This Is a Dark Ride (21 page)

Sam wished he would have had the privilege of meeting Brody’s mother. It was too late now. There were so many things it was too late for. But it wasn’t too late to make things right with his own mother, and it wasn’t too late to make other things right as well.

“
Just let go
.”

He couldn’t.

Sam saw the amusement park sign propped against the house. Brody must have brought it from the car. It made Sam happy that after all this time the sign still had meaning to Brody. THIS IS A DARK RIDE.

Right here, right now, on this lovely little snow-covered farm it wasn’t really a dark ride anymore. If it weren’t for RJ, probably none of this would be a dark ride now.

The older woman’s eyes fixed on Angel. Sweet, sparkling Angel, who despite her sunny disposition on the drive up here, now looked as nervous as Sam felt.

“And who are you?” Ruth Ann asked. Brody smiled a little and put his arm around Angel, but he didn’t speak. He seemed amused by the situation.

“Um…I’m Angel,” she replied, eyes downcast.

Sam suddenly wanted to smile too, he really did. Angel was one of the shyest people he’d ever met. Not exactly what one would expect from a girl who had lived the life she had.

“And Angel is…?” Ruth Ann asked Brody. “Your friend?”

“She’s
our
girlfriend,” he said.

Ruth Ann did a good job masking whatever she felt about that. Angel did not. Her face flushed red, and she looked as though she wished the earth would swallow her up.

Ruth Ann gave Angel a warm hug. Sam watched as Angel tried to process what had just happened. Without knowing her, without knowing anything, Brody’s aunt had accepted Angel. The embarrassed expression on Angel’s face showed she was having a hard time being accepted.

“I’m glad you all are here. I regret that we didn’t get together sooner, but May didn’t want company. She hated how she looked.” Ruth Ann’s smiling face turned stoic.

Brody looked down at the wooden porch floor, and Angel moved toward the porch steps. She walked through the snow, over to a fence where several goats had gathered.

Within a few minutes she was kneeling on the ground, giving out pets and ear scratches, looking like a happy child at a petting zoo. She seemed to belong here, and the smile on her face as a large white goat tugged at her sleeve made Sam smile too.

He could see her being happy here, not just right now, but in the future. She could have a normal life here, a life that might ease the pain people like Paul and RJ had caused her.

RJ. That memory wouldn’t leave him alone. He could close his eyes and see that shaky note Angel had written. He had no doubt that the man Bobby, who’d nearly ended her life, was the same man he’d once shared a bed with. The man he had once loved. RJ. Robert Jarden.
Bobby.

You should be thankful that I saw fit to end your life
. The words written in that note. Sam remembered RJ saying those same words to a pale, fragile shell of a woman.

She couldn’t hear him—not then, not anymore, not ever again.

Not ever again.

She was gone; her spirit had flown away, leaving only a cold, battered body behind.

Sam shook his head violently, trying to clear away the visions of it. He tried to forget, tried to focus on what was happening right now, not what had been.

“Your mama loved you, Brody. Loved you with a heart as big as the night sky,” Ruth Ann said.

“I should have come to see her at Christmas,” Brody said.

“You didn’t know she’d go so quickly,” Ruth Ann said.

“I should’ve come anyhow.”

“She didn’t want you to come, and fretting about it now doesn’t change it,” Ruth Ann said. “She wanted you to remember her the way she had been.”

There was an uncomfortable and lingering silence.

“You need to go inside and get settled,” Ruth Ann finally said. “It’s too cold to be standing out here. That poor cat sounds terribly unhappy.” She clapped Sam on the back and winked. “My, you’re a big one, aren’t you? You look like we could get some work out of you.”

Heat flushed his face despite the cold. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about farming.”

“Not much to know,” Ruth Ann said. “Don’t matter now, I guess. I think we’re closing up shop here.” She looked intently at Brody, who shrugged.

“I don’t know anything about farming either,” Brody said.

Ruth Ann pursed her lips and gave Brody a look that made Sam wonder just how much Brody really did know about farming.

“I forgot.
Mr. Music Man
. At least you look like you kicked the drugs.”

“I did.” Brody glanced at Sam. “Thanks to Sam…and Angel.”

“Give yourself a little credit too,” Ruth Ann said. “I’m happy you did. If you’re not planning on staying here, then you’re planning on selling out. At least I know you won’t spend the money on drugs.”

“What do you mean? Selling out?” Brody seemed lost.

“She left you everything. I guess that don’t mean much to you since you don’t want it…”

“What about you?” Brody asked.

“What about me? I’ve enough to do on my own place.”

Brody leaned against the house, legs shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked. He’d never seen Brody look this way.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I left to get away from this place…this life.” He laughed wryly. “I left ’cause I was going to be somebody, and I couldn’t do it here, not on this farm, not in this town.” He ran a hand through his messy hair. “Didn’t work, did it? I’m back here with less than I left with, and now Mom’s gone.” His voice quivered, and Sam just wanted to hold on to Brody and soothe away the ache.

“It doesn’t look like you’ve less than you had when you left,” Ruth Ann said. “I see two other people standing here in the cold with you.” She sighed. “You’re so goddamned selfish, Brody Redlinger, and I just don’t understand why. You weren’t raised that way. Lord knows your mother would have done anything for you.”

“I know that,” Brody said. “She was just the first in a long line of people that I let down.”

“Poor me,” Ruth Ann snapped. “That’s all you do. Poor me!”

“It’s not poor me. She kicked him out. She made him go—because of me. And what did I do? I left her to die here by herself.”

Ruth Ann’s eyes narrowed. “She kicked your father out because he was an abusive asshole. She didn’t love him anymore, and she was tired of the way he treated you both.” Ruth Ann put her hands on Brody’s shoulders. “You were a good son. Don’t you let anyone, in this town or anywhere else, tell you different! May knew you didn’t want to stay here. What the hell good are big dreams in a small town? She understood that. She left for a time when she was young.”

“Yeah. I was a good son, wore clean underwear every day just in case I got in an accident. Put the dishes away every morning before school. Decided I couldn’t stand being here another minute, and then I left and never came back!”

“She was proud of you, Brody. You know she went up to some place called the Palace to see you sing? She was so excited!”

Brody’s face paled. “She went to Chalpin? To the fucking Palace?”

Ruth Ann smacked the back of Brody’s head, and Sam tried not to laugh.

“You watch your language. Yes, she went to Chalpin. She’s got a scrapbook in there full of newspaper ads and pictures from every place your band ever played.”

“Why?”

“Because you were her son. Because you gave her something to be proud of.”

“I never knew,” Brody whispered.

“She didn’t want you to know.” Ruth Ann laughed. “She knew you’d be embarrassed if you knew your mom was there. She thought it was funny the way you shook your ass up on that stage in those tight pants.”

Brody smiled a little.

“May didn’t change anything, you know? I think she knew in her heart you’d want to come back home one day. I told her a million times that she should get someone to haul that old relic of a piano away, but she wouldn’t. She left it right there in the living room, taking up space.”

“It’s really still here?”

“It’s still here. Here waiting for you, I suppose. You gonna stay, Brody? You gonna stay here and show this town that your mom was right to be proud of her boy?”

“I might.” Brody looked over at Sam. “It depends. Sam and Angel have got a stake in this too. We’re all in this together.”

Ruth Ann smiled and nodded. “That’s the way it should be. When you love somebody, what they think matters too.” She hugged him. “Oh, Brody…you finally grew up.” Eyes shining with tears, she handed Brody a ring of keys. “The big brass one is for the front door here. The little silver one is the back shed. I have no idea what the other two open. There’s a private viewing at Furmanall’s Funeral Home at one p.m. For family only. I assume you will all be there?”

Sam’s stomach twisted when Brody said yes. He’d botched coming out to his own mother, and now he was going to be paraded in front of a whole town as part of this…this, whatever this was between Angel, Brody, and him.

And then Ruth Ann looked directly at Sam. “And
you
are family. Don’t you forget that.”

Family. That sure had a nice ring to it. That’s exactly what this was between him, Brody, and Angel.
Family.

Ruth Ann walked down the steps and went toward a little red car. She turned before she opened the vehicle’s door.

“I’m glad you’re home, Brody, and I’m glad you finally found what you needed to be happy.”

Brody had found what he needed to be happy, hadn’t he? He wasn’t wasting away on drugs anymore.

And Brody
was
home.

Sam stared out across the fields, wishing he could keep his mind on the present. Lately he’d been unable to stop thinking about the past.

Anger swept through him, more directed at himself than at anyone else.

He was still letting RJ control him, still letting RJ fuck his life up. Everything in his life was poisoned by RJ. All the memories he had tried to tamp down inside of him had come bubbling back up to the surface when he’d read that note Angel had written.

“Hey?” Brody said. “You coming inside?”

Sam nodded, but his feet didn’t move. He stood on the porch looking in the front door of the house where Brody had grown up. His gaze drifted to the surrounding fields. They were covered in snow, but in his mind Sam could imagine them lush and green in August sun. It was like being on another planet.

“I’m not sure I should be here,” Sam said.

“I’m not sure I should be either,” Brody said. “But this is where we are, and we’re together. That’s good, isn’t it?”

“It’s just like at the apartment.”

“It’s nothing like the apartment here, I promise you that.” Brody held his arms out wide. “Listen. It’s quiet. Look. It’s peaceful. It’s like when the town was shut down ’cause of the snow, except it’s like this all the time.” Brody shook his head. “It used to drive me crazy, hearing nothing but crickets and birds.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not sure how I feel about it now. I think…I think I like this.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Sam replied. “This is your place…
your
home.”

“It’s yours too,” Brody said, frowning. “Angel’s too. This is our home. Wherever we are together, we are home. “

Sam took a step toward the door.
This is your home
. He took another step.
This is your home.

Brody wrapped his arms around Sam, and it began to feel a whole lot more like home. The warmth of Brody’s body, the scent of him—that was home. “
Wherever we are together, we are home
.”

“Thank you. For coming here…for doing this. For just being here for me,” Brody said. He glanced over at Angel with half a smile on his face.

“She looks happy.”

“She does,” Sam said.

“What about you, Sam? Do you want to go back to Chalpin, or will you stay?” Brody kissed him softly. “Please stay. I’m not much on begging…but I will. For you.”

Sam could see the love he’d always wanted, right there in Brody’s eyes.

“I have to go back,” he said, and his heart broke to see the pain those words caused Brody. Sam stroked Brody’s jaw.

“Just to turn in the key,” Sam said.

Brody beamed, tears sliding down his cheeks.

“Promise?” Brody whispered, clinging tight to Sam, making him forget just about everything except for how much he loved the two people that were right here.
Just about everything else…

Chapter Twelve

Wiping cobwebs from the corner of the apartment windowsill, Angel could see the window of the empty apartment up the street that she had once called home. The plastic film fluttered in the wind. For a moment she was overcome with bad memories, but she swallowed hard and shook her head. She turned her attention back to cleaning the glass, not wanting to remember life before. Before Brody, before Sam, that wasn’t life—that was existence.

The paper towel was yellow from tobacco smoke as she wiped away the window cleaner. Harder and harder she rubbed, polishing the glass until it sparkled.

Life sparkled now. Brighter than that glass. Brighter than diamonds.

She didn’t lay blame anymore. Not on her mother, her stepfather, and not even Bobby. Brody had been right: if things had gone differently, if one little detail of her life had been altered, perhaps she would never have ended up meeting Sam and Brody. How much lighter her heart felt, unburdened with the weight of rage, hatred, and blame.

Brody was in a good place now. He was clean and he was sober, and perhaps the same hand of fate that had led him to find her that night had taken Brody back to where he had always belonged.

Sam was the one she worried for now. He still refused to make any attempt to contact his mother, and often when he sat quietly, his face showed the stress of his inner chaos. Angel wondered what he thought about when he sat out on the porch step of the farmhouse, alone in the cold.

Sam carried a trash bag from the bedroom and let it drop on the floor. Glass broke and jingled inside. The bag was mostly full of liquor bottles. Empty reminders of the demons that had plagued Brody.

“I don’t think we’ll get the security deposit back,” Sam said with a heavy sigh. “But at least we
tried
getting things cleaned up.” Sam took a deep breath through his nose. “I think I still smell cat piss.”