There Once Were Stars (15 page)

“No, sir,” I reply, repeating Jak’s words. “Purely business. Perhaps if you allowed me to look through all of my parents’ things, I might find what I’m looking for.”

“I do not believe you were granted that amount of time.” A small smile plays at the corners of his mouth. “What a shame that all their things are here, just out of your reach.”

“Perhaps you’d let me request some of my mom’s personal items?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“I am not in the profession of giving away artifacts,” he advises, peering over my shoulder at the open box behind me.

“But, sir,” Xara steps out of place, “if they’re only trinkets, is that so bad?”

“I thought I told you—” the Dean begins and then changes his mind and steps back. “Personal trinkets, you say? I don’t see why not. Put in a written request when you return.”

He stares back at me, still carrying a smile at the edge of his mouth, almost daring me to push the issue. I look away and accept that I have won what I wanted. Or did I?

“What brings you down here, Dean Carleton?” Mrs. Douglass’ voice comes from the hallway.

“Just checking in on our visitor.” The Dean raises his chin. “It appears she lost her chaperone somewhere along the way.”

Jak appears, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “Mrs. Douglass needed me to pick up a parcel for the Director.”

“And what, may I ask, was this pressing business?”

“Why, my chocolate cake, of course!” Mrs. Douglass laughs. “The Director and I used to be neighbors. He always loved my chocolate cake and makes me promise, every chance I get, to send some over to him.”

“You have friends in surprising places,” the Dean says, eyeing Mrs. Douglass. He turns his back to us and starts to walk away. “Don’t forget, Miss Greyes, you need to get permission if you want some of your mother’s things. I would hate for red tape to get in the way of you obtaining what you are looking for.”

“What an odd man,” Xara whispers, when the Dean is out of earshot. “He always creeps me out. I can’t believe he is going to let you have some of your mother’s things.”

“Yeah, that surprises me too.” I watch the Dean turn as he reaches the staircase at the end of the hall. He stares back at me, returning my gaze. A shudder runs up my spine, and I duck back into the cubicle.

“Well,” Jak says, “it’s time we leave.”

“We haven’t even been gone an hour.”

“You just said what you came for isn’t here,” Jak says. “I have other business to attend to—important things for the Dome. I’m sure Mrs. Douglass agrees.”

She turns to me with pity in her eyes. “Yes, you get that cake back to the Director. I’m sorry you couldn’t find what you needed, honey. Another time, maybe?”

“That would be nice,” I say, embracing Mrs. Douglass. How can I tell her, there may not be another time, without sounding as crazy as the lady we left out in the street? I look at the desk, longingly, at the box that contains the artifact I want. I can’t forget its number—6.1.0.

“Don’t forget that request form.” Xara hugs me goodbye. “Put it to my attention and I will box the items up.”

“You should send Nat a list of the artifacts in this box,” Jak advises. “Just in case she missed it.”

“What a great idea!” Mrs. Douglass says, ruffling Jak’s hair. “Remember. Take care of our girl for us. I’m holding you responsible if anything happens to her.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jak nods, clutching the cake. He’s still so young an innocent looking, the parcel makes him look like a delivery boy, not a Delegate-in-training.

As we descend the stairs of the Hall of Records, I wonder if I will ever get to see Xara or her mother again. At the bottom of the stairs, Jak holds my door open for me, less as a custom of politeness, and more as a silent command. I hesitate, staring out into the street. There’s no sign of the woman, but I still have her poster in my pocket. If her daughter is in the Axis, maybe I can find her, and with her find the proof that Evan needs to get us all out of that place.

Things are very different between Jak and me on the ride home. I’ve lost all patience with his “grumpy guy” act. I’m not sure if he’s still waiting for me to return his “I love you” or if he’s mad with how things played out at the Hall of Records. Either way, I don’t blame him, but I’d like to clear the air before we get back to the Axis.

“Can we talk?” I break the silence. “You know, like we used to?”

“Things aren’t like they used to be, Nat,” Jak states through clenched teeth.

“We haven’t been here that long,” I remind him. “It’s only been a few weeks since things started to change.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, I do. And frankly, if you really cared about me, then you would talk to me. Instead, you keep pressuring me for a relationship with you, or else I get nothing. How is that even fair? I haven’t had a moment’s time to be able to get used to all the changes.”

“It’s hard for me, too,” he squabbles. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to tell you how I felt? Obviously not. You had no idea I could exist as anything other than a friend. This has been going on much longer than a few weeks for me. It’s been years.”

“That’s not my fault!”

He slams on the brakes in front of the Axis, kicks open his door, and flings mine open. I storm out of the car, all the way to the elevator, half-surprised he’s still following me. Inside the elevator I tear into him again. “Think about what you’re saying. It’s selfish. You get to go home every night, back to the world you’ve always known, while I have to live with a bunch of strangers.”

“You should be happier here,” he says. “Everyone knows how much you hated it at your grandparents.”

I stumble over my words. “It’s not about whether I liked it there or not. Here, everyone knows me as the daughter of the Greyes scientists, and even if I could go back home, Grandmother would never let me. She hates me now. You saw them take Grandfather. Do you have any idea what happened to him down there?”

“Yes.” Jak sighs, leaning his head against the back of the elevator. “Yes, I do, Nat. I’ve kept very close tabs on your grandfather since I got here. Who do you think petitioned the Director to have him released?”

“You did that?” My mouth drops open.

He nods. “I did it all for you, Nat. I was also the one who recommended you for the open spot in the Expedition Division. I thought maybe you could finally feel connected your parents again, and work with the same people they did.”

“I don’t know what to say. I had no idea.”

“Like you, I have had to deal with a lot of change as well. I have been working every waking moment to impress the Director and the Delegates. In the middle of all of that, I still did everything I could to make your life easier. I told you I love you—maybe now, you’ll believe me.”

I stare at Jak and a wave of pity comes over me. There’s a love that I have for him, buried deep inside of me. It’s a love that comes from familiarity and comfort. If I ever said I loved him back, I would be lying. I don’t have the same love for him as he professes for me. But I can’t help myself. His confession draws me to him, from a sense of duty and loyalty.”

“You know I love you, Jak—” He sees it as a sign of hope, and leans toward my face with his lips. Before I can think about what is right or wrong, I let him kiss me, a soft, sad kiss.

He pushes against my lips, with a hungry frustration, until the intensity becomes painful. I try to push him back but he’s too strong. He grabs my wrist with one hand and I hit him with the other, as the elevator doors open.

“What the—” Evan yells from the corridor. Jak’s body is ripped off mine and thrown into the hallway.

“No!” I yell at Evan, surprised by his reaction. “It’s partially my fault.”

“Stop protecting him,” Evan shouts at me. “He was attacking you in there.” His eyes flash with rage.

“Don’t lay another hand on me, Outsider.” Jak pushes Evan against the wall. “You have no idea what was happening in there. She’s not yours. She’s mine. She’s always been mine.”

“She’s not an object.” Evan spits in Jak’s face, pushing him away. Jak throws himself against Evan, and the two of them tumble to the floor.

“Stop it, you two!” I stomp my foot. “I don’t belong to anyone. Understand? No one owns me. Not you, or you, or my grandparents. Not even the Order! I belong to myself.” I storm past them into my room.

“What’s all the commotion?” Tassie asks.

“Boys,” I say, throwing myself onto my bed.

“Ah.”

Seconds later, the door to our room slides open. It’s Evan. He has a small cut on his cheek, but other than that seems okay. He’s breathing heavy, and his shirt is torn along the bottom, revealing the skin across his abs.

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

“I thought I just made myself clear.”

“I’m going to go do some work.” Tassie gets up. She stops at the door and looks back at me. “All good?”

“Yes.” I appreciate her tact and I wave her out the door. “Fine.”

The door slides shut, leaving Evan and I alone. He sits on Tassie’s bed, and I sit up on mine, ready to retaliate with whatever lecture he thinks he’s about to give me.

“Where’s Jak?” I ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Gone,” Evan says. “Or should I say, taken. Some Members must have been alerted. They came off the elevator and escorted him away.”

“I hope he’s not in trouble.”

“Why?” Evan rolls his eyes. “What do you see in that guy? Can’t you tell he’s trying to advance his career? He’s one of them.”

“One of whom?” I ask. “Explain this to me, Evan, because I am having a hard time understand who exactly
they
are. I’ve known Jak pretty much my entire life. He’s never done anything to hurt me. Did you know he’s the one who got my grandfather released?”

“Yes,” Evan says quietly, “but you should to know—”

“Know what, Evan? That Jak is some big bad monster I am supposed to stay away from? Well, he says the same thing about you. Who am I supposed to believe? A guy I’ve known forever, or a guy I just met.”

“You’re so frustrating!” Evan slams his hand down on Tassie’s pillow.

“I am? How do you think I feel about you? You’re so sneaky with the information you give me. Telling me just enough to string me along. How am I supposed to fully trust you?”

“I don’t know what it is about you,” Evan says, “but you drive me absolutely crazy.”

“What do you care? I’m just a job, remember? Leave me alone. You’ll be better off.”

Evan leans forward and puts one arm on either side of me. Our faces are practically touching and I can tell he is really angry by how he’s clenching his jaw. I’ve hit a button with him this time. But I’m tired of trying not to piss people off.

“You’re so innocent, aren’t you?” I wince at his words. “Little Miss Greyes. No one can touch her. She doesn’t care about anyone. She’ll use this person just until she gets what she wants and then move on to the next. All of us are just little pawns to keep her entertained.”

“That’s not true. I didn’t ask you to hang out with me.” Doubt gnaws in my gut. How can I be both a burden and a manipulator? Insecurity begins to tear me apart.

“Frankly, I feel bad for Jak. He really thinks you’re going to love him back, doesn’t he? When are you going to tell him the truth? Or do you still need something from him?”

Tears come to my eyes. I might have been mean, but he’s being cruel.

“That’s right, Nat.” Evan speaks softer. “Other people can be hurtful, too. As for sharing things, you need to understand, it’s not safe to tell you everything right now.”

“I’m not a child,” I say, as tears fall down my face. He lifts a hand and wipes my cheek.

“Then stop acting like one. Stop using your feelings to control your actions. You need to understand, there is a reason I’m here. It’s hard to know who we can trust right now. I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“I can look out for myself.” I avoid his gaze. I wish he’d get out of my space. When he’s up close like this, I can smell his cologne, which reminds me of the kiss we had on the roof. But Evan made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me in that way.

“I can’t stand being around you sometimes, Greyes.” Evan gets up. He storms out of my bedroom.

“What was that all about?” Tassie says, coming back inside. Did she overhear everything?

“Nothing,” I grab my pillow and cover my face. “Absolutely nothing! Evan hates me.”

“And what do you want from him?” Tassie asks.

“I don’t know.” I bury my face in my pillow. “Life was much simpler when I lived outside of the Axis.”

“Boys always bring drama.” Tassie sighs.

The next week, Tassie joins me every day in the lab to get ready for the next expedition. I’m really bringing her as a buffer, so I don’t have to face Evan, but every time I hear them conversing, I wish I’d left her behind. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am a bad person, using the people around me to my benefit. If that’s the case, then I wish he’d forget about me, but maybe he already has. We haven’t talked since our fight.

Waldorf waves me over as soon as I enter the lab, and Tassie goes to Roe’s office to talk about the expedition.

“So,” he says rubbing his hands together, “I have it on good authority that today you will be getting the list from the Hall of Records.”

“I need to get a requisition form ready, then. Dean Carleton made that very clear. Can you help me with it?”

“They’re around here somewhere,” he says. “Let me go find one for you.”

“Can I use your network quick? The Curator is supposed to send me a list of artifacts so I write down the right ones.”

“Go ahead,” he says. “I’m already logged in.”

I move into Waldorf’s seat at his station. On his monitor, the logo of the Order rotates. I haven’t used a network station since my time at the Learning Institute, and there’s only one per classroom, so you have to share it with everyone.

Everything you want to know about the Dome is stored on the network. The history area links to the Hall of Records. The Axis area has a lesson about every department inside the tower. The district area talks about the housing sectors, businesses, and shops. Everything is here.