Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (24 page)

4
To cook, bring a large pot of salted water to boil and add the ravioli in batches of 8 to 10, depending on the size of your pot. Boil gently until the raviolis float, 2 to 4 minutes.

5
Serve with the marinara.
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If you’re feeling lazy as fuck or are scared of making your own dough, you can cheat and just buy wonton wrappers and use them instead. Skip the whole ravioli stamp and rolling out thing. Just place a little filling in the center of a wonton wrapper, wet the edges, and press another wrapper over the top, making sure to seal the edges. Freeze them or cook them right away just like the homemade shit
.

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That ravioli stamp shouldn’t be more than a couple bucks at the store and it’ll make this whole fucking process easier. Or you can use a knife and just cut those bastards out if you are feeling brave. Just remember to wet your fingers and press down the edges so the filling doesn’t spill out while you cook
.

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Or just serve with your favorite sauce or with the basil pesto from the
Mixed Mushroom and Spinach Lasagna
thinned out with a couple tablespoons of water
.

HOUSE MARINARA

Your ass should know how to make a basic marinara. It’s fucking required by the laws of this book.

MAKES ABOUT 4 CUPS

½ large onion
*

1 carrot

3 cloves garlic
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1 teaspoon olive oil

1 teaspoon dried thyme

Pinch of red pepper flakes

1 can (28 ounces) whole tomatoes
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*

Salt

1
Chop up the onion. Dice up the carrot into pieces about the size of a pea. Mince the garlic up small. You can do this shit in your sleep.

2
Heat the oil in a medium soup pot over medium heat. Add the onion and sauté it until begins to look golden in some places, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the carrot and cook for another 2 minutes. Add the garlic, thyme, and red pepper flakes. This should be smelling fucking choice right now.

3
Open the can of tomatoes, grab some whole tomatoes, and smash them in your fists like a fucked up stress ball. Squeeze them into a bunch of pieces and stir them into the pot as you go. Keep doing this until all the tomatoes are smashed up, then add ¾ cup of the juice from the can to the pot. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer this uncovered for 25 to 30 minutes, until all the tomatoes are broken down. Taste and add more garlic, thyme, salt, or whatever the fuck you think it needs.

4
If you like a smoother sauce, throw that shit in the blender or use an immersion blender to get rid of some of the chunks. The sauce will keep in the fridge for a week.

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White, yellow, or sweet will do. Whatever is on sale
.

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Or you could use 5 cloves of
roasted garlic
to mix it up
.

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Make sure there isn’t a shitton of salt or any other seasoning in there
.

TOFU RICOTTA

MAKES ABOUT 2 CUPS

¼ cup raw hulled sunflower seeds

1 block (14 ounces) extra-firm tofu

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ teaspoon grated lemon zest

1 tablespoon lemon juice

¼ teaspoon salt

3 to 4 cloves garlic, minced

¼ cup
nutritional yeast

1
Pour the sunflower seeds into a food processor and run until that shit is in tiny-ass pieces.

2
Take the tofu out of its package and with your hands, squeeze out as much water as you can. Add it to the food processor and run it until it is all mixed in with the sunflower seeds and looks kinda smooth.

3
Dump that into a bowl with the olive oil, lemon zest, lemon juice, salt, and garlic. Mix that all together and then stir in the nutritional yeast. Done and done. Throw that in the fridge until you need it. You can make this shit a day ahead of time if you’re pressed for time.

MIXED
MUSHROOM AND
SPINACH LASAGNA

This shit is a little complicated but well worth it. Make it when you’ve got people to impress or when you’re really fucking lonely. Real talk: this lasagna is better than friends.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 6 TO 8 PEOPLE AT ONCE OR YOUR SINGLE ASS FOR A WEEK AND A HALF

BASIL PESTO

1
⁄
3
cup slivered or sliced almonds

1¼ cups packed torn basil leaves

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons water

1 tablespoon lemon juice

½ teaspoon grated lemon zest

½ teaspoon salt

2 to 3 cloves garlic, chopped

MUSHROOM SPINACH FILLING

16 ounces button or cremini mushrooms
*

1 teaspoon olive oil

6 cups spinach

Salt

1 pound lasagna noodles

Double batch of
House Marinara

Double batch of
Tofu Ricotta

Sliced tomatoes (optional)

1
Put all the ingredients for the pesto in a food processor and blend until smooth-ish. No food processor? Chill the fuck out. Just put the almonds in a plastic bag and smash them up with a rolling pin or a can until they are tiny, and chop the rest of that shit up super small, too. Mix it with a fork until it looks like a paste. Set it aside.

2
To make the filling, remove any tough mushroom stems and slice up the mushrooms into pieces no larger than a nickel. Heat the oil in a large sauté pan over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and sauté for about 2 minutes. Fold in the spinach, add a small pinch of salt, and continue cooking until all the spinach is wilted, about 3 more minutes. Turn off the heat and stir in 2 tablespoons of the pesto. Taste and add more if you like. You know how you do.

3
Heat your oven to 375°F. Grab an 8 x 10-inch baking dish.

4
Cook the noodles according to the package directions. Ladle about 1 cup of the marinara sauce into the bottom of the baking dish and lay down enough noodles to cover the bottom with just a bit of overlap. Spread about one-third of the ricotta down, followed by one-third of the mushroom filling, and then pour another cup of the sauce over top. Spread a spoonful or two of the pesto over all of that and then do another layer of noodles. Repeat the whole process until you run out of room and top with the final layer of noodles. Cover the noodles with the remaining sauce. If you want to look extra fucking fancy, add sliced tomato rounds on top.

5
Cover that whole heavy motherfucker with foil and throw it in the oven for about 30 minutes. Gently take off the foil after that and bake it until the edges of the noodles start to look a little golden, another 25 to 30 minutes. Let it sit for 10 to 15 minutes before going to town. Top with some of the remaining pesto and serve.

*
You can do half and half or whatever
.

VEGETABLE
PAD THAI
WITH DRY-FRIED
TOFU

Quit fucking with that tired-ass takeout. You can make better shit at home in no time. Plus, you don’t have to put on pants to answer the door.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4

SAUCE

¼ cup lime juice

¼ cup soy sauce or tamari
*

3 tablespoons water

3 tablespoons brown sugar

3 tablespoons tomato paste

3 tablespoons rice vinegar

NOODLES

14 ounces rice noodles

1 medium crown of broccoli

1
⁄
3
cup sliced shallots
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4 cloves garlic, minced

1 cup sliced green onions

¼ cup roughly chopped cilantro

2 teaspoons neutral-tasting oil
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Dry-Fried Tofu

TOPPINGS

2 cups thinly sliced cabbage
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1 carrot, thinly sliced into matchsticks

1 cup bean sprouts

Chopped peanuts

Lime wedges

1
Mix together all the stuff for the sauce in a medium glass.

2
Cook your noodles according to the package directions. Rinse with cold water. Chop up the broccoli into pieces no bigger than a quarter and get all the rest of your veggies and herbs on lock. Get ready to stir-fry.

3
Now that you’ve got everything lined up, heat the oil over medium heat in a big skillet or wok. When the pan is hot, add the shallots and stir-fry those fuckers until they start to char around the edges, about 2 minutes. Add the broccoli and keep that shit up for another 2 minutes until the broccoli is kinda charred but isn’t limp as fuck. Now add the garlic and fry it up for another 30 seconds. Gently add the noodles and
1
⁄
3
cup of the sauce and toss that shit all around to make sure everything is covered. Keep stirring and fold in the tofu. Cook for another 30 seconds to a minute to make sure the sauce is nice and absorbed. Keep adding more tablespoons of sauce until it is exactly how you like it. Turn off the heat and fold in the green onions and cilantro.

4
Serve this mound of deliciousness right away piled high on a plate next to the cabbages, carrots, bean sprouts, and topped with the peanuts. Have some limes wedges shoved in there and squeeze that shit over it before you dig in.