Thoughtless (13 page)

Reaching out for his hand, I smiled a half-grin as he took it and interlaced our fingers. “You’re just a big softy, aren’t you?” He looked around discreetly. ”Shhh, don’t tell anyone.” Then he grinned and laughed. Looking down on me he said, “Do you want me to win you another one?”

Thinking that no toy could replace the sweet memory that had just im-printed on my brain, I smiled and shook my head. “No, I’m fine.” He
93

smiled sweetly at me and then led me back to where we had left the guys.

When it started getting dark, and I could barely keep walking I was so exhausted, we headed back to the car. Deciding I was not going to put up with Griffin again, I crawled into the middle of the front seat, between Kellan and Evan. I couldn’t help but smile as Griffin pouted in the back seat.

The rocking of the car was slowly pulling my body towards sleep, and I laid my head on Kellan’s shoulder. A full day of holding hands and having his arms around me had made me feel really comfortable around him. And it was oddly appealing to me to touch him. I was nearly asleep when I felt the car stop and heard the doors open. I wanted to open my eyes and say goodnight to the guys, I just couldn’t get my body to respond.

“Hey, Kellan, we’re gonna stay at Pete’s. You comin’?” I couldn’t tell which one had asked it…maybe Evan.

I felt Kellan move a little, like he had looked down at me, nearly asleep on his shoulder. “No, I’ll pass tonight. I think I’ll get her to bed.” There was a long pause from the still open door. “Be careful, Kellan.

You don’t need another Joey and…Denny is a friend, man.” I wanted to say something to that, my irritation tried to rise, but my tired brain couldn’t focus long enough to be able to respond.

An even longer pause came from Kellan. “Evan, it’s not like that. I wouldn’t…” He didn’t finish that thought, and I was really curious where it had been going. “Don’t worry. Yeah, maybe I’ll drop in later.”

“Alright, see ya.” The door closed softly.

Kellan sighed deeply and then drove the car out of the parking lot. I faded in and out of consciousness as we drove home. I really wanted to lie down in his lap, but thought that might be pushing the limits of our friendship. Feeling like we had only driven for a few seconds, the car stopped again.

94

He waited in the dark, silent car for a moment, and I could feel his eyes on me. I wondered if I should get up now and go inside, so he could leave for Pete’s, but I was really curious as to what he would do, and honestly, quite relaxed. The silence grew while we sat in the car. It started to make my heart beat faster, which started to make me uncomfortable, so I yawned and stretched a little.

I lifted my head to find his beautiful blue eyes watching me. “Hey, sleepy,” he whispered. “I was beginning to think I’d have to carry you.”

“Oh…sorry.” I blushed at the thought.

He laughed a little. “It’s alright. I wouldn’t have minded.” He paused for a second. “Did you have fun?”

I thought back over the day and realized that I had. “Yes, a lot. Thank you for inviting me.”

He half-smiled and looked away, almost shyly. “You’re welcome.”

“Sorry you had to hang back with me and miss all the moshing,” I laughed.

He laughed once and then looked back over at me. “Don’t be. I’d rather hold a beautiful girl than be all bruised tomorrow.” He smiled, looking a little embarrassed. I blushed and looked down. Someone as good-looking as him calling
me
beautiful, was beyond ridiculous, but, sweet anyway. “Well, come on. I’ll get you inside.” I shook my head at him. “No, you don’t have to do that. I can manage.

You can go on to Pete’s.”

He looked over at me, suddenly alarmed. I realized then, that he’d assumed I was sleeping through that whole conversation with Evan. I tried to cover with, “I’m guessing that’s where the other D-Bags went off to?” He visibly relaxed. “Yeah, I don’t have to go though. I mean, if you don’t want to be alone. We could order pizza, watch a movie or something.”

95

Suddenly starving, that sounded like a great idea. My stomach noisily agreed. I laughed, slightly embarrassed. “Okay, apparently my stomach votes for option two.”

“All right then.” He smiled.

We ordered our large, pepperoni pizza and ate it standing in the kitchen, laughing over some of the absurdly goofy things Griffin and the guys had done throughout the day. Afterwards, I snuggled up on the chair while he sprawled across the couch and turned on ‘The Princess Bride’. I vaguely remembered the little boy talking to his grandfather, before I was sound asleep. I woke up when Kellan laid me down on my bed and started pulling the covers over me.

“Kellan…” I whispered.

His hands stopped moving. “Yeah?”

I looked over to what little of him I could see in the darkness. “We forgot the Space Needle.”

He smiled at me and finished tucking me in. “Next time.” When he was done he paused, still leaning over me. His eyes were unreadable in the darkness, but, weirdly enough, he was giving me butterflies, looking at me like he was. After another second, he smiled, then whispered good night and left. My stomach settling, I smiled at remembering the day and how, for almost the entirety of it, I hadn’t missed Denny…too much.

96

6

Chapter

Coming Together, Breaking Apart

After that day, I was more aware of Kellan. I couldn’t help but notice how sweet he was. His cute little nods “hello” when he entered the bar, how he would look at me and smile sometimes when he sang, how we chatted every morning over our coffees, how much I loved it when he would sing just for me at home. Every day I felt closer to him, which delighted me and worried me. But, wrong as it may be, noticing him distracted me from missing Denny. I still craved his phone calls, but if we went a day or two without one, I could satisfy my loneliness by spending time with Kellan. Kellan never seemed to mind me hanging around him. In fact, he seemed to encourage it.

We continued our friendly flirting that had started at Bumbershoot.

On nice days, we would sit outside in his backyard and lay down on the grass to read and enjoy the sunshine. He would usually take his shirt off to sunbathe and lying close beside him, my heartbeat usually spiked a bit. He would eventually fall asleep and I’d roll on my side to watch his perfect face in slumber. Once, when I’d been doing that, he hadn’t been asleep yet, and he’d smiled and cracked an eye open, making me blush furiously and roll onto my stomach to hide my head while he softly laughed at me.

On nights that I had off, he would sometimes come back home after rehearsal instead of going to Pete’s with the guys, and we’d have dinner together and then snuggle close to watch a movie. Sometimes he’d put his arm around me and lightly rub mine with his fingertips. Sometimes he would hold my hand, playing with my fingers and smiling that amazingly sexy half-smile.

We’d sit together and cuddle on the couch, reading or watching TV before work, on the nights I did have to go in. He would always let me
97

relax into him and put my head on his shoulder. Once, when I’d been exhausted after a sleepless night of missing Denny, we’d snuggled on the couch and he’d pulled me gently down, to rest my head on his lap. I had fallen asleep that way, turned slightly into him, with his arm over me protectively and his other hand running through my hair. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew it was probably more than Denny would be okay with, but it was comforting, it was nice. It concerned me a little, how much I enjoyed being close to him…and yet, I couldn’t seem to stop doing it.

One weeknight, someone put a particularly dancey song on the jukebox and Griffin (proudly wearing his Douchebags t-shirt) felt the need to grab every available girl, at every nearby table and pull her to the dance floor. Of course, they all went willingly. But then he spotted me and started moving suggestively in my direction. Not relishing his roaming hands anywhere near my body, I put my hands out in front of me and started backing up. Evan laughed and grabbed Jenny for a quick dip, making her giggle. Matt sat on the table, chuckling at everyone.

Griffin was almost within my reach, when I was suddenly pulled away and twirled a few times on the floor. Laughing at Griffin’s disappointed face, Kellan spun me a few more times to the other side of the room. I smiled at him as he twirled me out and, kissing my hand, released me. Within seconds he was surrounded by a half-dozen women wanting to dance with their rock-god. He spent the remainder of the night dancing rather sexily with a rotating group of females. He moved effortlessly to the music and was exceedingly enticing to watch. I found my eyes roaming to him more than a few times during my shift.

I was still thinking of Kellan’s body moving to the music when I opened our front door after work. I was greeted by a ringing phone.

Smiling, and thinking it could only be Denny calling me this late at night, I received a small shock when I recognized the voice on the other line.

“Hey, sis”

“Anna! Long time no hear…what are you up too? Why are you calling so late?”

98

“Well, I received your care package today…” I had sent my parents and Anna some pictures of the city - my school, the bar and a picture of Kellan, Denny and me. “Oh my god…who is the hottie and why didn’t you tell me about him the minute you got there?” I should have realized earlier that Kellan would pique my sister’s interest. “That’s my roommate, Kellan.”

“Damn! Now I’m coming to visit for sure.”

My sister and Kellan in the same room together, now that would be interesting. I suddenly did not want my sister anywhere near him. “Well, now really isn’t…wait, what about Phil?”

“Pfffttt….Phil, please. Compared with your hottie roommate? Sorry, no contest.” Mom had told me that Anna had known Phil for a whole two weeks before moving in with him…apparently the honeymoon was over.

“Well, now really isn’t a good time. School’s about to start and Denny’s still away…”

“Denny’s gone?”

“Geeze, Anna, don’t you ever talk to Mom and Dad?” I sighed, not really wanting to have that conversation with another family member.

“Not if I can help it…what happened?”

“It’s a work thing…he had to go to Tucson for awhile.” An “awhile” that was feeling like an eternity, and he hadn’t called again today…

“Ahhh, so he’s traipsing about the desert and he left you home alone with hot-bod?” I could hear the smirk through the phone line.

“God, Anna…it’s not like that.” I sighed. We were a little more…friendly with each other than before, but it most definitely, was not what my sister was thinking.

She laughed. “So, fill me in…it was Kellan, right? What’s he like?”
99

“He’s, well…” How did one sum up Kellan? “He’s…nice.” I glanced upstairs hoping that “he” was also asleep. He had ducked out of Pete’s a few hours ago, after yawning three times in a row while talking to Jenny.

I guess being an early bird and a night owl eventually catches up with you.

“Oh god…he’s gay, isn’t he? All the really hot ones are.” She sighed, rather dramatically.

I laughed. No, from all I’d seen and heard so far, Kellan was most definitely straight. “No, I’m pretty sure he’s not.”

“Good! So when can I come up?” Her voice brightened at the prospect.

Mentally I sighed. She wasn’t going to let this one go. “Okay, how about during winter break? We could all go clubbing or something?” I guess the image of Kellan dancing was still in my head. It
was
a good activity for all of us to go do though.

“Ohhh…I love that. All hot and sweaty on the dance floor with him.

Of course, I could rip off his shirt, just to help him out, you know. Then later, we could snuggle in his bed to keep warm during the long, hard winter night.”

“Jesus, Anna! I do have to live with the guy.” I really didn’t like the picture she had just put in my head. Mentally laughing, a different version came to mind. “You know, if you think he’s hot, you should see his friend Griffin.”

“Reeeally?”

“Oh yeah!”

I spent the remainder of our conversation convincing her of Griffin’s many virtues. I have never lied so much in my life.

The next afternoon, Denny finally called me after a two day absence. I felt like I hadn’t talked to him,
really
talked to him in forever. I ached to actually see him, hold him. The conversation was brief, he seemed
100

distracted - like the call was an obligation, and not something he really wanted to be doing. He excused himself a few minutes into the conversation, saying he was getting called away for a meeting. Ice flooded my stomach and my heart sank as I said goodbye and hung up the phone. I stared at it for twenty minutes, wondering if he would call back…wondering why he was talking to me less and less.

Later that same night, I woke up in a panic, heart fluttering wildly. I had been having a nightmare, I was sure of it. I couldn’t remember the dream, just the underlying terror behind it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, and I had no idea why. I sat up in bed and clutched my knees, trying to stabilize my breathing and my heart rate. I didn’t want to close my eyes again. I looked around the darkened room, trying to get a bearing on what was real. Dresser, TV, nightstand, Denny’s empty side of the bed…yep, all real, painfully real.

I had an overwhelming urge to talk to Denny. I wasn’t sure, but I felt like my dream had been about him. I wondered if it was too late to call his hotel room. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the clock

- 3:30. Ugh, that was too late to call, too early to wake him up. I’d have to wait a few more hours and see if I could catch him before work.

Oddly, I could hear sounds coming from downstairs and the television, flicking between channels. Thinking Kellan was awake and maybe I could talk to him instead, I got up and made my way down the stairs. Rounding the corner, the living room coming into view, I wanted to turn around and head right back to my room, but it was too late.

“Kiera! Hey, sex kitty! Griffin was standing in the living room sipping a beer, TV remote in hand. “Nice PJs.” He winked at me and I blushed deeply.