Three Cans of Soup (4 page)

Judy took a deep breath and smiled. It was Rick who spoke next. ldquo;We have talked about it and we want to join your church. We know you have not pressured us and we really appreciate that.”

Bill was obviously pleased. “We would love to have you join the church.”

Rick continued, “Well, we used to be pretty faithful members at a church here in town. There were things we could not agree with, but the real break came with the judgmental attitude so many there showed toward us.” Rick looked over at Judy, hesitating for a moment and then continuing with some anger in his voice.

“My brother is gay. We love him very much and we and the family have accepted him as he is. A few years ago he was diagnosed with HIV. We were pretty active in the church, Judy worked with the worship committee and I served on the property committee. But when we told some people about my brother, we got a visit from the minister and an elder who told us that being gay was sinful and that AIDS was God’s punishment. I was so mad I actually ordered the pastor to leave our house and to never come back. We never went back and never heard from anyone in the church!”

Bill looked at them with compassion. “I am so sorry about your brother. Please know that I do not believe that being gay is sin. I think it is just how some of us have been created. How is your brother doing?”

Rick began to choke up. Judy intervened. “He died a year ago.”

“I am so sorry for both of you and especially for you, Rick. You have lost so much. Please know that I believe that your brother, what is his name. . ..”

“Charles, but we called him Chuck,” Rick replied.

“Please know that Benjamin and Chuck are with God. I am so sorry for both of you.”

They hugged. Rick for the first time felt some of his anger disappearing. Bill found some of his anger disappearing as well. That was, until the next country club lunch.

The meetings with Benny were irritating Bill more and more. It was for this reason that he decided to make contact with the former minister, Rev. Elliott.

Rev. Elliott was serving a congregation south of Kansas City, so the two pastors decided to meet at a coffee shop in the Plaza. It was cold with a hint of snow falling as Bill entered the Barnes and Noble bookstore and walked up to the upper level to the coffee shop. Bill did not really know Rev. Elliott, but had met him a few times at conventions and meetings. Rev. Elliott or “Ed” was about Bill’s age but sported long hair tied back into a pony-tail and a graying beard.

“I think we met once at the convention,” Bill said as he sipped his Mocha and Ed stirred his tall-sized coffee.

“Really? I didn’t make the last one, so it must have been before that.”

“I remember that you got up and spoke in favor of the resolution to end the war. I thought what you said was right on.”

“Oh yes,” Elliott said. “That one got me in trouble also, if I remember.”

For the next few minutes they talked of families, graduate school and the weather. After getting a refill, Ed looked at Bill and said, “I imagine you are having some trouble with Mr. Benny!”

“Well actually, yes. But I suspect that I might have been told some wrong stuff about you and just wanted to get your take on things.”

“Well, actually, I don’t like to talk about it,” Ed said with a pained expression on his face. “I served there for many years, loved the people and then. . . Well, I don’t know what you heard—probably the party line that I went on to better things.”

“That is exactly what I heard, except Benny was pretty open that they fired you. Dr. Pearl said you moved on but hinted that there were some issues.”

“Oh yes, the great Dr. Pearl. Now he is a piece of work,” Elliott said and then hesitated for a moment.

“I hear you,” Bill said. “I have only been around for a few months and I already have sized up our DM as one who covers his rear all the time.”

“Of course you know that Benny and his family independently send money to the district as well as being the largest contributors at the church.”

Bill paused and looked around the room for a moment. “I usually don’t apprise myself of members giving, but I suspected as much. Dr. Pearl gave an award to Benny and Rose a few years ago and they seem to be especially proud of it.”

“Well, I just want to say that you need to watch your back. Has he started the county club gig with you?”

“Oh you mean the unofficial-but-official gripe sessions? Of course. The same with you?”

“Actually, no. That was sort of the beginning of the end. I told Benny that I would talk officially about any complaints with the board or elders but I was totally opposed to any member having a special meeting.”

“Really!” Bill said thinking to himself that he had thought about that but decided it would be politically expedient to meet with Benny, convincing himself that he should keep his enemies close. He knew however, that he was just becoming more and more scared that things could go sour fast and he could be on the street.

Rev. Elliott shared that Benny had been upset at some of the proposed worship changes. Between sips of his coffee, Elliott shared how between Benny, his wife, and their friend Anita who ran the worship committee, he could never get anything done. The biggest gripe, he said, was his community involvement, especially with the Second Street Mission.

“I have heard about that mission,” Bill said slightly embarrassed that he had not taken the time to get down there, again sensing that it was a career-stopper. He could tell Rev. Elliott was sad about how things had turned out, but discovered that an ultimatum was given to him to resign or he would be fired. Benny had threatened to withdraw their support if something did not change.

With a note of sadness, Rev. Elliott said, “So I resigned, but really I was fired.”

“How are you doing?”

“Actually pretty well now. I am serving a neat church south of here that is progressive, loving and very spiritual. Of course, my wife and I have had to make some sacrifices as the money is nothing like at Central. But I can say I am quite happy. How about you?”

Bill lied. “Actually, Sharon and I feel very lucky to be at the church. I think Benny can be handled, and if you forget him it is a great church.”

“Well I hope you are right,” Rev. Elliott said, but Bill noted that he thought it was not something Elliott really believed.

Sharon could not be happier. She had received her BA in history when she and Bill had married. Several years later she completed her Masters. The combination of children and frequent moves had prevented her from pursuing her dream. With the children gone, part of the reason they had chosen Maysville was that Sharon had secured a job teaching history at the community college.

Sharon had grown up near Midland, Texas. Her father had worked in the oil patch and her mother had worked as a clerk at the grocery store. In those years, she and her sister had enjoyed a wonderful life, owed to the fact that oil was king. However, in the eighties the downturn that hit the oil industry had a direct effect on Sharon’s family. At the time Sharon was in college. As the family struggled she had to work part-time to meet her college expenses. While she and Bill were dating, her father, depressed over his frequent layoffs, committed suicide.

This had hit Sharon’s family hard. Her mother had turned to drinking and no matter what Sharon and her younger sister tried, they could not get her to seek help. Sharon’s mother had died three years ago.

Sharon was torn. She loved Bill and had always supported him but as she detected his growing unhappiness, she chose to ignore it. She was not going to move again and she was not going to lose the one time when she was doing something she loved. Over the years she had been frustrated and then angry over the expectations congregations imposed upon her. She loved her faith, but one thing she and Bill shared was a diminishing opinion of the church.

When Bill returned from his meeting with Rev. Elliott, Sharon was anxious. She wanted to be supportive but she also wanted Bill to support her in her vocation. So as Bill related the conversation, Sharon agreed that Bill should stand up to Benny as Rev. Elliott had done. After all, she pointed out, the meetings were not official.

At this Bill seemed almost angry. “Official or not I feel that by meeting, you keep your enemy close where you can watch him,” Bill replied.

“Yes,” Sharon responded, “only if you don’t let it get you so down. You have stopped exercising, you go to the donut shop way too much and the sparkle is no longer in your eyes!”

“How would you know,” Bill barked back knowing within himself that she had touched the truth. “You are always preparing or studying and even though the kids are gone we spend less time together than before!”

Sharon could feel anger rushing to the surface. “What do you mean? All those years I supported what you wanted to do. We went where you went. We put up with all the old biddies all to support you. Now that I am happy doing what I love, you are. . ...you are just jealous!!”

“Jealous! Sharon, I am a minister trying to serve God. I thought we were a team. I thought you were as committed as I am.”

“Don’t you dare question my faith? I have watched you become so timid. When we met you were out demonstrating against the war, working with the poor, and you had a light within you. Remember how you started that shelter in our first community? Bill, something has happened to you. You seem more concerned about whether Dr. Pearl knows your name than anything else.”

“What do you mean? I am the same person I always was,” Bill yelled back, grabbing his coat. “I need a break. I am going out.”

“You just do that!” Sharon barked with tears streaming down her face.

As Bill stormed out and Sharon rushed into her office slamming the door, they both were growing more frightened. Sharon did not know how much more she could take. Bill had changed. Maybe she had not supported him enough, she thought to herself. No, she told herself, she had and had gone to all those women’s meetings and kept her peace. No; she had watched, as had Robby, her Bill become someone else. He was scared all the time. He was always trying to please, now more than ever. She had hoped that coming to Maysville would be an answer to both of them. All she could do was hug Jerry, who had walked over to her and put his head in her lap. All she could do was to pray that somehow God would make things okay. But something inside of her said this was a futile prayer.

The next day, Bill apologized to Sharon. Sharon told Bill she was sorry as well. She told Bill she loved him, but that he needed to understand how much she loved what she was doing.

Sharon looked into Bill’s eyes and grabbed his hand. “Bill, I will support you if you decide to stay or if you decide to leave. I just want you to know that I am doing something I love. We can work it out. We WILL work it out. I love you!”

“I love you too,” Bill said with tears in his eyes. “I know how much you and the kids have sacrificed and how much you have supported me. I thought a lot last night when I left.”

“Where did you go?”

“I just walked and thought.” Bill paused and looked at Sharon. “I am not what I used to be. I don’t like all the politics and contradictions. But this is the reality of the church, I guess. I have decided to talk to Gerald about these meetings. If he would back me and I could get Benny out of my hair, I think I could make this work.”

They talked for a few moments more and then with a kiss they both went their separate ways.

Bill called Gerald and asked him to meet him at the church. He paced his office, rehearsing what he was going to say. He would be firm. He was the senior minister and the church had called him to lead. He picked up a tattered book about one his heroes, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer, a German pastor who had lived during the time of Hitler, had stood up to those who wanted the German church to be an agent of the Nazi party. Of course, Bill reminded himself, Bonhoeffer had been executed for his defiance. He opened the book to the famous letter Bonhoeffer had written from prison and read the poem
"Who am I"
once again. Bill was so engrossed in the poem he almost did not hear Mabel buzz him, interrupting his thoughts.

“Gerald is here, should I send him in?”

It was a Tuesday and it was snowing as Gerald entered Bill’s office. Mabel brought them some coffee. Gerald settled his over�six-feet frame into the stuffed chair in Bill’s office. They talked some about the church and then Bill paused and asked Gerald about the country club meetings.

“I really don’t see why we meet,” Bill said.

“Well,” Gerald said, taking his glasses off, looking intently at one lens and cleaning it with a tissue. “Well, Benny is an important member. I have found that we need to keep Benny happy. He can cause a lot of trouble and these meetings seem to be helpful.”

Hesitating, Bill decided to plunge in anyway, “You need to know that the constant criticism is taking its toll. Every meeting there seems to be something he doesn’t like. Wouldn’t this be better handled through the Church Council? If there are legitimate complaints, we can deal with them, but these unofficial meetings are really a violation of our system.”

“You have a point. That’s why I’m there. I can keep control of the situation.” Gerald was a sincere person, but just did not want to trouble. His first impulse was to accommodate. Gerald assured Bill that he was doing a good job. He was sorry about Benny, but pointed out that Benny had been the nemesis of several pastors over the years. Gerald continued by relating that Benny’s jovial exterior masked anger which a psychologist would say (if Benny would ever talk to one, which he would never do) that Benny was transferring his guilt or anger to the church. Gerald told Bill that Benny had shared with him that at one time he had considered the ministry. Gerald wondered if Benny might feel guilty about walking away from his call into ministry and instead dedicated himself to making a lot of money.

“When I was a professor,” Gerald continued, believing he had indeed analyzed Benny correctly, “I learned to accommodate administrators like Benny. You have to keep your eye on the goal and do what is necessary to teach.”