.
“
An offer of that sort won
’
t remain open indefinitely. And, Sarah
”
—he placed a kindly hand on her shoulder—
“
don
’
t bank too much on something else turning up. You
’
ll never get a bigger stroke of luck than this.
”

“
I
’
ll remember. Goodbye, Uncle B., and thanks for being so patient with me.
”

“
Goodbye. Run in and have a word with Joe before you go.
”

She found Joe in his room, idly thumbing through a law book.

“
Hello,
”
he said.
“
I heard you were in the office. Has Dad been bull
y
ing you about this crazy offer we
’
ve had for Dun Rury?
”

“
It is crazy, isn
’
t it? Your father didn
’
t bully, he just
tried to be persuasive.”

“Without much result, I infer from that.”

“
Well, I’ve said I’d think it over. How is Kathy, Joe?”

“Very well and apparently very pleased with town life.”

“I’m glad. Is she—is she going to ma
rr
y you?”

He smiled.

“
I think so. I believe she found poetry and the chilly
English temperament a bit overrated. Anyway, I
’
m buying
the ring tomorrow and hoping for the best.
”

She leaned across the desk and kissed him.

“
Dear Joe, I
’
m so glad for you,
”
she said.
“
I know you
’
ll
make her very happy.
”

“
Thank you, both for the kiss and the compliment. Will
I take her your love?
”

S
he was silent a moment as she turned towards the door.

“
Yes, take her my love,
”
she said, and went out.

Adrian found her very quiet during lunch, but when he enquired if the lawyers had had good news for her, she only replied
“
Not very,
”
and he asked no more questions. Danny was so jubilant over a bicycle Adrian had bought hi
m
for his birthday that little else was talked of but the wonders of this god
-
like conveyance.

A
fter lunch they went back to the shop to collect the bicycle and the boy had to be forcibly restrained from riding it all the way home. At Paddy
’
s shanty they unpacked the machine and watched Danny start home along the south road and Sarah said:

“
Let
’
s go up to St. Patrick
’
s Well now we
’
re so near.
”

At the well, Sarah turned her face into the wind and stretched her young body.

“
That
’
s better,
”
she said.

He stood leaning against the rock-face, watching her. She was troubled, but not,
he thought, by less recent events.

“
It was so kind of you, Adrian,
”
she said,
“
to buy Danny that bicycle. He
’
s never had anything but old fashioned second-hand things. He won
’
t even mind going to school, now.
”

“
It
’
s nice to give pleasure,
”
he said.
“
You needn
’
t thank me.
”

She sat down on the broad stone rim of the well and trailed her fingers in the water.

“
Uncle B.
’
s had an offer for Dun Rury,
”
she said quietly.
‘
That
’
s what he wanted to see me about.
”

“
Oh.
”
His voice was non-committal, but his eyes were suddenly intent on her averted face.

“
It
’
s a very good offer,
”
she said, dragging out the words.
“
Fourteen thousand pounds, no less, and Uncle B. says the place isn
’
t worth more than five thousand in its present state.
”

His eyebrows went up.

“
Then it would seem to be a very good offer indeed,
”
he said.

She turned her head swiftly to look at him and the strain was back in her face.

“
Adrian, what am I to do?
”
she said.
“
I feel beaten—I don
’
t know what
’
s best any more.
”

H
e was silent for a moment, watching the soft, straight fringe lifting in the wind.

“
I don
’
t know what to say to you, Sarah,
”
he replied
.
“
It
’
s a difficult decision
for you to make, but I think it
’
s one you must make yourself.
”

“
I can
’
t make it alone. Please help me.
”

“
I can
’
t help you. This is a thing you must work out for yourself.
”

“
Yes. Do you remember that
day on the terrace when y
o
u told me I must come to terms with myself? I asked you
how one did it and you said when the time comes one knows.
”

“Yes, Sarah.
”

“But I don’t know,” she cried distractedly.
“
I don’t know at all.”

“You will,” he told her gravely. “When you’re ready to relinquish old gods, you will.
”

“The Golden Calf?”

“That, perhaps.” ‘

She pressed her fingers against the fine hollows of her temples.

“But if I sell Dun Rury what will become of me?” she said.

He reached out a hand and pulled her up towards him.
“
Well, you could marry me,
”
he replied with tender humor.
“
I hoped you were going to, anyway.
”

She leaned against him, aware again of that sweet new security physical contact with him gave her, and, more than that, the fierce quickening of flesh and spirit which made her turn swiftly in his arms and reach for comfort.

“
You love me yet you won
’
t help me,
”
she cried.

“
W
ouldn
’
t marrying me help you?
”
he asked.

She lifted her face and her eyes were suddenly the eyes of a child who has at last grasped the point in a difficult lesson.

“
You mean if I marry you there would be no need to sell Dun Rury?
”
she said slowly.
“
We could go on
living here because—because you
’
re not exactly poor, Adrian?
”

His lips twitched.

“I wondered how soon you’d get around to that,” he said. “It’s the simplest way out of all, isn’t it?”

“Would you do it?”