Thoughtless (15 page)

When the band played the song it was fast, but he was singing it slowly and softly, turning it into a ballad…it was beautiful.

108

I stopped a few steps into the kitchen and leaned against the counter to listen to him. He looked over at me, still singing, and smiled wider.

Maybe he noticed my melancholy, maybe he just knew me well enough now, to know that I wasn’t looking forward to today, or maybe he was just bored. For whatever reason, he reached out to me, and grabbing my hand, pulled me to him. I gasped in surprise then laughed as he put his other hand around my waist and started slow dancing with me.

He started singing the song louder and exaggerated our movements, eventually spinning me away from him then back to him. He playfully dipped me and I laughed again, my anxiety over today momentarily forgotten. He straightened me and slipped both arms around my waist. I sighed happily and slipped my arms around his neck, listening to the beautiful song he was softly singing again.

Abruptly, he stopped singing and gazed at me. I realized I had started running my hands through the back of his hair, twirling it around my fingers. It was incredibly pleasant, but I forcefully pulled my hands down and rested them on his shoulders.

Still holding me, he quietly said, “I know you’d rather have Denny here…” I stiffened fractionally at the mention of Denny’s name, “but, could I take you to school on your first day?” He smiled sweetly at the end.

My heart sped a little, at his attractiveness and our closeness. Trying to look unaffected by him, I muttered, “I guess you’ll do.” He laughed and squeezed me once before letting me go. “That’s not something I’m used to women saying,” he muttered, as he grabbed a mug for me from the cupboard.

Thinking I offended him, I quickly blurted out, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

He laughed again and looked over at me while he poured my coffee.

“I’m just kidding, Kiera.” He watched the coffee filling in my cup. “Well, kind of.” He chuckled.

109

I blushed. “Oh…um…thank you…yes.” I stumbled over my words and he chuckled again.

I anxiously got dressed for school and spent an inordinately long time brushing my hair and putting on my makeup. Not that I looked any better for all the effort, but it made me feel a little more put together and, hopefully, that would help me get through all the embarrassing introductions today. Maybe I’d just hide quietly in the back this week, until I got more comfortable in my classes.

I grabbed my bag, tossing my required books, tons of pencils and a couple notepads inside. Today was just one class (which I was grateful for), Microeconomics. I frowned as I thought of the class…that one would be Denny’s favorite to talk about. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be able to get him to shut up about it. I smiled. Maybe he’d call later and we could discuss it for hours…anything to hear his voice.

I came down when it was close enough to leave, and Kellan smiled softly when he saw me from the couch. “Ready?” I sighed unhappily as he walked over to me. “No.” He grabbed my hand and smiling crookedly, in a way that made me nervous for a completely different reason, led me to the door. We drove there in silence while my stomach unnecessarily churned. Really, this wasn’t that big of a deal, I kept repeating to my body…it refused to listen though.

Kellan’s house was close to the University, so the drive didn’t take long. Before I knew it, he was pulling into a parking space. My heart beat was irrationally fast. I must have looked pale…or ill…when Kellan parked the car. He looked over at me, concerned, and then opened his door and got out. Confused, I watched him walk over to me and open my door.

I smirked at him. “I think I can handle that.” I nodded at the door as I stood up.

110

He chuckled and grabbed my hand again. Loving the comforting warmth, I squeezed it tightly and he smiled warmly at me. “Come on.” He indicated the intimidating brick building where my class was.

We started walking towards it, as I looked up at him curiously. “And where are you going?”

He chuckled again as he looked down at me. “I’m walking you to class…obviously.”

I rolled my eyes, feeling stupid that he felt the need to. Really, I could handle this… embarrassment. “You don’t have to do that. I can manage.”

He squeezed my hand encouragingly. “Maybe I want to.” I looked away as we approached the building and he held the door open for me.

“It’s not like my mornings are earth-shatteringly busy or anything. I’d probably just be napping.” He grinned wryly at me as I looked back at him and laughed.

“Why do you get up so early then?”

He laughed too as we walked down the hall - more than a few women were watching this model-worthy man walk past them. “It’s not by choice…trust me. I would rather sleep-in, then function on four or five hours a night.”

“Oh…you
should
go home and nap then,” I said, as we approached my classroom.

“I will.” He smiled as he opened the classroom door and I wondered if he was going to walk me to my seat too. He seemed to notice my odd look and grinned. “Would you like me to walk you in?” Releasing his hand, I pushed him back a smidge. “No,” I said playfully. Walking with him did help. I was a little more relaxed. Tilting my head to the side, I watched him thoughtfully at the door for a moment.

“Thank you, Kellan.” I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

He looked down and glanced up at me from under his eyebrows, a small smile curving his lips. “You’re welcome. I’ll pick you up later.”
111

I started to protest, “You don’t have to…“ He cut me off with a wry look and I closed my mouth and smiled. “Fine…I’ll see you later.” His eyes roamed the room once before returning to me. “Have fun.” Then he turned and left, and I couldn’t help but watch his backside leave for a few moments. Unfortunately, he looked back and caught me watching him, again. He smiled and waved, but I blushed horribly, feeling moronic.

Seriously, sometimes his looks were just too much. As I fully entered the room, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way about Kellan. Most of the girls nearby were still watching the door, maybe wondering if he would return and join the class. Some of the girls were giggling and chatting with each other, pointing down the hallway, others were pointing at me. If I wasn’t already blushing from being caught ogling Kellan, I would have blushed at their attention. One unfortunate side effect of hanging around him, it made people wonder about me when he was gone. So much for being a wall-flower in the back of the room. I hurriedly walked past the group as a couple of them were eyeing me, like they were going to ask me to join them…most likely to gossip about Kellan. I wasn’t in the mood for awkward small talk with people I didn’t know, so I found a seat near the back with only a couple of people around. A few women watched where I went, but none of them followed me.

The class was absorbing and before I knew it, it was also over. I smiled at how pleasant the experience had been and how I really hadn’t needed to worry at all. I was good at school. My sister always told me that I was book-smart, not street-smart. I wasn’t quite sure if that was an insult or not, but she was right, I was much better at dealing with assignments and tests, than people. I wasn’t sure what career options that left me with. I was still debating a major, but I was leaning towards English.

Again, I wasn’t sure what career options that left me. Sometimes I was jealous of how certain Denny was of his life. He had always known what he wanted to do, and he went out and did it. I still had no clue.

True to his word, Kellan was waiting for me outside the door. I smiled when I saw him, even though the attention wasn’t necessary. He grabbed my hand as I walked over to him. A couple of the women that
112

had noticed him earlier were exiting the classroom as he glanced at the door. He smiled crookedly at them and they actually giggled. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at his unending flirtatiousness.

“Come on, Casanova,” I muttered, pulling him away from the still giggling girls.

He frowned then laughed. “How was class?”

“Wonderful!” He shook his head at my enthusiasm. Apparently he wouldn’t find a lecture on economics as interesting as I did. I smiled at the thought of him sitting through the class, bored stiff. “So…did you nap?”

He grinned and nodded. “Yeah, a good hour. I’m solid ‘til three.” I shook my head at him. “How do you do that?” He laughed as we exited the building. “It’s a gift…it’s a curse.” He drove me to and from school for the rest of the week, which was unnecessary, since Denny had left his beloved Honda for me, but nice, since I hated driving a stick. We chatted and laughed easily. He asked about all of my classes and what I liked the best and least about each one. He insisted on walking me to my first class every morning, which was also unnecessary, but sweet. The girls would quiet at his approach and watch him, practically with drool on their chins, as he said goodbye to me every morning. And he, of course, was only too aware of their attention and would oblige them with a wink or two. He would wait for me outside of class or in the parking lot after school, once with an espresso, making me gleefully happy.

Kellan made that first week of school a pleasant transition for me, when I had been expecting the worst. I was exceedingly grateful to him for that. In fact, there was only one thing that whole week that did not make me happy…and it was kind of a big one. Denny.

By that weekend, my irritation at him had grown exponentially. When he’d first left, he had called me every day. Then slowly, it had turned to every couple of days. But this week, I hadn’t heard from him in five days
113

– nothing! The last conversation we’d had was the day before my school started. I really thought he would call to see how it went, but he hadn’t. I left messages at his hotel, but he was rarely ever there, his new job kept him so busy. So late Sunday night, after throwing on my pajamas and getting all ready for bed, I decided to try calling him one last time. When I finally got through to him in his room, I was ecstatic…at first.

“Hey, babe.” His familiar warm accent filled my heart, but he did sound very tired.

“Hey! You okay, you sound exhausted. I could call back tomorrow?” I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn’t ask me to do that. I leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed my fingers.

“No, I’m glad you called. I need to talk to you.” I suddenly wished he had asked me to call him back. Panicky ice filled my stomach.

“Oh?” I tried to keep my voice casual. “About what?” He paused and my heart unexpectedly started pounding. “I did something. I don’t think you’re going to like it.” My mind instantly went through a horrible list of things that he could have possibly done that I wouldn’t like. My thoughts flew once again to Kellan, and what could have happened while watching that stupid movie that Denny would not have liked. My throat tightened, but I managed to squeak out, “What?”

He paused for a long time and I suddenly wanted to scream at him to just tell me already! “Tuesday night, after work…” He paused again and my panicked mind started filling out my worst nightmare. “Mark offered me a permanent job here…”

Relief washed through me; my mind had come up with something much more horrifying. “Oh, Denny, you scared-” He cut me off. “I took it.”

114

My mind seemed sluggish. It took me a second to comprehend what that meant. When I did, my breath stopped. “You’re not coming back…are you?”

“It’s an offer of a lifetime, Kiera. They don’t offer lead positions to interns - ever.” Denny’s voice quavered on the phone. This was a hard thing for him to say, he so hated doing anything that might cause me pain. “Please, try and understand.”

“Understand? I left everything to come here for you! Now you’re going to leave me here?” Tears were starting to well up in my eyes, but I swallowed them back. Now was not the time to lose it.

“It’s just for two years…when your schooling is finished, you can come join me here,” he begged. “We’ll be back together soon. You’ll love it here too.”

My heart sank farther. Two years? A few weeks without him had been brutal, how would I ever make it through two long years…longer than we had even been together?

“No, Denny.”

He didn’t respond to that right away, the silence was deafening.

“What do you mean?”

“No! I want you to come back! Stay with me, take another job. You’re brilliant, you’ll find something!” Now I was begging him.

“This is what I want, Kiera…” he whispered.

“More than me?” I knew it wasn’t a fair question the moment it left my lips, but rage was building inside me.

“Kiera…” He said my name brokenly. “You know that’s not it…”

“Really!” My anger was truly flaring now. “It sure feels like you’re choosing your job over me, like you’re leaving me.” Some tiny part of my brain wanted to stop this horrid conversation, stop hurting him, but I just couldn’t.

115

“Baby, it’s just two years. I can visit every chance I get…” he tried again feebly, his accent thick with emotion.

My mind fumed. Two years…two freaking years! Without thinking, he had accepted a career in a city thousands of miles away, without even bothering to talk to me about it first and then he had sat on that information for days! I was stuck here in Seattle. My parents had been lenient, sort of, about the transfer, mainly because of the scholarship. They wouldn’t let me transfer to yet another school in yet another state! They wouldn’t pay for it anyway, and I couldn’t afford two years of school on my own. The scholarship that I had won was
my
once in a lifetime. I didn’t see fate lining up for me like that again.

I was stuck here until school ended…and he knew that.

He knew that! In my rage, my mind leapt to the first likeliest conclusion - he wanted me to stay. He wanted us to be apart. He wanted to leave me. He was breaking up with me. Fire burned in my belly. Well, I wasn’t about to let him do it first.

“Don’t bother, Denny! You’ve made your choice! I hope you enjoy your job!” I stressed the word harshly. “I’m staying here and you’re staying there. We’re done…goodbye.”