This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall (10 page)

“They've got Elmer Drimsdale!”

“They can have him!”

Inside, Elmer was frantically grabbing scientific equipment to study the alien craft. He ran outside and was momentarily astonished to find a huge crowd of boys milling around in wild confusion. “What's going on?” he asked.

“Earth is being invaded!” someone replied. “Aliens!”

“I knew it! I knew it!” Elmer exclaimed. “I wasn't wrong!” He ran off, still yelling, into the night.

By this time, Bruno and Boots had made a thorough search of the thicket behind the cannon. Elmer was nowhere to be found. “You're his roommate,” said Boots. “What would he do now?”

“Let's see if he went back to the dorm.”

They ran across the campus and rounded the corner of the Faculty Building. All three dormitories were ablaze with lights and the entire student body was engaged in a full-scale panic.

“What the heck …!” exclaimed Boots.

Bruno grabbed the nearest boy to him. “What's going on?” he demanded.

Perry Elbert glared accusingly at him. “As if
you
didn't know!”

“Aliens!”

“UFO's!”

“Invaders from outer space!” the boys shouted.

Boots tugged at Bruno's arm. “We've got to put a stop to this!” he said urgently.

“I never stopped a riot in my life,” protested Bruno. “I
start
them.”

“We're in enough trouble! And we've got to find —” Boots never finished his sentence.

“Who is going to defend Macdonald Hall?” Bruno shouted in a voice that carried from one end of the campus to the other. “And who will protect those innocent girls across the road?”

At that moment Miss Scrimmage's P.A. system crackled:
Calling all girls! Calling all girls! This is Planetary Defence! You are needed in Earths darkest hour! Macdonald Hall is being invaded by aliens!

Boots groaned in despair and hid his face in his hands. It was Cathy's voice. Then he looked up and groaned again. Pink nighties, bristling with softball bats and field-hockey sticks, were streaming across the road.

Halfway up a tree Bruno appeared, howling, “To the gym, men! Arm yourselves!”

Boots watched in mounting anxiety as suddenly Miss Scrimmage burst out onto her balcony, screaming and waving her shotgun. At almost the same moment Mr. Sturgeon, his red bathrobe flapping in the breeze, rushed onto the mad scene. “Don't!” he cried. “Miss Scrimmage! Don't!” His shout only startled her. BOOM! BOOM! She fired into the air.

Out of the dark sky plunged the basket which had carried Francisco Diaz — its side sporting a hole exactly matching the one in Miss Scrimmage's sign. As it plummeted to earth it struck a shadowy figure standing by the side of the road. Mr. Sturgeon ran over and heaved the basket off the victim. It was Elmer Drimsdale, out cold.

“They've landed!”

“They've killed Elmer Drimsdale!”

“Quit poking me with that stupid bat! I'm not an alien!”

“Teddy bears on your pyjamas, Howard?”

“Shut up!”

“What's going on?”

Bruno and Boots were the next to arrive at Elmer's side. Bruno dropped to his knees. “Elmer! Elmer, speak to me!” His roommate didn't move.

Suddenly Cathy came tearing across the road with a brimming fire bucket. “This will revive him!” she shouted. Unfortunately she misjudged her aim and the entire bucketful of water sloshed over Mr. Sturgeon's head! The Headmaster just sat there, dripping and sputtering.

A few drops of water sprinkled Elmer's face. His eyelids fluttered and he sat up. “Good evening, sir,” he said calmly. “Is it raining?”

Just then a red mini-bus came tearing up the highway from the direction of the city. Its sides were blazoned with the words
UFO Society
, and the loudspeakers on the roof were blaring:
Attention, aliens. Do not be alarmed. We come in peace
.

The truck screeched to a halt beside the highway and a man leapt out shouting. “Where's Drimsdale?”

Elmer suddenly recalled his mission and jumped to his feet. “Here I am. Over here!”

“We came as quickly as we could,” panted the man. “Where are the aliens?”

“This has gone far enough!”
Mr. Sturgeon bellowed. “There are no aliens! There is no spaceship! This is all a horrible mistake …”

“Who's this old geezer?” asked the UFO man. “Are you trying to interfere with a scientific investigation?”

Mr. Sturgeon's face turned purple. He stood up, soaked to the skin and shivering, trying to muster what dignity he had left. “Enough of this nonsense!” he spluttered. “Students, return to your rooms
at once
! Immediately! I will deal with this in the morning. I repeat: there is no danger; there are no aliens.”

Under the Headmaster's icy gaze, the crowd began to drift away. Mr. Sturgeon turned to the UFO investigator. “Doubtless you are able to recognize the basket of a balloon,” he said. “
That
is your UFO.”

“Oh,” mumbled the man. “Well then, never mind.” He scurried to his truck, shut off the loudspeaker and drove away.

* * *

“My word, William! Whatever happened to you? Is it raining?”

“No, Mildred, it is not raining,” Mr. Sturgeon responded with admirable control. “One of the well-bred young ladies from across the road sloshed a bucket of water on me.”

“Gracious! Why would she do a thing like that?”

“Oh, it was purely accidental,” said Mr. Sturgeon bitterly. “She misjudged. Actually, she was bringing the water to revive Elmer Drimsdale.”

“What was wrong with Elmer Drimsdale?”

Mr. Sturgeon sighed deeply. “A basket fell on him,” he explained, “after Miss Scrimmage shot it down. Mildred, that woman is going to kill someone one day!”

“Yes, yes, dear,” his wife soothed. “I'm sure everything will be fine in the morning. Let's not wake up Francisco. The poor child is just exhausted. Thank heaven for Bruno and Melvin!” she added.

“I wouldn't put it
quite
that way,” Mr. Sturgeon replied sourly. “Those two have finally gone too far. Tonight was the last straw.”

“Nonsense. All they did was save a child. They didn't create the disturbance. They went out to try and stop it.”

Mr. Sturgeon opened his mouth and then closed it again. There was no use trying to explain to his wife about Bruno and Boots. Instead, he marched upstairs in search of a towel and dry pyjamas.

Bruno was sleeping in. Elmer, who had not slept a wink since the incident, could only marvel at his roommate's tranquillity.

There was a knock at the door. Elmer answered it to admit the office messenger.

“Greetings, Alien Elmer,” the boy pronounced. “I am the bearer of a message from Earth.”

“For me?” Elmer quavered.

“Nope, for Walton. From Mission Control.”

Elmer breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Bruno, wake up. There's a message for you from Mr. Sturgeon.”

Bruno rolled over and yawned. “I'm too tired. He'll have to wait.”

“Oh no, he won't,” said the messenger. “The place is crawling with cops.”

Bruno bounded out of bed and began to dress.

* * *

“I just
knew
that you and your unsavoury friend had to be behind that uproar last night,” growled George. “This came for you.” He handed Boots a message from the office.

“Doesn't bother me a bit,” shrugged Boots with as much false confidence as he could muster. “I intend to put the blame squarely where it belongs — on you.”

“You wouldn't dare!” cried George, but Boots was already out the door and gone.

He ran full tilt to the Faculty Building, where he narrowly avoided another collision: Bruno was running from the other direction.

“Are you as scared as I am?” asked Boots.

“Me?
Scared?
” lied Bruno. “Never worry about what you can't avoid, I always say.” He cleared his throat. “I hear there were cops here this morning.”

“Oh no!” moaned Boots. “Expelled
and
arrested.”

“It's only our first offence,” Bruno offered hopefully. “Maybe we'll just get bawled out.”

“I hope I
do
get arrested,” said Boots grimly. “I'd like to have iron bars between me and The Fish. When Cathy dumped that water on his head …” He shuddered — then grinned and added, “I just about cheered!”

“And when Francisco asked if he was The Fish … We may be in big trouble,” chuckled Bruno, “but it sure was funny! And Miss Scrimmage shooting at the balloon …”

“And the way it conked Elmer Drimsdale!” howled Boots.

“And then that looney from the UFO Society called The Fish an old geezer!” screeched Bruno.

“And now The Fish is going to kill us!” screamed Boots.

“And the cops are after us!” moaned Bruno.

The laughter died abruptly as the boys were jolted from the hilarious past into the uncomfortable present.

“Why put it off?” said Boots sadly. “We'd better get in there.”

They entered the Faculty Building and found the outer office deserted.

“What do we do now?” asked Boots.

Bruno shrugged and knocked as lightly as he could on the Headmaster's door. “Maybe no one's here,” he whispered.

“Come in,” said a voice they recognized only too well.

Bruno and Boots walked into the office like two prisoners about to face a firing squad. Mr. Sturgeon, Francisco Diaz, and a small, dark gentleman were waiting for them.

Mr. Sturgeon spoke first. “Sir, here are Bruno Walton and Melvin O'Neal, the two boys who rescued Francisco from the balloon. Boys, this is Ambassador Diaz.”

The small man walked over to Bruno and Boots. He bowed slightly, then shook hands with both of them. “I am Francisco's father,” he began. “I find it difficult to express my gratitude to you. You are certainly two very brave and resourceful young men.”

Boots blushed to the roots of his blond hair. Bruno's face broke into a grin.

“If it had not been for you,” Mr. Diaz went on, “my son might very well have been lost: I owe you his life. In my country we bestow medals upon people who display such unselfish courage.”

A strangled sound erupted from Bruno. He covered it up with a bout of severe coughing. Boots felt he had to say something — Bruno was certainly in no condition to speak. “We're very grateful, sir,” he finally managed. “Thank you very much.”

“I have arranged an outdoor assembly for this afternoon,” said Mr. Sturgeon, staring at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and continued. “And I understand the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have some medals to present as well.”

At last Bruno found his voice. “Did you — uh — mention Elmer Drimsdale, sir?” He caught Mr. Sturgeon's eye. Elmer was likely to suffer ridicule for a long time because of his UFO scare. “Elmer spotted the balloon with his telescope and started the — uh — alert,” he explained to Mr. Diaz.

Mr. Sturgeon's steely grey eyes searched Bruno's earnest dark ones. The Headmaster understood. “I shall certainly mention Elmer Drimsdale,” he said slowly.

“By all means! There will be a medal for him too,” said Mr. Diaz. “I wish we could have an official ceremony, but I left Ottawa in such a hurry that I neglected to bring our flag.”

“That is unfortunate,” said Mr. Sturgeon. “I am afraid Macdonald Hall does not possess a Portuguese flag.”

“Excuse me?” said the ambassador questioningly. “We are not Portuguese.”

“Oh …” said Mr. Sturgeon in embarrassment. “When I heard Francisco speaking Portuguese, I naturally assumed — that is — er — what
is
your country, sir?”

The ambassador drew himself up to his full height and announced proudly, “I have the honour to represent the government of Malbonia.”

Twin gasps from Bruno and Boots punctuated the sudden silence. Mr. Sturgeon cleared his throat carefully. “In that case, Mr. Diaz, I am pleased to be able to tell you that, by a fortunate coincidence, I just happen to have the flag of Malbonia right here in my safe.”

“But this is splendid!” exclaimed the ambassador. “Until two o'clock, then.”

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Sturgeon entertained the ambassador and Francisco at lunch. While the adults were finishing their coffee in the living room, Francisco glanced over the morning's
Globe and Mail
. The politely hushed conversation was suddenly interrupted by a peal of laughter from the boy.

“What is it, Francisco?” asked Mr. Diaz.

Francisco could hardly speak. “Read this, sir,” he said, handing the paper to Mr. Sturgeon.

The Headmaster adjusted his glasses and read the article aloud:
“BANK ROBBERS SNAGGED BY NET. Buffalo, New York. Three armed bank robbers were apprehended by a volleyball net which fell on them as they were being chased by police early this morning. Almost $500,000 was recovered. Police are still baffled about the origin of the net which, according to the report, dropped suddenly from the sky, entangling the fugitives. The net bears a tag reading Macdonald Hall.”

Mr. Sturgeon looked up from the newspaper and met his wife's eyes. “It would appear, Mildred,” he sighed, “that there is no end to these miracles.”

* * *

Under the bright Ontario sunshine and the briskly fluttering flag of Malbonia, Bruno Walton, Boots O'Neal and Elmer Drimsdale were solemnly decorated with that country's medal of civic heroism. The entire faculty and student body of Macdonald Hall were present, as well as the girls from Miss Scrimmage's Finishing School for Young Ladies, who cheered lustily. Standing on the platform were representatives of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the Ontario Provincial Police and the Macdonald Hall Board of Directors. In addition to the Malbonian medal, each boy received the RCMP Bravery Medal and the OPP Youth Award.