Three More Wishes: Be Kind To Your Genie (27 page)

Jernie gave Paula a very cold stare. “Paula Sarin, Master, if it were within my power to tell you what you want so much to know, believe me that I’d laugh in your face instead. But the truth is,
Master
, that there is no spell by human or
djinni
that can find a bound
djinni
’s Vessel. King Solomon set it up that way.”

“Bullshit. You’re lying again.”

“Use your head, you stupid cow. My previous master, Antonio, found my bottle on a deserted island, on a beach, where it had laid for centuries. If someone could cast a spell to locate my bottle, do you think it would’ve stayed on that beach for Antonio to find?”

Paula needed to think, and Jernie was making Paula too angry to think. “Back in your bottle,” Paula ordered. Seconds later, Paula shoved the stopper back into the brass bottle, with more force than was necessary.

As Paula Sarin was climbing the attic stairs, she said, “I
will
get Fatima as a second genie, to grant me more wishes. Ha, that boy master of hers won’t know what hit him. But if he gets in my way, I know how to handle goody-goody types.”

****

Back in her brass bottle, Jerngert was worried and frustrated.

She needed to send a message to Fatima, to warn Fatima that Marvin was in danger from Paula Sarin.

But a bound
djinni
who was stuck in his (her) vessel was cut off from the rest of the world; Jerngert couldn’t send a message out. The only persons whom a Vesseled
djinni
could talk with were the other Vesseled
djinn
, through BDIM (Bound Djinn Instant Messaging).

Normally, Jerngert getting a message to Fatima was no problem. What normally happened was that a new master rubbed a brass Vessel, this Vessel’s
djinni
smoked out, the master hurried to make his wishes, the bound
djinni
granted them, the
djinni
went back in his Vessel in less time than it took to toast bread, then that
djinni
remained in his Vessel for decades. (Kharmesh had not been out of his lamp since 1742.)

But Friday evening, Fatima had sent a BDIM, “Summoned now. Expect it’s non-Wish summons by current master Marvin,” and then the five Vesseled
djinn
had heard nothing more from Fatima. Had she really spent the last two days out of her lamp?

Jerngert was happy for her friend, that Fatima had lucked into a nice master. But now this same nice master was in danger, and Jerngert couldn’t warn Fatima.

When the party had been going for a while, I said, “Everyone, you can stay here and have fun, but Fatima and Janice, come with me. Sherry, Virgilia, and Bridget, you’re invited to come too.”

“Where are you going?” asked Sherry.

“I want Janice to get her high heels from the trailer tonight, and her mom is the only person with a key now. Also, I want to visit Uncle Warren’s grave, and so Sherry, Virgilia, and Bridget are invited to come along for that.”

Virgilia made a rocking-hand gesture, then said, “Yeah, I’ll visit his grave.”

Sherry said, “If Virgie’s going, I’m going.”

Bridget said, “I’ll pass, Mr. Harper, if you don’t mind.” When I nodded, Bridget looked like she’d escaped a tax audit.

****

First we went to the restaurant where Shirley (Janice’s mom) was working, to hit Shirley up for the housekey. Fatima and I met Shirley, Janice got handed the key, and then we went to the trailer. We got Janice’s high heels, then we went back to the restaurant.

As Janice was handing back the key, Shirley looked up at me and said, “Now I don’t have to worry about that evil Gregory stealing her back.” That made me feel good.

From Shirley’s restaurant, I drove the women to Uncle Warren’s cemetery. We left Janice in the car, while Sherry, Virgilia, Fatima, and I walked toward Uncle Warren’s grave.

As soon as we stepped out of the car, Virgilia asked, “So Fatima, why are
you
visiting Warren’s grave?”

I answered quickly, “Fatima is here because I ordered her to come.”

Virgilia pressed on: “Just because you met Warren
once?
Was it a big event?”

Fatima glanced at me, then told Virgilia, “I met Warren once, for five or ten minutes. It didn’t change my life, and it was a long time ago.”

“
How
long ago?” Virgilia asked.

Fatima laughed. “Are you asking me to count off how many years, months, days, hours, and minutes?”

“So you were never one of his suck-slaves?”

“That’s right. I did not have sexual relations with that man, Warren Harper. Not a single time, never.”

“So whatever you talked to Warren about, long ago, was it business-related?”

“How old do you think I would have been, a long time ago?” Fatima retorted. “Do good little girls talk business with old men? Well, other than Girl Scout cookies?”

“Is that how you met Warren? Selling Girl Scout cookies?”

“
Ahem!
” I said. “Virgilia, Fatima didn’t have sex with Uncle Warren, and no money changed hands. Let it drop for now, got it?”

“Yes, Marvin sir,” Virgilia said.

Less than a minute later, all four of us were standing by Uncle Warren’s grave.

Staring down at the grave, Virgilia remarked, “It’s weird. For two years, my every waking thought was how I craved to suck his dick. I agreed to
anything
so he wouldn’t send me away. I dyed my hair, got the lips, and got the boobs, all so he wouldn’t send me away. That’s how strong the craving was.”

Sherry said, “Same here. Except Warren never told me to get my lips done.”

Virgilia said, “Marvin, you can’t imagine how fierce the craving was. Those women of yours, going through drug withdrawal? I know the
shit
they’re feeling. But then Friday a week ago, the craving
stopped.
Like flipping a switch. And less than a minute later, my cel got a call. And before I even punched the button, I knew why Sherry was calling me.”

“Did you hear my voice?” Sherry asked. “I felt so good when I called you. Like I’d won a vacation to Acapella in Mexico.”

Minutes later, as we were walking back to the car, I heard Virgilia say to Sherry, “You know what’s also weird? Warren died on Friday, and for three days I had
no
craving for
any
body. Then Monday, I shook Marvin’s hand—bada-bing.”

Sherry said, “Huh. Me too. Virgie, what does this mean?”

Virgilia murmured a reply to Sherry, but I couldn’t hear the words.

SUNDAY NIGHT, PART OF MONDAY
Sunday, 10:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time

The pool party had wound down, but not stopped.

Those who had to work on Sunday night (Sherry, Virgilia, and Christi Ellen) had left hours ago. Most of the women who had work or school on Monday had left already, while five of Gregory’s Girls had felt their drug-withdrawal symptoms return and had fled back up to their bedrooms.

But while the French Maid Twins cleaned up the back yard, high-school senior and former hooker Janice, legal assistant Bridget, model Felicia, and Hollywood actress Olivia all were carrying on an earnest conversation near the pool. Olivia announced that she’d starred in a TV pilot, a drama about World War II, and she was anxiously awaiting to see whether ABC had picked up the show.

And what about me? I was feeling like I’d run a marathon.

Without being obvious, Fatima had led me up the stairs of the mansion and down the hallway to my bedroom. Once inside, she shut and locked my bedroom door.

I presumed that she wanted to seduce me. I was wrong.

“Master, I have a favor to ask you. I ask you to send me back into the lamp.”

I blinked. “Why, did somebody say something to upset you? Was it Elvira? Because once I send you back into the lamp—”

“Master, you misunderstand. I can go into the lamp whenever I choose. Yes, once I am in the lamp, I can only come out when the lamp gets rubbed. But if you send me into the lamp, it means you’re here to bring me out soon.”

“But why do you
want
to go back into the lamp? Isn’t that like asking to be thrown in jail?”

She said, “We bound
djinn
have our own instant-messaging system, but it works only when each
djinni
is in his or her own Vessel.” She smirked. “Normally, that’s not a problem. But I’ve been out of my lamp for a little over forty-eight hours, and I have so many tales to tell my friend Jerngert.”

I pulled out my ring of house keys, found the key that was marked with a dot of green nail polish, and unlocked the footlocker. I asked, “You probably want to spend hours online, right? I send you into the lamp tonight, and pull you out tomorrow morning?”

“No need of that, Master. Ten minutes is enough—”

“Huh? I can barely
type my name
in ten minutes.”

“Once in the lamp, I’ll go into Hyperspeed so that I can type everything that I want to say in under ten minutes. You remember that I was able to memory-read eighteen years of your life in five minutes? I used Hyperspeed.”

“Wow. You amaze me again, Fatima.”

Fatima gave me a hot look. “I want to instant-message with my friend Jerngert, but I
also
want to
touch
you tonight. That’s why I’m not asking to be jailed for all night, only ten minutes.”

“Into your lamp, Fatima,” I said. Fatima smiled at me, then green smoke rushed into the lamp. Somehow the footlocker lid slammed shut.

I realized that I was still holding my key ring, with the padlock key stuck in the padlock. I pulled the padlock off its key, and tossed the padlock onto the dresser. The key ring, this I dropped back into my pocket.

I glanced at the bedside clock. The time was 10:00 exactly.

I pulled my shoes and socks off, and sat on the bed.

By 10:05, I was feeling sleepy. I went from sitting on the bed to lying on it.

At 10:08, my bed felt like the most comfortable, delicious bed in the world. Still, I was awake. I glanced at the clock and thought,
Just two more minutes till I rub the lamp.

****

Jerngert, in her bottle, received a BDIM from Fatima—

“I’m back for ten minutes, with tales to tell! I told Master Marvin that I’ll only need ten minutes in here, because I’ll be text-shaping in Hyperspeed. But I will
need
Hyperspeed, in order to text-shape everything worth telling since Friday night, in only ten minutes. Expect soon a L-O-N-G message-post. All of you (even Kharmesh) will be envious of the brave and kind master whom I have. Got to go, ‘talk’ to you in ten minutes!”

As soon as Jerngert read that, she started text-shaping her own message: a warning to Fatima. Jerngert felt no loyalty at all to Master Paula, and so Jerngert held nothing back. Everything known or suspected about Master Paula’s plot to steal Fatima’s Vessel away from Marvin, Jerngert text-shaped in detail.

Jerngert sent her BDIM message to Fatima; then only 8.7 seconds later, Jerngert was Summoned out of her bottle.

****

“ARRGH!”

Paula Sarin screamed in frustration, alone in her house in Lawissa where nobody could hear. She’d been trying to plan how to get to Marvin’s city, then to his house, then to his bottle. But her brain was spinning in circles.

Getting to Marvin’s house would be no picnic. But the nightmare part of the plan would be once Paula was
in
Marvin’s house. She might well come against armed guards who would try to kill her. And she couldn’t Suggestion someone if she couldn’t touch him. The bottom line was this: Every minute that she spent blundering around in Marvin’s house, lowered her chance of bagging the bottle and increased the chance of Disaster.

And all because that pink-dressed tramp refused to tell Paula where the green genie’s bottle was, when she knew full well!

Why does everyone always lie to me?
Paula whined.
Why am I always surrounded by liars?

Fuck this. Paula would
make
Jernie spill the beans.

Paula rubbed the brass bottle. As soon as Jernie de-smoked, Paula said, “Follow me.” Paula led the genie right out of the house and into the garage.

Paula stopped with her hand on the handle of the walk-in freezer. She looked at Jernie and said, “One last time: Where does Marvin Harper keep his genie thingy? Tell me.”

Jernie said, “I cannot tell you, Master. I don’t know, and I can’t find out.”

“So you say,” Paula replied. She opened the freezer door. “Lucky for you that it isn’t winter now. Because you bet, Alaskan winters get colder than any freezer. You wouldn’t like standing outside in January.”

“Master? I do not understand,” Jernie said. But she looked worried.

“I am your master, and I order you to walk into that freezer and stay there till I let you out. You are not to leave the freezer till I say you can, and you are not to make yourself comfortable.”

Jernie looked horrified. “You want me to go in there, where it’s freezing?”

“Until you tell me where Fatima’s bottle is. Then I’ll let you out. In the meantime, no magically turning the freezer off or otherwise cheating.”

“I obey, Master,” Jernie said. She walked into the freezer with the face of a prisoner walking to his hanging.

But Paula didn’t shut the freezer door yet. She looked at Jernie and asked, “Anything you care to tell me?”

“Just what I’ve told you before: I don’t know where Fatima’s Vessel is.”

When Paula heard that, she slammed the freezer door.

****

Within the walk-in freezer, Jerngert summoned her scrying ball, in order to see when her master had left the garage. But as soon as her scrying ball appeared, it fogged up.

Jerngert grabbed the ball away from its floating place, wiped it on her clothing, and set it back afloat in front of her face. But it fogged up again. Muttering Proto-Germanic curse words, Jerngert sent her scrying ball back to its holding dimension.

Command from her master or not, Jerngert had no intention of remaining in this deadly freezer. She started to make the finger-gestures to
foom
herself to Marvin Harper’s house—

—and her hands paralyzed. Her hands
stayed
paralyzed till she quit trying to work her
djinn
spell.

Centuries ago, Jerngert had overheard the words of a spell by a human witch, to switch the places of any two objects. In the garage was a workbench, by which was a stool—Jerngert intended to work the witch’s spell to swap herself and that stool. But Jerngert only spoke two words of the spell before her voice spasmed and she couldn’t speak.

Like a minute earlier, when Jerngert quit trying to work magic to get herself out of the freezer, her voice paralysis went away.

Jerngert went back to moving her hands, this time to make a fireball to warm herself with. Again, her hands paralyzed before she could complete the spell.

Master had told Jerngert not to leave the freezer. She couldn’t leave it. Master had told Jerngert not to make herself comfortable. Jerngert couldn’t make a fireball.

Jerngert had one last trick to try, and it was hardly worth mentioning. By the workbench in the garage, hung a blue flannel shirt on a hook. If Jerngert couldn’t go out, she would try to bring the blue flannel shirt in.

Jerngert shook her head.
I must be very desperate indeed, to think of wearing BLUE.

She started her magical gestures.
Foom.

Then she realized why she’d been allowed to complete the spell: Because it made no difference. All that the blue flannel shirt did was to lessen her misery; it wouldn’t keep her warm.

And if she couldn’t stay warm...

Djinn
of the three tribes hadn’t believed that they could ever die, until three thousand years ago. That’s when Lodmand of the Pink Tribe froze to death, in what the humans now call Norway. After Lodmand’s death, the Pink Tribe moved from Northern Europe to Persia, thinking that they would be safe.

And so they were. It would take three thousand years before another
djinni
of the Pink Tribe would freeze to death.

When the time comes, will I be brave?
Jerngert wondered.

****

Fatima was still in her lamp, and her master was in danger. For the first time since the awful day when she’d been bound into her lamp, Fatima felt helpless.

She had gone into Hyperspeed to text-shape all the words about what she and Marvin had done. So many words she’d text-shaped! Had she written everything the old way, she would have filled most of a scroll.

As soon as she’d sent off her BDIM, Fatima had discovered two BDIMs from Jerngert waiting for her. Each message, in its way, horrified Fatima.

The first message informed her that Jerngert’s evil master knew what Fatima looked like, knew what Marvin looked like, probably knew where Marvin lived, and was planning to steal Fatima’s Vessel.

The only good news in that message? Paula Sarin thought that she should look for a brass bottle, not a brass lamp.

The second BDIM from Jerngert was sent out to everyone, and it read only, “Summoned again by Master Paula??? This does not sound good. Because I think I know what she wants.”

Jerngert had sent that second message almost twenty minutes ago, and she wasn’t back in her bottle. Fatima needed to know what Paula Sarin was up to!

Then too, it was seventeen minutes past the time when her master, Marvin, had promised to rub the lamp. She had no idea why he was late, just as she had no idea why Jerngert hadn’t returned. Fatima
hated
not knowing!

The odd thing was, Fatima would be
overjoyed
, most of the time, to learn that a prospective master was plotting against Fatima’s current master. Because with any luck, the lowlifes would kill each other and leave Fatima alone.

But it was different now. Because Marvin was Fatima’s master now, and Fatima loved him.

****

Paula Sarin had a buzz on when she walked back into the garage; she actually fell against the freezer door in trying to open it. After Paula had sent Jernie into the freezer, Paula had spent over an hour doing some serious drinking alone.

When Paula opened the freezer door, she saw Jernie standing in the freezer, just like Paula wanted—but the genie was wearing Ted’s blue flannel shirt.

“Did you walk out of the freezer to get that shirt?” Paula yelled.

“No, Master, I conjured it into here.”

Paula was disappointed that she’d just been denied a good excuse for a tantrum. So Paula said instead, “Are you ready to tell me where Fatima’s bottle is?”

Jernie replied, “My toes have frozen solid. If I knew where that Vessel was, I maybe would be telling you now.”

Paula glared at Jernie. “Or you maybe would still be bullshitting me. Stay in there longer.” For a second time, Paula slammed the freezer door shut.

As Paula walked through the garage to the kitchen door, she thought,
Jernie must think I believe anything. “My toes are frozen solid”? Already? Alaskans know a thing or two about frostbite, bitch.

****

Jerngert felt a small sense of relief when Master Paula slammed the freezer door shut. Yes, it would have been nice if Master had let Jerngert leave the freezer, but Jerngert hadn’t expected that.

In fact, Jerngert’s relief was because her small secret had stayed undiscovered.

Jerngert had discovered that she was allowed to conjure a
small
fireball. The fireball that she was allowed to conjure was only hot enough to keep her hands warm, but as long as she could make magical gestures, she could stay alive.

Good luck had let the little fireball stay Jerngert’s lifesaver. The
thump
noise against the freezer door had been warning enough (“Master Paula is here”) for Jerngert to kill the fireball.

Because had Master Paula seen the puny pink fire, she might have banned it outright, out of sheer spite.

Jerngert didn’t want to think about what would happen if she could no longer keep the feeble fireball burning.

****

Still stuck in her lamp, Fatima worried.

Marvin still had not summoned Fatima out of the lamp, almost two-and-a-half hours after he had sent her in. Fatima still could only guess why. Meanwhile, Jerngert had been out of her own Vessel for a little more than two hours; and again, Fatima didn’t know why.

Meanwhile, Fatima had gotten a snarky BDIM from Kharmesh: “Poor baby, stuck in your lamp for over two hours. Try being stuck in your lamp for 3,318 lunar cycles!”

****

When Ted came home, he was drunk. He was surprised to see that Paula also was drunk. She was drunk, yes, but now she had a plan about getting Marvin’s genie.