Through Her Eyes (31 page)

“Chase, are you up?”

“Mmm,” he mumbles through sleep.

“Chase?” His blue eyes squint as he yawns. “I’m up. Are you okay?” he asks while running his warm hand down my spine to the swell of my hip.

“I couldn’t sleep. I just—”

“What’s wrong, Aria?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.” I turn away, but his hand stops me.

“You can tell me anything, Aria. You know that, right?”

“I know. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I can’t stop thinking. Why do you think this happened? Why do you think he was taken from us?” One tear runs down my cheek, and his tender caress swipes it away.

“Sometimes people come into your life for a reason. They aren’t meant to stay, just to teach you something about yourself. You’re a better person because you knew him. I’m a better person because of him.” His words overflow with conviction.

“Do you think it was fate for us to meet?” My heart flutters as I wait for him to respond.

“It was more than fate. We are more than fate. We are predestined. Two parts of one whole.”

“Don’t let me go,” I say through a yawn. My body relaxes into his touch.

“Rest, Princess. I won’t let you go. I’ve got you . . . always.” He holds me until my eyes grow heavy and sleep finally finds me.

My arms stretch overhead as my eyes fight to open. The soft hum of Chase’s breathing brings back all of what happened last night. Moving toward him, I tuck my body into his torso and listen to steady cadence of his beating heart.

“’Morning.” His voice is groggy, still laced with sleep.

“Hi.” I place a tiny kiss on his chest.

“How did you sleep?”

“Perfect. Best sleep I’ve ever had.”

“Me, too.” His arm runs up and down my arm, and then he gives me a light squeeze. “Do you want me to make some breakfast? A pot of coffee?”

“That would be divine. I’ll be right back.” Placing one last kiss on his chest, I move to get up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks just before two strong arms pull me back.

“Bathroom, I need to freshen up before any of that.” I pull myself back up as he groans. A laugh escapes my mouth before I head into the bathroom and turn on the water.

After freshening up, I’m revived. I head into the kitchen where Chase is hard at work making his “world famous French toast” for me. I take a seat at the breakfast nook and fold my arms on the marble counter to rest my head. It’s cold to the touch and sends a chill up my arms. I accept a mug of coffee Chase has prepared. It warms me instantly.

“Thanks,” I say through sips.

“My pleasure. So, what do you want to do today?”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to look over the pictures you took. I saw a few of them, and they are remarkable.”

“I would love to show you the pictures.”

As we eat breakfast, Chase has the computer on the counter between us. He pulls up his website. I have looked at it many times before, but always alone . . . always wondering what each one meant. What he saw when he looked through the lens? What he sees now? I know what I see. I see a lost little girl who finally found her place in life. I peer in close and signal for him to click on the header labeled My Air. All the images from our trip pop up, each with its own title. Some with quotes, others with passages. I take in the first one, an image I’ve never seen in the endless hours I spent looking at his work these past few days.

Toxic

#ThroughHerEyes #Toxic

We just have to be happy in the moment. Never regret anything you’ve done.

Under the picture is a small passage.

How can you know what you want for the future if you can’t check off the mistakes you made in the past? No matter how toxic, all mistakes are a lesson.

It’s an incredible picture, taken on our last day in Positano. Right before everything went so wrong. My image is captured in black and white, and it appears there is almost a halo above me.

“Chase, that’s incredible. How did you make it look like that?”

“It’s the shadows from the light.”

“It looks magical.”

“Seeing the world through your eyes, that was magical. It was a beautiful, yet sad experience. You had no idea how amazing you were. But watching you learn, that was the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” My cheeks warm, and I can feel a smile forming.

“How about this one? Look at my smile.” As I continue my perusal, I notice more blog entries with quotes. I remember Chase saying he wrote sometimes, so I wonder if these are his words.

“You are everywhere to me. I see you in the first crackling light at dawn and all the way to where the sea touches the sky.”

“Did you write that?” He nods, studying my expression. My eyes mist. “It’s beautiful, Chase. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” We become silent as we admire his pictures.
How far I’ve come.
How much I’ve grown
. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you are too blind to see what that is, but what I realize is the universe gives you exactly what you need when you need it. Now it has given me Chase. My heart flutters in my chest at the discovery.

“Chase, I think I’m ready to finally let go.”

M
Y FIRST STEP IN
moving on is facing the biggest obstacle I’ve had my whole life. After checking the mobile app to locate my Zipcar rental, Chase and I begin our trek up to Westchester. When we pull up to the sprawling green lawn that fronts the giant white Georgian Colonial I grew up in, my whole body tenses. Large windows stretch across the front façade. As the car comes to a stop, Chase takes my hand in his. The soft pads of his fingers caress mine.

“Do you want me to come in?” he asks. Our eyes lock, and I give him a little shake of my head.

“No, I think I need to do this alone.” He nods with understanding and squeezes my hand.

“I’ll be right here if you need me.” Opening the door, I step into the summer heat. Each step I take is hesitant. As I place my key in the door, it clicks once and opens. Squaring my shoulders, I hold my head up high and walk in. I find my mother and father in the living room to the left of where I stand.

“Wow, look what the cat decided to finally drag in,” she slurs, and I’m not surprised to see a glass in her hand. Regardless of the time or where she is, it’s a fixture. I see what Sophie must have seen in me when I hit rock bottom. Remorse fills me, but I don’t have time for regret. I might have hit rock bottom, but I pulled myself back up, learned to accept myself, flaws and all.

Inhale

Exhale

Breathe

“Mom. I’m not here to fight with you. I came to tell you and Dad . . .” I turn to face my father. “That I’ve decided to not work for you. I’m sorry, I know you expected me to, and I know maybe I didn’t go about this the right way, but after doing some soul-searching, I’ve realized this isn’t the right place for me.”

“Why am I not surprised? You never were your brother,” she hisses. She waits for her comment to cut me, to make me falter, but it doesn’t. What she doesn’t realize is I’ve come too far to take a step back. Her words no longer have any power over me. I’m too strong for that.

“You know what, Mom, just stop, okay? I get it. I’m not Owen. But you know what? That’s okay. I’m done living in his shadow. I lost the most important person to me because I couldn’t see what I had. I’ll never make that mistake again. I will never try to alter myself for someone else.”

“Altering yourself will ne—” My father raises his hand and cuts her off.

“Very well, Aria. If that’s what you’ve decided,” he concedes with a slight bow of his head.

“Don’t come crawling back when you fail,” my mother cuts in with a wicked smile plastered on her face, and I turn away. I don’t wait for her to continue on her drunken tirade. I don’t need her approval, and I realize I never did.

“You know what? I don’t need this.” I walk toward the door, taking quick steps across the Brazilian cherry wood floors in the foyer.

“Aria,” my dad’s voice echoes. I halt my steps. I use the handle on the door to brace myself. My body trembles as I wait for him to speak. I hear his footsteps as he walks closer to me. “Will you please turn around, Aria?” Slowly, I face the man who, for my whole life, has been vacant.

“Why are you even bothering, Richard?” My mom’s voice shrills from a few steps behind him.

“Enough, Victoria. This is between my daughter and myself. If you could please give us a minute,” he says through gritted teeth, and she seems to sense his displeasure. Her face pales as she steps backward and exits the room.

“I’m sorry about your mother,” he mutters and takes a step closer to me. My eyes widen.
Did he just apologize to me?
His brow furrows. “I know that must surprise you, but I really am sorry, Aria. I know—” He runs a hand through his salt and pepper waves. “I know I haven’t always been the best father. I never stood up for you. I’ve never been there for you. I know it’s not an excuse, but losing Owen changed me.” I stand speechless in front of him. My heart pounds in my chest.
Is this really happening?
Is he really seeing me, talking to me? I’ve waited so long for this recognition, I want to pinch myself, make sure I’m not dreaming. “I just wanted to tell you, today. Your decision . . . I’m proud of you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness after allowing your mother to abuse you for so long, but I promise that will change. I know she needs real help, and I’m ready to admit I never got that for her. I promise that I will.”

“What . . . I don’t understand. Why now, Dad?”

“You disappeared. I realized I spent so much time grieving Owen, that if I wasn’t careful I could lose you, too.”

“I . . . I,” I stutter. I’m not sure how to respond.

“You don’t have to accept my apology. I just want you to know that I understand things have to change, and I promise I will try. I want to try to build something with you. Do you think . . . do you think that maybe . . .?” His eyes are filled with so much emotion—pain, fear, regret—and as much as he might not deserve my forgiveness, he’s my father.

“Yeah, Dad. I think I can try,” I manage through choked back tears. The corner of my mouth curves up. “Goodbye, Dad.”

“I’ll speak to you soon?” he asks hopefully, and I nod. For the first time, I know we’ll be fine.

As I return to the car, Chase raises his eyebrows, and I smile. That’s all I have to do, because he knows me.

“You ready to go?” He places his left hand on the steering wheel and shifts the car into drive. “One more stop first, okay?” His head dips down with understanding as we pull out of the circular drive. A quarter of a mile up the road, Chase turns left and pulls into the home that held so many memories for me. Together, our hands encased with one another, we ring the doorbell.

The door swings open, and Mrs. Stone stands before us. She throws her arms around me and then does the same to Chase. Tears stream down her face, and she doesn’t speak, simply allows us in.

“Hi.” My voice sounds sheepish, and her eyes glisten. “We were over at my parents’ and I wanted to . . . can I have . . .” I swipe at the moisture on my cheek.
I didn’t even realize I was crying.
Parker’s mother shuts her eyes and nods. Her hand still clutches mine as she wordlessly tells me she understands why I’m here.

I’m not sure how long we stand by the door, but eventually I pull my hand from hers and gesture for Chase to follow me. When we finally inch open the door to Parker’s room, my breath hitches. There it is: the map. Every dream we ever had. Every destination we never saw, and I know what I have to do. Not just for Parker but for myself.

“There are still a lot of places to be seen,” I say to Chase. His eyes squint, and he moves closer to take in all the locations highlighted with a yellow thumbtack.

“Where should we venture off to first?” My head tilts and then one pops out at me. I remember Parker saying he couldn’t wait to explore Base Torres Del Paine . . . Chile.
The only place you can experience four seasons in one day, baby girl.
I let out a chuckle and point to the map.

“Agreed. That’s where we’ll go.” Chase starts removing the pins but replaces the marks with colored ink, each shade symbolizing the pin it replaces. As my hands pulls at the tape keeping it affixed to the wall, I try my best to keep it intact. There are a lot more adventures left to conquer.