Thou Shalt Not (4 page)

The rest of the school day went by without event, and I didn’t see April, even between classes. No banging on the wall, no cries for help.

I wasn’t used to a woman filling my thoughts like this. It had been a long time—years, in fact. Not since I was married, at the very least. I had done my best to avoid all things “romance” since then. Angry people don’t look for love. Angry people act out. And I had done my fair share of that. But feelings were something that I was used to not having anymore, or shutting down quickly. But, April was different. I don’t know why, but she was.

Shut up, Luke,
I told myself.
She’s married.

There was no way I was going to let myself get hurt again. Love brings pain, plain and simple. And I wasn’t looking to fall for anyone, especially a married woman I didn’t have a shot in hell with.

Fuck your feelings,
I told myself again.
It’s a stupid high school crush.

It usually only took a couple talks like that to settle me down and make me realize I was being a fool. But, as the last class of the day filed out, and she walked into my room once again, I realized it was going to take a hell of a lot more talks to convince myself this woman wasn’t something special. I found myself begging for Robin to come back and maybe I wouldn’t have to see April again.

“Well, how was it?” I asked. “You seemed to have made it through the day in one piece.” And what a piece it was.

Shut up, Luke.

“Yeah, I did. Day one, in the books.” She sighed. “Fifth period was a little rough after lunch, but all in all, I’d say it was a pretty successful day.”

“The after lunch classes are always the worst. No one wants to settle down. Too much sugar down there, plus today they had fresh brownies for sale.”

“Really? I’m sorry I missed that.”

I laughed. “I guarantee your lunch was better.”

There was a shift in her face when I said that, as if her features were screaming “Yeah, right” while her mouth said nothing. But then it was gone in a flash and her smile was back.

Maybe I was imagining things.

Stop trying to look for cracks that aren’t there. Don’t be a dumbass. You know nothing about this woman.

“We had Cuban food down by the stadium.”

Our school was about 10 minutes from the stadium for the professional baseball team, the Tampa Bay Rays.

“Oh nice!” I said, thinking the only Cuban food I had probably ever had was black beans and yellow rice. “You guys get down to the Rays games much?”

She shifted a little bit again. “Yeah. I mean, he’s there all the time. I go when I can get a babysitter. Dragging kids to the games isn’t my idea of a fun night.”

Married. With Children. This was turning into a complicated crush.

“How old are your kids?”

“We have two. Our daughter is 5, and our son is 2.”

“Probably not the right age yet to enjoy a baseball game,” I offered.

She laughed. “Exactly.”

“Well,” she said, which certainly signaled the day was over and she was leaving, “I’m going to head out. Thanks for your help today. I was a little nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a classroom.”

“I am sure you did just fine. I didn’t hear a single complaint. At least not from a kid I’d consider a reliable source.”

I actually winked when I said this. Who the fuck still winks? I certainly don’t. I can’t even remember the last time I did.
God, I am pathetic.

“Well, I promised them candy if they only said good things about me, so...”

She was quick. I liked that. A lot.

I was watching her bottom lip again.

“Have a good night, Luke. Thanks again.”

“You too
.
I will see you in the morning.”

I went home and sat on the couch in my apartment. I replayed everything. It really was pathetic. I’m not generally a creepy-ass flirt who targets married women. But, apparently now I wink, so who the hell knows what’s happening.

God, I needed to pull it together tomorrow.

My phone vibrated.

It was a text from Holly. I haven’t heard from Holly much lately. She’s been my off and on “FWB” for the last couple of years. Lately, we had been very much off.

Hey
, it said.
What r u up to tonight?

Holly had started seeing someone about six months before, so hearing from her once every few months had become the norm.

Was thinking about going to the Rays game,
I replied.

Don’t. Let’s do something.

Where’s your man?

I don’t want to talk about him.

That doesn’t sound good.

She ignored probing questions, was really good at it. I had known this about her for a while. She would date guys, but when they made her mad or did something she didn’t like, she would text me, Always. And wouldn’t want to talk about it. It was the norm in our relationship.

Let’s go get food or something.

Okay. 7?

Sure. Pick me up.

I picked her up and we went to a local wing house, the kind of place where the waitresses dressed in as little clothing as legally allowable without being considered a strip joint. I wasn’t fond of the food there, wasn’t particularly fond of wings anywhere, to be truthful. In fact, it was the sort of place we as Lakefront staff members were advised not to go. We weren’t expressly forbidden, but I imagine if I had ever been spotted there I would have a lot of explaining to do. Of course, FWB probably weren’t condoned by the school either, so skirting the rules wasn’t something I was unfamiliar with. Holly loved the place though and went there all the time. It amazed me how a woman could eat as much as she did, most of it being straight junk food, and still have the body that she had. I wasn’t complaining, but I could never figure it out. And it was kind of hot.

Holly and I had dated when we first met. We ran into each other at the gym one early Monday morning, got to talking, and made a habit of running into each other for a few weeks after that. I asked her out, and pretty soon we were an item. But, we really didn’t have anything in common, and a relationship wasn’t something I wanted to jump back into after having been married. We had ridiculously good sex though, so we basically said, “Hey, we aren’t compatible anywhere else other than the bedroom. Let’s keep that, be friends, and ditch the rest.” So we did.

She liked dating, so when she was seeing other people I
wouldn’t hear from her. I told her when she was dating people, we were absolutely not going to be sleeping together, and she agreed. That didn’t work. But we sure as hell tried.

Holly ordered her usual basket of wings and fries, with a beer to chase them. I ordered the one thing on the menu I could generally stomach without regretting life the next day, the pulled pork sandwich. I’m a big barbeque fan, and it wasn’t the worst thing I had ever had.

“So, what’s going on with Kyle?” I asked, taking a drink of my water that tasted like it may or may not have been taken directly from a mop bucket.

“I told you, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, I’m asking you anyway. You went MIA. I gathered things were going well.”

“He’s an asshole, okay? And he’s kind of a whiny baby.” She took a swig a beer. “And a major momma’s boy.”

“He does still live at home, Holly. What did you expect?”

“Shut up.” She threw a fry at me and missed, even though I was right across the table from her. The Rays game was on all the TVs in the background, and it looked like Holly was throwing about as well as their pitchers.

“What about you?” she asked. “Any potential Mrs. Harpers on the horizon?”

“No. No. Not even a glimmer of one.” I said, picturing April in my mind, as I had been the entire drive to the restaurant and throughout the meal. Part of my deciding so quickly to have dinner with Holly consisted of the possibility that we may end up back at my place in bed, which hopefully would take the married substitute teacher out of my head.

“Luke,” she said, putting her mug down. She stopped everything actually, and looked intently at me. “You know, eventually you are going to have to settle down again, find someone new to love. You can’t keep pushing the possibility of it away forever because of what happened. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but it’s true. You are a great looking guy—you’re smart, funny, and pretty damn good in bed. Someone special is looking for you, and you’ll be too blind to see her.”

Normally, when a girl would say something as kind as this to anyone, I would automatically assume they were referring to themselves as the “someone special.” But, I knew this wasn’t the case with Holly. A few years of being the only constants in each other’s life had brought us a strange kind of closeness, but not one that could ever be romantic.

“I appreciate your concern, really,” I said. It was annoying, but I knew it came from a good place. “Someday I will find someone. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I mean, look at you
.
”

“Well, at least I am actually looking. I’m the only person you’ve asked out since you were married.”

Part of that was right. I’d slept with many, asked out few.

“Yeah, and look where that got me!”

More fry throwing.

We got the check, and the damage was minimal. We walked out of the restaurant, and the rest of the patrons bitched and wailed loudly about the baseball game that apparently the Rays were finding a way to screw up once again.

I loved baseball, had played it my whole life. But, it was hard to get behind the local team, and I often found myself going to the games hoping they would lose. Thankfully, they usually obliged.

“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked, starting up the car. I wasn’t sure how she wanted this night to end, but if I were honest I would have asked her to come back with me. I needed to get April out of my head.

“What do you want?”

“I’m asking you that. You’re in a relationship.”

Occasionally I felt guilt over our situation, especially when she was seeing someone. The whole friends with benefits thing wasn’t even something I would have ever seen myself doing. I grew up believing in not having sex before marriage and not straying outside of the boundaries of marriage or relationships with anyone. And so I had waited until I was married to have sex. And now look where I am eight years later. Alone, and part time fucking a girl who can’t stay in a relationship for more than a few months. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

“Did you throw out my toothbrush or is it still at your place?”

“Everything is exactly where you left it last time.”

“Okay then. Let’s go.”

The next morning I woke up and got quietly out of bed, trying my best not to wake her. She was a light sleeper, and
would stir awake if I shuffled my feet on the carpet too loudly. But, she was curled up on the right side of my bed, facing the wall, in a deeper sleep than normal. The blanket was tangled up around her legs, which gave me a nice look at an ass that could probably win awards if they gave them away for that sort of thing. I trailed my finger up her spine and kissed her on the shoulder.

I put together my bag of clothes so I could shower once I got to the school. My thoughts immediately turned away from Holly’s beautiful backside to April. My hands started to get clammy again just thinking about her. I felt the urge to make sure I looked and smelled particularly good that morning, so I packed my favorite tie (pink with large white polka dots) and the cologne that always made Holly jump me. The tie got me compliments from everyone, male and female, no matter where I went, and the cologne often did the same. I usually only wore it for special occasions, but Wednesday at Lakefront was now a special occasion.

I stopped. What was I thinking? She was happily married, meeting her husband for lunch. I would probably just see her for a few more days and then never see her again.

I decided there was nothing wrong with wanting to look and smell nice at work that day. I had to let kids like Landry know that personal hygiene was important. I got to my classroom and there was no sign of April next door. The lights were out, and I breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief and sadness. I was nervous of how I would react when I saw her, so I was thankful I’d have another few moments to compose myself, but I also really wanted to see her again. I was trying to talk myself into the fact that maybe I thought so highly of her because she was the first new woman to enter my life in a while. Maybe, now that the initial “crush” wave was perhaps over, I’d be able to actually realize that she wasn’t all my mind was cracking her up to be.

As I was sitting at my desk, absently thumbing through papers, the door opened. My brain and my heart both froze for a moment, and I looked up. Only, it wasn’t April. It was Principal West. Once again, a sigh of relief and sadness.

“Good morning, sir.”

“Hey
Luke,”
he said, grabbing a chair in front of my desk and sitting down.

“What can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to check in and see how things went yesterday with Mrs. Batista. I talked to her briefly yesterday afternoon, and she seemed to think everything went pretty well.”