Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (26 page)

SILKY ROASTED
BELL
PEPPER PASTA
WITH ZUCCHINI AND BASIL RIBBONS

Don’t let a little soybean scare your ass off this sexy summer meal. this is dope with the
Almond Caesar Salad
if you are trying to serve courses and shit with your dinner.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A MAIN DISH, BUT IF YOU’RE SOLO THESE LEFTOVERS ARE LEGIT ENOUGH TO HOLD YOU OVER FOR THE BETTER PART OF A WEEK

SILKY RED PEPPER SAUCE

12 ounces soft silken tofu
*

2 roasted red bell peppers (opposite), chopped

3 to 4 cloves garlic, minced

1½ tablespoons red wine vinegar

2 teaspoons olive oil

¼ cup
nutritional yeast

¾ teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

PASTA

1 pound spaghetti, linguine, or fettuccine
*
*

4 medium zucchini
*
*
*

1 cup basil, sliced into thin strips

1
First make the sauce. Throw everything together in a blender or a food processor and run on high until the sauce is smooth. Pour it into a small saucepan and stick it on the stove. We’ll come back to this shit in a minute.

2
Now cook the pasta according to the package directions . . . or your pasta instincts. While the pasta is cooking, slice the zucchini into thin matchsticks. Yeah, show off those knife skills. Try to get the strips as close as you can to the size of the noodles so they can blend in when you mix those motherfuckers together. Don’t spend all day trying to make this happen. Just aim for noodle twins and fucking deal with wherever you end up.

3
Right before the pasta is done, start up a low heat under the sauce you made earlier so it warms up, but doesn’t simmer. When the pasta is done, drain it, and then immediately throw it in a large bowl. Add the zucchini ribbons to the hot pasta and then add the warmed-up sauce. Mix it all around and the heat from the pasta and sauce should start to soften the zucchini just a little bit. Fold in the basil and then taste. Add more vinegar, salt, or red pepper flakes—whatever you feel like. Top with a basil leaf or two and serve right away.

*
You want the kind in aseptic packaging. It’s on the shelf near the soy sauce
.

*
*
Whole wheat or regular pasta will do. Just use long, thin noodles
.

*
*
*
Aim for zucchini 4 to 5 inches long, with the circumference of a baby’s arm
.

CAULIFLOWER
CREAM PASTA
WITH FRESH HERBS

Want to enjoy creamy pasta without having to fucking worry about your cholesterol? Pureed cauliflower makes this sauce silky without any of that added bullshit that made you avoid creamy sauces for so long. Feel free to add some stuff like roasted asparagus, steamed broccoli, or roasted red peppers to this dish to mix it up.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4

1 pound pasta (fettuccine, linguine, spaghetti, whatever)

4 cups chopped spinach

Salt and pepper

½ head cauliflower (about 1 pound), cut into little trees

½ cup unsweetened plain nondairy milk

2 or 3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 teaspoon
miso paste
*

1
⁄
3
cup minced fresh parsley

1
Cook the pasta according to the package directions or whatever fucking method you invented and now swear by. When it’s all done, throw it in a large bowl with the spinach, toss, and set aside.

2
While the pasta cooks, bring a medium pot of water to a boil. Throw in a pinch of salt and the cauliflower and simmer all that until the cauliflower is tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Drain the cauliflower and toss into a blender.

3
Add the milk, garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, miso, and
1
⁄
8
teaspoon salt to the blender and let that motherfucker run until the sauce is creamy. Taste and adjust as you see fit.

4
Pour the cauliflower puree into the pot you boiled the cauliflower in and set over low heat. Add the pasta and spinach and toss until everything is mixed and warm. Top with some parsley and salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.

*
Whatever you bought to make soup will work here.

ROASTED CHICKPEA AND BROCCOLI BURRITOS

This is a fan favorite that had to appear in the book. It’s a weeknight staple and one bad burrito you deserve to have in your life. Listen to the fans. They know what’s up.

MAKES 4 TO 6 BURRITOS

1 large yellow onion

1 red bell pepper

1 large crown of broccoli

3 cups cooked chickpeas
*

3 tablespoons olive oil

1 to 2 tablespoons soy sauce, tamari, or
Bragg’s

2 teaspoons chili powder

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

½ teaspoon ground coriander
*
*

Cayenne pepper, to taste

4 cloves garlic, minced

½ lime

4 to 6 flour tortillas

Burrito trimmings such as spinach, avocado, cilantro, and
Fire-Roasted Salsa

1
Crank your oven to 425°F. Grab a large rimmed baking sheet.

2
Chop up the onion, bell pepper, and broccoli ’til they’re the size of a chickpea. Place all the chopped up veggies in a large bowl with the cooked chickpeas. Pour in the oil and soy sauce, stir, and then throw all the spices in there. Mix until all the vegetables and shit are covered. Put all of that on the baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.

3
Take it out of the oven—don’t fucking burn yourself—then add the garlic and stir it around. Bake for another 15 minutes. The broccoli might look a little burnt at this point but that is the plan, so chill the fuck out and take it out of the oven. Squeeze the lime juice over the pan and stir the roasted chickpeas and veggies all around. Taste and see if it needs more spices or anything.

4
Now make a motherfucking burrito. We like ours with spinach, avocado, cilantro, and some fire-roasted salsa, but do your thing.

*
Or two 15-ounce cans

*
*
Or more cumin if you don’t want to go to the store
.