TheOneandOnly (11 page)

Michelle wiggled and he loosened his grip ever so slightly.
“The money is a part of it. I don’t live like this. I have a cramped studio
apartment, but it’s mine and I’m comfortable there.” She shrugged. “As much as
the money thing bothers me, it’s small potatoes compared to the club. Sean, I
know you’re going to be mad, but I don’t think I can do it. I just don’t think
I can work there.” She bowed her head as if she expected him to lash out at
her.

“Anger isn’t the emotion I’m feeling right now, Michelle.
Desperation maybe, but not anger. Talk to me about the club. If Stella is the
problem, believe me baby—you say the word and she’s gone.”

“She’s definitely part of it, but she isn’t the problem.
Will you tell me about your relationship with her?”

Sean could feel the tension running through Michelle.
“Stella’s an employee, she’s a submissive and she’s on my shit list. What else
can I tell you?” He was getting angry now, pissed beyond all reason that he
hadn’t fired Stella.

“That didn’t answer my question.” There was a definite
distance in her voice.

“Michelle, I’ll answer any question you ask me, but I don’t
know what you want me to say. The only relationship we have is work. I’ve never
seen her outside the club, never wanted to. She’s my employee…at the moment.”

“But you’ve had sex with her. This is what I mean, Sean. We
live in different worlds. I can’t fathom having sex with someone just
because
.”

She fed him a little bit of hope. She had to have some
feelings for him. “I’ve never had sex with Stella. I’ve told you that. From
time to time, she’ll sub for a demo.” He ran his hand across his face, wishing
he knew where this was going. “That’s it.”

“One of the members—David, I think his name was—asked you
something about a scene you had with Stella last week. I didn’t hear what the
question was. I walked away. I didn’t want to hear about you and another woman
and I still don’t. Not like that. Just thinking about it makes me want to…” She
shook her head. “I don’t even know what. I don’t like it and I won’t be in a
relationship where I feel like this.”

Her body language was screaming hurt. He remembered Stella
coming over to talk to him and after that Michelle had started flirting with
Luke and David. Now he understood why. No, he doubted she meant it that way.
She really didn’t seem the type to play those stupid games. But at the time,
he’d thought she was trying to make him jealous. And it had.

“That didn’t come out right.” Michelle sounded frustrated.
“I have no business being upset about something that happened before we—” She
threw her hands in the air. “I don’t even know what we’re doing. Are we dating?
Hooked-up? God, this is what I mean. You’re out of my league.”

“Stop saying that, Michelle. We have a few bumps in the
road. We’ll get past them. You need to relax and tell me what’s on your mind.”
He was trying to stay calm when he felt anything but.

Michelle pulled her legs up and tried to stand. “I can’t
relax. I need to walk.”

“You’re not walking away until we’ve talked this through.
You mean too much to me to give up without even trying.” Hurt and anger were in
his voice. He wasn’t going to let his pride keep him for telling her how he
felt.

Michelle’s body was rigid for a few moments. Then she took a
deep breath and relaxed back against him. “I didn’t mean it like that, Sean.
When I’m tense, I pace. I have to walk around.”

“That I can do.” He reluctantly let go and allowed her to stand.
She surprised him by going to the shower and turning it on. Sean pulled the
drain, wrapped a towel around his waist and joined her. “Didn’t we just take a
bath?”

A pink blush colored her cheeks. “Yes. The dirt washed off
us and went into the water, water that we had swirling all over us. Thus, to
get the dirty bath water off, you need to shower. When you wash your dishes,
you rinse them, don’t you?”

Sean was trying hard not to laugh. “I suspect my dishwasher
has a rinse cycle, but I’ve honestly never looked before.”

“And you say
I
need a keeper. Sheesh. Get in here and
rinse off.”

“Are you trying to top, subbie?” That was another issue he
wanted put to bed in her mind. She was a submissive. Period. If he’d had any
doubt before, this morning put that to rest for him. He threw the towel on the
counter and joined her.

“Some of the outfits the Dommes were wearing looked a little
more my style. Although stilettos suck to walk in.”

“You’d miss the feel of my rope holding you tight.” He
traced his hands along the path he’d taken with the chest harness he’d used on
her at the club.

She tipped her head back and let the water spill down her
hair. “That’s a true statement.”

“Everything I say to you is the truth.” He touched the tip
of her nose with his finger. The smile vanished from her face and he wondered
what she was thinking about. He hadn’t lied to her, but it was pretty clear she
thought he had. After pouring some shampoo into his palm, he massaged it into
her hair.

Her coos made him feel better. At least he had that going
for him—she enjoyed his touch. He could build on that. Hell, he’d use
everything in his power to tie her to him. “I’m sure you have your own shampoo
somewhere in that purse of yours but hopefully, mine will work for now.”

“My shampoo is whatever’s on sale. I’m not picky. If you
ever get tired of owning the club you could always become a cosmetologist. I’m
sure the women would still flock to you, maybe not naked or kneeling at your
feet, but it’s an option.”

Ahh, he was seeing what part of the problem was. His first
inclination was to tell her it didn’t mean anything and to get over it.
Instead, he held his tongue while he rinsed her hair and applied conditioner,
buying himself a few minutes to think it through. When she’d patted Luke’s hand
and chatted with David, he’d felt a few ugly emotions himself. It was a little
different though, since those women approached him, not the other way around.
He didn’t do anything to encourage it. Pointing that out, though, would only
start a useless argument. “How would you like me to handle it when a sub
approaches me?”

“I’d rather they didn’t approach you.”

“You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?” He
guided her back into the water to rinse off one last time.

“You said I needed to wear the collar so other Doms wouldn’t
hit on me. Isn’t there an equivalent for you?”

She looked up at him with a small smile. He wished he had a
better answer for her. “Not really. Even married Doms take on other subs from
time to time.”

“I see. And the subs are supposed to be all right with
that?” Michelle opened the shower door and wrapped a towel around herself.
“Where are my clothes?”

“In the bedroom. Would you like something of mine to wear?”
He was losing ground fast.
Damn it.

“Nah, I’d be swimming in them. Besides, I’m more comfortable
in my own things.” She walked away from him.

Sean knew he couldn’t let his emotions get the better of
him. She had to come to him of her own free will. He would do everything he
could to persuade her but he couldn’t force her. After taking a calming breath,
he went after her. She was already dressed and looking at her cell phone. He
gave her some privacy and went into the closet to dress. When he came back out,
she was leaning on the doorframe with her hair in a ponytail and her purse over
her shoulder.

“What is this?” He felt punched in the gut.

“I have an essay to write and a lot to think about. I’m
going to head out.”

“Like hell! We need to talk and you need to eat.” She was
making him crazy. “I’m not having you walk out of here until we come to some
kind of understanding.” Okay, that was
not
the way to handle this
situation.
Fuckin’ A
. He needed to get a grip.

“Sean, you can’t dictate to me. I agree we need to talk, but
I don’t think now is the time to do it.”

“Why are you running from me?”

Michelle stared at him for at least a minute, then sank to
the ground, sitting cross-legged, her purse in her lap and her head bowed. “Because
I want to stay and it goes against my principles to do that.”

Sean sat on the floor in front of her. “Why?”

She tipped her head back against the doorframe. “I won’t be
one of many, Sean. I may not believe in love, but I do believe in respect and
monogamy. That’s one issue. Based on what David said yesterday, you lied to
me.” She held her hand up and clarified, “I’m not accusing you of lying, but
there are some inconsistencies that I don’t understand. You talk about honesty.”
She shook her head.

“I haven’t lied to you, Michelle, and I do want us to have a
monogamous relationship.” She gave him such a sad, serious look he decided to
try a different tactic. “And on a much smaller scale of importance, I’d like to
get off the floor.”

She laughed, just like he’d hoped she would.

“You’ve got a problem with floors, don’t you?”

“I’d much rather be in the kitchen making you something to
eat.”

“Just for the record, I don’t like spicy food.”

“I got that.” Sean stood and held out his hands to Michelle.
He was pleased beyond measure when she accepted his help. “You have nothing to
worry about. I think the only thing I have in the pantry is oatmeal. Not much
spicy about that.”

“I don’t like oatmeal. Is there a store around here? We
could go for a walk, get some groceries and then I’ll cook us something decent
to eat.”

“Perfect. Let’s go out the back way—the scenery is nicer.” He
also didn’t need her seeing the rest of his house just yet. She already had one
figurative foot out the door and while his home wasn’t the nicest on the
street, it was still impressive.

As they started down the jogging path, he figured he’d
better not wait any longer to clear the air. “What did David say that is
inconsistent with what I’ve said?”

“He said you scened with Stella last week.”

“Michelle, I haven’t scened with anyone, Stella included,
since right after I met you. I’ve trained a few subs and I’ve done biweekly
demos and that’s it. I gave a zippers demonstration last week and she
volunteered. Nothing intimate.” Walking hand in hand with Michelle—sharing the
path with women jogging behind baby strollers, kids on skateboards and couples
taking a stroll—felt damn good. They had to find a way to move past the little
stuff.

“I have no idea what you just said.” She rubbed her hand
across her forehead. “What’s the difference between a scene and a demo?”

He kissed her hand while he considered her question. “That’s
one I haven’t defined before. Let me think about how to explain it.” He loved
this area. It was why he’d bought his home and sharing it with Michelle was
important to him. He just wished the tension between them would ease up.

“If I scene with a sub, there’s a mutual expectation of
gratification. Not necessarily orgasm, but pleasure to be sure. A demonstration
isn’t like that. Instead, it’s tutorial, teaching a skill, explaining pitfalls
or advantages of one technique over another.”

“I think I understand. So last week you were teaching
members about zippers and using Stella as your model?”

“Basically, yes. She wasn’t a static model though, Michelle.
I want you to really understand what I’m saying so if you have questions,
please ask them. I don’t want this to come back and bite me in the ass later.”
He probably should have phrased that a little more softly. It wasn’t her fault
David the dumbass didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Did you have intercourse with her?” she asked in a whisper.

“No. Before today, I don’t remember the last time I’ve had
intercourse.” He tried to keep his voice quiet out of respect for her modesty.
“It’s been at least a year. It’s too intimate and it can give subs the wrong
idea. I wasn’t in the market for a relationship until I found you and I did
everything in my power to make that clear. Although, I’ll concede, I apparently
wasn’t clear enough.”

“I’m curious what she wanted last night. Seeing her kneeling
in front of you really bothered me.”

He didn’t like where this was heading. If she got upset
every time a sub kneeled for him, she’d basically stay upset with him.

Maybe it was just Stella. He wasn’t sure what exactly
transpired between the two of them last night but he wasn’t happy about it. He
rubbed his hand over his face, wishing he’d been more observant. Several times
during the night he’d been pulled away on club business. “What about when the
other subs approached me, did that upset you as well?”

The look on her face told him he’d stepped in it again.
Fuck!

“I didn’t see anyone other than Stella. So you’re saying
there were others too?” She tried to pull her hand from his.

“No, I didn’t say that.”
Son of a bitch—a lie of omission
was still a lie.
“But yes, a couple did. They were volunteering to help out
with a demo if I had one planned. Last night Steven was showing the differences
between whip styles. He enjoys whips much more than I do, so I left him to it.”

“Sean, you are a great guy and I wish I could be more
accepting. You’re bending over backward to work through this with me and to be
forthcoming. I know that. As much as I’d like to shrug off my concerns, I
can’t. I understand how jealousy works. I know it has much more to do with my
self-esteem than the outside factors, but knowing that and handling it are two
different matters. Seeing you with other women eats away at me. I felt
physically ill. I can’t live like that. I considered quitting the club,
thinking if it weren’t shoved in my face it might be easier to take.” She shook
her head. “But I know me. Every night you were at the club, I’d be losing my
mind wondering what was going on down there. I don’t think I can do this.”