Three Rivers (36 page)

"Mommy, come on! We're late and I see Uncle Gwiff over with the team!"

She trotted after him, chuckling at him in his tiny football uniform, helmet and eye black under his eyes. Ever since Griffen started working with him and his team Johnny was showing real improvement in his game, and he clearly loved spending the time with him.

Johnny barreled into Griffen who threw himself back dramatically, "Great tackle man! Everybody huddle up." Griffen looked back at Althea. She waved and felt her stomach turn over at his intense gaze. He was smiling but she could see the concern behind his eyes — the worry over her.

Althea pulled her folded deck chair from its canvas bag and sat with the other mothers — who she noticed were far more numerous in number and interest level since Griffen started helping out with the team. She questioned whether some of them even had a kid in the game, or if they were just there to watch the hot celebrity writer and his muscles grace the sideline.

Several greeted her and she smiled and waved, but as with everything since Griffen entered her life, all she heard was noise. He was the only thing she could see as he coached them, the whistle bouncing against his firm chest, his strong biceps bulging out of his polo shirt, his kind eyes as he cheered up Chris after he fumbled the ball.

How could I ever let this guy go
?

Althea breathed a sigh of relief when the game finally ended. Johnny's team had won and they were all ecstatic. Griffen walked over to her with Johnny, his large hand resting on Johnny’s small shoulder.

"Hi," she squeaked out and looked up at him. "You did great with Johnny — with all of them."

"Thanks. Johnny means a lot to me you know. Just like his mother. This has been amazing. Coaching, being around the game without all the anger, fear, and resentment from my dad. And it's good to know what an awesome coach I can be," he smirked.

"You and that ego again," she laughed nervously.

"It's a gift." He looked down seriously at her. "Can I walk you to your car?"

"I would like that." They walked side by side silently as Johnny rattled on about the game. She reached her car and bent over to put Johnny in.

"Here, let me help," Griffen said. He picked Johnny up and secured him for her in the backseat. He turned to her after closing the door, his back blocking Johnny's view.

"I'll see you later and you'll let me know what you decided?"

"Yes. Let me drop Johnny off at the girls' house first. He wanted a sleepover there tonight. Then I'll come by and we'll talk."

"Okay."

He moved to kiss her and slowed, remembering they were in public. Althea saw the hurt in his eyes that he had to stop. That was her rule and she felt like shit about it, especially after leaving him hanging all day like this.

Althea reached up, placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him lightly just for a moment and pulled away. He smiled — a great big beautiful smile with both dimples showing, making her wonder why she was hesitating at all. Griffen pulled away, first turning to look at Johnny. "Take care big guy," then he looked back at her, running his hand down her cheek, "drive safely, gorgeous. I'll see you soon," he said, walking away.

Althea used her key to open the door to Jenna and Aubrey's apartment with one constricted hand. Johnny had worn himself out during the game and was pretty much sacked out in her arms. She struggled through the door and laid him down in the bedroom Jenna and Aubrey had designated for him, then quickly deposited her own tired body in their kitchen. After pouring herself a glass of wine she sat alone in the kitchen, no closer to resolution. It had been about twenty minutes of quiet when she heard their keys jingling and voices rising as they approached her.

"Althea, are you in here?" Jenna called.

"Back here guys," she answered with a loud whisper. They walked in and she pointed to Johnny's bedroom, placing a finger to her lips.

"Oh sorry, we'll keep it down. It's good he rests up, Johnny always has fun at Auntie Brey and Auntie Jenna's place," Aubrey smirked, probably imagining whether he was old enough to have his hair dyed blue or something.

"How'd it go last night?" Aubrey asked eagerly.

"It went well, Curt is nice."

"Forget Curt," Aubrey said. "Jenna told me Griffen came running after you at the restaurant and went all ending of a rom-com guy on you. It was even raining!"

"Yeah, he did. It was pretty intense."

"So, did Griffen spend the night?" Aubrey demanded.

"Yes," she said, his name sparking her anxiety all over again.

"How'd it go?" Aubrey asked.

Althea leaned back in her chair and looked back and forth at each of them, not sure of what to say. "He wants to stay in Pittsburgh."

"How long?" Aubrey gasped out.

"As long as I'll let him."

"What did you say?" Jenna asked.

"I told him I was scared but I'd think about it. I haven't told him anything yet, but I think I'm going to say no."

"Well, that's one way to go," Aubrey snorted at her.

"Jeez, back off Brey. I mean the whole point was an end date and I've already let myself get too close to him."

"There doesn't have to be a point. You like being with him.
That's
the point," Aubrey said to her slowly as though she was explaining something to a child that just wouldn't listen.

"That's great for Johnny, too, if he stays," Jenna pointed out. "Growing up with three chattering sorority sisters and his grandma as his only role models won't be enough for him forever."

"I don't know, I think it's best if he just sticks with the plan and returns to New York."

"Why?" Jenna asked.

"I don't know, it seemed so much easier when he was going to leave."

And take all the confusing feelings he caused with him
.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Johnny wants a father in his life, not some memory of a man that died before he was born? A man you cry over in the dark when you think no one can hear you? Jack wouldn't want Johnny to grow up without a father figure. Jack wouldn't want you to spend your life like this —
lonely and miserable
," Aubrey demanded.

Althea bristled at her words, standing to look Aubrey in the eyes, emotion rushing through her veins, she said, "You know, everyone acts like they know what's best for me. Like they know what Jack would've wanted for me. That Jack would want me to move on. But all I know for sure is Jack would want to be
alive
, holding me and his little boy forever. That's why I'll never be able to move on."

"Bullshit," Aubrey answered.

"Excuse me?"

"I said — I call
bullshit
. Christ, you're really starting to veer into the 'girl who's too stupid to live' category. Have you thought that maybe you're just a coward?"

"
I'm
the coward? When you won't let any guy stay long enough for the sheets to cool down?"

Aubrey stepped closer to her and said, "I'd rather do that than spend my life hiding behind a ghost. You don't have to be a nun or a martyr to honor Jack's memory. You've cloaked yourself in so much guilt that you don't even know
what
you feel anymore!"

Althea was so angry and hurt it ran like fire through her veins, but worse, she felt ashamed. Ashamed that Aubrey could be right. For a moment she clenched her fists and gulped air like a goldfish, with the round blank eyes to match, until Jenna broke in with a shout.

"Christ, guys — stop this! Now!"

Jenna never yelled. The mere shock of it stopped the argument and began to sap the angry out of their bones.

"I'm sorry," Althea and Aubrey mumbled out to each other.

"It's just...Why do you guys keep pushing me?" Althea asked.

"We haven't pushed you enough! We should've pushed you sooner. We kept waiting and letting you wallow and be stuck. Never mentioning anything that could remind you of losing Jack. Doing anything to keep from upsetting you," Jenna said emphatically.

"But why can't you just let me do things my way?"

Jenna took her shoulders in her hands, "Because we love you, dummy! And you won't push yourself. And because we're selfish. It hurts to watch you let life just pass you by."

"For years to go by knowing you're still so afraid and we'd rather not feel like that anymore. So,
for us
, will you cut the crap?" Aubrey asked quietly.

"Seriously," Jenna said in a much gentler voice. "Why would you fight this offer? He's crazy about you and clearly loves Johnny and it would be really good for Johnny to have a strong guy around. And he grew up with Jack, it would be like having a piece of him around."

Panic started to grip Althea tighter.

Why does this offer bother me so much?

"I don't know. Griffen is great with Johnny, and I love being with him, too, but I get so scared whenever I think of him staying. And Carol will lose it if I get involved with Griffen of all people."

"Carol needs to get over it," Aubrey stated defiantly.

"I agree with Brey," Jenna said. "And I think you've used Carol as a shield for too long. She's been another excuse to hide from life. I think this thing with Griffen scares you
because
you love being with him.
Because
he makes you want to try for something real, too."

"What? That's crazy."

"Is it, Tea?" Jenna asked. "Could it be that you feel guilty because it's not just sex with him? Do you have feelings for him?"

The room began to feel small around Althea. She could taste the words in her throat, feel her belly flip-flopping. She stood there thinking silently, but to their credit, Aubrey and Jenna patiently waited for her answer. Althea put a hand on her chest, as though she could press all these terrifying emotions down and away from her. It didn't work, they just pushed up faster, out of her mouth on a quiet breath.

"Yes," she whispered, "I'm pretty sure I have feelings for him. But it's just too complicated and I'm still the same woman I was two weeks ago. I'm still Jack's wife raising his son."

"You're Jack's
widow
, there's a big difference. That's why it's a whole different word! You're a
living
woman and you need someone to share that life with. You were so quick to think Jack sent you Johnny after he died. If that's true, then maybe he sent you two to each other, too," Jenna offered softly.

"I'd never thought of it that way," she said, her voice strengthening. "But it doesn't matter, he's not the kind of guy to want to settle down for real."

"How can you be so sure? From what he said to me last night he sounds pretty crazy about you. He thinks you want him to leave, but I know he wants to be a part of your life," Jenna said

"You're right," Althea said. "And that means I have to go."

"Good for you, girl. Now get out so we can enjoy our sleepover with Johnny," Aubrey said with a smile.

"Thanks guys. What would I do without you?"

"Well, you'll never have to find out," Jenna said, pulling her into a hug and releasing a "humph" when Aubrey roughly threw her arms around the both of them and squeezed.

Althea used the key Griffen had given her and pushed into his room on an excited breath. He must have been pacing because he was standing in the middle of the room, shirtless with only jeans on and his face was tight. God, he was so stunning. The muscles of his well-developed back were rippling with every breath. At the sound of the door, he turned to look at her and the intensity on his face floored her.

"Althea."

She took a breath and said, "Hi Griffen." He walked over and pulled her into his arms, stroking her back gently. She rested her head on his hard chest and inhaled deeply. He was so warm and in that moment she couldn't think of anything other than how wonderful he made her feel.

"Please say something. I'm dying over here," he muttered into her hair as he moved his hands lower to rest right above her bottom.

"You know you distract me when you do that."

"If it's a persuasive distraction, I'll keep it up."

"You know it is."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

She breathed again and looked in his eyes. "Griffen, I never thought of myself as a woman that would let a man take care of her and rely totally on him, but I know now that's what I did with Jack. I completely surrendered my life to him, built my world completely around 'us' — the future we were trying to build — so that when he was gone, I was lost. I can't let that happen again."