This Love's Not for Sale (33 page)

Tucker sat impatiently holding onto his phone and watching the screen off and on between eating his lunch. Giving up, he slid his phone across his desk. Tucker rose from his chair, cursing and fisting his hands. What was Lilliana doing to him – punishing him? Did she really think she could break him by acting petulantly? Had she forgotten the simple rules he had set forth for her or was just ignoring them in her quest to make him hurt for having fucked up?

Tucker paced the office, his mind infiltrated with
frustration. Lilliana was pushing his boundaries and limits, just as she had done since the first time they had met - and he was allowing it, but not anymore. He tried to pretend like she didn’t exist again and went about his day, ignoring the muted ache in his heart.

When the end of the work day rolled around, Tucker’s phone beeped. He stared at it for a long moment
without responding, making her wait just as she had made him wait.

Tucker fought the urge to drive past Lilliana’s house, knowing she would be home. He ate dinner by himself at his favorite restaurant and sulked the entire time. 

“Alone?” Gemma’s voice came from behind him. “So you’re done with Lilliana already? That was quick. Our time lasted longer than that,” she flirted, seating herself across from Tucker.

“Did I invite you to sit?” Tucker glared at
Gemma and gritted his teeth. She was part of the reason he was eating unaccompanied and without his woman of choice.

Gemma
simply smiled and fidgeted with the flatware on the table. “Is there any chance that you and I…” she began.

“No,” Tucker cut her off.

“I can be better this time, Tucker. I’ll follow your rules and be more adventurous; do more of the things you asked. I’ll even allow you to punish me this time.”

Gemma
batted her eyelashes and walked her fingers across the table and touched the top of his hand. Tucker instantly pulled it away, feeling as if he were betraying Lilly by allowing another woman’s touch.

“Our time has come and gone,
Gemma.  Nothing can be accomplished by dwelling on the past and I wish you would stop doing it. We had fun, didn’t we?” he asked sympathetically, not wanting to hurt the obviously fragile woman sitting across from him.

“Yes, but we could’ve had so much more if I had
n’t been so unwilling to try the things you suggested,” she whispered in a low, tormented voice.

“That’s life, my dear, but there’s no going back. It’s t
ime for you to move on,” he replied kindly, remembering Lilliana’s reprimand for the harsh words he had spoken to Gemma and Sophie the night before.

Gemma
scanned the tabletop. Looking up at Tucker, her tone became chilly and her exotic, pretty brown eyes turned frigid. “Is it because of Lilliana that you won’t have me again?”

“Even if I didn’t have Lilly, it still wouldn’t be you,” he clarified more sternly.

Gemma sighed as if defeated.  “You’re an asshole and a motherfucking liar,” she murmured caustically.

“I never lied to you,” he half agreed.

“You dick, I hope that Lilliana bitch burns in…”

Tucker swiftly cut
Gemma off again. “Don’t,” he growled.

He was all for allowing her to grieve the loss of their relationship whatever way she felt necessary, but there was no way he was going to permit her to speak unkindly about Lilly.

Gemma summarily shut her mouth and her eyes rounded when she became the victim of Tucker’s icy glare.

Tucker shot her a penetrating look as he rose from his chair, signaling for her to leave.
“We. Are. Over.  And so is this conversation.” he declared with his lips set in a thin, hard line.

He had tried to remain civil but there was just no speaking rationally to
Gemma.  He never could and it was one of the many reasons he had let her go. She was not only unadventurous between the sheets, but she was catty, melodramatic, and disrespectful to him - qualities he detested.

Gemma
’s lower lip trembled as she returned his glare. She stood, slammed her hand on the table loudly causing several people to look their way before finally stomping off.

Tucker
gulped down the last of his beer when his phone chirped, reminding him of his unseen message and a new one. Giving in, Tucker checked it.

Lilliana: 4:18 PM: I know how you hate waiting, I’m sorry. I was busy with a work emergency. Bicuspids, molars and incisors… oh, my.

Lilliana: 7:03 PM: Are you alive and safe?

Tucker felt like a complete douche bag, but he couldn’t help smile at Lilliana’s attempt at a joke.

McG: 7:22 PM: Alive – check. Safe – check. Lonely – check. Can I see you tonight?

Tucker assumed approval but was disheartened by Lilliana’s
frosty reply.

Lilliana: 7:25 PM: I miss you, too, but not tonight.

What exactly was Lilliana trying to accomplish by keeping him waiting? Tucker’s blood began to boil. He wanted Lilly and he was sick of her games. He knew he fucked up. What more did she want, a written fucking apology?

McG: 7:26 PM: What’s the point of waiting?

Lilliana: 7:27 PM: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.

Tucker didn’t believe that line of bullshit – not for one fucking second. Tucker shot back. 

McG: 7:29 PM: Out of sight out of mind, I say.

He snorted, proud of his comeback but then reread the short conversation and kicked himself for the shitty remark.  She was most definitely not out of his mind nor would she be anytime soon; if ever.

Gemma was right, he was an asshole.

McG: 7:35 PM: Nix that last statement.

Lilliana: 7:37 PM: Just like that? Nix it and it goes away?

McG: 7:39 PM: Don’t be over-dramatic. They’re only words.

Lilliana: 7:40 PM: Words can hurt just as much as actions.

Tucker stared at her response for several minutes. She was right. He could remember his fath
er’s harsh words spoken to Mason about his homosexuality and how hurt his brother was. His father had tried to blow it off but the damage had already been done.

McG: 7:44 PM: You make me act a fool sometimes.

Lilliana 7:48 PM: Sometimes? Don’t blame me for your foolish actions. Own up to them. Good night.

He had fucked up yet again. He just couldn’t seem to win.

Tucker drove home, changed and tried to sleep. He was dead-tired but restless. Lying on his stomach, he pulled up an image of Lilly on his phone. Tucker wanted her mouth – to kiss and fuck and whatever else he could think of. He gawped at it, imaging it was wrapped around his dick.  He ground his cock into the bed trying to alleviate the throbbing but it was no use.

He was hoping Lilli
ana was a quick learner and had gotten better at deep throating. Shit, he was getting ahead of himself.  Lilliana was almost certainly still incensed about everything that had transpired the last two nights and he was a damned fool for thinking things would blow over so quickly.  He’d be lucky if he could even get her to agree to see him again let alone suck his dick.

Annoyed with the whole situation, he dressed in sweats and drove to her place and parked at the far end of her driveway again. Her contemplated walking the distance to her doorstep and kicking her door in and ravaging her, but her house was dark and knowing Lilliana, she’d probably knee him in the balls and kick his ass out for a stunt like that. Instead, Tucker reclined his seat back, opened up his sunroof and watched the stars until he drifted off.

He woke to a loud knock on the window. Opening his eyes and rolling down his window, Tucker was greeted to Lilliana standing in a robe and with a hot cup of coffee in her hands. The sun was just starting to come over the horizon with vibrant yellow, orange and pink hues highlighting the sky, and he had never seen a more stunning view than the one facing him.

Lilliana eyed the foggy frosted windows and asked, “What have you been doing out here?”

“Don’t think I didn’t think about it,” Tucker quipped, raising a suggestive eyebrow and motioning with his hand in a faux jerk-off gesture.

“You’re impossible. And a wreck,” Lilliana smiled, handing him the coffee mug.

“That’s an understatement,” Tucker countered, taking the coffee and sipping on it.

God damn, Lilly could make a mean cup of java.
It was always just the right temperature and never too hot. He didn’t know how she did it. Tucker smiled up at Lilliana gratefully, and she raised her eyebrows.

“Nice try.”

“What?” Tucker’s eyes narrowed with puzzlement.

“Your beautiful bicuspids aren’t going to get you out of hot water at this hour. How many nights are you going to sit out here in my driveway?” she asked, leaning into the window.

“As many as it takes until you stop being mulish and come back home.”

“Mulish, my ass. I am home, remember?”

“No, you’re not home until you’re under my roof, Lilly. I need you…”

Lilliana straightened up. “You don’t need anyone; you just don’t’ like being alone. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. I’m sure you’ll eventually put that necklace to good use. Now don’t be a weenie your whole life. Go home.”

Lilliana turned and jogged up the path back to her house, leaving Tucker gape-jawed and utterly appalled. She just had to bring up the fucking necklace, didn’t she? Like hell he didn’t need her. Did she really believe anyone else would satisfy his longing the way she did?

Tucker gulped down the hot coffee and drove out of her driveway with purpose. He would just have to prove that there was no one else for him.

Focused on what his goal was, Tucker’s day went quickly and he was glad for it. His phone remained message-less but it was well enough. He didn’t feel like debating the details of how badly he had screwed things up. Tucker left work an hour early to pick up the new item he had ordered for Lilliana and texted her.

McG: 5:36 PM: I’ll be at your place in exactly 25 minutes. Be ready. I won’t take no for an answer.

Tucker held onto his phone waiting for some kind of negative response but after several minutes of silence, he was contented knowing that Lilliana wasn’t going to put up a fight. The drive over was painfully slow. All the pent of nervous energy he had been suppressing throughout the day began to bubble over. Half-way to Lilliana’s place, Tucker pulled off to the side of the road and stepped out into the cool Connecticut breeze. He circled around his car several times, trying to control his rapid breathing.

Was he really going through with this? What other choice did he have? To be alone and without Lilliana? Lilliana had been right in
saying that he didn’t like being solitary, but she wrong to think it would be someone else if not her. He knew damned well there was no one else for him. She challenged everything about him and made him see things differently. She reminded him of where he came from and who he really was. Yes, he was going through with this, there was no other way.

Tucker took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, then climbed back into his car.

Pulling into Lilliana’s driveway exactly ten minutes later, she was waiting on the porch and Tucker exhaled a breath of relief. Lilliana was obstinate, but she never failed to heed his commands. When his car came to a full stop, Lilliana climbed in without saying a word.  Tucker watched her guardedly. They stared at each other for a long moment when Tucker reached over and squeezed her thigh. He just wanted to feel her and to remind her that she still belonged to him.

“My pet,” he whispered.

Lilliana blinked long and hard and turned her face to the window.  Her silence was killing him. She was still hurt and angry, and he hoped his heartfelt gift would make up for his having given her something that wasn’t sincere. He drove far too fast to his residence, but his nerves were frayed. Tucker had been anticipating seeing her all day and driving himself crazy wondering how she would react to his peace offering.

Once at his home, he led Lilliana inside and guided her to the long lounger in the living area and seated her. Sitting next to her and he brought out a large square box
from his pocket and tried to hand it to Lilliana but she summarily pushed it away.

“I don’t want any more of your gifts. All I ever wanted was you.”

Tucker was touched by her words. No one had ever just wanted
him.
“I told you I wasn’t taking no for an answer. Open it.”

Lilliana sat stubbornly with her hands in her lap, refusing to touch the box. Tucker sighed loudly and opened the box himself and held it up to her face. Lilliana kept trying to avert her eyes away from the white-gold, halo-looking necklace that seemed to have no beginning and no end, but she eventually gave in, her eyes inquisitive as she scanned the unusual looking choker with a D&O ring on the end.

“It’s called an Eternity Collar,” Tucker told her, his mouth dry and his words choked.

Lilliana’s eyes darted up to his. “Eternity?”

Tucker nodded decisively and leaned into her ear in a wistful gesture. “As in
forever
,” he whispered, unable to bring himself to say the terrifying word out loud.