This Is So Not Happening (30 page)

I felt fake even as I said it, because it wasn’t like I was exactly enjoying myself. But Faith had been right about joining the prom committee. It might not have entirely snapped me out of my funk, but it had been distracting. I was no longer focused on Jake and lost love and feeling sad for Chloe. That crapioca was still there, yeah, but it wasn’t running my life anymore.

“I don’t know, all that stuff … the prom and everything … it just feels so, like, shallow now,” Chloe said. She pushed her hands into her hair, then hugged her knees. “I’d feel like a poser or something, pretending I actually cared.” Her gaze flicked up tentatively. “Besides, I can just imagine what everyone is saying about me.”

She had a point there. Making up lies about Chloe Appleby had become the number one pastime at Orchard Hill High. But that was mostly because she wasn’t there to defend herself.

“Who cares what they’re saying?” I replied. “How great would it be to go to the prom with Will? I mean, he’s, like, one of the hottest guys in our class. You could get some sick prom dress that’ll make everyone salivate and show them how totally fine and
not
fat you are. Don’t even try to tell me that wouldn’t feel good.”

For the first time, Chloe smiled for real.

“It would actually be kind of nice to see Will in a tux,” she said, blushing.

“See? There you go!” I reached for a box and filled it with candy. “So … you’ll come back?”

Chloe bit her lip and narrowed her eyes. “I’ll think about it.”

“Cool,” I said.

As I slipped another ribbon from the pile, something inside my chest seemed to loosen. For the first time in a while, I felt like I’d done something good.

When I drove past Ally’s house for the third time, I saw the curtain on her window shift. Fuck. I floored it and took the turn at the end of the street like a NASCAR driver. Had she seen me? Was that the first
time
she’d seen me? Did she think I was just driving over to the Twins’ place or did she know I was basically stalking her?

I lifted my fingers from the wheel, trying to give my sweaty
palms some air. This was totally effed up. I couldn’t be one of those guys who drove by a girl’s house just to see if she was home. Those guys were pathetic. They were the guys who wrote poetry in the back of their Trig notebooks and got their asses tossed into that gross shower stall at the dark end of the locker room with the cold water turned on and the door jammed closed with a broom handle. Definitely not me.

I headed toward town and tried to think. The problem was, Ally’s birthday was coming up. Her mom’s wedding, too. I didn’t care so much about missing
that
, but the idea of missing her birthday … I couldn’t deal. Last year that had been the day I’d turned it all around. Shown up at her house with the perfect gift. Gotten her to say she’d go out with me. I didn’t know if it was because of that or what, but lately I’d started feeling like her birthday was kind of a deadline. Like if I didn’t find a way to get her back by then, I never would.

But was it even possible? How many times could I make some “grand gesture” as Chloe had once called it, and get my sorry ass forgiven? Besides which, I was out of ideas. Getting her championship ring for her last year had been genius, if I do say so myself, but this year, I had nothing. Not a clue. And I was desperate.

I stopped at the corner of Orchard Avenue and Elm. Up ahead, the lights of the strip mall where Ally worked were all on. My jaw clenched. There was one person who could definitely help me. I just wasn’t sure if she would. And I also wasn’t sure if I could stomach the idea of groveling to her. But then, I’d already decided I was desperate.

The light turned green. The car behind me honked. I hit the gas and lurched through the intersection. Five minutes later I
yanked open the door of CVS. Annie Johnston was behind the counter, her black hair sticking out from under a black-and-white-checkered visor, and she was blowing the most massive gum bubble I’d ever seen.

“Hey,” I said.

The bubble popped. She stared at me as it deflated over her chin. Her eyes were round. I could tell she was trying to come up with something rude to say.

“I need your help,” I blurted.

Very, very slowly, Annie peeled the gum off her chin and stuffed it back into her mouth. Then she did something that almost knocked me over. She smiled.

“It’s about freaking time.”

“These are your order forms for your caps and gowns,” Dr. Giles announced, walking up the aisle in the auditorium the first Friday in May. He handed a stack to the person at the end of my row and the forms were passed along. “They are not difficult to fill out,” he shouted, his voice filling the room. “You simply supply your name, your homeroom, and your size. Therefore, when I say that the deadline to hand these in is this coming Monday, I expect to receive each and every one of your completed forms this … coming … Monday.”

“Wow. Someone’s in a good mood,” Annie whispered to me as she picked at her chipped blue nail polish.

Behind us, a few girls kept snickering and texting. I glanced sideways at Chloe, who sat on my left. It was her first day back and already her cheeks were red with embarrassment. So she thought that snark fest was about her too. She noticed me looking and tried to smile.

“I’m just glad we don’t have to wear maroon like the guys,” she said nonchalantly. “No one looks good in maroon.”

“Too bad they don’t have a double XL in the girls’ column,” someone said in the row behind ours. “
Some
people might need it.”

My heart plummeted and I glanced at Chloe. Her expression darkened and the order form crumbled in her fist atop her thigh. Part of me wanted to grab her and just walk out of there. But then she lifted her head and turned around with a bright smile, hooking her arm over her seat in a casual way.

“Excuse me, Denise, but have you actually
seen
this body
I’m rocking lately?” she said, flicking her fingers in an up-and-down motion. “Because I happen to weigh less than I did before I got pregnant.”

Denise Zeldina turned momentarily white. Clearly she had not been expecting a comeback. But she recovered soon enough.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” she said. “God. Self-absorbed much?”

“Oh, really?” Chloe’s eyebrows shot up. “Then who were you talking about?” she asked loudly. “I’m just curious which one of our classmates you think is in need of a double XL gradu-ation gown. Because I’m
sure
that whoever she is, she would
love
to hear your opinion on her body.”

Everyone around us swiveled to stare at Denise. She turned beet red and sunk down in her seat.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought,” Chloe said.

“I think that’s enough, Miss Appleby,” Dr. Giles said as he strolled by.

Chloe crossed her legs casually, smoothing her skirt over her knees, not the least bit thrown by the vice principal calling her out.

“Oh, I’m done,” she replied. She fished a pen out of her leather bag and put a big check mark inside the
SIZE: S
box.

I couldn’t stop smiling. Looked like Chloe Appleby was officially back.

“All right, that’s it for today,” Mr. Giles announced. “Next week we’ll start practicing the processional, but for now you can go to the cafeteria until first period is over.”

The room filled with voices and laughter, everyone giddy with an overwhelming sense of entitlement. The casual way in which we’d just been dismissed said a lot. It said we were out of here. That it didn’t entirely matter what we did from here on
out. Thirty minutes of hanging out in the caf instead of going back to class? That was a gift only the seniors could be given.

“I’ll be right back.” Chloe slipped out of her seat and jogged up the aisle ahead of us. I assumed she was going to catch up with Will, and I almost tripped when I saw her grab Jake’s arm. The two of them turned and walked out into the lobby together, talking quietly. I would have basically killed to know what they had to say to each other. I mean, had she seriously forgiven him for everything? Had he finally forgiven her? I’d been wondering about it ever since he’d called me to get Will’s number that night, ever since he’d shown up at the hospital the next day. What, exactly, had gone on between those two?

“Please tell me you’re not paranoid about them coupling up again,” Annie said under her breath. “Because that is so not happening.”

“I know,” I replied, feeling warm all over. “And even if it is, who cares? We broke up, remember?”

“Yeah. Right. Who cares?” she said, flicking a blue nail polish chip at Denise Zeldina’s hair.

As we approached the doors, Jake walked off and we caught up with Chloe. “What was that all about?” I asked casually, even though my heart was pitter-pattering with curiosity.

“Nothing.” She lifted her shoulders. “He texted me this morning that he wanted to help decorate for the prom, so I was just telling him I’d e-mail him the meeting schedule.”

My brow knit. Jake had volunteered for prom committee? When? And why volunteer to help Chloe? She hadn’t even attended a meeting yet. Not that I thought for a second he’d come to me, but he could have talked to Faith. She was, after all, in charge.

“Um, okay.” We turned and walked slowly toward the caf with the throng. “So you two are, like … okay?”

Chloe tugged open the door and let Annie and me pass through first. “Pretty much.”

I couldn’t take it. She was talking about this way too simply. I stopped by the bathrooms and she and Annie stopped with me, letting the rest of the senior class file by.

“Seriously? Even after everything he did? Everything he said? That crap he—”

Chloe lifted a hand. “He apologized for that. That’s why he was at my house when my water broke,” she added under her breath.

I felt like someone had just spun me around five times fast and left me to try to focus. How had I never heard about this before? This was monumental. “Wait. He apologized? What … what did he say?”

She looked down at the floor and shrugged. “He said he was sorry. For everything. Like, everything he’d said or done to make me feel bad. He said he still thought he had a right to be mad, but that he shouldn’t have been such a jerk about it.”

I leaned back against the cool cinderblock wall, trying to process this information. Jake had apologized. He
had
realized he was wrong. Finally. This was amazing. He had actually dropped the negativity. Which meant that maybe, just maybe, he was still the Jake I’d known and loved.

So why wasn’t I more relieved? More excited?

I glanced across the cafeteria to where Jake was sitting with the rest of the guys, and my heart felt sick. I knew why I wasn’t relieved. Because he hadn’t apologized to me. If he was back to his old self, and he knew I’d broken up with him because I missed who he’d been, then why hadn’t he come to me?

Because he was really done with me. He didn’t love me anymore. When I’d ended things with him, I guess I’d really ended things. For good.

“I mean, what am I supposed to do, hate him forever?” Chloe continued, following my gaze. “I was scared, so I told a lie and totally ruined his senior year. Then he was pissed and he mocked me out for a couple of months. Honestly? I don’t even know if we’re even.”

“Man,” Annie said.

“What?” Chloe snapped, expecting an insult, I’m sure.

“You are just
way
more enlightened than I thought,” Annie said.

Chloe and I both blinked. “Um, thank you?” she ventured.

I shook my head and started walking again, but my steps were slow. My heart felt like a cement ball inside my chest. I couldn’t think about the fact that Jake was ignoring my existence right now. If I did, I would cry right in the middle of our free period, which was so not cool. Instead, I decided to focus on Chloe.

“I just don’t know if I could do it,” I said. “Forgive someone after something like that.”

Not that anyone
felt the need to
give me a chance.

“Right,” Chloe said, sliding into a chair at the end of a table and pulling out her laptop. “And who was the first person around here to start talking to Shannen again?”

Annie laughed and dropped into a seat at the opposite end. “She got you there.”

“Who got who where?” Shannen asked, shrugging out of her denim jacket as she and Faith arrived.

“Long story,” Chloe and I said at the same time.

Shannen narrowed her eyes at us. “Okay. I’m getting us all doughnuts now. I’ll be back.”

“Just a banana for me!” Faith shouted. “Gotta fit into that prom dress.” She started pulling out her prom planning notes and catalogs, laying them out on the table.

“What’re you doing?” I asked.

“We’ve got to catch Chloe up on what we’ve got planned,” Faith replied.

Chloe sighed as she watched the materials pile up in front of her. “I’m just saying, Ally, if we can all forgive Shannen for what she did to us last year, then you can forgive Jake for what he did to me.”