There Once Were Stars (12 page)

“I’ve been outside on an expedition.”

“You have?” He reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it with his cold fingers. “Why, that’s fantastic. You’ve found your calling. What was it like?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” I whisper. “But the radiation is gone.”

“Amazing,” he says. “Just amazing. Do you know, someone told me that once before. I think it was your mother.”

My mother? That’s impossible. He must be delirious.

“Be careful, Nat.” He squeezes my hand again. “You’re all grown up now, and I won’t be around forever. Whatever you do, always be cautious. You only get one life.”

I can’t make promises when I don’t know what’s going to happen to me once the Order finds Alec. Will they torture me like they did Evan? Will they lock me up like Grandfather?

“Did they hurt you at all?” I change the subject.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” he says. “I’ve been down here once before, long ago. I know the drill. They have to ruffle their feathers. Show who’s in charge. But I did it—I survived. I still have a few years left in these old bones.”

Suddenly, the thought that this may be the last time I see Grandfather for a long time overwhelms me. A sob escapes, and my body shakes next to his. His fingers squeeze mine, and I force myself to gain control. Now is not the time to lose it—I wasn’t the one pressed for information.

Evan appears at the door, illuminated by the blue light. It’s time to go. But I still have so many questions to ask—one more important than the others.

“If you could ever leave the dome, would you?”

Grandfather looks over at me. “I could never leave your grandmother, and you know her. She’s stubborn. She would never leave her home.”

“What if she wanted to?”

He pauses a moment, and then lets out a sigh. “I’m proud of you, Nat. Don’t ever forget that. No matter where life takes you, know I always wanted the best for you.”

“I thought I lost you forever.” I wrap my arms around him. “You were the best replacement I could have ever had for a father.”

“We have to go,” Evan whispers.

“Save yourself. You were not meant for this life.”

“I love you.” I hug him firmly.

Evan grabs my hand, pulling me away. My fingers stretch toward Grandfather’s. As we reach the door, he calls out. “Don’t ever come back down here again, Nat, do you hear me? There are strange sounds down here. Screams of pure terror coming from somewhere in the darkness. Promise me. Never come back.”

My promise escapes my lips as the door closes. Evan pulls me back down the hallway to the elevator. I don’t notice where we are going. I bury my face in his chest and mourn the loss of my old life.

Evan pulls me out of the elevator onto the roof, and holds me tight. I bury my head into his chest, drowning in my grief, as he runs his hand through my hair. Did Grandfather know he may never see me again? Was he giving me permission to leave the dome?

After a few minutes, Evan takes my face between his hands and wipes my tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. His eyebrows are drawn together as he clings to me.

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

“I thought that was my surprise?”

“That was something that had to be done,” Evan says, turning my head. “This is something just because.”

A small blanket with a basket in its center is laid out in the far corner next to the railing. Evan pulls me to spot, and I follow to the ledge, grasping the cool metal of the safety rail with my palms as I lean over and peer down. My breath catches in my throat. It’s almost as exhilarating as being outside. The patchwork of crops spreads all the way to the edge of the dome, on this side of the Axis. The workers are barely noticeable, tiny dots moving about below us. Far in the distance is the Outer Forest, my sanctuary, reaching up with its one hundred year old trees, hiding us from the outside.

Evan reaches down to the blanket and picks up a flower. “I brought a piece of the meadow back for you.”

He passes the flower to me and our fingers touch, sending electricity through my body. The sensation lingers after he lets go, but I can’t tear my eyes away from this single flower. He could have been caught. Why did he do this? I look up at him, to search for an answer on his face, but he’s turned away, back to the picnic.

“I got a little bit of everything they’re serving at supper tonight.” I raise an eyebrow, still too stunned to speak. “I’ve got a friend.” His voice comes out fast, and he rubs the back of his neck. Is he nervous? I’ve never seen him act like this before.

“You’ve got a lot of friends for a guy who just got here.” I sit across from him, in front of the food.

He shrugs. “People like me. What can I do?” His gaze meets mine for a second, and then turns away as he laughs at his own joke and slides over next to me.

“Where did you go when I was talking to Grandfather?” I ask as I bite into a piece of an orange. The sweet juices run down my chin, tickling my skin as I try to catch them with my hand.

Evan stares as I make a mess of myself. He blinks and looks away, his cheeks red. “Those screams your grandfather mentioned. I heard them too. They happened the night I was there. They’re bloodcurdling, to say the least. When you were talking to him, I checked for other prisoners that might have been getting tortured. I couldn’t find anyone else. I don’t understand. If he heard them, too, then where are they coming from?”

I shudder at the thought of even more people being tortured in our dome. “Maybe it’s the sounds of the generator?” I offer. “It’s only one floor above.”

“Maybe.” Evan frowns. “The one in our dome sure doesn’t sound like that.”

“You still have your Axis? Tell me about your dome.”

Evan leans on his elbow, stretching his legs along the edge of the blanket. The muscles in his biceps flex under his weight. “It’s pretty much like this place. They were all designed for the same efficiency and effectiveness. I don’t think the government had much time to be creative, after the virus broke out. We still use our dome, if you can believe it. The farms were kept inside, to protect them from the elements. But the majority of people chose to rebuild their housing on the outside, where all districts are equal. There are two settlements, on opposite sides of the dome, and between them we’ve built a factory, hospital, and other public buildings to help promote more development.”

“That’s not similar at all.”

“Change takes time. When it comes down to it, we’re all the same people, living in different areas.”

“Did your dome have a B2?”

“It did.” His eyes go distant, as he plays with a piece of the blanket. “There are still troublemakers. But, back home they’re dealt with in the open, for everyone to see.”

“Grandfather gets out tonight. I had been sure he was going to disappear, like the others. Is that what you think happened to all those missing people? They took a little stand against the Order and were locked up on B2?”

“It’s easy to get away with bullying the innocent when you have a B2,” Evan says. “But that still doesn’t account for where those screams are coming from.”

I look away, tears filling my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Evan asks, sitting up. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s not that. It’s hard, knowing I may never see him again. What if he has to participate in the Last Banquet, and I don’t get to see him again?”

“Your dome still does that?” Evan’s face is lined with disgust. “With any luck we’ll prove the outside is safe, and no one will be forced to end their life again.”

Live outside? Now I see why the option was so appealing to Mom. Move to the outside and save so many lives. “I wish I wasn’t alone to deal with it all.”

Evan’s brows push together. “You’re not alone. I’m here.” He looks down and fidgets with the blanket again. “I don’t want to lie to you, Nat, but I need to tell you something. You can’t tell anyone. I want you to—trust me—so I’m going to trust you and tell you why I’m really here. I’m not only here to protect you, I’m here to investigate your dome.”

“Investigate?” I swallow a lump that has formed in the back of my throat. “Why?”

“This is Alec’s idea,” Evan explains. “Your mother stumbled across something—something your dome is hiding.”

“Mom did? What?”

“Yes.” He nods. “Alec saw her the night before she was killed. She told him she hid some clues in her notebook, and they led to evidence she buried on the outside of the dome. Evidence that uncovers something terrible is going on here.”

“What is it?”

“She didn’t say. All she told Alec was she wanted him to know in case anything happened to her. She wouldn’t share it with him at camp that night. That’s why Alec got mad and left.”

“You think the Order killed them because of some evidence my mom had?”

Evan nods. “Alec believes that notebook holds the secret.”

“So he was really coming for the notebook, not for me.” I clutch my stomach as dread begins to swell inside my gut.

“Of course not,” Evan says.

“Is that why you’re hanging around me?” Sweat breaks out on my skin. “Are you hoping I have some clue locked in my head to help you out?”

“No.” His eyes squeeze shut as if he wants to hide.

I sound ridiculous. But am I? Everyone wants something from me. Grandmother wants me to get out of her life. The Order members want me close, so they can keep an eye on me. My uncle wants my mother’s notebook. And then there’s Evan—I thought he was here to watch out for me, but he’s also committed to my uncle—what does he really want? I get up and look back, over the ledge, down to the workers in the fields. Everything is easy for them; they don’t have to wonder about what’s outside the dome, or why their parents were killed.

Evan comes up behind me. I have no words for him, stuck in my own frustration, but I still turn toward him. He reaches forward and tucks my hair behind my ear, then cups my face, resting his thumbs on my cheeks.

“I’m not here to find out anything about your mother’s notebook.”

His eyes look directly into mine. All I want to do is look away, but I don’t. I’m trapped up here, with him. There’s nowhere to run. I want to be suspicious. I want to be furious. But my emotions betray me as my racing pulse makes my heart flutter in my chest.

His deep voice lowers, to a whisper. “I’m here because I want to be. I planned this picnic because I wanted to see you smile like you did in the meadow. You should smile more.”

I used to smile all the time. Did that change in the last few weeks? I look from Evan’s eyes, past his nose, to his lips, and back up again. His fingers meet mine on the ledge, the sensation so strong it feels like they’re on fire. He leans in, as if to whisper something more, but tilts his head towards my face. I close my eyes as his lips brush against mine, softly moving with a gentle urgency.

My body melts against his, and I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms guide me closer against his body, while his thumb moves from my cheek, down my neck, sending small shocks of electricity through my body to the ends of my limbs. A tiny gasp escapes my lips. This is so different from kissing Jak.

My third kiss ever—each with a different boy, and each so different from the one before it. The first is barely worth a mention, so long ago it’s practically forgotten. The second was with sweet and loyal Jak—my best friend since childhood—the one who loves me. And now I’m kissing Evan with more passion than the others, and he’s nothing but a stranger. What’s wrong with me? My chest tightens as a twinge of guilt builds. I pull away from Evan and step back.

He snaps out of the trance as well, staring at me as if he can’t believe what happened. He looks away, biting his lower lip, and then shakes his head. I instantly regret stopping, but I’m frozen in place, too awestruck to move.

“I never should have done that.” He turns back to the picnic. “I don’t know why I did. I made a promise to Alec to watch out for you, not to take advantage of you.” He busies himself with gathering our things, packing them away as if it could erase any memory of what just occurred between us. Or should I say, what didn’t occur, because I’ve got an ache in my gut that’s quickly filling with the fear that I’ll never get to kiss him again.

Get a hold of yourself, Nat.

Is that all I was—a mistake? The last thing I need is another person who feels responsible for me. It’s the same pressure I’ve felt since my grandparents took me in, the same feeling I have around the other scientists. Frankly, I’m sick of it all. I can’t believe I got so caught up in the moment with Evan, and still want more. I’m nothing more than an obligation to him.

I walk to the table, grab one of the guns, and empty it into the target across from me. This is a good stress release. But it doesn’t fill the void that’s growing inside me. I throw the gun back on the table and walk toward the elevators.

Evan follows me, but doesn’t say another word. The elevator ride feels like forever. I just want to be alone. But as the doors slide open, Jak is standing in the hallway, outside my room. His eyes narrow as he sees Evan standing next to me. I step out and the doors slide shut behind me, taking Evan away.

“Where were you two?” Jak turns his narrowed stare on me.

“We were at supper.” My nerves jump under my skin. He doesn’t need all the details.

“I don’t like that guy,” Jak warns me. “You shouldn’t hang out together so much.”

Can he tell I kissed Evan?
My hand shoots up to my lips, swollen from the kiss that never should have happened.

“What does everyone want from me?” I throw my hands in the air. “I’m on the same team as him. There’s nothing I can do.”

“I’m not sure what his intentions are.” Jak reddens. “I mean, come on, Nat, do you even know where he comes from? Why he came to our dome?”

“He came here to let us know it’s safe to be outside,” I sputter. “Has
your
Director shared that news with you yet? We took off our gear, when we were outside, Jak. There’s no radiation.”

“I see all the reports before they go to the Director.” He narrows his eyes again. “That’s my job. And, what do you care if I trust him or not? You barely know the guy.”