This Love's Not for Sale (37 page)

Tucker didn’t know what to do or say. His mind was spinning out of control trying to
devise plans and lies and ways to get Lilliana to stay.
Lies.
They were what had gotten him into this whole mess and, still, he wanted to lie to keep her. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“And this damned collar!” Lilliana
suddenly shrieked out, tugging at the shiny metal around her neck. “Take this meaningless thing off of me!”

Again, Lilliana knew just the words to tear him apart. It wasn’t meaningless when he placed it around
her frail and beautiful neck; it really did mean
eternity
to him. Why hadn’t he just told her the truth before it came to this? God damn his pride.

“Take it off!” Lilliana yelled when Tucker sat motionless.

“I won’t,” he whispered.

Lilliana looked
horrified. “You
won’t?
”

“You heard me,” he declared obstinately.

“God damn you!” Lilliana screamed, pulling at the choker like an animal caught in a trap.

Tucker stood and tried to control her frenzied actions before she hurt herself or attempted to chew off her own leg. Lilliana grunted and twisted the collar around trying to find the opening. Tucker reached out and gripped her wrists in an attempt to calm her down
, just wanting to hold her and to soothe her pain.

“You’re being irrational. We can work this out.”

Lilliana pulled herself away with a choking cry, “I’ve haven’t thought this rationally since before I met you.  You’ve done nothing but cloud my judgment and mind fuck me since the minute you found out I owned that land!”

“Stop, pet, stop! I love…”

Lilliana reached up and slapped Tucker harshly across the face before he got the words out. “Don’t you dare say it!” Lilliana snarled.

Tucker was traumatized and stunned, his cheek hot and tingling. He had never been struck by a woman before and it hurt, not just physically but emotionally.
A sinking anguish overwhelmed him and caused him to stumble backwards toward the bed.

Lilliana gasped out at her own actions and looked mortified. Lilliana reached her hand ou
t and started crying again when Tucker backed away further.

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, her hand falling to her
side. “You win, Tucker McGrath,” she sighed heavily, her voice filled with dejection.

Tucker sank onto the bed. That’s all he had ever wanted to hear his entire life and now the words tore right through him, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. He didn’t want to win like this.
Not like this.

“I
don’t want the land,” he stammered out.

“If not you, then someone else. Is that what you really want - someone else to win, Tucker?”

Tucker was shaken. Would Lilliana really do such a thing? By the look in her eyes, he knew she would.

Lilliana let out a low tortured whimper.
“You once told me that you would ruin me. I should’ve run then, but instead I believed you. I believed
in
you.  I fell in love with you. You kept your word though didn’t you? You’ve ruined me and I’m just another notch on that belt you love to bind women with.  I’ll never get over what you’ve done to me. Never.”

Tucker stifled a sob, the knowledge of Lilliana’s admission twistin
g and turning inside of him. He loved her, too, with the kind of love that he had never experienced before. He needed her. His heart belonged to Lilliana and no one else would ever come close to providing him with the kind of stability and honesty that she had.

A suffocating sensation gripped his throat.
They could work things out if she would only listen. If she would only… Tucker sat quietly contemplating his next move, but he blinked and Lilliana was gone. His pet was really gone and he had no one to blame but himself.

Lilliana
lay in her darkened room, motionless. The endless night had finally grayed into dawn. She felt worthless as she lay there feeling sorry for herself. Having used all of her vacation time after her breakup with Tucker, she now had nothing in reserve for days when she felt like hiding inside her house. Luckily for her, she had a late start and didn’t have to be to work until 10:00.

She drug
herself out of bed and dressed mechanically. Reaching into a drawer to pull out a clean pair of panties, she was faced with Tucker’s boxers. She stared at the silk fabric and held back tears of disappointment. She must’ve forgotten he kept a few extra pairs in her dresser. Bringing them to her nose, she inhaled and Tucker’s scent caused a deep sob to rack her body. She dropped them and held onto the edge of the dresser for support.

Breakfast. That’s what she needed. Lilliana went into the kitchen and toasted some bread. It was all she could stomach. Seating herself at the table, the manila package that had arrived in the mail the
two weeks earlier caught her attention. It was the offer Tucker had sent her on her land. She slid it toward her and dug out the paper to read it over again. 5.25 million dollars for the whole shebang – land, water rights, and house. She could retire on that amount and travel the world like she had always wanted to do.  She reached for a nearby pen and traced her signature on the paper without retracting the pen. She had gone through the motion time and time again, trying to get up the courage to really go through with it. She clicked the pen in and out, and then laid it back down.

She took a deep breath and bit into the dry, unbuttered toast as her stomach rumbled loudly.
Five million dollars for her family’s legacy. It didn’t seem like near enough. Lilliana sulked out onto the porch and gazed at her land. It had cost her the love of her life and now the calico bushes that she adored so much only served as a reminder of what Tucker had done to her. A light snow had fallen the night before and the landscape took on a white ghostly appearance. The tinkle of Tucker’s chime whispered in her ear and she let out a pathetic moan. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, startling her.

McG: 8:40 AM: I stopped by your office. They told me you had a late start. We have business to discuss. Be there in ten minutes.

Lilliana’s mouth opened in dismay. She hadn’t seen or heard from Tucker in nearly six weeks. After multiple attempts at trying to get in touch with her, he finally seemed to give up.

Lilliana puckered her mouth and stuffed her phone back into her pocket. She would just have to leave before he showed up. Grabbing her coat and purse quickly, she ran to her car only to find the battery half-dead from the cold weather. Damn. She really missed the reliability of the Lexus sometimes.

She turned the engine over several times and pumped the gas pedal only to hear the whinny and whine of her classic vehicle’s battery’s demise. Allowing the battery to try and recharge, she waited a moment. Just as she turned her key and pumped the gas pedal again, there was a loud knock on her window. Lilliana gripped her steering wheel but didn’t dare look out the window.

“Lilly,” Tucker’s deep voice was muffled.

Lilliana ignored his voice and turned the key again only to be denied by the sound of rapid clicking. Of all days, why today?

“We need to talk, Lilly,” Tucker stated more adamantly.

Lilliana sat motionless, staring forward. Her car door opened and she reached over to pull it closed but Tucker was already kneeling next to her.

“Lilly, please. This is important or I wouldn’t have bothered you.”

Without saying a word, Lilliana unbuckled herself and got out of the vehicle. She moved towards the porch with Tucker close behind her. While she unlocked the front door, she felt his hand on her lower back and Lilliana spun around to glare at Tucker angrily. Who the hell did he think he was touching her?

“Don’t do that again,” she stated with a thin
ly veiled chill hanging on the edge of her words.

Tucker’s mouth twitched into a frown. Lilliana rapidly turned away, unable to bear the sight of his luminous eyes
hidden behind dark circles without breaking down.

When they stepped inside, Lilliana pointe
d toward the kitchen table and Tucker seated himself. The way he stretched out his long legs casually, Lilliana found it hard to concentrate as memories of their time together flooded her brain. Damn, he was beautiful.

Lilliana sat directly across from him and pushed her chin up and forced herself to me
et his eyes. “What is it?”

Tucker tapped the offer that was still lying on the table out in the open.

“This offer is expired. My new offer is four million.”

Tucker spoke so
heartlessly, Lilliana wondered how she ever could’ve loved him.

“It’s worth more than that,” Lilliana almost yelled.

“Okay. 3.75 million.” Tucker’s eyes and facial expression remained emotionless – no hate, no love, just cold and blank.

Lilliana stood and slammed her hand onto the table. “You vindictive piece of shit.”

Tucker winced and blinked several times. “3.5 million and you can keep the house and five acres. That’s my final offer.”

A flash of hurt, loneliness and anger stabbed at Lilliana’s heart. She reached out and slapped Tucker across his sculptured cheek bone and his to
ffee eyes blinked long and hard, but his penetrating gaze never left her.

“Take the offer, Lilliana,” he stated softly.

Lilliana slumped into the kitchen chair, defeated. Tucker’s expression was grim as he watched her.

Feeling totally miserable, Lilliana closed her eyes.
“I hate you.” She wasn’t sure if she had spoken the words aloud or just thought them.

“No
, you don’t. You hate yourself for falling for me. I know the feeling.”

Lilliana raised her eyes and what she saw staring back was no longer blank, but bleak
and sorrowful. So she had affected him after all. The effect of Tucker’s sad expression and words was shattering.

Tucker’s dark brows slanted in a frown.
“For what it’s worth, I still love you.”

“The only kind of love you know is for money and yourself,” Lilliana choked out, her gaze clouded with tears.

“You’re wrong, Lilly.”

Lilliana bowed her head and pointed towards the door. “Get out.”

Tucker stood reluctantly and walked toward the door. His movements were stiff and awkward. His steps slowed as he lingered in the doorway, taking a last long glance around the room and at the wind chime. “I’ll send the paperwork over immediately. Lilly… I…” he sighed heavily and shook his head. “Goodbye.”

***

Winter was turning out to be a cold and miserable time of year. Christmas was only a few weeks away and Lilliana was dreading spending the holiday alone. Dana had offered to take her down south to meet her family, but Lilliana passed on the kind offer. Ariel, too, had tried to coax her into spending the holiday weekend in New York with her, but the sound of bulldozers in the distance was too distracting. Lilliana’s nightmares were coming at an alarming rate and she was getting no sleep.

She started taking the side road to exit to the main highway to avoid seeing the activity that
was taking place on her land. Correction – on Tucker’s land. Lilliana bristled at the thought and she wondered if his mother was proud of her son’s accomplishments now; 100 acres in exchange for a broken and tortured heart.

Lilliana forced herself to dig out Margo’s Christmas decor
ations and was in the process of hanging a large handmade wreath on her front door when she heard a car coming up her drive. She turned to see a dark green VW Golf kicking up snow and dust before finally coming to a stop.

Li
lliana stepped off the landing as a cold gust of wind swept past her. When the car door swung open, Mason stepped out.

Lilliana’s stomach d
id a tumble but when she saw a smile spread across his face, she was immediately put at ease.

“Lilly! You look amazing!” Mason yelled through the loud wind.

He pulled her into his arms and his smell almost brought her to her knees. It was the same cologne as Tucker’s. He pulled back and Tucker’s eyes were staring down at her.

Lilliana gulped hard and bit back her tears.

“What is it, hon?” Mason asked, looking concerned.

“You look so much like Tucker. And your smell…”

“Oh, Lilly. I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine. Every now and then it hits me that we’re actually over, but, I really am fine,” Lilliana lied.

Mason lifted his brows and looked her over. “I’m supposed to believe that?”

Lilliana shrugged and led him inside the house.

“Why are you here, Mason?” Lilliana finally asked as she removed her coat.

He dug out a letter from his pocket and handed it over to Lilliana. It had the name of a company she wasn’t familiar with and she promptly opened. It was a check for just under $10,500.
Lilliana’s mouth dropped open. She didn’t remember signing up for any kind of mail lottery. Lilliana scanned the check for some kind of revealing information but could find nothing of importance.

She held the check out to Mason. “I don’t understand.”

“You know as much as I do. It was on Tucker’s desk with your name and address, and stamped. I thought I’d drop it off instead of you getting it by mail.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you and it seemed like a good excuse. Look, Lilly, I know what Tucker did to you – he told me everything and I’m not going to make any excuses for his actions. But… ah, hell, Lilly. Tucker’s a mess. He has been for awhile now. I kept thinking he would just get over you and move on like he did all the rest, but this time it’s different.”

Lilliana was at a loss for words. She shook her head and scanned the floor.

“I love my brother, Lilly. He’s a good man, albeit, tenacious and often times full of himself. He’ll never admit it, but he needs you. He’s torturing himself over what he did. Can’t you just go and talk to him? He’s hurting.”

Mason’s eyes begged for Lilliana to show sympathy and she was warmed at the sincerity in his actions. She
shuffled the check between her hands as all traces of resistance vanished. The check in her hands had served as an excuse for Mason to pay her a visit and now it could serve the same purpose for her to speak to Tucker. She needed an explanation about the check anyway. Mason’s kindness touched her and if not for any other reason, she would speak with Tucker on Mason’s behalf.

“Yes. I’ll talk to him.”

Mason let out a loud exaggerated sigh. “Thank you, Lilly.”

***

Tucker had his head buried deep in paperwork. He was severely lacking sleep and the upcoming holidays were wreaking havoc on his nerves. His caffeine intake had doubled in the last month and a half, and the jitters had started to become part of his daily routine.

Tucker looked around his desk frantically. Where the hell did that check for Lilliana go? He could’ve sworn he put right next to his calendar.  Tucker rested his elbows on his desk and fisted his hair. He couldn’t keep a thought straight in his fucking head anymore. Fucking Lilliana Norris and that God damned 112 acres.
He pushed the intercom button to ask Ariel if she had mailed the check already, but decided against it. Ariel and Lilliana had become very close in the last several months and he had already had more than enough of her nasty attitude because of what had gone down with Lilly.

Tucker pushed his chair back viol
ently away from his desk and stood. Staring out the window at the snow covered buildings, he smiled. He missed Lilliana, but took solace in the fact that she got to keep her land and make some money on it, as well. Sure, he was alone and miserable, but Lilliana would always have her family’s land.

“Tuck?”

Tucker leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He could still her voice soft and low as if she were in the room with him.

He felt a tug on the sleeve
of his jacket and he jerked his body around.

“Tuck?”

Lilliana really was in the room. Tucker’s mouth dropped open and his eyes quickly assessed her body. She was absolutely fucking perfect. Her hair had grown out by at least four inches and was over her ears in a short wind-blown bob with her bangs swept to the side. She was wearing a tight-fitting, cream colored sweater underneath a puffy pink winter coat and calf-high, shearling boots.

Tucker’s mouth became unbearably dry and he felt like he had been chewing on dust.
“I didn’t hear you come in.”

Lilliana
’s heart-shaped face had a healthy glow and she smiled shyly. Right on cue, Tucker’s cock twitched in response. Damn if that mouth didn’t get him every time.

“I just came to talk to you about this check I got today. I don’t understand what it’s for.”

Tucker hesitated, blinking with bewilderment. “How did you get that?”

“Mason brought it by.”

Mason. Of course. He had been eyeing it when he stopped by to visit. Tucker’s entire family was concerned about his well-being and had been calling incessantly to check up on him. He loved them for it, but it was getting damned aggravating.