Authors: Leah Holt
“I'm from the whole side, Layne. Mom was the one who urged Dad to find you.”
My lungs froze, heart thumping at a rate that I expected it to tear through my chest and skip across the floor.
“You mean, they're together? Even now, to this day?”
“Yes, they're having their thirty-first anniversary in November.” I heard Anna inhale sharply through the phone, before she spoke again. “Look, I'm sure you have so many questions. And I have some—
not all
—of the answers you're looking for. I'd like to meet, if you're up to it?”
“Up to it! Absolutely, I'm fucking up to it! Excuse my language, but I can't believe this is happening right now.” Dragging my nails through my hair, I sat in a state of complete shock. My eyes were open to the brim, cheeks burning with a smile I couldn't push away even if I tried.
“Believe it. There's so much we need to talk about, I'll make some arrangements, and be up there in a few days.”
“No, I'll come there. If I'm going to meet my family, I'd like to meet everyone. Unless you think it's not a good idea.” Taking a quick breath, I anxiously waited for her answer.
There was a long drawn out pause, too long my comfort. “If you think it's too soon, I'll wait. But I've waited a lifetime for this, I don't know if you realize how long I've looked for my family.”
“No, it'll be fine. I've wanted to meet you since I found out. Mom and Dad might be more nervous, and I can't force them to meet you, Layne, if they're not ready.”
“I understand, I do. I'd just like to have the opportunity is all, I have so many questions, Anna.” Squeezing my lips, I massaged my lower jaw. This whole conversation was such a shell-shock, I never thought my family would come to me.
And if I had the chance to meet everyone, I wasn't going to pass it up.
Her voice came through the speaker, soft and air-filled. “Me too, Layne. Me too. I'll be in touch, and give you the details, does that sound okay?”
“Alright, that sounds great.” Hanging up the phone, my body was still trembling. I had never thought in a million years that the family I had spent countless hours looking for, would eventually be thrown right in my face.
They were looking for me too.
Every wall I had hit, every door that was closed in my face, it left me with more questions than answers. I had tried private investigators, calling the hospital I was born in, speaking to retired social workers from the several foster homes I bounced between.
And all that had gotten me nowhere.
My head was spinning and twining around the idea that I had a sister, I had parents, parents that were still together even after giving me away.
For the longest time, I expected the answers to my fostered life consisted of a young mother who couldn't care for a child, and a father who probably had no clue I even existed. I imagined a scenario that revolved around a teenager being forced to give me up by her own parents.
But now, now I would have my answers.
Now, I would finally get to piece together who I was, where I came from, who I even looked like.
Now, I had my real name.
Kinsley
T
he days seemed to blend together, one mixing into the next, each one a shadow of the previous hours. It took a whole week to boastfully mask my hurting chest, and another to cleverly hide that my mind was elsewhere.
But deep inside, I could barely function at all. My head was a whirlwind of questions, emotions, doubts.
Regret.
Did I regret what happened between Layne and myself that night? No.
But I regretted letting him capture my heart, I regretted not seeing through the veil, and realizing he wasn't a man who wanted to settle down. We had one sinful, amazing, incredible night, and I let it go to my head.
I knew what I felt with him went beyond lust. Because lust doesn't last days, lust doesn't rain on your brain and stop every other function. All I wanted was a chance to see if it led anywhere
What did he feel?
Who cares, Kinsley.
It's over, he made it clear.
Layne had called me numerous times over the past couple weeks, and I sent him straight to voicemail. Several text came through, his typed voice trying to convince me to not give up and try one more date. I deleted his messages.
I didn't want to hear it, he had made his choice to not follow what flowed between us. He had told me from the beginning that I could get out anytime I wanted.
I was done, no more dating. If I couldn't have the one person I actually felt a twinge of attraction for, then why was I going to bother anymore?
Every bone in my body was aching, my head pounding with the most ferocious headache I'd had in years. Popping two pain pills into my mouth, I cupped the edge of the sink, wishing the intense thumping would magically disappear as I swallowed.
“Mommy?” Fay's small voice cut through the tractor trailer slamming around the walls of my brain.
“Yes, Honey?”
“Auntie Gigi is here.”
“Okay, let her in.” Turning to face the door, my eyes began to cross, making me see double. Stepping forward, I gripped the handle, attempting to pull it open.
But I couldn't turn the knob, I couldn't coordinate the idea and my fingers. The room began to spin in different directions, warping from bright white to deep purple. I had no idea what the hell was going on, or why I suddenly felt so light headed and dizzy.
Leaning against the wall, I tried to call out for Gina, but my voice only echoed inside my head.
And as I watched the room dissolve around me, blackness came in and coated my vision.
***
S
ounds started to filter through my ears, mumbles that ran together, faint words that began to form. People were talking all around me, but I still saw nothing.
Slowly, I peeled my lids open, blinking rapidly. Starch white light honed in on my pupils, making me squint.
“Kin, Kin,” Gina spoke quietly into my ear, her fingers gently touching mine. “Can you hear me?”
My throat felt dry, smacking my lips, I said, “That depends, what are you about to say.”
Her hearty laugh echoed through the room. “Yeah, she's coming around.”
As my eyes began to put together the pieces around me, white lab coats took shape. Pressing up in the bed, I squeezed the thin blanket between my fingers. “Am I in the hospital?”
“Yes, and you gave us all quite the scare, Kin.”
“What happened?” I asked, still trying to fit together the last memories.
A voice I didn't recognize slipped in, an unfamiliar face taking shape as they leaned over me. “Ms. Davidson, can you follow this light for me?”
A high beam hit my eyes, forcing me to blink down hard. “Can I have a second to catch my bearings?”
“Sure, I'm sorry, Ms. Davidson. You're at Clarks Memorial, I'm Dr. Gibbons, and let me say, you're a very lucky woman.”
“What the hell happened?”
“Well, you were severely dehydrated, and that triggered a vegal syncopy.”
“A what?”
“You passed out, Kin.” Gina blurted, her hand clasping tightly around mine. “You're lucky I came by, otherwise I don't know what would've happened.”
“Where's Fay?” I snapped, trying desperately to shove myself up in the bed.
“She's fine, Kin. You're mom came and grabbed her after I called the ambulance.”
A sigh of relief fell from my extremely desert stained lips. “I'm so thirsty, can I have some water?”
A nurse chimed in from somewhere in the background. “Absolutely.” The soft patter of her shoes hit the tiles, trailing off into the distance.
“Ms. Davidson, you're going to be fine. But you really need to make sure you drink plenty of water. Have you been under any stress lately, anything going on that might cause you to not do your usual things?”
Shaking my head no, I tried to think quick. “I guess I just got caught up in work and stuff.”
Gina slapped her forehead, babbling under her breath. “Come on, Kin.”
The doctor tapped his pen against the chart, eyeing Gina. “Can I talk to you in private?”
My heart began to race, chest forcing out a loud, worried breath of air. “Why? What's wrong?”
Gina's neck angled, eyes veering down her nose. “I'm her best friend, I'm not going anywhere. What did you find, cancer—a tumor—oh god...
Is she dying?”
Her tone was amplified in the small emergency ward room as her fingers streaked down over her cheeks.
“No, no,” he said, chuckling softly. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but it's nothing like that.” Flipping through some papers on the clipboard, the doctor went on. “We ran some blood tests on you, and well...” Pausing, he held his hand out, eyes scanning my face. “You're pregnant.”
Did I hear him right?
I'm pregnant?
My stomach began to surge with tingles, warm, explosive, tingles that shot around my body, numbing me from head to toe.
No, I can't be.
But the face of the doctor said he wasn't joking. There was no reason for him to play a sick and twisted joke like that on a patient. A part of me waited in anticipation for him to laugh it off and say,
'No, no, I'm playing around. Sorry, yes you are dying.'
Obviously, that wouldn't have been ethical, or the true conclusion I would want from my blood work. But pregnancy had come out as such an unbelievable factor, that I didn't want to think he was right.
“Wait, no, I can't be.” Shaking my head, I smiled cautiously. “Run the test again, there must be a mistake.”
“There's no mistake, Ms. Davidson. We ran the test three times, and I had it double checked by several technicians. That's protocol here, and it says you're pregnant.”
“What?!” Gina exclaimed, jumping off the edge of the bed and throwing her hands to her face. “You're pregnant? Did you know?”
Flicking my eyes to my friend, I sat in silent shock.
“You didn't know, Kin, holy crap...” Tapping two fingers against her lips, she asked, “Is it that guy, mattress man? It's him, isn't it?”
The doctor cut in, smiling. “You'll be released to go home soon, but from here on out, you need to make sure you take care of yourself.” Bowing his head, he spun and placed the clipboard back into the holder outside the door.
“Holy, F'ing, crap, Kin.” Gina lowered her body to the small seat at my side. “You dirty little bird you.” Her index finger bounced in the air, wagging at me like I was being scolded. “You didn't tell me that one of your dates actually went all the way! When were you planning on spilling your guts?”
Covering my eyes with my hands, I grumbled. “This was not supposed to be part of it. Shit, Gina, what am I going to do?”
“What are you going to do? First you're going to tell me who the lucky guy is, who is this mattress man?” Crossing her leg, she propped her chin up with one hand.
“Can we talk about this later? I just found out I'm pregnant, I need to figure that out first.”
“What's there to figure out? It's not like you're considering...” Gina's lids expanded, eyes bugging from her head.
“Are you?
Tell me you're not.”
“What?
No, absolutely not, I could never.” Glaring at my friend, I huffed under my breath. “Geeze, Gina.”
“Well, I'm sorry, I just don't understand what's to figure out then.”
What is there to figure out?
Oh, that's right... How to tell Layne that he was going to be a father might be a start.
But how in the world were those words going to fit into his life?
Sitting in the passenger seat of Gina's soccer mom caravan, she kept glancing at me every two seconds.
“Well, are you going to tell me or what?”
“Gina—”
“Don't Gina me, I'm your best friend, you can't leave me in the dark. Tell me everything.”
Wiping my clammy hands against my thighs, I said, “Fine.”
Telling Gina the whole story; from the first date, to the most intense orgasm I had ever received, to Layne basically turning me down; I felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders.
I had harbored this attraction, this lust, this deep seeded desire for Layne, and to say it out loud, well... It made me feel better.
Gina was beyond herself, her jaw hanging to the floor. “Kinsley, that is so freaking cute.” Chuckling, she mouthed the name he told my daughter.
“Mattress man.”
“It's not cute, this is serious. How am I going to tell him that I'm having his baby.”
“Look, Layne seems like a really decent guy. Even if he doesn't want to be with you right now, it doesn't mean he never will, and it certainly doesn't mean he won't step up and be a father to that baby.”
Nodding in agreement, I wanted so badly to believe her. Layne was a good man, he proved that a few times already.
And he was great with children, even if he didn't realize it yet.
“You're probably right.”
“No, I am right. You just need to find the right time to tell him.”
“He wants me to do one last date, I told him no more after the shit show last time.”
“Go on the last date, that'd be the best way to see him in a neutral zone. Make him happy and feel like he's doing his job, then when the dates over, you tell him.”
“Don't you think it would be weird to drop this news on him right after?”
“No, not at all. You said he doesn't want to mix business and pleasure, so once he's off the clock, you tell him. Besides, this way, Fay isn't around, and you're not calling him up out of the blue, asking him to hang out. He might think something's off with that.”
She might be right.
Did I want to go on another date? No, but it would be the perfect opportunity to talk to him alone. No prying ears, no one else to see his reaction. If he didn't respond the way I was praying he would, and Fay was home, that could be horrible for her.
And if he was all for it, well, we'd have the chance to figure some things out.
Gina might be a wild fire, but she always had a great head on her shoulders.
“Thanks, Gina.”
“That's why I'm here.” Smiling, she held her hand up for a high five.
Smacking her palm, I giggled. “Hey, can you do me a big favor for now?”