These Is My Words (33 page)

Sarah, Jack said, what’s wrong?

I just kept looking out the window and said, Nothing.

That made him mad. I don’t care.

January 16, 1886

We were only a hundred miles or so from Tucson, in a bleak area without any trees. Overhead the sun shone brightly and reminded us we were far away from the rainy Texas Christmas. I was looking out the window thinking that we must be passing my brother Clover’s little grave somewhere nearby. Those days were long ago, but I leaned against the rumbling wall of the train car, and remembered all those times and I wondered if Ulyssa had married yet, or if she would, and if I would know Alice and Louisianna if I saw them. They must be near grown.

I was so far away in my head that it wasn’t until the train stopped out there in the middle of the desert that I looked around to see what was happening. There were riders on horses outside the doors of almost every car, and I heard shots and saw one of the riders fire into the air.

Jack stood up in front of me, and I saw just like that he had turned into that other man, the one who commanded men and burst into burning buildings. He grabbed April and looked deep in her face, and said Hide, Little Bitty, don’t move a muscle and don’t make a single sound no matter what.

April’s little face filled with terror, but she closed her mouth and didn’t start to cry, and I watched him settle her under my seat and take my cloak and fold it and lay it in on top of her. I took off my brooch, and looked around quickly, and pushed it between the back and the seat of the bench where the cushion hid it.

Sarah, hollered Jack, and he had come from the sleeping car and tossed me my big pistol just as a man burst in through the door waving a twelve gauge shotgun and with a rag tied over his nose. He pulled the trigger and a huge hole opened in the roof of the car. People all around shrieked with fear. Without taking another breath, Jack drew the gun he always wore and shot him. Passengers screamed again, and Jack went to the doorway, waiting for another robber to enter.

Two more men did come in, and Jack squeezed himself near the other door, below the seat. One of the men with a red handkerchief over his face pulled it down and looked around at all the scared people.

Who killed Pete? he hollered. There didn’t have to be any killing, all we wanted was your money!

He held a pistol to a man’s head and the woman sitting beside him screamed out, The shot came from back there, and pointed in our direction, then she started wailing.

Shut up or I’ll plug him anyway, said the man. So she just whimpered and sobbed, and one robber stood by the door while the man with his face exposed walked down the aisle. Who shot him? he asked again. No one made a sound. He stopped right in front of me. I had the pistol hid in the folds of my skirt, and set my finger on the trigger real light. The man studied my face a bit, and said to me, You aren’t even scared. What’s the matter, are you blind? All these people are scared to death and you just sit there.

I said to him, I’ve seen your kind before.

He licked his lips and grinned. You know who pulled the trigger on Pete, don’t you? Was it you? Did you shoot him? But you know who did, don’t you? Who was it? I could make you tell me.

No, I said. I don’t think you could. I could feel my little April trembling against my ankle.

The red kerchief man looked at his partner and waved his gun a bit, and the other man said, Everybody off, Now! I could see from the corner of my eye through the window that lines of passengers were standing outside and people all through the car scooted out quickly. Red kerchief leaned in towards me. Everybody off except you, that is. You’re going to tell me who killed Pete. The robber at the far end followed the passengers out.

Someone outside was struggling with one of the robbers who was trying to take something away to steal, and the robber shot the man down right away, and then shot him again through the chest. I couldn’t see Jack anymore, and didn’t try to look his way, as that would give him away to the man in front of me.

I looked the man square in the eyes. You have no need to rob me, I said. I have nothing to take.

There’s a gold ring there, he said. I could even let you keep it, of course, if we could make a bargain. It’s pretty shiny too, looks real, where’s your husband? Would he mind if we made a bargain? One that would keep you alive?

I heard Jack’s voice say, He’d mind like hell, and Jack’s revolver barrel was right against the man’s neck, and when he cocked the hammer it sounded louder than thunder. Stand up slow, Jack said. Hand her that pistol. The man weakly obeyed, and moved away from me. Just then his partner burst back through the door looking excited, and pulled his mask down, then his eyes fell on us and he stopped smiling.

I stood up and aimed my pistol at him, pulling the trigger once to chamber a bullet.

Hah! he said at the hollow click it made, and raised up and aimed at me.

No! yelled the red kerchief man.

I didn’t stop to think, I pulled the trigger again, and hit him in the ear. He let out a howl and dropped his gun, holding his ear with his hand, blood running through his fingers like soap on a washboard.

One of the robbers outside the train hollered in, What’s going on in there Corey?

I aimed at him again and said, Your nose is next.

Jack nudged his pistol into the neck of old red kerchief, and said Answer him, and say the right things.

Fine! called Corey, Just fine, the kid is acting like a fool and shot his own ear off.

Well, I thought, there we were holding prisoners on the inside of a train while all the folks who had sat beside us were prisoners outside and being robbed, and a trunk of some kind was brought out of the caboose and smashed against a rock until it broke open. We saw the men fill their saddle bags with gold, and some women fainted. Some of the robbers talked to each other, and they went and shot one of the engineers then, and starting at the front of the train they began to search each car. They must have realized they were missing a few of their men.

Jack pushed the men into a corner, and said to me, Cover them. Then he said to them with a downright evil look on his face, Move. Just move a little. That’s all it will take, you can see she’s not afraid of sending you to the devil. Then behind me I heard the sharp swishing sound of his saber being drawn, and he picked up the pistols from the men and stuck them in his belt, and waited by the door for the searching robbers. Three of them came in, guns drawn but not aimed at us. Jack yelled at them, Drop the weapons, now! They saw him and began firing at him, and I saw him shoot two of them fast, but miss the third one who hid behind a seat.

Well, Jack just leaned down with his gun and fired under all the seats in a row, and the man yelled out, I’m hit! and then let out with a string of cursing like I never heard in all my days and hope I never hear again.

Get up, Jack said to him.

I can’t, he hollered, I’m hit. I’m dyin’.

And then the man fired a shot at Jack and I saw him spin around quick. He dropped his sword and shot the man again, and again he let out a string of cursing.

You’re not dying, not yet, said Jack, get up! You’re under arrest but you aren’t dead. Yet. The robber struggled to his feet, and I could see he was bleeding from his shoulder and one leg. Jack said, You tell them to leave those passengers be, and put them all on the train, the dead ones too, and leave their things you stole and clear out, or you’ll
be
dead.

One of the men in front of me shifted around where he was sitting and I pulled back the hammer. I began to think, what if one of these bullets has strayed and hit my April, and she never let out a sound and died under that seat?

I suddenly wanted to hurt these men, to make them scared as I was, so I said to the red kerchief man called Corey, Hair trigger on this here pistol, and you make me nervous. Sweat ran down the man’s head and he was shaking. If my April is hurt I will kill him anyway, I thought. I was filled with a terrible hate, a terrible meanness. I hated these men so much I was afraid of myself more than I was afraid of them. I could stand right here and look them in the eyes and shoot a man dead without blinking.

Do it, Will! called the sweating man in front of me, Do what he said, Will, do it! She’s crazy, Will, do it!

So the man named Will called out the window. There’s a Army soldier in here, says we’re all under arrest. And Clay and Billy and Pete are all shot dead. He’s got a crazy woman with a gun guarding Corey and the kid. He wants you to give them all back their stuff and clear out.

The robbers talked among themselves again for a minute. Hey, Soldier! one of them yelled. What we got us is a Mexican standoff. We got these here passengers, so you let our boys go and carry out the dead, and we won’t hurt anyone else and let you get on your way.

Jack said, No deal. Return the passengers to the train right now.

Hey boys, Will shouted. He’s got a gun to my head, you better talk to him. Then one of the robbers rode up to a man in a conductor’s uniform, and whipped out a pistol and shot the poor man down. I saw Jack’s face go pale, and he flinched. Then I heard a gun fire again, real close, and Will began to scream like a child and holler curses. Let them people go! he cursed again. I’m crippled up bad, he yelled out the window. He’s a shooting off little pieces of me.

Jack said through his teeth, Next one’s your knee.

No! yelled Will, Come on, boys, talk to the man.

One of the robbers hollered back, Will, you’re a coward! Hey soldier, you keep him. We don’t want him anyway!

I had an idea quick. Jack, I said, Tell them he’s got a big sack of gold here he was holding out on them. Five hundred dollars’ worth at least. Jack grinned at me.

It ain’t true! screamed Will.

This man, Jack hollered, dragging Will toward the door and showing him to the robbers, then bringing him back inside so they couldn’t shoot him for us, This man has a sack of fifty dollar gold pieces he took off a banker in here. He wasn’t going to tell you but they dropped all over the floor. And the other two, Corey and the kid, I saw them put them in their pockets. There’s a thousand dollars in that sack! I was guarding the banker carrying it. I reckon you want to talk to these fellows all right, and I’ll give them to you. You just put those people back on the train.

It’s a lie! Will shrieked.

Jack’s gun sounded again, and Will began to scream. My other foot! He shot my other foot!

The robber outside rode closer to our train car. We think we’d like to talk to those men. What do you want, Soldier?

Ride off, said Jack. Up to that ridge, and you give us time to load up the people and get the engines running. Then when she starts to roll, we’ll drop off your men, and you can have ’em.

Okay, hombre, said the man. It’s a deal.

From where I was, I could see Jack fish into his own back pocket for a minute, and he took out a gold coin and slipped it into the pocket of Will’s bloody pants.

The passengers crowded into the other cars, staying away from ours. The poor dead and hurt ones were brought on too, and the train lurched as the engines fired up. At last it started to roll, and Jack dragged Will back to the door.

I looked at my two prisoners and said, Come on, get up, but they sat like statues.

Don’t shoot us lady, said Corey.

Move, I said.

Hey, tell her not to shoot us, Soldier. We did what you said. We didn’t do anything. I didn’t even want to rob this old train, they made me.

Shut up, said the one they call Kid.

Jack looked back and made a face. Mrs. Elliot, he said, Don’t shoot them, unless you have to.

April! I called out. Are you all right?

Yes, Mama, came a little voice.

Okay, I said, then I turned to them, I probably won’t shoot you then. Get off this train, you sack of filth. All three of the men jumped, Will screamed in pain when he landed, and Jack dragged the bodies to the door and rolled them off. There was blood everywhere, and I finally felt like I took my first breath in an hour.

Sarah, Jack said to me, That was a damned stupid thing I did, and got another good man killed.

No, I told him, you never know how they will react.

You know, he said, most Indians have got more honor in them than those kind. I just nodded. Indians at least won’t turn on their own, nor cry like babies. Sarah, Jack said again, his voice real soft, you did good. Now get me a doctor. And he sat down on the seat near him and rolled to the floor.

I handed April to a kind lady who comforted her and smiled at me with a look of sympathy. And I stayed by Jack’s side, and took his shirt off him and found the place in his side where he was shot. It must have been when he dropped the sword, but I never knew it. Blood had run inside his shirt and clear down his pants into his boot. I undressed him as gently as I could.

One of the old men passengers said he wasn’t a doctor but had helped the Army surgeon in the war, and said, Confederate side, if that matters to you Ma’am.

No, I said, I don’t care which side. He looked at Jack carefully and felt the hole with his finger. The bullet had gone clean through, he said, and there was no smell like it was a gut shot.

I think Ma’am, that he’ll be just fine in a couple of weeks. In the war, we’d have just patched him up and given him a toddy and sent him back to the front tomorrow.

Well, I thought, and you lost the war, too, but I didn’t say it to him.

Jack, I whispered, are you hurting? He nodded, hardly daring to move, and I recognized how that felt to have that kind of pain. Do you want something? A man here has whiskey to help the pain.

No, he said.

I don’t mind, Jack, You don’t have to suffer so, I said. What can I do for you?

He opened his eyes at that and made a face at me. Don’t treat me like a child and give me back my pants. Then he winced in pain again.

Jack, I said, that man there says he thinks you’ll live just fine.

He looked around to see if people were watching us. I hate to pass out like that, damn. Lost too much blood I reckon.