There Once Were Stars (19 page)

The Director smiles. “I have a confession. I have something you might want back.” He walks over to the other side of his desk.

“You do?” I take another long sip of my drink. I can’t seem to stop drinking it.

He opens a drawer in his desk, and pulls out something familiar, but I barely notice it as the room starts to spin. I grab the edge of the desk in front of me, and try to focus, and the object starts to register in my memory. I look back a second time. It’s my mother’s notebook.

“How did you get that?”

“Oh, don’t be mad,” he says. “Young Jak brought it here to shred, but I advised him all documents brought into the Axis must be reviewed by the Order before they can be destroyed. Betker looked it over, and advised there was nothing in it that would compromise Axis, or Order business. Hence, I thought I would keep it, and return it to you myself one day. How lucky it is that you graced me with your presence tonight.”

I reach for the notebook, but he pulls it just out of my grasp. I get up and walk around the desk, holding my hand out, but the room spins even worse when I stand. My unsteadiness gets the better of me, and I stumble, nearly falling across his desk.

“Perhaps you should give me that drink, my dear.” The Director takes the glass from my hand. “I must have accidentally poured you some of my truth whiskey. I use it on guests I need to get information from. I don’t need any information from you, do I?” He grabs my wrist, twisting my arm as he pulls me into his lap.

“No, sir.” I try to stand. “I mean, Director.”

“Good girl. Now, before I let you leave with this notebook, I will share something with you. Something not many people know. Your mother became a bit of a problem for this office. She stuck her nose into departments she never should have. Am I going to have that same problem with you?”

The little food I ate gurgles in my stomach. Is he threatening me? “No.” I grab my mother’s notebook.

“Good.” He lets go of the notebook and places a hand on my knee. “Now we can be friends. I’d hate for you to affect your boyfriend’s future with this office.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say through clenched teeth.

The door to the office opens and Jak walks in. He stops short in the doorway, his mouth dropping open when he sees where I’m sitting. The Director lets go of my leg and loosens his grip on my wrist.

“Manning!” the Director calls out. “Just the person we were talking about. Friendly little gal you brought tonight.”

I jump out of the chair, catching the bottom of my dress on something on the inside of his desk. I catch a glimpse of a button as my dress tears on it. I pick up my mother’s notebook, and run from the office.

“Thanks for the visit, Miss Greyes,” the Director calls after me. “I look forward to the next time we meet.” My stomach lurches again, threatening to empty itself into the hallway filled with people. I don’t care if Jak follows me, all I know is I need out of this place. Clary smiles smugly at me as I run past. All these people are so selfish and terrible. But right now, I don’t care. Right now, I’m clutching my mother’s notebook, thinking about the button I saw on the inside of the Director’s desk. The button that reads B3.

Jak guides me to the elevators. I don’t expect him to and I certainly don’t want him to, but I’m in no state to argue. As soon as the doors slide shut, cutting out the music of the party, he reaches out and hits the stop button.

“What the hell is going on with you, Nat? First you want nothing to do with me. Then, you run after this Outsider you know nothing about. And finally, you forget about how important tonight is to me, and end up throwing yourself at the Director. What are you trying to prove?”

“I didn’t ask to be here at the Axis. You decided that would be best. I didn’t ask to be put on a team with Evan. It just happened. I seem to have very little control about what goes on in my life. Did you know the Delegates expect us to get married? Is this something you were planning on telling me at some point, or did you decide that for me, too?”

He grabs my wrist, and turns me toward him. “That’s how they think. I get that you don’t feel the same way about me, but you can’t blame me for trying. If you hadn’t met that damn Outsider, everything would be fine. What do you see in him? He’s not even a resident.” His grip on my wrist tightens.

“There’s nothing going on between Evan and me, trust me. Maybe you’re spending too much time with your so-called hero.” I wrench my wrist away from his grasp. “I hope you don’t graduate to drugging girls, making them sit in your lap at the next party.”

“What are you saying?”

“Wake up, Jak.” I hit the elevator start button. The upward movement throws me off-balance and I grab the railing. “Your Director is not perfect. He has a bottle of whiskey with a drug in it that he uses to get information out of people. Plus, he had my mother’s notebook all this time, even after you told me you destroyed it.”

Jak looks down at the notebook and back at me. I fall against the wall, gripping the railing to steady myself. Jak’s brows furrow. “I can explain the notebook.”

“No need. Your boss already did.” The elevator doors open and I step out, supporting myself against the wall. “Go ask him what happened in his office. I’m sure he’ll tell you the truth.” I roll my eyes as the elevator doors close, and I’m left with a sour taste in my mouth and the surprised look on Jak’s face. Or maybe it was disappointment? I don’t care. I need to find my room and sleep this off.

I stumble down the hallway, until I locate my door. Thankfully, Tassie’s gone. I lie down, but the room spins around even more that way. I try to stand, but stumble off my bed, and crash to the floor. The door slides open, and I hold up my hand. “Leave me alone, Jak.”

“Nat!” Evan’s voice cries out.

His hands reach under my arms and pull me onto my bed. I collapse against him, inhaling his cologne, and this makes my stomach heave, but I manage to hold everything in.

“Are you okay?” He runs his hands through my hair, moving it off my face. “What happened to your dress?”

“Nothing like being drugged, groped, and lied to, all in one evening.”

“I’m going to kill Jak,” Evan says, balling his fists. His nostrils flare as he takes a deep breath.

“Jak did the lying part. The rest was all the Director’s doing.”

“What kinds of people run this place?” Evan sits next to me on the bed. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No.” I reach for his hand. “Stay. Please. I’m fine, he just gave me some truth serum.”

“What sort of questions did he ask?”

“None, really. He kept asking if I was going to be good or not. He’s sick. I ripped my dress on his desk, trying to get away.”

“I don’t want you alone anymore.” Evan shakes his head. “I don’t trust them.”

My head feels light and fuzzy as the drugs take full effect. I can only smile at Evan. He’s right. I shouldn’t be alone. I can’t argue with that. “Why don’t you like me? I mean, I know you don’t hate me, but sometimes I think you really like me but then you don’t. It’s confusing.”

“I like you.” Evan laughs. “Can’t you tell?”

“Not in the same way you like Tassie. I don’t blame you. She’s very pretty. She thinks you like someone else, but I know it’s her, isn’t it?”

“Are these the sorts of things you girls talk about?”

“Sometimes.” I lean against my cubby, smiling. “Sometimes we talk about plants. Sometimes we talk about boys.”

“I do like someone,” Evan says. “I tried avoiding her, to make sure I didn’t get distracted from my job, but there she is, always sidetracking me. And it’s not on purpose. I can’t help myself anymore.”

“Maybe you love Tassie.” I feel a pang of jealousy tighten my chest.

“Oh, Greyes, you goof.” Evan squeezes my hand. “I’m talking about you.”

I must be hearing things. Or maybe it’s the drugs. I rub my temples, trying to massage away my lightheadedness. Is he serious? “But that doesn’t make any sense. I practically threw myself at you. I thought—well, you said—”

“I know what I said.” He shifts on the bed, getting close. “But no matter how hard I try, there you are, always popping into my thoughts even when I try to ignore you.”

Evan leans forward, and kisses the tip of my nose. It’s slow but short, and not at all what I expect, or should I say, want. I definitely want something more. He pauses a moment and then leans back, looking back into my eyes. “See, I could never like Tassie or anyone else, now that I’ve met you.”

I lean forward this time, pushing my lips against Evan’s. I’m not as gentle as he is. His fingers reach behind me, pulling me closer, until he’s pressed against my body. I release my frustration by wrapping my hands behind his neck and running my fingers through his hair. Tassie was right. I have to give her credit. She knows more about boys than I do.

Eventually I stop to catch my breath, and rest my cheek against his chest, listening to a mixture of his breathing and heartbeat as he runs his hands along my bare arm. He smells like the trees in the forest. Free.

“Let me go get you some tea from the cafeteria.”

“Mmm. Tea sounds nice.”

He shifts from underneath me, and every cell in my body cries out for him to stay, but I let him go. He stands in front of me, his eyes lined with deep concern, but I’m too tired to sit up and put him at ease. I grab my pillow, and put it in his empty place, clutching it close until he returns.

“I’ll be right back. Maybe Sophie has something that can counteract this truth drug you got. Not that I want you to stop telling me all your secrets.”

I try to throw my shoe at Evan, but he ducks out of my room. As I lie there, everything feels suffocating. This dress is soiled from the Director’s touch and Jak’s accusing eyes. I slip it off, dropping it to the floor, and manage to slide into sweat pants and a cotton shirt while lying on my bed. I climb back in my bed, and touch my lips, where Evan’s kiss still reverberates.

He comes back in about fifteen minutes with a steaming mug. “Sophie says it will wear off on its own within the hour. She’s heard of it used before on others. It won’t hurt you.”

Evan passes me the tea, and as I reach for it he grabs my hand, turning it over to reveal the small bruises left behind by the Director as he held me on his lap. I can’t shake these off as easily as the dress. “Who did this?”

“The Director wanted to get his point across.” I pull my hand away and hide the marks under my sleeve.

“What point is that?”

“I think my mother double-crossed him. He wanted to make sure I understood that was not acceptable. Maybe that’s why I’m here. So he can watch me.”

“I’m not leaving you alone anymore.”

“I’m fine.” I rub my wrist through my shirt as my skin crawls. It’s time to change the subject. “There was something I saw in the Director’s office.”

“Okay …” Evan sits next to me, and we both lean against the wall at the side of my bed.

“Have you ever heard of B3?”

“B3?” Evan says. “Well, I know there is a B1, where the generator room is, and B2 is detainment.”

“Exactly. So what could be on B3?”

“What makes you think there is a B3?”

“I saw a button on the Director’s desk that had ‘B3’ written on it.”

“You saw that with your own eyes?”

I nod.

“B3 is a theory your Uncle has. He said your mother told him that the Axis kidnapped people and put them on B3.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Your uncle told us about mysterious disappearances that went on in this dome.”

I think about the posters out in the dome, showing all the missing people. Their families distraught, trying to find answers, like the woman on the stairs at the Hall of Records. You’d think in a dome of this size you’d eventually run into someone again. “Those people left their families to start new lives.”

“So the Order tells you. Your mother thought they were taken against their will.”

“What for?”

“She thought it had to do with the Microbiology department. Your uncle said she confronted the Director, and that was when restricted access was put in place on the Microbiology and Genetics levels.”

I reach behind me to my desk drawer and pull out the poster from the woman at the Hall of Records, and toss it to Evan. “You’re telling me that they’re performing tests on people like this? That girl looks almost like me—she’s only a couple of years older.”

“Those departments do more than house the virus. They create new strains that need testing.”

Had my mother uncovered something this big? People would be livid. It would bring down the Director and the Delegates. Even the Order couldn’t be trusted anymore. “So that’s why the Director wanted my mother’s notebook.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jak was supposed to destroy it, but the Director made him hand it over first.”

“Is there anything in it?”

I shake my head. “I pored over that notebook for the last nine years. There isn’t one reference about B3 or her suspicions. Do you think she really had proof?”

“The fact that they’re hiding B3 is suspicious enough. You saw the button. I wonder if that’s the only way in?”

“What do we do now?”

“I’m going to go to B3.”

My head jerks toward him. “You can’t go down there. What if it’s dangerous?”

Are you worried about what happens to me, Greyes?”

“Waldorf is from the Microbiology department. Maybe he could tell me more of what goes on up there.”

“I don’t think we should tip anyone off.”

“Well, I don’t want you to go to B3. What if you got killed?”

Evan reaches over and runs his fingers through the hair at the back of my head, sending shivers along my skin. “That would suck, because I wouldn’t get to do this again.” He pulls me close, and kisses me again. This time it’s less eager, nice and slow. When it’s over I stay pressed against him, the heat of his body warming mine, as I drift off to sleep.

My bedroom door slides open, letting the glow of the fluorescents spill into the room. I reach for Evan in the shadows of my cubby, but my bed is empty and cold. Footsteps approach our door, faster and faster, and my heartbeat races to match them. Suddenly they stop and I sit frozen, waiting for the owner to show their face. But no one comes.