Thendara House (2 page)

“Magda! You and I both know what the Service is like! Certainly they should have offered you this job, but I always thought we were friends, and that you’d be willing to stay on for a while, at least!”

Magda had never thought of that. But of course it was the impression Cholayna would get. She wished the new Head had been a complete stranger, or at least someone she disliked, not a woman she had always liked and respected.

“Oh, no, Cholayna! I give you my word, it has nothing to do with you! I didn’t even know you were here, I was in the field till last night - ‘’ She found she was stammering in her eagerness to convince Cholayna of the truth. Cholayna frowned and gestured her to sit down.

“I think you’d better tell me all about it, Magda.”

Uneasily, Magda sat down. “‘You weren’t at the Council this morning. You didn’t know. While I was in the field - I took the Oath of a Renunciate.” At the bewildered look on her colleague’s face she elaborated. “In the files they’re called Free Amazons; they don’t like the name. I am bound to spend half a year in the Guild House in Thendara for training, and after that - after that, I’m not sure what I intend to do, but I don’t think it will be Intelligence.

“But what a wonderful opportunity, Magda,” Cholayna said. “I wouldn’t think of accepting your resignation! I’ll put you on inactive status, if you like, for the half year, but think of the thesis you can get out of this! Your work is already regarded as the standard of excellence, you know - I did hear that much from the Legate,” she added. “You probably know more about Darkovan customs than anyone working here. I also heard that the Medic division has agreed to train a group of Free Amazons - she saw Magda’s slight wince and amended - “What was it you called them - Renunciates? Sounds like an order of nuns, what do they renounce? Sounds like a strange place for you.”

Magda smiled at the comparison. “I could quote the Oath for you. Mostly what they - we - renounce are the protections for women in the society, in exchange for certain freedoms.” Even to her, it sounded like a woefully inadequate explanation, but how could she explain? “But I’m not doing this to write a thesis, you know, or to provide more information for Terran Intelligence. That’s why I came to turn in my resignation.”

“And that’s why I’ll refuse to accept it,” said Cholayna.

“Do you think I am going to spy on my friends in the Guild House? Never!”

“I’m sorry you see it that way, Magda, I don’t. The more we know about the different groups on any planet, the easier it is for us - and the easier it is for the planet we’re on, because there’s less chance of misunderstandings and trouble between the Empire and the locals - “

“Yes, yes, I learned all that in the Intelligence School,” Magda said impatiently. “Standard party line, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way.” There was something like carefully controlled anger in the older woman’s voice.

“But I would, and I’m beginning to see how it can be misused,” Magda said, and now she too was angry. “If you won’t accept my resignation, Cholayna, I’ll have to leave without it. Darkover is my home. And if the price of becoming a Renunciate is to give up my Empire citizenship, why, then -

“Wait just a minute, Magda - please?” Cholayna held up her hand to interrupt the angry torrent of words. “And sit down again, won’t you?” Magda realized that she had started to her feet; slowly she sank down again in the chair. Cholayna went to the console on the office wall and dialled herself a cup of coffee; brought another to Magda, balancing the hot cups in her palm, and sank down to a chair beside her.

“Magda, forget for a minute that I’m your superior officer won’t you? I always thought we were friends. I didn’t expect you’d walk away without any explanation at all.”

I thought we were friends, too
, Magda thought, sipping at the coffee.
But I know now I have never had any woman friends at all; I didn’t know what friendship was. I was always trying so hard to be one of the boys that I never paid any attention to what other women did, or didn’t do. Until I met Jaelle, and knew what it was to have a friend I’d fight for and die for if I must. Cholayna isn’t my friend either, she’s my superior and she’s using friendship to make me do what she wants. Maybe she thinks that is being my friend, it’s a Terran way of thinking. I’m just not one of them anymore. If I ever was
.

“Why don’t you you tell me the whole thing, Magda?” The kindly look in Cholayna’s eyes Magda was confused again.
Maybe she really thinks of herself as my friend
.

She began at the beginning, telling Cholayna how Peter Haldane, her friend and partner, and for a time her husband, had been kidnapped by bandits who had mistaken him for Kyril Ardais, son of the Lady Rohana Ardais. Fearing to travel alone as a woman, Magda had been persuaded by Lady Rohana to disguise herself as a Free Amazon. When she had later encountered a band of genuine Renunciates, led by Jaelle n’ha Melora, the deception had been discovered.

“The penalty for a man who invaded them in women’s clothes would have been death or castration,” Magda explained. “For a woman, the penalty is only that the lie must become truth; a woman may not enjoy the freedoms of the Oath without first renouncing the safety and protection of the laws specially protecting women.”

“An oath taken under duress - ” Cholayna began but Magda shook her head.

“No. I was given free choice. They offered to escort me to a Guild House where one of the Elders would decide the special circumstances - whether I could simply be sworn to secrecy and released.” She sighed, wearily wondering if it had been worth it. “That would have lost too much time; Peter was to be executed at Midwinter if not ransomed. I chose, quite freely, to take the Oath; but I took it with a lot of - of mental reservations. I felt just as you do now. Only between then and now I - I changed my mind.”

She knew that sounded ridiculously inadequate. She went on, telling only a little of the cruel conflict in her mind, when she had intended to escape, leave her Oath, even if she must kill Jaelle, or leave her to be slaughtered by bandits; and how she had found herself fighting at the woman’s side, saving her life…

Cholayna listened to the story in silence, rising once to refill the coffee cups. Finally she said, “I can understand, to some extent, why you feel obligated.”

“It’s not only that,” Magda said. “The Oath has become very real to me. I feel myself a Renunciate at heart - I think I would always have been one, had I known such a choice existed. Now - ” How could she explain it? She drained the cold coffee from the cup and concluded helplessly, “It is something I
must
do.”

Cholayna nodded. “I can see that. I don’t know if there is a precedent. I’ve heard of men going over the wall, going native, on some of the Empire planets. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a woman doing that, though.”

“I’m not exactly
going over the wall
,” Magda pointed out.“If I were, would I be here in your office, formally turning in my resignation?”

“Which I do not intend to accept,” Cholayna said. “No, listen to me - I listened to you, didn’t I? There’s no precedent for this; I don’t think there’s any way to give up Empire citizenship for a sworn-in civil servant, and you made that choice when you accepted three years training in the Intelligence School - “

“I’ve done enough work to repay the Empire - “

Cholayna silenced her with a gesture. “Nobody questions that, Magda. I am perfectly willing to put you on inactive status, if you must have your six months - half year - how long is the Darkovan year anyhow? But something has come up which ties in very well with what you have told me.”

She turned to her desk and took up a file of printouts.

“As it happens, I have a transcript of that Council here,” she said, and Magda glanced at the printouts - the Council where Lord Hastur had been forced to accept the validity of a Terran’s Oath and where the Guild Mothers had arranged that the Terrans should engage the services of the Renunciate Jaelle n’ha Melora to work in Magda’s place in the Terran Headquarters, prior to the employment of a dozen Free Amazons. ” - Oh, very well, Renunciates,” Cholayna amended quickly, “to be trained in medical technology by our Medic Department, and possibly in other sciences and skills. With Jaelle working among us, and you in the Guild House, it seems to me that during this half year you will be especially qualified to determine personnel practices for Darkovan employees in the Empire, especially among women. We are prepared to put you on detached duty. Living among Darkovan women, you can find out which women could handle the culture shock of living among Terrans, as well as letting us know how we ought to treat them for the best communication between Terrans and Darkovans. You are the only person who is qualified to do this, actually living in a Guild House.”

Finally Magda said, “If you already know all this, Cholayna, why did you have me tell it to you?”

“I only knew what you had said,” Cholayna replied, “and what the Guild Mothers had said about you. I did not know how you felt about it. Because the student was the right kind of girl when I knew her, doesn’t mean the woman who had become a trained Agent was the kind we could trust.”

Somehow the words softened Magda’s anger, as Cholayna went on. “Can’t you see? This is for the good of your Renunciates, as well as for the Empire - to cushion them against the worst of culture shock when they come here? Even, if necessary, to know which Terrans we can trust to deal fairly with them? You know, and I knew before I had been here a tenday, that Russ Montray is no more fit to be Legate, when they get a Legation here, than I am to pilot a starship! He doesn’t like the planet, and he doesn’t understand the people worth a damn. And I can tell, from the way you speak, that you do.”

Is she trying to flatter me, to get me to do what she wants? Or does she mean it
? Magda knew, of course, that Montray was considerably less fit than she was herself. Yet on a planet like Darkover, with its strictured traditional roles for men and women, Magda knew she could never be a Legate, or hold any comparable post, because the Darkovans would never accept a woman in such a position. Cholayna herself could hold her post in Intelligence only because she would never come into direct contact with Darkovans, but only with her field Agents.

“Magda, I can tell from the way you’re looking at me, that something about this bothers you - “

“I do not want to seem to spy on my sisters in the Guild House - “

“I never thought of asking that,” Cholayna replied, “only that you create, for us, a set of rules for Terrans who must come into close contact with Darkovan women in general, particularly with Renunciates in the service or employ of the Empire. This will benefit us, certainly - but I would think it would benefit your - your Guild Sisters even more.”

There seemed no way to refuse that. She would indeed be doing just the kind of service for Darkover, and the Guild House, which the Guild Mothers had said, at that Council, that they would welcome. She remembered what the Guild Mother Lauria had said:

“
We have come here today to offer you our lawful services in fields suitable for better communication between our two worlds. As mapmakers, translators, guides, or any work for which the Terrans require workers and experts. And in return, knowing that you of the Empire have much to teach us, we ask that a group of our young women be placed as apprentices among your medical services, and taught those, and other scientific skills
…”

And this had been a real breakthrough. Before this day, the men of the Empire had been able to judge the culture of Darkover only by the women they met in the Spaceport bars and the marketplace. When she had heard Mother Lauria say this, she had realized that she would be one of the first to come and go, building bridges between her new world and her old one. She bent her head in capitulation. She was still an Intelligence Agent, no matter how she might resent it.

“As for your resignation - forget it. That isn’t the kind of thing you could do without a lot more thought than you’ve given it. Leave the doors open. Both ways.” Cholayna reached out and patted Magda’s hand, an unexpected gesture, and somehow it softened Magda’s hostility.

“We need to know how we should treat these Renunciates when they are employed by the Terrans. What are their criteria for good behavior? What would offend or upset them? And while you are in the Guild House, we may ask you to make the final choice of which women we can accept, which women are qualified for Medic apprentices, women with open minds, flexible toward changing customs -

Magda said patiently, “Do you really believe that most of them are unenlightened savages, Cholayna? May I remind you that for all its Closed B status, Darkover has a very complex and sophisticated culture - “